Just for grins,and without a Googled copy and paste,what have our military vets and/or currently serving folks heard during their military careers that cracked you up and have stayed with you through today?

Slang,one-liners,insults,jargon related to infantry,pilots,grunts,etc. are all fair game.

If you ain't Air Cav you ain't chit!

I'm a hard chargin' low crawlin' steel case-hardened, spring loaded, highly motivated, roguishly handsome, U.S. Soldier of the Sea, combat Marine!

Rompin' stompin' bullet stoppin' MlAl Grunt

Fleet Air Refueling Team (acronym - FART) Motto: We pass gas.

And 'they' say "If you are Cav you are chit!"

We reply "Yeah, but our chit smells good!"
----------

You can tell a tanker pilot by his ass, it's 40 inches wide and gets bigger every ride!
---------

There are no chopper pilots in the States. They're all on foreign shores makin' mothers out of whores, there are no chopper pilots in the States.

I used to know a lot of good insults based on unit patches, but they are best said between friends, not acquaintances!

Sycamore

Most that come to mind from way back then are unprintable. Did know a sergeant that when speaking of eff-ups would say, "I wouldn't trust him with a cold dog turd."

That one stuck. And it fits right in this political season.

BOHICA, and this one carries over to most civilian careers, Bend Over, Here it comes again

FUBAR

BOHICA (bend over here it comes again)

you don't know schitt from shineola

RAFSOB (regular Air Force SOB)

yard dart (paratrooper jumping with the mortar base plate)

"trash hauler" C-130 and or C-130 air crew member

The only thing dumber than jumping out of a good air plane is getting on a ship you deliberately sink.

FayetteNAM - Fayetteville,NC

sniper and gunship motto - You can run but you'll die tired!

I'd rather haule 5 pallets of ammo than one pax (passenger) 'cause ammo don't bitch.

Doing PT with the marines is always fun.

"GET LOWER!!! MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU F**KING LOVE THE GROUND!!!!" - pushups.

There is some more but that is one the stuck with me.

I'll buy if you fly!

To new squids on the ship:

Go see the engineering CPO and get some batteries for the sound powered phones.

Run down to the boiler room and get a bucket of steam.

One you had best think about before answering. When you were the new guy in our shop.

Can you be greased?


Mack

"When I say MOVE,

I only want to see A$$HOLES and ELBOWS !

(from USMC 1960s')

M-

Whenever we were asked if we were Airborne, we were instructed to respond, "You don't ask a man if he's 'Airborne!' If he is, he'll tell you! If he isn't, don't embarrass him!

A favorite for those who were suspected of being incompetent, "He couldn't pour piss out of a combat boot if the instructions were written on the heel!"

And my personal favorite, "Someone ruined a perfectly good a--hole when they put teeth in your mouth!"

Westpac widows

Navy wives, Coast Guard babies

Our Brigade (3/505 82 ABN) mess section had the motto - "Death from within!"

"You are as f****d up as a Chicken noodle sandwich!"

"I'm not screwing this goat; I'm just holding the tail."

"This mission is so screwed up the wind doesn't blow - it sucks!"

"Move out and draw fire!"

"Buddy is on half the word."
"What kind of bird doesn't need wings?"

Don't call your weapon your gun.

This is for fightin'
This is for fun
This is my rifle
This is my gun

Our version wasn't as polite.

US Marine; S--T fed, beer cooled, semi automatic f-----g machine. A good percentage of the Zippos in and near DaNang in 69 seemed to have that or "Uncle Sams Misguided Children" engraved on them [under the globe and anchor of course].

Semper Fi
Gary

187th of the 101st

Rakasans lead the way!

Hooah!

From MCRD San Diego 1972:

Whoa, OH, oh ohhhho . . . OH, oh, oh, ohhhhho
As we walk on this earth;
We don't think about the hurt.
From the war in Viet Nam,
To the one who kills the Cong.
What the Cong don't know,
They're war has just begun!
Whoa, OH, oh ohhhho . . . OH, oh, oh, ohhhhho


+++++++++


I don't know but I've been told,
Eskimo p____y's mighty cold!

+++++++++

Get in, get out quit [bleep] about
You're Home, you're home

+++++++++

If the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife, they'd issue you one!

+++++++++

You eye [bleep] me private?
You queer for my gear private?
Azzholes to belly buttons!

