Was chatting up a couple friends, this week....and I thought this might be an interesting topic, given the diversity at the 'Fire....

Sorta private, I know....but I thought I'd toss it out anyways.....

Did ya 'plan' to have kids or did it just sorta happen...and you adjusted? Did ya plan the ins and outs.....or did ya wing it?

Seems like more than a few of my friends, me included, haven't the desire yet to take that plunge.....but in talking to them..they seem a little more bent on the 'planning' it side.

Thoughts? Experiences?

HoundGirl

Planned them as best we could. We both wanted lots of bairns and got to work as soon as the ink on the marriage license was dry.

Let's see, one 14-year-old and almost 28 years of putting up with me... Seems there may have been some planning...

I told my wife that we could start having children when I achieved a professional goal that would allow us to have them financially. She was pregnant within 2 months. When we decided to have our second (about a year after our first), she didn't even wait the two months and achieved success on the first cycle.

Now we have two wild men (4 and 2 years old) who we love VERY much. They are crazy enough that we have put any thought of having more on the back-burner for now. Way back on that burner

My girlfriend and I planed it for a long time before my boy was conceived. Heck, we had the name picked out for him since we were 13.

It's kind of funny how she tried to play a joke on me with her pregnancy. She was telling me she was still getting her period when in fact she really wasn't and wanted to surprise me on my birthday and tell me she really was pregnant. Only problem was that she was showing big time and even her friends told me she was pregnant. I still acted surprised though.

My boy was born over a month premature and didn't have his lungs developed yet and had to stay on the respirator thing for a long time. I don't think I ever cried and prayed so hard in my life during that time. It's so hard to believe how a helpless little life like that who can't even breath on its own yet turned into such an energetic toddler in such a short time. I swear this kid never stops running! Best thing to ever have happened to my life. Anyone who thinks having kids at a young age is a dumb thing to do, seriously need a reality check. My boy completely changed my life around and all for the better I might add.

You have a college fund set up for him? Where did the health insurance come from, that paid the bills when he was delivered without lungs? Were these thoughts you had discussed....before you chose the name?

Not to be a meany, cuz I know a lot of young ppl more capable of caring for their offspring than a lot of advanced adults....but I gotta ask....

Just wondering if YOU had your ducks in a row....or someone else did.......thinking parents...gov't.....and the like...

HoundGirl

Planned. We wanted at least four but were only blessed with two. Given the childhood of those two boys, they were enough, even though we'd never have changed a thing about them. Change their behavior, oh yes!!!, them, no. Am now a grandpa and thank our Lord for the joys of our 'kids' who are turning out normal(?) in spite of being dragged around the world as military brats.

Let's see.....

at the premarriage counseling we were asked how many kids we wanted. We looked at each other and I said ....Well, I come from a family with five kids..... The the ex said she had four kids in her family.

We then told the priest we would comprimise and have 9 kids.

Only have 3 but were open to whatever we got.

HG,
if you plan it or not it will require a HUGE adjustment in your lifestyle. My wife, God damn/bless her, had a lot more to do with the planning than I did. I say that having had many discussions with her re: this issue. It was a bitter pill to swallow when I, attached to my indulgent lifestyle, realized responsibility was on the way.

That said, I now have three young boys 6m, 22m, and 6 years, and I cannot think of anything that I would trade for them...even on the three nights a week I have to watch them while my wife is at work. I really don't think it will ever be anything you are "ready" for, but it is a blessing beyond anything else...at least that's what I keep telling myself while I change a schitty diaper. I immensely enjoy all three, although I tend to favor the eldest as he can do more things I enjoy. Doesn't hurt that I don't have to carry a damn diaper bag with me wherever we go.

Maser,
I hear you brother. My last two both did a stint in the NICU, both early, the youngest as a result of the respiratory problems you mention. Childbirth in general is a somewhat scary thing, accounting for all the "what if's", when some of them happen it is enough to bring a man to Jesus if he was not inclined prior. I wasn't young with any of them, but it certainly will change you. The direction of change is up to the individual: seems you passed muster if it changed you for the better.

HoundGirl,

We may have been young and naive about things, but we made certain all expenses would be taken care of BEFORE he was conceived. My girlfriend's parent's health insurance had better coverage so that's what we went with. My girlfriend and her parents started a savings account for him. I admit I haven't contributed much yet, but that will all change as soon as I get my better job I'm planing to get. I do contribute, but not as much as I would like to. All and all he is very well taken care of financially at the moment.

