I did it today. Packed up the last of my stuff, left the note, and left behind 3 mostly awful years of marriage and a total of 7 years of being with the wife.

I had code-named the whole project Operation Valkyrie...It is going according to plan now. She needed to realize that you can't treat someone the way she's treated me, constantly, for the past three years and even before while we were dating (hey, I should have noticed it, but I was in love?) and expect them to keep crawling back for more.

I'm crashed in an undisclosed location now setting up base camp to begin the orderly transfer of power from the SS to the Home Guard.

She is dealing with it well from what I hear. I needed to give her time to go through a Socratic self-examination process because she was flipping out, sending me texts begging me to come back, threatening to kill herself, etc., not realizing that it was nonsense like that which was hurting our marriage in the first place.

Here's to the first day of the rest of my life. Things are looking better already. Wish me luck.

"And here...we...go!"

Some times ya just gotta do it. Good luck and don't backslide.

Glad your having a good laugh with it, I'm betting your wife is taking it a bit more seriously.

now the FUN begins derek. IMHO, break all ties. let the lawyers do the talking. dont even think of reconciliation. that has not very good odds,and also nulls and voids previous precedeings. this road is going to get alot darker before it hits daylight. but daylight does come. just hope that your relocation is more than a hop, skip, and a jump away. to truly experience the best of breaking all ties, comes from being too far away to harass.
best of luck dude.

On May 3rd of 1977 I put all I had from 9 years of marriage into a hundred dollar car I bought from a neighbor and headed west from St. Louis, MO. I stopped driving when I got to the Oregon Coast. I left while she was out seeing one of her many boyfriends. It was tough but I have not regretted it for a second. Life goes on and without the stress of a bad marriage life gets a whole lot better. Thirty years ago I remarried a wonderful lady who has more than made up for my nine years in hell. I have never been sorry I married number 2, not even for one second.

I wish you the best. Hang in there for the best is still in front of you.

LIFE GETS BETTER EACH AND EVERY DAY,DON'T LOOK BACK.I've been HAPPILY MARRIED TO #4 GOING ON 27 YEARS.I can't remember the other 3's names.

Thanks guys for the kind words. 2 days in and things are going well. She is complaining that she won't sign the papers until she gets "closure" but there is no possible way to make her see how she has treated me. Her journal, which I have a copy of, tells the full story. I wouldn't say some of the things she said about me, to a dog.

I'm far enough away right now that I can still do what I need to do but not be hassled. In the coming months I have a plan for getting a little farther away.

Reconciliation or going back are a non-issue. There was no plan B for staying married, here.

I have a few cards up my sleeve if she decides not to play nice.

I'm feeling better than I ever have. I realize now that when I talked to dad about getting a divorce two years ago, I should have done it right then -- not stuck it out and been miserable for 2 more years.

Some things have already happened which make me think God is smiling on this decision.

I know it's going to get rougher before it gets better but I am in it to win it. The stakes here aren't just marriage -- but my life -- do I want to live it as someone else thinks I should, or do I want to be happy and have what I've always wanted, which is someone who cares about ME, and whom I care about, and who isn't just trying to get me to buy them the next expensive toy or work two jobs so she can quit hers to have a kid.

Fingers crossed. Into the breach I go.

Really, no disrespect intended, but is there anything you think should be handled in private? Some things regarding family should just be handled with discretion, then talk about it later.

It's just my opinion and can't say my way is the right way, but damn, sit down with her and hammer it out one way or another, put your energy there instead of here. To you and her it is your lives, to us it's entertainment..

Good luck with it.

Besides which, anything posted here is findable and public, and if she wants to get VERY nasty, a little research here into your posts, and she's got some interesting ammunition in a divorce proceeding..............

Screw her...Post away....
My soon to be ex is an evil bitch and I want the world to know....

I actually think that he IS keeping the details private.

He said he had her journal, he didn't give a single word of what's in it.

If this is what it takes for Derek to clear his mind and "vent" a little, so be it. If it helps him cope, then that's his way. If it keeps him sane, so much the better.

I remember going through the same thing. Stress was off the scale. I would have liked a place to vent. He has not posted details or dirty laundry, just general info. I an willing to read and support the guy. I been there and survived.

I am trying to be as discrete as possible while still being able to talk about it so I can blow off a bit of steam and get some positive reinforcement from people who have been there...

It's hard as hell on me, believe it. But it has to be.

I won't post more about it if it is a problem. Sorry.

I hope to NEVER go through a divorce. If mine turned out to be a creepy crawly.....unfaithful....or otherwise nutcase....I would be heart broken. Can't even wrap my brain around doing all this again with another person. I'd just dance a single life with a plethera of critters....and make the best of it.

I'd suggest whiskey, hookers and strippers, in fact I'd pay.

Am thinkin' that if Ned strayed, he'd have a few fellas wantin' to "talk things over" with him.

Then again, if Ned strayed, he'd be about the dumbest SOB on the planet, and that he ain't.

Derek, all I'm saying is just be aware that this post, and the others you've had up discussing other things, are not invisible.

LOL....you WOULD<grin>!

