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Campfire Tracker
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Sven and Ole worked together in a Minnesota factory and both were laid off� Sooo�dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.
Asked his occupation, Ole said, �Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties.�
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week in unemployment compensation.
Sven, when asked his occupation replied, �Diesel Fitter�. The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter and it was classified as a skilled job. So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.
When Ole found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his benefits.
The clerk explained, �Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor.�
�Vat skill? yelled Ole. �I sew da elastic on da panties. Sven puts dem over his head and says, �Yah,����� DIESEL FITTER�.
Keep your gun-hand ready and your eyes peeled.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 16,908
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 16,908 |
Ric, make this a sticky.My face hurts from laughing.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
Vat's 10 blocks long und has da I.Q of 6?
Dat be last veeks Sons of Norway Parade in Dulute.....
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
What's the best way to empty out the jails in Minnesota??
Legalize Lutefisk!
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
Ole takes his buddy Sven into the Nursery at the hospital in Sioux Falls to show him his new son that Lena just delivered...
As dey admire da new baby boy, Sven can't help but noticin' dat da baby is Mulatto....
"So's Ole.." sez Sven " ain't ja a liddle mad at Lena for dat new baby??"
"Vot for?" ask Ole...
" Vell Ole, don'cha tink dat baby is kinda dark?" asks Sven..
" Ja,vell Uffda... he choor is, but vhat's ya gonna do??" replies Ole...
"So's you'se not mad at Lena dat the baby's kinda dark den?"
" naw " sez Ole..." ever since we been done married, dat voman.. she burns every ting!"
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,798
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,798 |
Ole, had just got done moving to his "new" farm, and then walked 20 miles to town to get some groceries.
When he got back to his farm, he found the barn was on fire. Ole dropped his groceries and ran into the house and called the Fire Department.
"This is Ole!" he yelled into the phone. "you got to come over here right away! "My barn is on fire!"
The fire Chief responded, "Ole!" "How do we get there?"
Ole answered, (a little bit indignantly),
"WELL ... You still got the Red Truck don't Ya?"
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 128
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 128 |
Ole came home from work early and told lena he had an acident at work. Lena asked what happened and Ole told her he got his privates caught in the pickle slicer, Lena asked what happened to the pickle slicer and Ole told her they sent her home too!
Ole called the fire department and told them his barn was on fire, the dispatcher asked how to get there, Ole said don't you guys still have that little red truck?
Flightmaster
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,091
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,091 |
This is the first scandahoovian joke I heard:
After many years of "going" together Ole and Tina decide to get married. They go to the County Court house to get a marriage license. The clerk assists them in filling out the request as both aren't too well skilled in literacy.
One of the questions on identity has to do with the size of the applicant. "Tina, how tall are you and what do you weigh?"
"I'm six foot two and weigh two hunnert and sebenty pounds."
"My goodness. You're big enough to play with the Green Bay Packers!"
"Oh, no! I play with no body's packer but Ole's!"
Ole comes home from work and finds Tina in bed with another man.
Ole says "Tina! What you doin!"
Tina say to her lover "See, I told you he was stupid!"
Ole pulls out a pistol and holds it to his head. Tina start laughing.
Ole says "What you laughing for. You're next!"
Happy Trails!
NRA Life Member
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Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
Yumpin Yiminee... Yingle Yingle!
Ya choor ya betch'a...
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
Cannibal goes down to the Butcher Shop for some meat..
When he gets there, he is a little astounded over the prices...
So he asks for the butcher to come out and explain the prices..
The Butch starts out;
well here we have Irishmen for $1.00 a pound... they live off of beer and potatoes mainly, so they are a lesser quality piece of meat..
next we have Puerto Ricans... they are a $1.24 a pound...they have a poor diet also, but are a better cut of meat in the long run..
then we have Mexicans.. they live off of rice, beans and tacos... however with some good quality tequila in their diet, their meat is more flavorable than say the Puerto Ricans...they run $1.49 a pound..
next is Italians...they are fat, living off of pasta, spaghetti, linguini etc... but they have good wine which adds good flavor, so they are $2.00 a pound...
upscale we have Germans... they eat plenty of sausages, spicy sauerkraut, and drink plenty of good beer, fine wine etc..and they exercise a lot, so you really have a bargain for a good cut a meat at $2.50 a pound...
So the Cannibal points out the Frenchmen are $4.50 a pound...
Ah replies the butcher... now you are getting the best cut of meat available to a Cannibal! The French dine on fine wine, fine cheeses, fine food... you really get your money's worth there... the best tasting meat available to a Cannibal anywhere in the world!
as the Cannibal scans over his selection, he finally notices that Norwegians cost over $10.00 a pound!
