My 88 yr old retired farmer Father-in-Law Passed on today...

He was above all, a man of God, and a gentleman.
A seemingly simple man in most respects, yet, in my eyes, he possessed some rare and sophisticated insights into the human condition.
And a dry sense of humor...

He's just been George to me for nearly 29 years, but all day today I've been thinking of him as "Adamant George"...
Adamant in his love of all the things of God, and adamant in his love for his rather large family...

George and Faye had nine children together, all of whom are still living.. And all of whom raised families of their own... if all of the kids, grandkids, and great grandkids were together at the farm the number would come to nearly 40, without counting any spouses or in-laws...

A lifetime of dust and farm chemicals had left Georges lungs in poor condition these last ten years... For two years he's been on oxygen 24/7... At least he's free of that now... Little else disturbed me as much as seeing that strong man tied to that clear plastic hose...

A series of hospitalizations over the last couple of years had left him weaker and sicker every time. The doctor told Faye that his time was short after the last hospitalization just 3 weeks ago...

George was adamant about other things as well, though... For as long as i've known him i'd guess he figured to die on the farm where he lived and worked...
With his wife exhausted from caring for him, the kids gathered in and tried to help... It was obvious, from our perspective, that the best help could be arranged through hospitalization, and perhaps home nursing care...
George was adamant that neither was going to happen...

I should mention here that I don't believe that i was ever what George thought a son-in-law should be... We got along, for the most part, but it was sometimes standoffish and a bit forced...

Last night my wife and her sister were there to help through the night... It took them 30 minutes to get him from the living room chair to the bed...
My wife called at ten o'clock and said that they'd never be able to move him if something happened. I got in the truck and drove over there... Two sons who live nearby, but one had to work last night and one was scheduled to work this morning and needed rest...

I got there about 10:30 and my wife asked me to talk him into the hospital... I pulled a chair up to his bed and tried, but he was, well, adamant...
He was not going... and when the girls walked out in tears, he told me that he was going to die there...

He sat up several times during the night, to drink a sip of water, or to relieve himself...
It was a long night, and I came to appreciate the dedication and toil that my Mother-in Law displayed in keeping him so well, for so long, with little assistance...

A little before 6:30 this morning he sat up one last time, and then collapsed... I caught him before he made it to the floor, and was amazed at how little he weighed...

Adamant George died at home in his own bed...
As with so many other things, he'd dealt with death on his own terms, and just the way he'd planned...

I and, i suppose, everyone else knew what he'd planned and wanted... I do not, however, imagine that anyone, and especially George, had foreseen me being there as it unfolded...

Wish I could have done more... Wish i could have been someone else for him....

John, based on what you posted I believe you were just what he liked and needed. Like you he appears to be a real man who lived a whole life. Heck of a write-up and quality insight into his life.

Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

May your FIL RIP.

David

Sounds to me like you did well. We can only be who we are, not what someone else wants us to be. You did plenty. Feel good about yourself. Thoughts and prayers for you and for all others close to him. Best, John

sounds like a man doing what a man does. and you did what any self respecting man would do as well.

great writing, and thoughts and prayer to you and yours during this troubled time.

you did good.

Prayers for your family.

A couple months ago, I did rush to Dad's hospital room, to which he had gone only very reluctantly. A few minutes before one in the morning, I watched him take his last breath. It was a terrible thing to see, but yet I would have felt worse had I missed it.

It is something that changes you forever, and it is good that you talk of it.

You may not believe he thought you to be have all he wanted in a SIL but no father thinks any man is good enough for his daughter. This is coming to you from a man with three grown daughters. But you were there for him when he needed you the most. I can not see how any man could have done better.

Be there for your wife and his family and take comfort in the fact you have done the right thing by him. As a father in law I can say there is nothing more I could ask of any man.

Edited to add my prayers have been sent.

It sounds as though he was well loved.

May your FIL rest in peace.

He sounds like a great man. Someone I'd have like to known. Thanks for posting. Condolences to you and the family.


maddog

My FIL was a farmer also, and went with the same symptoms, gasping for each breath. May George RIP.

having "cared" for both my parents in the same manner,
(15 months apart)being there is the finest gift and the hardest thing, one human can do for another.
prayers offered......

Thanks for sharing.

Peace and Strength to you and yours.

Dale

Prayers sent, I am very sorry for your loss, he sounds like one hell of a man!

John,

You've just written an excellent eulogy of a fine man.

Thank you for sharing your father-in-law with us.

You may not feel that you were the "best" son-in-law, but your presence at his last breath, being close enough to break his fall, was something that none of the rest of the family will be able to claim. The human touch is a powerful thing.

Sounds to me as if you were right where you were supposed to be, when you were supposed to be.

Prayers for you and the rest of his family. May he rest in peace.

Ed

Good post.

RIP George!