I also would like to take the opportunity to elaborate a little on my comment in my first post when I said about having kids at a young age. What I was meaning was that I don't think having kids should be a thing where the age card comes into play. Irresponsible parents come in ALL ages and is not just limited to teenagers. Sure, in most cases of teenage pregnancies, it can be very hectic. The father is never around and the mother struggles to deal with the baby, school, and social life. But then, there's cases like my girlfriend and I where having a kid at a young age is a true blessing and we are responsible parents. My son will be 2 years old next month and I have NOT missed a single day watching him grow as soon as he left the hospital. There were times in the beginning where money was tight and I had to go without things like good tasting food, but no matter how much I may have thought I suffered, my boy ALWAYS had his daily needs and NEVER went without ANYTHING.

So that's what I was meaning about my comment above. I certainly wasn't meaning any disrespect to the more traditional parents here who waited to have kids later in life.

I can tell you the exact day my son was conceived. She "promised" nothing would go wrong as she knew her cycle. The ONE time I went out without a rain coat. May 4, 1999

He just kinda happened but I wouldn't trade ANYTHING to make it happen any other way.

Planned our 1st one, the second was a surprise to me, but Momma admitted she was tryin' for another, hence why I got snipped after the second, but I do love my 2 girls. Les

I never plan for it, but that is why I use Brother Dave's name...

Interesting topic. I think someone's clock may have begun to tick.....

I was a little "wild" when I was younger but found a good girl that didn't mind a "bad" boy so I was married in my early twenties. I had no plans for kids at that time but as time went on, I began to make several big life changes which eventually changed my mind. As I started to mature emotionally and spiritually (and stopped getting into trouble), I realized that I would be able to be a good father and husband so I agreed to have kids. Before that I was honestly too damned scared of my gene-pool to even consider it!!!!

Neither of us smoke (I used to but quit a year or so after we got married ~ 14 years ago) which is important, IMO, but we didn't start trying until after my wife was off the pill for almost a year and was taking pre-natal vitamins. Once we started trying to make a family it took very quickly and everything in our control has been pretty well planned, mostly by my wife. My wife stayed home with the kids for ~ 5 years (did daycare which was great) and now teaches kindergarten where my son goes to school and where my daughter will be going next Fall.

We wanted two children and have a 7 year old son and 4 year old daughter that are that far apart on purpose. They get along great and we have a very happy home. I don't think we'll ever be able to "afford" kids but we've done very well considering we're not made of money. Due to the fact that we waited ~ 11 years (married for 7 of those), we already had decent jobs which helped financially. We actively save for retirement and each of our kids have a savings account that we contribute to regularly as well. My son and daughter both participate in activities (baseball/Boy Scouts/gymnastics/dance) which is great but they also have a lot of time to just be kids too which is equally important IMO.

We have a full life and I can't tell you how much kids will change your heart. They bring true LOVE from your heart that is more powerful and wonderful than anything you could ever imagine!!! It's truely impossible to even describe and, like others have said, they mean more to me than anything I have or ever could have. While I do feel it's very important to provide for your children and give them all the advantages you can, I believe with every fiber of my being that it's not what you leave TOO your children that determines their success, it's what you leave IN them. We have a warm and happy home filled with LOTS LOVE and that's about as good as it gets IMO!!

1. Tricked

2. Planned

3. Accident.

Very Cool Nebraska. Les

Came home from work at the blimp company and found out I was going to be a dad! 29 years old, we'd been together, more or less, like 7 years at that point... hardly a crises.

My brother and his wife have their first due in 3 days!

-jeff

Plus you know Houndgirl, you can make 'em with tools you probably have around the house! :-)

-jeff

My kids probably saved my life, some days I'm not so sure it's a good thing.

When I come home and the two oldest run up to give me a hug after a long day, nothing else really matters. When the baby smiles my heart is mush.

Thanks Les. How old are your girls??

No planning to it...it either happens or it don't...you might try planning but you can't "MAKE" it happen & most times it isn't gonna work out according to your "PLANS"....Best you can hope for is a faithful, honest, loving, respectful mate who shares your moral & religious views & one that won't bail when you hit a financial or emotional rut or two in the road...if the children come in such a relationship...it's the proverbial frosting on the cake...finding a person with those traits though is the tricky part...a lot of people will tell you what they think you want to hear regardless of the "Honesty" part. I was taught young that a persons honesty & integrity was the measure of their worth & that not much else mattered...I believe the same holds true today...Sometimes it's hard to see past the superficial until your a few miles down the road...but once you see past it you won't forget it....