+++++++++

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Privates three.
Beer, beer, beer said the Privates, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Corporals three.
We want a 3-day pass said the Corporals, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Sergeants three.
Dress from the left to the right said the Sergeants, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Gunnies three.
Who's gonna to shine my brass said the Gunnies, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Captains three.
Who's gonna shine my boots said the Captains, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Majors three.
Who's gonna drive my jeep said the Majors, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Colonels three.
Who's gonna mary my daughter said the Colonels, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

Old king Cole was a merry old soul and a merry old soul was he;
He called for his wife and he called for his pipe and he called for his Generals three.
Who's gonna fight my wars said the Generals, brave men are we;
But there's none so fare that they can compare to Marine Corps infantry!

In Basic one of our DI's would wake us up with the proclamation, "Drop your c@cks and grab your socks".


The maximum point blank range of an excuse is zero meters.

With utmost respect to ya'll Ranger's out there, this was always a favorite ditty.
(think Frank Sinatra here)

Rangers in the night
Exchanging azimuths
Wondering in the night
What were the chances
We�d be resupplied
Before the night was throooo.

Or one I used to get my platoon to sing as we ran by the Ranger Bat when I was at Fort Lewis.

I Don't go out with girls anymore,
I live the life of Danger!
Sit in the woods and beat my meat,
Hey, I'm a Ranger!

Wife just reminded me of the Soldier holding both arms up with 8 fingers extended upward. Stands for ate up.

4th I.D.'s patch meaning is 4 Lt's going north. Here is the patch.




Or ya hear some one fart, ya holler out, "Keep speakin Sir, we'll find ya!"

Had a Drill Sergeant in basic that called one particularly dopey guy BFR - Big [bleep] Retard. Guy had to wear his second set of boots around his neck and keep them polished too, because he couldn't seem to keep the pair on his feet polished.

I was a loadmaster on 130's, some I remember...

Repairs were always "Good enough for Government work", but I actually seen a MX guy at Cam Rahn get busted for saying it to a pilot that was a real asshat..

My Engineer (Louie Payne, super great guy)... when we were at a forward base and the bad shytt started would always say his pre-flight under-fire Checklist... "Get this damn thing unloaded, and I'll kick the tires, and light the fires and we'll get the hell out of here !!"

When flying in Viet Nam, and under the excitement of taking fire (I'd think you might have to be a flier to get this one).....
"Lets do a 360 and get the hell out of here !!"

Last 90 days before going home you were considered "FIGMO" (F---it, I Got My Orders"
I still got my FIGMO calander...

Loadmasters do it in the rear.

Life Support; We're the last to let you down.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when your down here scrachtin' with the chickens.

Hell... We'd do you anywhere....



They named Bangkok after US !!

"If you ain't a Loadmaster, You Ain't Shyt!!"

Dustoff-The louder you scream, the faster we come!

From Vietnam--- "You # 1 G.I. "
"You # f---ng 10"
"There it is Ralph"
" Don't mean nothing"

Private, there's one excuse...... No excuse, Sir!

Jim

Puddle Pirates

Brown Water Sailors

SNAFU- situation normal all [bleep] up

Alpha Mike Foxtrot...

"DON'T call me Sir!!! My parents wuz married!!!" A Sergeants' response to idiot calling him "SIR!"

C-130 motto- If it ain't schitt, we don't haul it!

Your aircraft was built by the low bidder.

Flying is hours of boredom, punctuated by moments of stark terror.

If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller.

Aviate, Navigate, Communicate.

FIGMO - [bleep] it, got my orders.

That's true about the Calvary. 3/5,4/7,4/9,2/6.

REMF (re echelon mo-fo)

Not to be confused with

RMEF (rocky mountain elk foundation)

How do ya know when a Ranger has been through yer backyard??



Yer garbage can is empty and yer dog's pregnant.


Only two things fall from the sky,birdschit and Paratroopers.

MP's are the last bastion of communism in the USA.
^
BASTIGES

Whut's the latest from Rumor Control???

Being a tank mechanic, I used to use DAT, Dumb Azz Tanker, but with the tanks we have now its C-DAT, computerized Dumb Azz Tanker.

You know what that patch on the left arm of a Coast Guard uniform is?
Their high water mark. They walk into the water and when it gets wet, they cannot go further.

"You couldn;t make out in 10 cent whorehouse with a seabag full of dimes".

....and treadheads, turretheads,despoilers of dogs.....

You know what this silver Oak Leaf means? Yeah you'll make full bird if you don't [bleep] up!

