Home Forums Miscellaneous Topics Humor, Jokes, and Riddles The Dead Dems 'New Deal'!

Hi folks, Franklin Carter of Carter's Fir and Funerary Farm, here to offer you a crazy Christmas deal! We must have drank too much of granddaddy's moonshine, because, here we go again!



My Sales Manager, Judah Ben Buddha, has been sweatin' his circumcised dangly bits off in order to offer Democratic decedents a deal that will make their Christmas - or should I say, their "holiday season", a special one. Oh heck, we know you're upset with the last election, but not havin' your party win shouldn't throw a [bleep] into your funeral arrangements!

No, we won't put a hex on, or send our president-elect a scathing letter of rebuke, but we are prepared to deliver a very liberal 2 for 1 deal.

We're calling our limited time offer, The Dead Dems New Deal!

1. We'll burn and bury your dead a$$ in our special, "Magical Enchanted Forest", so you can be with others who felt the same way you did in life. The forest is full of unicorns, rainbows and the Kumbaya Chorale, singing non stop folk and freedom songs, 24/7 in the forest. And they're nekkid too!

For an additional fee, we can even offer locally grown dope and cheap wine of which living relatives can partake, when they come for a visit! How's that for touchy, God Damn feely?

2. We'll plant a tree on top of your dead, decanted a$$ to keep your memory and the enchanted forest alive for future generations too. For an additional fee, other members can be burnt and buried at a discount. And heck, we'll even plant your pet!

But wait, there's more!

If any of your immediate relatives wishes any of my staff a "Merry Christmas", you won't be charged a restocking fee!

And that's not all!

If any of your high school or university enrolled children can tell me the first name of the 32nd President of the United States, Franklin Delano Roosevelt - and yes, I was named after him - I'll ax the tax!



Ask about your dead relative's commemorative newspaper headline, like the one above. Instead of FDR's name, we'll substitute your dearly departed's moniker...or someone in your family that you don't like, but who you would like to see as our next customer! It comes in a stained pine picture frame!

It's a crazy Christmas at Carter's Fir and Funerary Farm, just off the Interstate, beside the creamery. Look for our crematory stack. It's the tallest in the state!

Limited time seasonal gifts also available in our gift store. See everything!

Sign me up

Will do, but since you're on your way, why not stop in at Kerry's Slaw Palace? We're famous all over Tennessee!

Slaw!

Hey, I know you've been asked this before. Are you payin’ too much for cole slaw or cabbage by-products?

Yeah, you probably are. But don't give up on tasty, dressing soaked green vegetables just yet! Come on down to Kerry’s Slaw Palace for a heapin’ helpin’ of your favourite cabbage or cabbage by-product salads!



We don’t sell our slaw in tiny Styrofoam cups. We don't buy off shore, blah tastin', commercially made salad either. We use all natural, locally obtained ingredients, cut and mix everything in house, and sell it by the bucket! No more high priced salads from chicken houses or dirty chip wagons!

From as little as .29 cents a pound, you can be drownin’ in slaw by supper!

With almost five kinds of slaw, we’re the region’s number one manufacturer and retailer of side dishes.



Bring your own bucket, or clean one of our buckets and save even more! We're Kerry’s Slaw Palace! Just off exit 32, beside Carter's Fir and Funerary Farm, aka 'the crematorium'.