Well let's just say that the first two were kind of planned, with the first one it went along pretty normal until the it was time to give birth my oldest boy turned into a breech baby with the cord wrapped around his neck so it was by Caesarion section.

The second boy was also a Caesarion Sectiion born two and a half years later.

The last one our daughter came into this world about eight years later. I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. At this point I figured out what caused the problem and besides the wife had all three of the kids by C Section and I couldn't put her through that again so I did the deed and fixed that problem permenatly. Needless to say after twelve years of marriage we went our seperate ways and I've been married to the second wife for almost thiry years now. The first wife passed on last Easter and I have to give her credit she did a wonderful job of raising the kids.

I had to laugh when I read that because my wife fits that bill but not because I was a great judge of character. As Stick used to say, I'd rather be lucky than good and that's how it went for me!

The day I met my wife I was at my buddies' house because they were moving due to getting kicked out (again) for all the obnoxious partying we did back then. This house was right next to a dance studio where my wife-to-be taught jazz, tap and ballet (sorry Steelhead, no pole-dancing ) and when she came walking out, I was HOOKED!! Luckily, she turned out to be a great girl and wonderful wife but it was those blue spandex tights that sealed the deal THAT day....

I was on crutches at the time but hobbled over to open her car door which she thought was very nice (I was much skinnier and cuter then ) so it was all over after that!! Those were some exciting times back then for sure. She should've saw it coming though because when I hobbled over to her car that day, I had a beer-holder on the front of each crutch and a smoke in my mouth - it's a good thing she couldn't spot that wild-hair up my AZZ!!

Thanks for all the great memories.....

I knew in high school that I'd like to have children sometime down the road...and preferred to have a boy and a girl, in that order. That's high school thinking for you......grin. Not the kids part, just the "I'm gonna have it this way" part.

I loved sports and outdoor stuff since just old enough to be involved in such things. I truly felt that a son or daughter or both would just enhance those experiences. I was right.

My wife, before we married, felt the same way. That's the best time to sort those things out as opposed to a couple years down the road after marriage. We were always on the same page, on that subject anyway......grin.

Our son was the first born, we lost our second child and our daughter came along 6 years later, all planned, as much as one can plan for such events.

I feel spoiled somewhat for having children in the first place. That I have a son and daughter, blessed. Funny how sometimes I don't feel deserving. Don't know from where that comes, but perhaps because I know other really wonderful couples that are without children who would make great parents but cannot for various reasons.

Unplanned children among married couples are no less a blessing, but if planned, I would have to assume the road might be a bit smoother. Our careers, hobbies and lifestyle's are necessarily changed to one degree or another when we have children, so it would seem advantageous to plan and prepare for such an occasion.

Growing old without children or grandchildren would be quite difficult even though many have and many will. I feel for those that cannot realize their dreams as we have.

Creating another human being with the person you love is pretty awesome if you think about it.......................

Married in 1972 and the first was born in 1989. We wanted to be well settled and not struggling when our first came into the world. In that 17 year interim we could spontaneously drop things at a moments notice and head off for an evening, weekend, or week. Our son will be out the door shortly and I will retire in about another year. Then I'm planning on about another 30+ years of spontaneous living again. Well planned, and I'd do it the same in a rerun.

Planned:

Graduate College;

Get Married;

Get Job;

Get House;

Get Pregnant;

Decide to have another--Oops, already here;

Begin to talk about another--Oops

Buy a bigger house in the country, make wife REALLY happy--SURPRISE SURPRISE . . . .:Grin:

Here they are at christmas with the Gingerbread train they all made.



Snow day . . .





BMT

Do you ever get tired of just watching them?

I didn't think so!

When we married we planned to travel as much as possible,then start a family after five years.Pretty much did that,my daughter was born after almost seven years,pregnancy started very quickly after we made the decision to start.
Planned for a second in about three years,changed plans slightly when I changed careers.Our son was born 5 1/2 years later,again pregnancy pretty quick after we got serious.
Everything went amazingly well until just short of 30 years when my wife suddenly decided to end it.Unfortunately,when things didn't go quite the way she wanted,as quickly as she wanted,she got pretty nasty for a couple of years.Just before everything became final she decided to change her mind again.Unfortunately things had been said and done that weren't going to go away for me.Thirteen years later,neither of us has remarried.By all accounts she's not happy.I'm actually pretty well satisfied with my life.
My kids are great.My daughter and her husband are planning a family now,my son just got engaged.
I wouldn't trade my children for any other two people in the world.Same for both their significant others.Grandchildren can only be icing on the cake.