"I've flushed more seawater than you've sailed on"

"you better unphuck yourself pretty damn quick"

DFS

SHORT TIMER --"I'm so SHORT , if I set on the edge of a dime my feet will not touch the ground"

Is that right Sir?

Us rotor heads used to say. "Sure airplanes naturally want to fly, but we are TOUGH, we BEAT the air into submission."

On short timers, I am so shot I walk under the doors.

SHORT!!! My bunk is a matchbox with 2 rifle patches for blankets!!

"You beaucoup butterfly "

First soldier to the office crew
G**D*** it when I say froggie you better be looking for a place to land.

I'm so short I have to pull my socks down to see.

I'm a one digit midget.

"You" . . . Do I look like a female sheep Private?

For the REMF'S: I Ruve you too much GI!! You buy me Saigon Tea??

Veit Nam. If you haven't beeen there shut the [bleep] up!

WETSU Airlines.... We Eat This [bleep] Up!

SAC...Peace is our Profession
War is just a Hobby!

Nuke em Till They Glow!

Butter Bar/Banana Bar.... 2nd Lt.

Crash and Dash... Shooting touch and go's

Eight Up.... Dicked MoFo who knows everything and follows the rules to the max.

Zero... Term of endearment for officers.

MARINE-acronym for My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment

Jody...

The Jody cadences were always good.

As a prank, I loved telling boots to find the Humvee keys.

Once while singing cadence in a Regimental run I quoted the recon dude from Eastwood's Heartbreak Ridge and got a SgtMaj azz chewing-
"57 chevy and a tank full of gas...handful of p___y and a mouthfull as azz!"

" I'm so short, I can sit on a dime, and swing my legs."

"There are only two types of ships, Submarines, and Targets".

"Wall to wall counseling"
"Ruck up and move forward"
"The horse we rode in on" 1st Cavalry Division
The second one can be used in just about any situation.

submariners - 100 men go down and 49 couple and two guys who HATE each other come back up.

Well Bob, let's see what my ole brain can remember...

"I'm gonna rock your [bleep] world Private!" SSG Taylor Basic Training at Fort Jackson , SC

"Unass my AO Rikki Tik mutherphukker"

REMF- Rear Echelon Mother Fugger!

National Guard-"No Go's" Sorry guys!

and last but not least, my faovrite cadence...

"Up jumped the monkey from the coconut grove,
he was a bad mutherfugger you could tell by his clothes,
He wore a three piece suit and a 4 button vest,
He was an Airborne Ranger cuz he passed the test!

He lined a 100 monkies up against the wall,
Swore to god he could [bleep] em all,
[bleep] 98 til his face turned blue,
backed off, jacked off and [bleep] the other two!"

All courtesy of the US Army ........

"I can't make it no damn simpler 'n that."

-SFC Haynesworth

ayatollah khomeini was a sonofabitsh,
has the blueballs, crabs, and the seven year itch.


shut your suck

yea, we're a department of the Navy, the Men's department!

The Rakkasans are still considered the premier brigade combat team in the 101st despite that they were part of the 11th Airborne Division in WWII and the 506th Infantry Regiment is back in the 101st as the new 4th Brigade Combat Team. Generals William Westmoreland, Norman Schwarzkopf, and David Petraeus are all Rakkasans as is CSM Basil Plumley of "We Were Soldiers Once and Young" fame.

Expat

This may have already been posted and I missed it, if so I apologize but I have seen more than one fist fight over:

There's the horse you never rode to the line you never held and the color is the reason why.

In VN I enjoyed reading flak jacket "grafitti".

Some of my favorites:

"A sucking chest wound is just God's way of letting you know you're in a firefight".

"Yea though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest mother f####r in the valley".

Or the shorter version of above "MMFIV".

The signature, in cursive - "John Wayne 1939".

Another I heard often was "Blank up, move up" this pertained
to getting promoted quicker.

If it has tits, tires or tracks you're going to have trouble with it!

Then shoot em in the dark!

Friggin LEG!

LBFM's

(Ain't gonna tellya who the boot was � )



Chief Bosun's Mate to a merrily whistling boot � "Only two people whistle in the Navy � bosun's mates and damn fools!"

Boot � "That's one � who's the other?"




(Startled chief stammered long enough for boot to dart around the corner and haul britches for distant barracks.)

Yeah, that's the kind I was talking about. There was somethin' about the Hawaii Electric Company one time, too....

my son is 3/187 Iron Rakkasans

Sign at an airbase that housed the C-130's that sprayed Agent Orange..."Only we can prevent forests".