He then inquires of the Butcher... If a Frenchman is such a good cut of meat, the best in the world.. and is only $4.50 a pound.. how in the Heck do you guys justify $10.50 a pound for a Norwegian?????
In anger the butcher counters the Cannibal's question with a question: Hey buddy! Have you ever tried to clean one of those guys????
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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Posts: 3,202
Campfire Tracker
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OP
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,202 |
Ole and Lars were working for the city public works department in Boyceville, WI. Ole would dig a hole and Lars would follow behind and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Ole, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?'
Ole, the hole digger, wiped his brow and sighed, 'Vell, I suppose it probably looks odd because ve're normally a three-person team. But today Sven, who plants da trees called in sick.'
Deal with it.
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Posts: 12,359
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Campfire Regular
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Ole and Sven got a job at the brewery. One day Ole fell into the fermenting vat and drowned. Sven was given the sad job of given Lena the bad news. When Lena came to door Sven told her of Ole falling into the fermenter and drowning. Lena stated "vell at least he vent quick" Ole replied "I don't know how quick it vas, he crawled out three times to take a leak."
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 14,690
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 14,690 |
Even I know....the US Congress could NEVER figure that one out!!
Even birds know not to land downwind!
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 10,445
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 10,445 |
Good ab workout this morning from laughing. 
"Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing."
Robert E. Howard
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 68
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 68 |
have you heard about Ole the Norwegian immigrant who started a outboard motor company? Ole Evinrude
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Ole Evinrude, born Ole Evenrudstuen (April 19, 1877�July 12, 1934) was a Norwegian-American inventor, known for the invention of the first outboard motor with practical commercial application.[1][2]
Evinrude was born in Norway and at the age of five emigrated with his family to the United States, settling in Cambridge, Wisconsin. At age sixteen he went to Madison, where he worked in machinery stores and studied engineering on his own. He became a machinist while working at various machine tool firms in Milwaukee, Pittsburgh, and Chicago.
In 1900, Evinrude co-founded the custom engine firm Clemick & Evinrude. In 1907, he invented the first practical and reliable outboard motor, which was built of steel and brass, and had a crank on the flywheel to start the two-cycle engine.
Evinrude reported that his invention was inspired by rowing a boat on a small lake outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin on a hot day to get ice cream for his girlfriend, Bess.[3] By 1912, the firm employed 300 workers. Evinrude let two motorcycle mad teens tinker in his Milwaukee based machine shop; one was named Arthur Davidson who went on to Harley-Davidson motorcycle fame, also based in Milwaukee. Ole Evinrude formed Evinrude Outboard Motors, which he sold in 1913 in order to look after his sick wife.
In 1919, Evinrude invented a more efficient and lighter two-cylinder motor. Having sold his part in Clemick & Evinrude, he founded ELTO or the Elto Outboard Motor Company. (ELTO was an acronym for "Evinrude Light Twin Outboard".)
Although Elto faced stiff competition from other companies, such as Johnson Motor Company of South Bend, Indiana, Evinrude's company survived through acquisitions, eventually forming the Outboard Marine Corporation. After Evinrude died in 1934, soon after the death of his wife, his son, Ralph Evinrude, took over day-to-day management of the company, eventually rising to Chairman of the Board.
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Posts: 8,649
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,649 |
Per is a Swedish farmer near the Norwegian border.
He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about one for sale over in Norway. He drives to the farm in Norway and looks over the cow. Per reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls... the cow farts.
Per is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some negotiation with the cow's owner, Per buys the cow and takes her home.
When he gets back to Sweden, he calls over his neighbour, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Per and says, "You bought dis here cow in Norway, didn't yah?"
Per is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Per replies, "Yah dats right. but, how did you know?
Sven says, "My wife is from Norway."
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John
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Posts: 6,293
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Posts: 6,293 |
This is a shooting forum, there is no place here for logic.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348 |
"Yust t'ink!" Ole said to his bride Lena, "You vas made in Norvay 'n' I vas made in Sveden, and ve yust fit!"
(My rancher friend Ed said "Mattie was made in Kentucky and I was made in Missouri, and we used to fit.")
"Good enough" isn't.
Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.
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Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 42,723 |
Per is a Swedish farmer near the Norwegian border.
He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about one for sale over in Norway. He drives to the farm in Norway and looks over the cow. Per reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls... the cow farts.
Per is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some negotiation with the cow's owner, Per buys the cow and takes her home.
When he gets back to Sweden, he calls over his neighbour, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."
Sven reaches under, pulls the teat and the cow farts.
Sven looks at Per and says, "You bought dis here cow in Norway, didn't yah?"
Per is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Per replies, "Yah dats right. but, how did you know?
Sven says, "My wife is from Norway."
*********************************
John made it to the new world also.. that is a common MN/Wisconsin and MN/Dakota joke..
"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC
“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
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