HG,
My daughter was born after several years of trying. We had almost given up when my wife decided to give a chiropractor a try. He claimed that she had only one ovary functioning. He said it was because of a pinched nerve and after a few adjustments she was back on track with both ovaries functioning, pregnant within two months.

I now have two grandchildren that are here because my wife got her back cracked!

Our two kids were planned, and I have to say that both times, she conceived immediately after we started trying for a pregnancy. Unfortunately, sandwiched in between our two wonderful gifts from God was a miscarriage, which was very hard on my lovely wife. That was well over 10 years ago, and to this day she is very sullen when the day comes around that the miscarriage occurred on. A guy I used to work with made the ill fated decision that he and his wife would have kids until he got a son.........six daughters later he has a starting lineup for a girl's basketball team with one left on the bench......

I pondered on whether to respond to a positive spin put on "kids having kids" post.



It must be a location or time thing! Where and when I grew up, NOBODY was pondering or planning having kids at 13...NO-FRIGGIN-BODY! IF it happened, and of course it did, it was considered a complete MF SCREW UP! But, recalling my mindset at age 13-18, please explain to me how you'd plan for this? Was your thought process "I know adults do this, so if I do it, that makes me all grown up!" Or was it "All my friends, who are in trouble and/or poor, and unable to support children financially, physically, and emotionally are doing this, so WTH, I'm going to too, even though I see the burden and hardship it brings on them." PLEASE ENIGHTEN ME!"



Really?



ROFLMAO that you think this is funny! Damn the differences in time and place!




Can happen to anybody, but more often happens when "kids have kids", and should be a clue.




At least you didn't run away, and that's admirable. So many your age do, most likely after reality hits them in the face after all the "planning" goes in the dumper!

NO! Having kids at your age IS a dumb thing to do, and there's no getting around that in this day and age. The point of children is not to say "they have changed my life" as they ALWAYS will. The point is, can the child say at some time in the future "My parents are the best thing that ever happened to me".

Kids are the greatest gift from God.
We tried to plan, but some things just happen.
Somehow or another we must have done Ok, cause they are soon to be 20 and just turned 18. Of course at that age they don't have as much time for the old man as they use to. But I'm hoping soon they will slow down a bit and be able to visit the old coot alittle more frequently.

BTW,

My answer to the original question. Planned! Down to, coming off the pill (her not me), taking certain prenatal vitamins for a period of time, marking down on the calendar her cycle for a few months, and finally, me coming home after 3 days of policing during a snow storm...which wasn't planned but, by God, turned out to be "the right time". However, we were in our brand new house, both had decent jobs with insurance and benefits, and it was the right time.

I've never seen how old you are or if you've posted it, but if you're after advice, I'd say have them now. We waited and planned and then tried-nothing. This was when we were in our mid-thirties. Then a couple of years later with no warning Boom! My wife was pregnant. I figured I had been around so many chemicals in my life that I was sterile, but nope we had a beautiful baby girl. Same thing five years later. We wanted another kid but had been so absorbed in the first that there we were, me already in my mid-forties, that we had just about written it off. We hadn't been trying, but we never used, what shall I say? "Unnatural" for lack of a better term, birth control all those years. So our son was born then. We have both agreed if we had it to do over again we'd just get married right out of high school instead of waiting 'til after college AND Grad School, and have 'em right away. They are a blessing and we wouldn't change things now but if we had it to do over again we'd do it differently.

My advice would be to just make sure you are insured so that if catastrophe strikes you will be covered. If you are actively trying to conceive, a pregnancy rider makes a lot of sense. Otherwise, most hospitals and clinics will let you make payments.

Planned, well, as much as you can do I guess.

I felt fairly strongly that I didn't want birthdays during hunting season. Check.

We both felt strongly that we needed to be "set" enough for one of us to stay home at least until they were in school all day. Check.

Twins... oops!

Risking having twins again... Nope!

Well, the 23 yr old was planned (first wife), the 13 yr old was a surprise, as well as the 3 yr old both from the 2nd wife.

I guess every ten years, I get lucky! LOL.

Makes for interesting dinner conversation, the 23yr old likes to talk about Hooters, the 13yr old talks about Animal Planet tv, and the 3yr old talks about Barney.

AND, I have had 3 decades of diapers, and the associated accoutrements.

My wife says I have to be extra nice to the youngest as he will most likey be the one to pick my retirement home.