"aura"
thats all it is for the rockahooters...........................
Cco 1/12th jan 84- feb 86 ft carson 4thID

Dco 1/16th panzer kaserne germany march 86 - apr 88 1st ID FWD

Ctrp 1/7 cav TF apr 88 - may 89 Ft hood 1st CAV

CSCco 1/503rd cp hovey korea june 89 -may 90 2ID

Aco 2/327th jul 90 - may 95 ftcky 101st ABN

Bco 1/506th may 95-may 96 cp greaves korea 2ID

Bco 3/187th june 96-aug 98 ftcky 101st ABN

recruiting hell aug 98 -july 01 bangor maine

Bco 1/502nd july 01- apr 04 ftcky 101st ABN

g-3 2id hq cp red cloud korea may 04 -may 05 2ID


apsu rotc claksville tn jun 05-sept08


4th brigade on ftcky sucked for the 1st 2 years when it stood up here as a unit
in late 04 and early 05


1st 2nd and 3rd brigades
toliet bowl flushed their units of all the problem children and non performers
and that is how 4th brigade got all its soldiers at 1st
and that is the truth........................
the normal replacement system took until right around mid 06 to late06 to start putting soldiers in that bridgade of the same caliber of the rest of the brigades from army wide pcs moves


they are up to speed like the other brigades
none of them are different from the others

just aura


to tell the truth
they all are excellent units









"remf" is my favorite saying:D

and numbnuts

Sign in our weapons shack.."Praise the Lord and pass part of the ammo this ain't gonna take long"

I love takin that Jab at the 1st Kevlar Div oops, Worst Cav, er I mean 1st Cav.

Hey Lt, help me find the soft spots on the Armor, sure it's easy sir, ya just take this ballpeen hammer and tap the armor, every time you hear the metal make an odd sound you mark an X with this white chalk.

Man was my PSG pissed over that one, had to wash the damn track and mucho push ups, but it was worth it. The Idiot Ringknocker had about 3/4's of the side of the Bradley covered in X's. Bored Cpl's are not a good thing, we find our own way to make schit fun.

Ol' Sgt. Mason used to love getting all up in the trainee's face's when they had to go on sick call because they picked up a dose of the clap from a prostitute at one of the club's in Leesville, La. He would would get nose-to-nose, eyeball to eyeball with them, flash his big toothy grin and tell them thanks for their donation to his personal savings account. He said if they didn't believe him to just write down the serial numbers of their money the next time they go there and he would show it to them in formation the next morning.

Leesville, man I have fond memories of that place. I am one of the Sicko's that actually enjoyed Fort Polk. But I was there during 5 I.D.'s reign. Tis where i got my Combat patch from.

Back in the late 60's on most weekend night's Leesville was about as wild and woolly as I would imagine any gold rush town, old west cattle town, or mountain man Rendezvous ever was. Back then the military paid cash money once a month and a healthy, red blooded young trainee could build up a whole lot of internal pressure between paydays, so needless to say it could get especially rowdy there on payday.

Geronimo

Used to say that when I was in the wun-oh-worst, aka "the silly millimeter division". Then I served time in the 1st Cav and found out they always bled from the front. Korea was a long time ago..

Then there's the 1st ID: "If you're gonna be one, you might as well be a Big Red One."

Memory a little fuzzy but:

25th ID, The electric strawberry
4th ID, Rollin' doughnut
101st Abn, Pukin' buzzard

Verse of a song popular in Eagle country and probably modified to suit elsewhere:

Oh Phu Bai, oh Phu Bai, It's one helluva place!
The organization's a f--king disgrace!
There's captains and majors and light colonels too,
with thumbs up their [bleep] and nothing to do.
They stand on the runway, they scream and they shout!
About all those things they know nothing about!
For all of their trouble they might as well be,
a-shovelin' chit in the South China Sea.

There's more but I'll spare ya....

Anyone ever serve in the 1/Last Cav?

Don't get excited on your first enlistment.

Do as I say, not as I do.

If I remember correctly-civilians were feather merchants and business men were the local bond holders.

This ain't Hell but you can see it from here.

Rubbed shoulders now and again with 5th SOG CCN. The wore a patch that was as chilling as it was bizarre. Can't find an image that can be posted here. They were some stone cold beasties on their best of days. Almost as bad as these fellas...



Sorry, there's nothing funny here, just legends not forgotten.

"Pull your head out of your fourth point of contact"

Wall to wall counseling

"hey private/lt. we weren't supplied with our dehydrated water tablets, go run some down for us".

