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Let it go , no worth the effort .


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Each case is different but my first wife started running around so I split. Gave her everything in the divorce and just walked away with what fit in a hundred dollar car. I got all the debt. When the divorce was final I went bankrupt on all her debt and then stole both kids. I worked for me because the state was about to grab the kids because on neglect and abuse. I have not seen her or heard from her since and that was 37 years ago.

Met and married a wonderful woman who is sitting next to me as I post this.


The first time I shot myself in the head...

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Originally Posted by ltppowell
Originally Posted by birddog65
Anymore..... After 15 years and 4 children, youngest is 6. She does not think she wants to continue our marriage.She said she still cares for me, but not love. I have a marriage counsel set up for next monday, but it don't look good. She said diff.individual events over the past 10 years have caused her to loose the love. I have not done anything that would warrant a divorce, stuff that most should forgive and forget. I asked about the thousands of great things that I think that I have done for her/us---the family, and I guess its never enough. She has not had to work for the past 14 years, we have a beautiful house, vacation at the beach 3 weeks a year, a pool in the back yard----- a life that I think most woman would love to have------------I am fit, in shape, and have never had a problem in the looks dept. I love her like I have never loved another. Has anyone of you guys turned this situation around?????


You may turn it around, but she has a boyfriend.


THIS.

If you're not above a little spying, hack her Facebook account and check your cellphone bill. Should be easy to find the guy's name.


Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.
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Originally Posted by birddog65
I make 6 figures, but it wont be enough to run our house and a place for me?? how does that work?? am I going to be flat broke-busted the rest of my life? She has a degree and can make 40-50k if she had to. will the courts make her go back to work?? How will I be able to live like that.


Im not 100% certain i follow you. What i mean is that maybe she wants something to do. The court cant make anyone work.

With regards to how you would live with her working? Same way everyone else does, go to work, come home, spend the evenings with your family. You might even have to work different shifts. Who knows. In the end, the time you spend with your kids and family is all that matters. Your income has nothing to do with it.

My wife and i both work. We need the two incomes to make ends meet. Now, our kid goes to daycare with a friend who watches children from our church. We pay her and just chalk the time spent working as part of life.

You can your kids will be ok. As i got older, i came to see the things my dad did for me as what they were. The good and the bad. It formed a lot of the things i have done for my son. As it is, there is nothing i wont do to keep my son with me, or in the best situation i can provide.

I never question why i went to babysitters, or any of that as i knew my parents were working to make a better life for us. They made sure to tell us so.

I repeat, you will be ok. No matter how bad it seems now, things will get better. Just make sure your kids know you love them and the rest will be worked out between you and your spouse.


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She's the one that wants out. Make HER get out. You leave the house, and you won't be able to get it back. She wants out, let HER pay the piper. I refused to be buffalo'ed into a lifetime of alimony/support to someone who made the choice to end it, and in no uncertain terms I let that be known. Since she knew I was a man of my word, she knew I'd carry thru. In the end, I gave up everything but a '99 Ford truck, my guns, clothes and tools. It all fit in a 6x12 enclosed trailer and back of the truck. I took a $1000 a month ranch job just in case the judge ordered maintenance. Hell, I am still getting by just fine, since she don't cost me anything.......

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No matter how bad this hurts, and it will, finding the right new one will be worth it.

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Like previously stated .... "when there're done, there're done".
You were blindside by this but she has been working on this for a longtime.

From this point forward, think with your head and only your head. You need to not let heart/feelings make any decisions.

Get yourself legal representation ASAP and don't try to be the nice guy until it is finalized.

Its business and only business until the divorce is finalized.

If its truly meant to be, she will comeback on her own.

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Originally Posted by ltppowell

You may turn it around, but she has a boyfriend.


This^^^ with about a 99% certainty.

Women don't just fall out of love and decide to move on. Love is tied to security with them and unless things are really bad like they're getting beaten or continually cheated on they don't just "fall out of love" and decide to give up security. They generally don't move on until they have another security blanket lined up, which your wife almost certainly does. The description of what she said and the way she carried things out is pretty much straight out of the cheating wife playbook.

I'm sorry, I was there about a year and a half ago and it sucks. You have two priorities right now to concentrate on, your children and your financial estate. Try to keep the children out of it as much as possible, which is impossible I know, but do your best. After that you've got to try and come out of it with at least a shirt on your back. She'll do her best to keep the boyfriend hidden but he's arcing around out there, count on it. Her goal is going to be to walk out with as much of your estate as she can to start the new love nest with him. She's going to try and portray everything as your fault, playing on your emotions to guilt you into giving her more in the divorce, don't let her do it. Get the best divorce lawyer you can afford, the laws are already stacked against the man so you've got to protect yourself the best you can. You can't continue to be a good dad to your children if your ex puts you in the poorhouse, which can easily happen with the crazy divorce laws we have today. You have to keep your emotions in check and think clearly, remember it's no longer a marriage but rather a business transaction.