Love em dearly though.

Have two. Both planned. If more had "happened" unplanned, they would have been equally as welcome.

Expat

PLANNED!!!! My family is the most important thing in the world. My kids always come first..but I like to work and I am fortunate enough to earn a goodliving doing what I love. So we planned everything out....how long I would stay home from work..what shift I would work, ect. It worked well fo rus becaiuse I was able to work evening or night shift and Keith was hime at night with the kids. We rarely needed daycare. It ewas a priority for us that WE raise our children, not a day care. It was really hard for a few years, but we made it work. We planned when I would go back to college and finish my education as well as schools, ect.
I have friends who throw caution to the wind and just work it all out as it happens. They have happy, healthy, well adjusted children. I think it all just depends on the personality of the parent as to what works best/.

The only thing I know about HAVING kids is that a retard can have them. No big trick and nothing really SPECIAL about it, hell at least 6 billion folks have done it before.


Being a good parent, there ain't 6 billion of them around.

Had to work on it. Took 10 month for the first one. 'The toughest job you'll ever love.'

Planned the first 3.

Tried to have a 4th - miscarriage.

Tried to have a 4th - another miscarriage.

Gave up on a 4th kid.

3 years later, 4th kid arrives (even though we were taking measures NOT to have another. Gotta love the Lord's timing!)

I have a 20 Months old and a 10 year old, they are both sweethearts. Wouldn't trade them for anything. Les

planned
4 yr spread
they get along great
pay for college as you go and save for yourself...

Didn't plan em. Sure as heck wasn't prepared. But we wouldn't trade our lil darlins for anything in the world

Nic

I never plan nuthin'.........................................










.....but apparently somebody else did.........






Casey

Whether we planned it or not, wouldn't miss it for the world. Ryan

man. i envy you guys.

i'm sure my life would be very different today had i had the opportunity to have kids.



i'd sure like a little guy/gal to hang with about now. seems like the one thing in the world i'd love most is what's forever out of reach.

not going to adopt at 50. don't want to pay for yet another person's trip through texas a$m, so i'm not adopting a 16 year old, or dating someone who's mental acuity is at that level.

(sigh...)

-tom

I always intended to be a Dad. The first thing I looked at in the women I dated was their capability at motherhood.

I was 25 when I finally met a woman I felt was worthy of raising my children. That fact was obvious from the way she cared for the five year old daughter who was part of the package.

I had pretty decent employment at the time with great benefits. But still I would have chosen to wait a couple or three years before having the two additional children who completed our family.

It seems both of them came right from a can of spermicide foam.

Did we plan to have kids? You bet.

Did we plan to have them quite that soon? Nope.

Were we dismayed when Momma was a day late either time? Not at all!

Did we exercise family planning and take permanent action when our family reached the size we intended. Absolutely! And that is the smartest move a man can make in any marriage.

Then the couple can go back and TRY to make babies as often as they want.

Same with us, 19 year old son and soon to be 15 year old daughter. Our son was meticulously planned, but my wife got me drunk and took advantage of me when our daughter was concieved.

I'm telling!


Casey

Planned via poor planning.

36K to go and I'm finished with my natural son's college unless he decides to go pro after.

I have 3 stepkids to help whenever they need it but one is going to community college while working 30 hours a week(18) and my next stepdaughter is still 2 years away.

If my son goes onto a professional school simultaneously with my stepdaughter who'll be starting college and my oldest who might transfer after her two years at Community, I could be in a jam.

Is 10K for a first time DWI unreasonable, folks??

Bill is laying in a hospital bed about to draw his last breath. His wife is sitting beside him and they are reliving old memories of their children.
Finally Bill says, "Dear wife, we have four children. Three are very pretty, smart, and successful. Our only son however hasn't been nearly so gifted. He is unattractive, quite slow and leads a very depressing life. I hate to ask you this but is he really my son?"

The wife pauses for a minute and holds her husbands hand before she answers him, "Yes, he really is your son Bill but there is something I should tell you........The other three aren't."

First daughter born 15 months after our wedding. Unplanned. About three months before she was born the news broke about the thalidomide babies. This scared the living crap out of us until the birth.
At that point I was doubtful I wanted any more even though my wife said she wanted a second by the time the first was going to kindergarten. I resisted.
When our first was 5 and a bit I finally was ready to consider the possibility of another. Finally I said, okay, one try. I can tell you almost to the minute of conception. 11 p.m, November 11th. (Rembrance Day in case you missed it!)
One try and we were golden. If my wife were to read this thread she would take my head off at the shoulders. She doesn't like to talk about such things.
When married we couldn't afford to get married. When we had the first child we couldn't afford her either. We never missed any meals and they are the joy of my life. This summer will mark our 50th anniversary.
I guess if you are committed to the relationship anything is possible.