"Don't confuse your rank with my authority" MP thing used only in appropriate settings.

47th ID the flying jockstrap, old MN NG unit.

http://daverabbit.podomatic.com/entry/2010-12-15T21_07_44-08_00 DigitalDan --Sounds like Phu Bai song --- And to go along with it-- If one screwed up the old saying was " What will they do , send me to Nam"

You boocoo dinky dau GI....

If you ain't Mach at the pass, you ain't $hit!

All day, all night, five dollah.

This Jody:
Birdy birdy in the snow...birdy birdy in the snow
Broken wing and broken toe...broken wing and broken toe
Gave that bird a crust of bread...gave that bird a crust of bread
Then I crushed his f...ing head.

The response of one of our J.O's in VF 151 being debriefed by the LSO's after a night bolter on the Midway. "I was doing alright 'til I f...ked up."

If you're trying to accelerate in afterburner and you're not at zero "G", you're wasting gas.

Im sure I'll think of some more.

It were a song, and if drunk enough some would dance along.

Di Di Mau the hell outta here!

"Hurry up and wait"

C-130 Crashing at Katum in '68...



The fire on the left wing is barely visible in this picture. The feathered number one prop is obvious. At this point, the front of the aircraft, missing the nose gear, has not yet contacted the runway, but the right side of the fuselage has just started dragging on the ground, and the #4 prop appears to be digging into the tarmac. The aircraft is beginning to veer to the right, headed for the helicopter landing pads. Hatch and Blaser are visible at the controls, but they're not actually controlling anything.





When the right side of the fuselage digs into the runway, there's a screech of grating metal and the plane yaws violently to the right, off the runway and toward... the Helicopter Landing Pads.That's the frustration of crashing an airplane - if it's not one thing it's another.

Tower to C-130 on Katum runway "Do you need any further assistance ?"

C-130 to tower
"Not done crashin' yet tower, Will advise..."

http://www.xpertweb.com/Katum/preflight.htm

Our civilian counterparts in the sea services...

DILIGAF

FUBIJAR ([bleep] U buddy, I'm just a reservist)

A MiG at your Six, is better than no MiG at all!

POG person other than grunt
MARINE muscles are required intelegence not expected
TAKE INITIATIVE, BUT DONT DO ANYTHING UNLESS YOU ARE TOLD

I'll really date myself on this one. On the bunker where they kept the warheads for the 280mm "Atomic Cannon) there was a sign:

IN CASE OF FIRE SENTRY WILL LEAVE AREA BEFORE SOUNDING ALARM.

"Leg" - any non-airborne qualified military personnel.

I remember that from Air Force Magazine.

I met all kinds in the 1st Cavalry Division, I often wonder
what happened to some of them.
"On the eighth day God created the Cav"
"God saves, the Cav kills"
"The best way to make E-5 in this unit is to come here as an
E-6"
"Pick up your 201 file and follow me"

If it fly's It die's

Annual review of an enlisted man- "Works well when given constant supervision & cornered like a rat".

WAC sergeant to members of her unit most morning at Ft. Knox. "GD it when I holler ten'hut I want to hear 125 *ussies sucking air". My barracks was across the street from the WAC detachment. A favorite past time was for soldiers to go on the roof of our barracks & watch the WACs in the shower & their rooms in various stages of undress. Scopes off of tanks somehow found their way to the roof. Sometimes an enterprising tanker sold beer to the perverts.

Our exercise pad at Lackland was right next to the WAF squadron's. It was heard one day from a female TI "I want to hear nothing but pu**y lips whistling in the wind" as the women did their run....

You look like you have a little retard in ya.

I am a fire and forget weapons system, always on target with devastating force.

High speed, low drag.

I [bleep] hate your parents. What did I ever do to them to make you appear here?

For the Navy guys;

Land is a navigational hazard.

Liberty gets in the way of training.

Every muster is a family reunion.

Every meal is a feast.

One of my pre-tailhook favorites: Flare to land = squat to pee...

Another one that I overheard following a review board for a struggling Student Naval Aviator:
"That boy needs to turn in his cloth cap with gold bar for a paper cap with golden arches!"

RH

One of my favorites. During Desert Storm an Army troop asked Lt. General Chuck Horner (coalition air forces commander) if it was true the Air Force has air conditioned tents. He replied yes and the troop told him they don't have them in the Army. Gen Horner replied "well I guess you should have joined the Air Force". I heard that one from Gen Horner.

