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#5649419 - 09/24/11 09:17 AM OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!!
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 02/20/01
Posts: 67673
Loc: Punta Gorda, FL



Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?

A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans
On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a
recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this
[bleep].'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the
United States
_________________________


"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian." Henry Ford

George Orwell was a PROPHET, not a novelist!!!

Old cat turd!






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#5649422 - 09/24/11 09:18 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
Barkoff Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 08/02/04
Posts: 22516
Loc: Central CA
Number 4 offends me!
_________________________







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#5649423 - 09/24/11 09:20 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
Oldman2003 Offline
Campfire Tracker

Registered: 11/28/09
Posts: 5091
Loc: Louisiana
LOL-- those are good!!
_________________________
An Old Turd!

Just "Campfire Riffraff and Trash"!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

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#5649437 - 09/24/11 09:24 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
Mako25 Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 16718
Loc: TX
Let 'em be offended. "They" will have to wait a bit to heard however - as my laughter is quite loud.

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#5649439 - 09/24/11 09:27 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Mako25]
RockyRaab Online   content
Campfire 'Bwana

Registered: 05/23/03
Posts: 12911
Loc: Ogden, Utah
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive.
_________________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


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#5649440 - 09/24/11 09:27 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Mako25]
Barkoff Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 08/02/04
Posts: 22516
Loc: Central CA
Here is another good batch of the offensive...I'm counting on the software to do my editing of profanity.


Warning: These jokes may offend you....if so, too bad.
____________________________________________________

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, “[bleep] that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”


What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits, had his own [bleep] bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they [bleep] my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”

______________________________________________________


* Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
____________________________________________________

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the [bleep] out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
____________________________________________________

My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when you’re coming, you look like a [bleep] Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
____________________________________________________

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I [bleep] a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________
_________________________







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#5649497 - 09/24/11 09:55 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
jdm953 Online   content
Campfire Guide

Registered: 01/13/07
Posts: 3735
Loc: Texas
At first I was offended that you left me out.So I read it again,#9 I feel better now.
_________________________
Islam is best viewed through an active H.U.D (thanks Fly Boy)

He who has braved youths dizzy heat dreads not the frost of age.

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#5649571 - 09/24/11 10:24 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: jdm953]
Plinker Offline
Campfire Outfitter

Registered: 11/22/06
Posts: 8543
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

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#5649749 - 09/24/11 11:42 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Plinker]
teal Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 22539
Loc: Missing, Presumed Dead
None of these offend me - that in and of itself offends me.
_________________________
Andrew


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#5649932 - 09/24/11 12:59 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: teal]
444Matt Offline
Campfire Tracker

Registered: 02/05/04
Posts: 5536
Loc: Alabama
The Zoo and Fairy Tale ones were pretty darn funny... and spot on!
_________________________
Act justly, love mercy, walk humbly with your God.

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#5649978 - 09/24/11 01:22 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
Quote:
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A speech impediment.

• Real-world (Jeddah) equivalent —

Saudi who can't drive his car because the horn won't blow.



• Corollary —

What does a one-armed Italian need most?

An interpreter.

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#5650157 - 09/24/11 02:39 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: RockyRaab]
340boy Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 10/11/06
Posts: 19461
Loc: Idaho
Originally Posted By: RockyRaab
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive.


This.
I think.
grin
_________________________
"Strengthen the executive, and you weaken the law"-Tiberius of Rome.



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#5650219 - 09/24/11 03:02 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
ingwe Online   content
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/19/08
Posts: 49250
Loc: Southwestern Montucky
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink
_________________________
" We have lived in the best time and seen the wonders of wildlife...and belong to a brotherhood the members of which have memories that cannot be matched... we have lived on into a new world which I do not pretend to understand..."
Sir A. Pease


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#5650260 - 09/24/11 03:25 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: ingwe]
maarty Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 07/09/10
Posts: 1775
Loc: New Zealand
Originally Posted By: ingwe
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink


Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama.


Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him?
_________________________
The original international turd

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#5650304 - 09/24/11 03:48 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: maarty]
Gus Online   content
Campfire 'Bwana

Registered: 08/13/05
Posts: 12510
Loc: in the Heart of the South
Originally Posted By: maarty
Originally Posted By: ingwe
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink


Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama.


Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him?


i'm a Southerner and i'm deeply afended with that remark. i clearly state for the world to know that the Hussein man is not for sale. no matter what Soros might or might not offer.
_________________________

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#5650382 - 09/24/11 04:19 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Gus]
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 02/20/01
Posts: 67673
Loc: Punta Gorda, FL
_________________________


"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian." Henry Ford

George Orwell was a PROPHET, not a novelist!!!

