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Itasca Offline OP
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Our son is getting married this fall. I know about a fall wedding, busy hunting at that time (LOL).

Any way I paid the vast majority of the wedding when our daughter got married 10 years ago. It turns out that our son's bride parents will only chip in a small amount. I feel the burden is put on me. My wife & son are keeping silent on the issue.
Any thoughts??

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I paid for my own wedding so I would say that any amount of money that you or the brides parents kick in would, and should, be a blessing. Pay what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can scale back the wedding.








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Originally Posted by heavywalker
I paid for my own wedding so I would say that any amount of money that you or the brides parents kick in would, and should, be a blessing. Pay what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can scale back the wedding.


Word for word what he said.


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I am paying for my own right now...

My parents helped us out because they wanted some guests invited that we hadn't planned on.

My fiance's parents bought her dress.

My wedding is costing a significant amount more than my sister's did or my brother's did, and my parents feel bad, but they can't afford it, and I know that. My fiance and I are squirreling away money for the wedding, and have budgeted a chunk of each paycheck for our wedding in March of 2013.


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Traditionally the groom's parents pay for the rehersal expenses including dinner. For the wedding proper the groom pays for the minister, flowers for bride and bridesmaids and token gifts for ushers and groomsmen. This is for a full bore traditional wedding.

If her parents/guardians are too cheap to marry off their daughter in style you have no duty to foot the bill.


The groom don't care anyway he just wants to get it over with and on to the more inportant stuff. wink


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What ever both parties can afford. If the bride's parents can't or won't chip in, I'd suggest settling for a small affair, 8-10 close family and call it good.

My first wedding was us two and two witnesses in front of a JP. 2nd one,my wife paid for most of it as her parents copped out after the fact.
I was poorer than a church mouse and would have settled for another JP and 4 in attendances


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I had a rather extravagant wedding and rehearsal dinner. My Dad and my lovely Bride's Dad were both very traditional; my Bride's family paid for the wedding, my folks paid for the rehearsal dinner.

Now, while I enjoyed the dinner, and was somewhat in awe of the wedding once it all came together, I would much rather have had a smaller, faster process. I went through months of hell answering questions about the wedding that I really had no opinion on.

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Giver them what feels right to you. May want to tell them it ain't the size of the wedding. Mine cost 6k 25 years ago. I paid for everything but 1k my mom and dad kicked in. My cheap liberal dem inlaws talked a big talk but gave nothing like usual. We had nothing for a honeymoon and was so hot we went to upper Michigan. Payed for that too.


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Weddings throughout history have been budget breakers. In Bible times, the bride's parents would have to feed all the guests for several days. Jesus' 1st miracle of turning water into wine was at one of those bashes where the wine had run out.

That said, you need to do some paper work. Figure out exactly how much you can cough up and hand it to them. The rest is their's to deal with. If they can't trim it to the money on hand, they need some lessons in budgeting.


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Originally Posted by Scott F
Originally Posted by heavywalker
I paid for my own wedding so I would say that any amount of money that you or the brides parents kick in would, and should, be a blessing. Pay what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can scale back the wedding.


Word for word what he said.


And another vote.


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By social custom and tradition, you should not feel as though any burden has been placed on you. However, because you love and want to support your son and are getting a new daughter (and in-laws, for better or worse), your feeling the need to do something is good - and normal. So, I suggest that you and your wife talk the situation over with your son, discuss their plans and "wants" and their financial preparation, then make a decision about how much you want to add, do it, and get quiet.


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By the end of the ceremony, nobody cares a diddley damn whether the dress cost $500 or $5000. My wife and her sisters made all the flower arrangements for our wedding from cut flowers from Costco and saved hundreds. With the software available today, anyone with a gift for a keyboard can crank out top flight invitations. There are innumerable ways to cut the budget with a little thinking.


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Itasca Offline OP
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Thanks all for the replys. They make my decision a bit easier.

Part of the problem is, our son owes me over 15k. Any suggestions?

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Originally Posted by Itasca
Thanks all for the replys. They make my decision a bit easier.

Part of the problem is, our son owes me over 15k. Any suggestions?


Tell him that $15K is his wedding present and payment for the wedding also.If he is in debt $15 ,he sure does not need a big bash for a wedding.

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Originally Posted by Itasca
Our son is getting married this fall. I know about a fall wedding, busy hunting at that time (LOL).

Any way I paid the vast majority of the wedding when our daughter got married 10 years ago. It turns out that our son's bride parents will only chip in a small amount. I feel the burden is put on me. My wife & son are keeping silent on the issue.
Any thoughts??

A tank of gas and a map to Mesquite is cheaper. I actually paid the bulk of my first and all of my last.


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Originally Posted by T LEE
Originally Posted by Scott F
Originally Posted by heavywalker
I paid for my own wedding so I would say that any amount of money that you or the brides parents kick in would, and should, be a blessing. Pay what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can scale back the wedding.


Word for word what he said.


And another vote.

And ANOTHER . . .

Back in the Stone Age when we got married, we decided to pay for our own wedding. That was fine by the in-laws-to-be and they said "good luck" and have a good life. My Mom wanted to help out and pay/provide for something, so we "let" her and Dad host a picnic after the rehearsal. Oue wedding, flowers, wedding dress, tux for me, pictures, reception, invitations and anything else cost us about $600 (1976 dollars). We are still married and looking forward to many more years.


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Me and the wife eloped to Cancun......the wedding cost once there was like $135 for a cake, drinks for the guests and 2 "rice god" girls. The maid of honor and the best man were met on the ride from the airport to the hotel......still going after hitting the 25 year mark......so we did something right!!!

The families put on a reception after we got back.....just a big family dinner for 2 families..... smile

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Originally Posted by Scott F
Originally Posted by heavywalker
I paid for my own wedding so I would say that any amount of money that you or the brides parents kick in would, and should, be a blessing. Pay what you can afford and if they don't like it, they can scale back the wedding.


Word for word what he said.


same here


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My wife and I also did a destination wedding. Its so much cheaper because no one can afford to go!

Round-trip airfare and 5 nights in a condo resort in Maui: $1600 for two.

Hot wedding planner, dude with ukelele, officiant with conch shell, beach location rental fee and marriage license fees: $900

Professional photographer who digitally mastered the photos and provided 600 pics on DVD to do as we please: $900

Not too bad.

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