For the Fire Direction guys:


LPC's and LBE's maneuvering in the open, WP in effect, over.

Go see the engineering CPO and get some Relative Bearing grease.

This takes me back some...

You want me to eat this sh1t or just help you carry it to the trash?

Don't shoot the Sh1t, eat it.

Nuts to buts

FTA

TIBS

No good plan survives first contact.

Maintenance Platoon motto: "Torque these nuts!"

Flight Company motto: "Shoot 'em in the face!"



Ft. Campbell KY is home to the 101st Airborn Division, identified as the "Screaming Eagles". Since that moniker covers the whole division all the smaller units have a description that is in relation to the "Eagle". For example, the aviation guys were the "Wings of the Eagle." We would have to sound off with that when called to attention at Division change of Command ceremonies. All of us were thuroughly amused when the Artillery guys had to sound off with their identity. Anybody care to guess which part of the Eagle anatomy they were?

I'm still laughing over this one!

And I've used it a couple of times over the weekend!

Great thread guys and THANK YOU for your service!

Use to be "Balls of the Eagle", is that the one?? NSDQ

I remember the drill sergeant set ups most of all, and it was hell to keep from laughing in ranks (another death sentence).


DS: Private, do you go by Bob or Robert, or either?

Pvt: Either way drill sergeant.

DS: You go either way? Well I'll remember that the next time I feel like f\/@king someone. Sure hope you shave your ass.

NSDQ= Night Stalkers Don't Quit. The motto of the 160th SOAR(A)

Off your dead and on your dieing.

From Boot Camp: Smokum if you havum, and you better NOT havum...

From the ship: I have more time in the chow line than you have at sea boot..

good ole days onboard DDG-17

IYAMYAS! USAF aircraft technicians will know what that means.

That was still the one when I was there. Always cracked me up when they sounded off with that!

NSDQ is quite familiar to all of us in Aviation.

Then there's the ever popular "That guy (or usually a favorite epithet) could screw up a wet dream."

I learned what a "goat rope" was....

And a Cluster f_ck

That's a favorite, still have to be careful to censor myself because that's what I'm thinking.

Speaking of "cluster f_ck", how 'bout...It was like watching a monkey f__king a football.

Some questions from an instructor pilot to his student that were/are almost guaranteed to start a "helmet fire" or cause "heads to explode":
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
What did you forget?

There were the things they would send you to get
Roll of flight line
Can of frequency grease
st1 (stone)
BA11november (balloon)
ID 10 Tango form (idiot)

"It was like watching a monkey f__king a football." Me doing pushups. Always had problems building upper body strength.

Day or night no difference, damn butter bars is the blind leading the blind.

Humvee keys were a good one. I liked the "can of beep" for the horn too.

Same thing with "bulkhead remover", "bulb for the smoking lamp" (on ship), "need 500ft of flight line", and of course..."left handed screwdriver".

Go to the wash rack and get a bucket of prop wash.

Go down to the AR hanger and get the skyhook.
(that worked until we looked up the NSN for the "sky hook" on rescue C-130's)

We would empty a chem light into a glass and tell a FNG to go service the slime lights on the aircraft. Bonus points if you got them dressed in PPE and had them visit each shop (to include the motor pool) to look for the slime light battery tester.


I fell for the DA Form ID-10T bit myself. The guys got me good with that one.

The FO for my Company in RVN after a call for Redleg. "I shot a round into the air,
It fell to earth,I know not where,
And furthermore I do not care!
What the Hell,What the Heck,
Drop 5,000 fire for effect!"

I made some slip of decorum in basic training, back when the TI could swear about you, your momma, and the dog all in impolite conversation.

Anyway, realizing my gaff, I'm at attention when Sgt Hunt, and little Mexican guy with a Clarke Gable mustache, gets on his tippy toes and pushes that 'mokey bear hat into my face and whispers "you've got the brains of a f@ckin' plant Airman!"

I lost my military bearing and started laughing, which set him off and it went downhill from there....

Slicks are for kids

We're getting a shot in the left nut with a square needle!

MARINE: Muscles Are Required, Intelligence NOT Essential..

I went thru Post Vietnam in Basic training...
and many many times, you'd see a Drill Sgt shake his head..
"G.Damn ALL VOLUNTEER ARMY!!!"
referring to the fact that AFTER the draft, the average intelligence of the average guy in basic training had dropped like a brick...

While in a Chopper Unit in the MN/NG: ATF ( Air Traffic Control)... we said it stood for "Always TAKING Coffee" which is about ALL this guys did on a drill weekend...