Old cat turd!






Top
#5650535 - 09/24/11 05:16 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
nighthawk Offline
Campfire Tracker

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 7144
Loc: NE South Dakota
I am SO offended by this thread! (When do I get my check?)

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#5650550 - 09/24/11 05:21 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: nighthawk]
Redneck Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 01/28/01
Posts: 37777
Loc: TAXHELLWI. USA
Didn't read 'em all, so apology up front if duplicate..

What do you call two Mexican firemen? Jose and hose-B.

Why were there only 400 Mexicans that the Alamo? They could only find two buses..

What's a seven-course meal in Ireland? A baked potato and a six-pack..

How do you make a Norwegian woman more attractive? You give her a massage rubbed with lutefisk.

How do you get Minnesotans to buy Queen's tix? Offer 'em Grain Belt at $7.50/bottle..




laugh laugh laugh
_________________________

NSA & Zero - Hey! GFY..
NRA Endowment member.
Ex - USN(TM3-SS) USS Razorback SS-394 '68-'69

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#5650630 - 09/24/11 05:56 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Redneck]
P_Weed Offline
Campfire Tracker

Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 6932
Loc: Dakota Territory
RE: "Oh Hell !!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: What is the difference between a woman sitting in a bathtub,
and a woman sitting in church?

A: One of the women has hope in her soul.


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#5650685 - 09/24/11 06:19 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
700LH Offline
Campfire Outfitter

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 9354
Loc: Gem State
Folks that are offended by a simple word or two, must not think much of themselves to begin with.
_________________________





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#5650714 - 09/24/11 06:32 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: 700LH]
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 2386
Loc: Ny
When in Rome:

What does Michael Jackson and a Silver Medalist have in common?
They both came in a little behind.

How do you stop five black men raping a white woman?
Throw them a basketball.

Why is a dog turd better than a black dude?
Because eventually a dog turd turns white and stops stinkin'

What do you call two lesbians on their period?
Finger painters

"Meat", "Wife", "Blow job". Which of these words doesn't belong?
Blow job because you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job.

A family of skunks and a family of ducks were crossing the street, when a huge truck came full speed and killed each animal, except one skunk and one duck. The duck started crying, and the skunk asked him 'What's the matter?'. The duck said 'Well, all my family got killed, I don't know who I am anymore'. The skunk replied 'Well it's easy.. you're yellow, you got a beak, and you got palms on your feet. You're a duck!'. Then the skunk started crying too. The duck asked 'What's the matter?'. The skunk said 'Well, my whole family's dead too.. so I don't know who I am either'. The duck said 'Well.. you're not white, you're not black, and you phucking stink... you're a Arab!'


Edited by Irving_D (09/24/11 06:33 PM)
_________________________
‎I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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#5650972 - 09/24/11 08:06 PM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]
Plinker Offline
Campfire Outfitter

Registered: 11/22/06
Posts: 8543
How do you scare a democrat?
Say your a gainfully employed church going family man.

How do you know when a democrat is lying?
When his mouth is moving.

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#5651259 - 09/25/11 05:37 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Plinker]
ADK4Rick Offline
Campfire Guide

Registered: 11/12/08
Posts: 2535
Loc: NJ
what do a mexican and a cueball have in common?

if you hit them right they pick up more english.

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#5651298 - 09/25/11 05:56 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: ADK4Rick]
gunner500 Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 09/07/09
Posts: 20931
Loc: Oklahoma
I heard grambling college professors have found out what causes sickle cell anemia in african americans.

"Lickin' food stamps" grin

Gunner
_________________________
"BULLSH_T" good for the garden, not the "FIRE"

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#5651323 - 09/25/11 06:06 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: gunner500]
Enrique Offline
Campfire Guide

Registered: 03/27/01
Posts: 3899
Loc: Mammoth AZ USA
A white guy, a Black guy and a Fag are interviewing for a job in AZ.
The interviewer said the first person that can fly to our other office in NY will get the job.
Who do you think got the job?



The Fag did.
Why?
Cuz he already had his chit packed!






Not the best and I am sure a little off but atleast the punch line was right.lol

Kique
_________________________
Enrique O. Ramirez
CLAN OF THE BORDER RATS - Member

"..faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.." Hebrews 11:1

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#5651437 - 09/25/11 06:52 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Enrique]
DuxHateMe Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/09
Posts: 228
Loc: NH
Why did the arab trade his wife for an outhouse?