No pasture breeding, nor as a friend explained his and his wife's method - benign neglect. They just let happen what will without calculated avoidance.

For us, it was planned, timed, intentional and deliberate in all aspects.

Well , We tried to plan our family , but the first child miscarried . Then the doc�s told us we would not be able to conceive again. We decided to adopt. One small hitch in this plan we weren�t able to afford a private adoption, we lived and still live comfortably ( but not affluently) but little is left over at the end of the month to go towards the several thousands of dollars a private adoption costs. In our state at least ( I hope other states are similar) the DSS/ Office of child care provides a similar opportunity for much less money. We sent into the Foster care program ( a requisite for adopting through them ) and started upon our efforts. Of course like most prospective adopter we were looking for a baby (or at least very young child) and decided we wait for the �right� child for us to come along. One day not to long after completing the foster care training and passing the background checks etc. we got a call form the local director. Seems she had a young man that would need to stay some where for a weekend while the foster family he was with took care of some personal business. The boy was 9 years old, and the moment we met him both Big Momma and I fell in love. He was eligible to be adopted and we asked DSS for some additional weekend stays to get him more familiar with us, and after the third weekend while I was driving him back to the foster home, he turned to me and said � Will you please adopt me so you be my Dad?� I about cried in front of him, but managed to keep my cool enough to answer him straight up with out crashing the car !

Anthony moved in with us on February 28 , 2000 . And we thought we were going to settle into being a nice family of three . Then God proved two things 1) He does have a sense of humor and 2) the Ob/GYN�s don�t know everything !! On March 21, 2000 BigMomma told me it was confirmed that she was Pregnant . This resulted in my beautiful daughter, and then two years later my darling little boy was born !

God had plans for us that went beyond what we thought we had decided !

Going into the adoption , I was scared to death we weren�t �ready� financially or otherwise ) but looking back I now know that was just silly. Do we a lot of �stuff� not really but NO AMOUNT OF MONEY OR THINGS could ever make me as happy as the hugs and love I get for these kids. Yes money is sometimes tight and I don�t always get to do everything I would like to do when I want to do it, but the end result is well worth every �sacrifice� and I would not trade one minute of their time for anything !

My only regret is waiting till I was ion my late 30�s to start raising a family !

All three of them were accidents. Call me clumsy.

Ms. HoundGirl;
You have posed an interesting question and have received many interesting answers.

I would have to guess that the type of individuals you and your partner are will determine if children are planned or unplanned and how you will both adjust to the results of becoming a family as opposed to a couple.

We waited until we had a few financial goals met in our lives before trying to become a family. As we�d had a couple financial set backs in our early married life, that was important to us. It might not be for others and that�s fine. As it turned out, we were married 13 years before our first daughter joined us.

We planned to have 2 children and have them about 2 years apart. As you may or may not remember, I�ve posted pictures of our girls, who are 20months apart with some dead animals I shot and some that they shot, so I�ll not do it again. I remember that when we had 2 in diapers at the same time, we were wondering at the wisdom of the close spacing. Now it works out really well as they can do many things such as hunting, together.

By waiting to have our girls, we went through personal growth and experience that gives us more patience and stability than would have been possible earlier in our lives. That may not be the case with everyone and I realize that.

I do have less energy than 15 years ago, but have more patience and it takes a lot more to get me wound up. As the father of 2 almost teen girls, that patience has been a blessing for everyone on many occasions.

I�ll likely need to work longer to help with college and such than if the girls had arrived earlier. If the girls have families of their own, I�ll be a pretty ancient grandfather.

There are tradeoffs to either way.

Regards,
Dwayne

Houndgirl,
My first wife and I knew each other from the time we were seven years old or so.
When we married, we wanted children and never took any 'precautions'.

We lost two children at birth( she was a diabetic) and had two wonderfule clildren together before she died from diabetic complications. kidney failure/hemodyalisis.She was blind by the time our oldest two daughters made it into this life.

When my first wife passed, I remarried and my present wife and I over the last 25 years have three more wonderful children.

She helped me raise my first two girls who were under ten years when their momma died.

Only planning I ever did in the matter was to do my best to pick a good woman and love her and make love to her as often as we could.

Life is short for some.