US Army: UNCLE SAM AIN'T RELEASED ME YET...

That brings one of my own experiences to mind..

We had time to kill, drill sgt was handing out mail, he'd call your name and them just throw it over his shoulder.. and you ran up and picked it up off the ground..

one of ours was a skinny Rodney Dangerfield wannbe.. so he'd tell jokes, that were pretty darn funny...

so he called closed ranks, and I couldn't quit laughing and chuckling from his last joke... he sees me and calls open ranks, and then walks right up to me and puts his nose about 1/4 from my chin ( he was shorter than I) and yells 'what are you so happy about trainee???'

(This drill really liked me as we both had family roots in the same county in VA..plus I was college educated among a bunch of morons)..

So the first thing that goes thru my mind is to say something snappy... so I come out with " Because its a FINE DAY to be in the Army Drill Sgt!!" he steps back with a big grin on his face... and yells out " so its a fine day to be in the Army?" "yes Drill Sgt!"

He walks back to the front of the platoon..." SO ITS A FINE DAY TO BE IN THE ARMY TRAINEE??"

" YES DRILL SGT!!"

Drill: " So let me ask you this Pvt... Did you get laid today???"

Me: " NO DRILL SGT!"

Drill: " I hope you didn't get laid last night trainee, because that either meant you went AWHOL last night or you're a GD Queer!...."

Drill.. " Did you go AWOL last night Trainee!!!"

Me: "NO DRILL SGT!!"

Drill: "ARE YOU A G.Damn QUEER TRAINEE!"

Me: "NO DRILL SGT!"

Drill: "DID YOU GET PAID TODAY TRAINEE???"

Me: " NO DRILL SGT!"

Drill: "WELL IF YOU DIDN'T GET LAID LAST NIGHT, AND YOU DIDN'T GET PAID TODAY, THEN IT ISN'T A 'FINE DAY' TO BE IN THE ARMY!! NOW GET UP HERE AND GIVE ME 20!!"

so I run up and pound out 20...

Drill: 'RECOVER AND AT EASE TRAINEE!!"

me: "YES DRILL SGT!"

Drill: " NOW THE REST OF YOU RAGASS M.F.'S... IS IT A FINE DAY TO BE IN THE ARMY??"

Rest of the Platoon.." NO DRILL SGT"...

Drill: "WHY YOU RAGASSED BUNCH OF COMMUNISTIC UNPATRIOTIC BUNCH OF M.F's!!!! GET DOWN!!!!"

Drill: " Call it out for these douche bags Trainee!!!"

me.. "yes Drill Sgt!!"

after they are done..

Drill: " SO IS IT A FINE DAY TO BE IN THE ARMY???"

Platoon: " YES DRILL SGT!!!"

Drill Sgt: "DID YOU GET LAID LAST NIGHT???"

From my days on subs:

Non-qual = a sub-sailor in training who has yet to earn his dolphins..
Nub = a very young sailor w/o his dolphins..

Navy Special - heavy black oil used in the diesels

OIA = used to describe a piece of equipment that's broken down. Translates to 'on it's azz'..

'Round-eye' - American female overseas..

"Blow Negative" (or Bow-Bouyancy, Main Ballast, etc) = open valves to use air pressure to remove water from tanks and provide positive bouyancy upon surfacing..

'Clear the deck!' - done at full-speed a couple seconds before the dive began..

Skivvy house - I'll let y'all figger that one out yerselves..

Every firday for lunch, on a Knox class frigate, for near 4 years we had what was called rollers, sliders, and swimmers for lunch (hotdogs, burgers, and fish). One of the best meals on that ship!

the best part of you was a brown stain on your mama's mattress trainee!

"What's the brightest color of the Rainbow " ( division )

"YELLOW!"

"You better get your head out of your ass trainee"
"Dud"
"Intestinal Fortitude"
"Motivational Platoon"

From my SEA days..."great, just what we need moe F'ing retreads"

I didn't serve in SEA but I remember two sayings:
"shcitt on a stick"
"get bent"

Remember some of the terms that went away once women integrated into the flight line?

If an airplane broke while it was awaiting takeoff it was a "red ball" for maintenance crews...

A transient aircraft was referred to as a tramp...

Terms and situations that always amused me

Donkey dick

Air Force salute

Blanket party

Earning your blood stripe

Blue falcon

Goat rodeo

FUBIJAR

I earned my Blood Wings at Bragg.