Because the hole was smaller and it smelled better.

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#5651518 - 09/25/11 07:24 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: DuxHateMe]
Nate40 Offline
Campfire Regular

Registered: 09/21/11
Posts: 867
Loc: West Tennessee
Lmfao bout swalloed my dip. Onlyone i can think of is real bad so ill have to think about it b4 i post it lol.
_________________________
Rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6.

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#5651673 - 09/25/11 08:25 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Nate40]
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 02/20/01
Posts: 67673
Loc: Punta Gorda, FL
Q. Why do low riders have them little steering wheels?

A. So the homies can still drive wearing handcuff's.


Q. What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three piece suit?


A. Will the defendant please rise.


Q. Three Mexicans riding in the back seat of a car, who is driving?

A. The arresting officer.
_________________________


"Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him; better take a closer look at the American Indian." Henry Ford

George Orwell was a PROPHET, not a novelist!!!

Old cat turd!






Top
#5651694 - 09/25/11 08:31 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]
EvilTwin Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Registered: 11/01/04
Posts: 16862
Loc: Upstate NY
Q: Why do Eyetalian boys grow mustaches???


A: So they can look just like Mom
_________________________
Be afraid,be VERY VERY afraid
ad triarios redisse
My Buddy eh76 speaks authentic Frontier Gibberish!

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#5652074 - 09/25/11 10:43 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: EvilTwin]
Enrique Offline
Campfire Guide

Registered: 03/27/01
Posts: 3899
Loc: Mammoth AZ USA
Bump so more peoplecan be offended.lol
_________________________
Enrique O. Ramirez
CLAN OF THE BORDER RATS - Member

"..faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.." Hebrews 11:1

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#5652103 - 09/25/11 11:00 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Enrique]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?
Put Velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get 'em down>
Tell Messican kids they're piñatas.

(Even I groan at those!)

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#5652111 - 09/25/11 11:04 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
Why did medics have to coin the phrase premenstrual syndrome?

Mad-cow disease already applied to something else.

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#5652115 - 09/25/11 11:06 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
Why do Saudis smell bad?

So that the blind can also hate 'em.

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#5652177 - 09/25/11 11:32 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]
Archerhunter Offline
Campfire 'Bwana

Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 13779
Loc: A sandy knoll,
What did the blind guy say as he passed the fresh fish market?
Good morning, Ladies.

How do you babysit a little black kid?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Do you know why Mexicans and Blacks never intermarry?
They don't want kids laying around the house that are too lazy to steal.

How do you starve a black guy?
Hide his foods tamps under his work boots.

How many Mexicans does it take to grease a car?
Just one if you hit him square.

Why do Saudi's never teach sex ed and driver's ed on the same day?
Too taxing for the camels.
_________________________
Any marksman can strive to become an archer.
But every good archer is a true marksman.


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#5652202 - 09/25/11 11:40 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Archerhunter]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
It's politically incorrect, rude, and an inconscionable racial slur to refer to Messicans as "greasers."

They're Lubricanos.

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#5652205 - 09/25/11 11:41 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 2386
Loc: Ny
Originally Posted By: Ken Howell
It's politically incorrect, rude, and an inconscionable racial slur to refer to Messicans as "greasers."

They're Lubricanos.
TFF
_________________________
‎I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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#5652212 - 09/25/11 11:43 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle

Registered: 12/14/00
Posts: 28887
How many Muslims does it take to roof a house?

Depends on the size of the house. Three or four should do it, if you hammer 'em out flat enough.

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#5652217 - 09/25/11 11:44 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 2386
Loc: Ny
I apologize in advance for this one: Two condoms are walking past a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Wanna go get sh!tfaced
_________________________
‎I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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#5652240 - 09/25/11 11:52 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 2386
Loc: Ny
Why weren't there any blacks on the Flintstones?
They were still monkeys back then.-

John sits down at a bar, looking very dejected. His friend Steve asks what's wrong. "It's my mother-in-law, I have a real problem with her." "Don't worry" Steve says. "Everyone has a problem with their mother-in-law." "Yeah", John says, "But I got mine pregnant-

How do you piss off Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
_________________________
‎I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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#5652250 - 09/25/11 11:55 AM Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Ranger

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 2386
Loc: Ny
How much fluid will fit into Monica Lewinski's mouth?
One U.S. Leader
_________________________
‎I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

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