IF folks wait until all their ducks are in a row to start a family..or they are 'sure' about all the variables...that time may never come.
Life and loving are risky prospect..but to fail to attempt because of the risks will leave a terrible vacant spot in the heart and life.
Risk and failing is better than not risking at all..

Life and love have a way of making things, planned or not..work out for those who love and hope and work,,Jim

Didn't plan any of them, pleased as heak with all of them mostly, they are all grown now and have given me grandkids except one and we are wondering when she will but5 she and hubby want to get all the toys first (for them) because they know once the kids come play time stops

Well said Jim

_________________________________________________________
BigPappax3,
I responded to Houndgirl's post before I read the other responses to this thread..including yours...:)

You and your wife have the hearts..and the love..

and no matter what else comes together or not..that love and heart will always rule the outcome..Best regards, Jim

HG:

Unplanned works okay, if you're already set up financially and you have a stable marriage, good health insurance and you can make the mortgage payment without maxing out your credit cards when you have to stop working in the third trimester.

Otherwise, I highly recommend planning. Especially when a woman is kind of thinking it would be nice if the dad was going to stick around.

Myself, I planned. My wife had two boys from her first marriage, and she couldn't exactly hide them before the wedding.

- Tom

That right there is a great post, Jim.

-jeff

Kinda planned. If ya ride a bike without protection things happen. That was 2 kids and 13 yrs ago. Not one day in daycare and always one of us with them.

With all due respect to everyone, those talking calmly about "planning" and such were generally able to have kids, when they wanted them, on their schedule. That doesn't happen for everyone.

Fertility is NOT something that can be taken for granted. Houndgirl, do not presume if yer putting things off that you can assume fertiity later.

Go talk to an OB/Gyn, the precipitous and entirely predictable declines in female egg viability will likely astound you. Simply put, the human body is designed to have kids early in life, as almost always happened except in the West in the last couple of generations.

My wife gave birth to a son at age twenty (married and divorced the guy, he was abusive). We started trying after we got married when she was twenty-six. Too late, endometriosis. Our religious beliefs do not allow us to go in vitro. The last extopic pregnancy that had to be terminated was just a few years back.

At least I got to raise her son as my own.

I say that because having a kid ain't like putting off buying a house or planning for an African Safari. Because you are a good person, a child will be the most life-transforming moment you can ever imagine.

Pregnancy is one thing, but after the child arrives everything changes, so much for the better you can't ever imagine how you ever got along without them.

Those who say "wait until you can afford it" or "wait until you have finished school" seem to assume than any child born to the likes of yourself could EVER be at risk.

Heck, this is America, we have perfectly good health care and nutrition here. Ya wanna see kids at risk? Go to Africa or across the Border in Mexico.

The other thing about "planning" is that it assumes that having a child would ever stop you from doing what you want to do.

From what I've seen of your posts you could have five kids all in a row and STILL work in your typical Houndgirl adventures. One or two children would just enhance them, and make all of 'em infinitely more special (imagine waiting for that deer with your little girl by your side).

Me, I'm into my fifties now, and the amount of years I can remember is almost certainly more than I have left. At this point in life I can tell ya it doesn't really matter just how much stuff you have accumulated, or how many things you have done, or how many trips you have taken to how many different places.

What transcends all of that is watching a child grow into adulthood. Tangible proof that you have indeed lived.

Ned sounds like a good guy. Were I you I'd strongly consider it.

Birdwatcher

We didn't think we were ready, but God had other ideas. We had been married four years. I had ZERO interest in having a kid right then and my wife wasn't interested either. I was 31 and and she was 27. She was on birth control and got pregnant anyway--seems certain antibiotics can counteract the pill. The oldest will eb 17 in a couple weeks. Yes, everything you have heard about teend being frustrating and difficult is true. It's best to deal wiht that when you are younger vs older. The second kid was sort of planned, but it took another seven years tpo get that one. Now I am outnumbered by girls 3-1 in my house. It's funny, I only remember trying to get ONE girl...............

1st one: I'm 31 years old, never married,had my own successful biz, never planned on having kids, always figured I'd have to raise whatever ones my sister had (btw she never had any) WTF! whaddya mean you're pregnant?
she was born and my eyes were opened to a love I never knew existed, and I'd known love. but I truly regret how I behaved while her mother was pregnant with her.