1. Get the best lawyer you can afford
2. Don't fall for her emotional blackmail
3. Locate the boyfriend. It doesn't do much legally but it can help turn the tide of the divorce if you can show what's really going on.

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So you are telling me that I wont have to leave my house. I can make a stand?


If you really like something,you better buy two!
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Originally Posted by birddog65
I make 6 figures, but it wont be enough to run our house and a place for me?? how does that work?? am I going to be flat broke-busted the rest of my life? She has a degree and can make 40-50k if she had to. will the courts make her go back to work?? How will I be able to live like that.


You need to obtain legal representation tomorrow.

Forget all else that is in your head at the moment.

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Originally Posted by birddog65
So you are telling me that I wont have to leave my house. I can make a stand?


DON'T MOVE OUT!!!

You don't have to move out until a judge tells you that you have to.

Beyond that you need to talk to the best lawyer you can afford, and you need to do it yesterday.

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I'm sorry for your troubles.


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Originally Posted by birddog65
So you are telling me that I wont have to leave my house. I can make a stand?


ofcourse that is an option but get a lawyer ASAP....as someone else said, do not move out if that is the end result you want, soon as you leave, even if its "just for now" you have lost a big part of that piece of the battle if its part of what you want in the end...


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From experience I speak: get a lawyer right now. Store your guns and important papers at a friends house. Stay in your house with the kids, don't move out.

And, above all, bless her for she is leading you to a better place. This will be very apparent in the fullness of time. Believe me.


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What Crow Hunter said. Who says she get the house and kids?? This is a fight you need to win.

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Originally Posted by ltppowell

You may turn it around, but she has a boyfriend.


^^^This^^^

"I don't love you anymore / I want a divorce" translates to "I've found someone better/ richer than you"

Been there done that, so I'm speaking from experience. Counseling will only be a waste of your time and money if she's already made up her mind.

I know things look bleak, but they will eventually get better. As others advised, get yourself a good attorney and protect your children and assets immediately.


"Allways speak the truth and you will never have to remember what you said before..." Sam Houston
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Originally Posted by birddog65
So you are telling me that I wont have to leave my house. I can make a stand?


Absolutely. It would seem that you have seen too much of the TV divorce. I know how that goes. It happened to my Dad with his ex. She got EVERYTHING. He got 18 years of child support and pain.

You can make a great stand with proper legal representation. Get it ASAP. It will make all the difference.


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Forget any of the stalking/spying and playing mind games advice.

Get legal representation tomorrow and program yourself to deal with all this like it is a business transaction and be 'professional'.

What is the current divorce rate in the US? Something like 60%?

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some very good advice here by guys that btdt


I was close, but successfully backed away from cliff's edge.


but will say this, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hades if you don't do the part about quit thinking with your heart and think with your head.

it's your children's mother that wants them to grow up in a broken home, not you

your job is to protect your children, that means making the best decisions you can for YOU to take care of them.

do the spying or hire it done, hiring it done is more efficient and less heartbreaking, though it will still suck to find out there's another guy, unless there's not of course.

50/50 custody

hit her with the news, you can no longer afford to work as much cause you're no longer part of a team, that YOU plan on having your kids as much as she does.

she needs to go to work and you need to work less

stick to your guns, it's your only chance for her to see "it's not going to work out like I planned"

one of two things will happen, she'll have a change of heart towards you, for better or worse, either way you're better off

but you've had the warning shot fired across the bow, even if you reconcile, it's time to have a squirrel nest somewhere.

sent you a PM as well, mine worked out, most don't

prayers for you and yours bud, including her, hope she realizes what she's doing before it's too late.

those are your babies, they deserve the best life possible

hint; a divorced upbringing ain't it

hint 2: you ain't the one wanting the divorce

do it for your kids, they deserve it


I'm pretty certain when we sing our anthem and mention the land of the free, the original intent didn't mean cell phones, food stamps and birth control.
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Shop for a nasty female attorney beginning tomorrow. I was in your shoes about 20 years ago. Chances are good that her plan is alteady in motion. My ex was having a go with my former best friend in my house. Lovely. Chin up and get through it for your kids. Don't get all pissed off and do anything to help out her cause or get yourself arrested. Best wishes.

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