A few old guys sitting in the nursing home recreation room complaining about their constipation.
First one goes on and and, and a couple more do likewise. They then turn their attention to the last one who hasn't said a thing.
"Not me, my bowel movements are so regular you can set your watch by them, 5AM every morning...."
The others interrupt and ask him what his secret is.
"I was going to finish my sentence and say I just wish I could wake up a little earlier than that though!"
Two old guys chatting on a park bench.
"How's your wife", the first asks?
"I think she's dead."
"What! You don't know? Why do you think that?"
"Well, the sex is the same but the dishes keep piling up".