2nd one: only one even kinda planned and like a dumbazz that couldn't do math he was born Sept. 5th, I missed all but two birthdays, the day he was born and the day he trundled off to first grade, as I guided back then, I quit after it became obvious that he wanted me around for his birthdays and more. I'm blessed that he still does and we share many good times together. I walked the woods alone the day he was born asking my maker if I was fit to raise a boy into manhood, I've been found wanting at times, but was blessed with a boy that is going to make a fine man, regardless of my failings.

3rd one: came home from the season to find out she was pregnant, we thought we were done as we had one of each and I got what gender I wanted both times. Can't imagine life without Sam, he's a joy to all of us and has been the glue that keeps a tenuous bond of his older sister to the family.

having kids has been the greatest blessing of my life in a life filled with blessings though it's seen it's share of hardship too.

they are a treasure, I didn't realize it till after the first one was born, and often wonder if the stress I put her mom through while pregnant hasn't had a bearing on how she is now. Who knows?
but I know all 3 of them realize I love them dearly.

I probably didn't deserve to be this lucky.

I planned... waited a while. Basically, I didn't have much choice. I was working full time and in graduate school full time as well. There weren't enough hours left in the day for children. I could manage two out of the three (work, school, children) but not all three. I could do work + children, but without the Ph.D., I'd lose my job. I could do school + children, but without the job, the ensuing lack of money made that a bad choice. So I was left with work + school, and children were put on the back burner, so to speak.

When I did have children, I was secure in my job, was making a good salary, and was done with school!

Penny

OTOH one of my lifelong friends was a single mom. With a young daughter she completed college, grad school (Master's AND Doctorate) did research in the Guatemalan rainforest.

There she got married to another Scientist, had a second child, shortly afer that she accepted a position as a Professor at a University in Brazil, returned from there to accept a position on the faculty of an American University which she still holds. Her oldest is married now and works as an engineer, her youngest is still in high school.

I'll freely concede she is an exceptional person.

Birdwatcher

I've never been much of a planer or goal setter. I was 20 when my daughter was born and got a little panicked but I settled down. I didnt have any health insurance back then but the doctor and hospital made payment arrangements with me. . My daughter is 17 now and a good kid. Looking back I wouldnt change a thing

At all costs, avoid my friend Bud's abodes. The eldest boy was concieved in his Sterling cabin while we were renting it, the youngest in his Hope loft bedroom, while visiting.... In both cases, my wife informed me the next morning that she thought we were "expecting". She was right. Damn---she's GOOD!

Shortly thereafter, I began shooting blanks.....

The boys are now in their 20's. Second best things that ever happened to me, the first being that my wife decided she'd keep me...

Why, I have no idea....

I am somewhat surprised that Houndgirl hasn't responded to the many heartfelt posts on this thread...since she began it..

However, looking over her post history..I think she may be gathering info for a best selling book..:)

She seldom tells any of us on line whether our helps have been worthwhile or not.

( Lord only knows what PM's are exchanged..:))

I've never met she nor Ned..

Other than the pictures posted here
( WHERE'S NED)
I guess we all respond from the heart in an attempt to help her "friend" and their conversations.

I think she knows what to do now tho...:) Jim

Is mine the only twisted mind here?

I don't recall planning any of them.

It's just that both of us had long been in the habit of sleeping in the nude,..and well,... chit happens!,... yanno?

Like I've said before,.... I just woke up on Walton's Mountain one day.

Not a thought I needed to envision

Screw that!


Tell me more Bristoe.......







grinnin'

Our daughter just happened about 2 months after we got married. OK month counters, she was BORN 11 months after the wedding ceremony!

Our son took 3 years to conceive after we started really trying for another child. He was the last as the Dr. said one more would probably kill my wife in childbirth, we both got "fixed" just to be safe.

married? check
insurance? check
now, go at it ...

Well,.... it ain't much to tell,... it's just that I never could get used to the idea of pajamas. Everytime ya roll over they get all wrinkled up and need adjusting.

It always just seemed natural to me,... time for bed,... get nekkid and get in it!,... that's all.

dammit man, if it wasnt such a long damn drive i would confiscate your whiskey.............that just aint right

Still get nekkid for bed, but now the BODY gets wrinkled and needs adjusting!

Bristoe just ruined it for me......laughin'

Didn't read any of this, but we have planned to NOT have kids and has worked so far. Other side of the coin I guess.

Jeff

The wife and I did plan on both kids..I have two girls and there the world to me.... This is them at Vail CO this year..:GRIN:

Heck yea we planned to have em, kinda got busy and forgot about planning when! 2 girls and a boy, all good people. Now the grandkids are more fun!