No, it's not a problem for me, but I know for your wife it has been hard dealing with your condition so maybe the fair thing would be to consider. She is your wife for now, why not show her the respect of handling the details with some honor instead of joking about it.

Just my opinion and I realize I'm out of order preaching my opinion on this. I've been there, I know there is another side to this story that won't be heard.

If you can honestly say that she didn't work hard to help you out, and didn't suffer through your problems, then blast away, but if she did hang with you and suffer through trying to help you out, then respect that, don't take it lightly and clown around with it....your call, only one here who knows for sure is you.

Again, my apologies for butting my nose in.

Mike

hopefully it's a win/win situation.


sure some pain involved in dissolving a marriage, even a bad one.

you get a chance to live life according to your plan now and hopefully it'll let you find happiness.


she get's freed up from a guy that has evidently got lots on his mind besides her.

Can't see how you both won't be better off.


best of luck to both of you

hope it stays civil

Thanks, Sean. If he ever does....ya'll have to come peel me off the floor.....cuz it would shake the foundation of ANYthing that I truly believe in.

I feel for people that are going through nasty seperations, especially those that don't see it coming.

You apparently ain't been through a nasty divorce and have no clue how absoloutly evil a woman can get....If I'm wrong I'll apologize but it seems to me that you are a bit naive on this subject...

That post is one of the kindest disagreements I have ever read. My hat's off to you Sir.

No that is fair, however maybe you have no clue of the trials and tribulations of dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness.

I could be entirely wrong, but I know she did hang with him through some real tough stuff.

My soon to be ex-wife is crazier than a [bleep] rat....Bi-polar,ADD,and is a full blown sociopath....I know stuff....

How they can change from being perfect to that, never ceases to amaze me. Hormones or whatever must be bad azz

OK, so if she came here and started spouting her case on you, we should take that in to account, correct?

In an instant...That's how Jeff.....

I don't give a damn what she does as long as it don't affect my kids....This place don't affect my kids...

Exactly. If it helps, talk about it, carefully. If you keep it bottled up, you're going to head back where you started.

Lots of guys here can relate.....

Come on Bart, you would be livid and you know it.

She hates this place so.....NO...Ain't gonna happen...

The two great things came from my divorce.

1. It allowed me lots of alone time to work on what I needed to work on. I'm a much better person because of the divorce and I thank her for giving me that opportunity.

2. Taught me humility (I'm sure some won't agree with that).

[bleep] dude, i'm glad we didn't know you when you were married.


you musta been a real doozy! (grin)

She probablly got tired of butchering up all the game he was dragging into the house across the clean carpets..

Derek...Change your cell # or just throw the damn thing away...cut all ties, If there are no children this should be easy...Go fishing ...Go huntin'...Go with Steely... ...I rode ALOT of horses in the seven years after my "Valkyrie"...still do...course I hunted and fished alot too but the point is I took care of me and the kids ...The biggest change that I saw immediately was I was able to sleep very soundly...I'm married to the love of my life now and it's great...Only you can make you happy...

I wish she had a single twin sister...

All this made me think back. I am so lucky. I found out three years ago my EX was living in New Mexico. Before that I had no clue what became of her. I know guys who are still dealing every week with EX's they have been divorced from for 30 years. Don't care where she is or what she is doing, just don't want to deal with her again.

Good luck Derek , got rid of my cancer a few years ago , hard decision at the time because of a child but really was the best thing i ever did.

I can't decided whether to read the Maser thread or this thread first when I wake up in the morning!

TFF

Good job Derek. You are gonna be so much happier away from her. Go out and have fun. Work on your game. But most importantly, work on achieving the goals and dreams which matter to you. Only Derek is responsible for Derek's happiness and well being. Take care of business buddy - you won't regret it!

Nah, man, it's OK. I did a lot of soul-searching and realized that the way she was treating me WAS the source of my problems. I almost did the divorce thing 2 years ago but instead I decided to try to work it out. 2 years later and I'm in the same exact place I was then.

I can't say anything mean about her and I still respect her as a person. I just can't LOVE her anymore based on the things she's said, written, and done to me. The time for those feelings is long over.

I know it sounds like I'm joking by calling it Operation Valkyrie, etc., but honestly, that was just a coping method. If I couldn't introduce a little levity, I'm sure I'd be crushed right now.

It hit me Friday night, that I was ending my marriage after 3 years, and I cried for about an hour -- the first time I've cried in years. It wasn't tears of sadness, well, sort of, for the good times, but it was also of joy, for the good times ahead.

She just created a normal that I (well, no one for that matter) couldn't live up to -- always wanting more more more more and no matter how close I came it wasn't good enough.

Thanks for your understanding. It is because I am being so discrete that it is hard for folks to understand what I'm going through. Even mom and dad are only now starting to see the whole picture.

99% of my problem was exactly that. Trying to be responsible for my happiness, and also someone else's happiness, when that someone else's happiness was artificially low 100% of the time.

I won't go into too many more details but let's say sometimes when you try to save a drowning person, they pull you off the boat and into the water with them. This is what happened to me.