Eloquent use of the "F" word and every body that heard it knew exactly what was meant.

"[bleep], [bleep] ing [bleep] er is [bleep] ed"

A saying my brother(Army) cracks me up with is "that !@#$ needs some wall-to-wall counseling"!

I love that one.

OOD,that boy has a better chance of getting through hell with gasoline drawers on than getting a liberty card.

"Operator headspace"
"Ill stomp your azz into a mudhole and march it dry"

One of my favorite stunts...

The KC/EC-135's use water injection for takeoff. If you hang a new engine on an airplane you have to trim it or if there was an issue with the water injection pumps/generators we'd have to do an engine run which included an ops check on the water system. So you get a rookie to act as ground man for the engine run. We hardly ever run all the water out during the run so the tank has to be drained. There's a drain mast sticking out of the belly just aft of the landing gear doors. After you shut down the engine/s you tell the rookie there's a light inside the drain mast that must be checked after each run. Problem is he has to get real close, cup his hands over the mast and look inside. The light is hard to see. Once he's in place I'd reach over and flip the switch... which dumps the water. Oops!

Lets see, Mail Bouy watch, International Date Line watch, and several more. Then there is the infamous BT punch. Sending a new Fireman down to the Boiler Room to get one.. Of course the Sea Bat drill. Bunch of folks on the fantail looking at a mop bucket turned upside down carefuly picking up one corner and looking. An Annoucement would be made that a "rare Sea Bat" had been captured on the fantail and any interested personell should report to the fantail and look. Of course when a newbie did getting down on their knees for a good look as the edge of the mop bucket was lifted some else would hit them in the A** with a wet mop knocking them A** over tea kettle. The crossing the line was a whole day affair with King Neptune, the Royal Baby, and several others just to make the Wogs feel at home. The "Truth Serum" was a very special blend...

Order of The Golden Dragon,wonder with all the hazing reg if they still do that.

If your a Square Knot'er I'll bet you can't even wear your Gold Ear Ring.

The gauntlet is still alive and well. So is the education of special individuals when warranted.

i used to love a few of these. and use them.

"privates are training aids for leaders."

or sending privates out for "50 yards of chow line," "humvee reverse light bulbs," "blackout light fluid," "left handed tent pole drivers" or when sending them to the platoon sergeant, to have them go ask for "a prc e7." pronounced prick, of course. never failed.

occasionally, an recalcitrant e1, e2, or e3 needed to be grabbed "by the swivel stack and have his headspace and timing adjusted."

but usually not twice.

RF-4's, F-4C&D models, Navy, and USMC F-4's had boundry layer control that blows bleed air over the wing from the leading edge flaps. After a rain the ducts filled with water and sprayed out when the plane dropped the flaps. When we got a new guy we'd ask them if they wanted to see how the BLC worked (after a rain)?

Dress blues, tennis shoes, and a light coat of oil.

P

That's mean...

For the submariners. 70 men go down, 35 couples come up

"Hey diddle-diddle, right up the middle", to describe a direct frontal assault. Also used as a last-ditch maneuver in combat when all looks hopeless. Better to die in a frontal attack than trying to hide in a hole.

Being surrounded by the enemy could be described as a good thing: "We can attack in any direction, and the enemy can't get away from us".

A funny moment from boot camp: While drilling on the grinder, (practicing marching on the parade ground), I was the last man in the column. The boot-heels hitting the gravely pavement were very noisy, and made it difficult to hear the commands coming from the front end of the platoon.

On a "left face" command back into a column, that I couldn't hear, it took me half a second to see what everyone else was doing and copy the move. Unknown to me, a DI was very close behind me and he saw my hesitation, which, of course, looked sloppy.

In an instant he planted his boot hard in my lower back and gave a hard shove. I flew into the man in front of me, and the whole column, about a dozen guys, all went down like dominoes.

I still laugh, thinking what a sight that must have been.

Semper Fi.

Yes, but you did get to see how BLC works! Nary a doubt in your mind. However I will say I did not tell new guys the pilot's relief tubes were for inter cockpit comm for power out emergencies!
A buck SGT almost got a guy to talk into one.

In air to air combat - If you ain't cheating you ain't trying.

The three most dangerous things in the Navy

- An Ensign saying "it's been my experience"
- A Lieutenant Commander saying "I've been thinking"
- An Aviator saying "Hey, watch this" (as a former Naval Flight Officer I could hit a junior guy with my kneeboard when he said that - if a senior guy I just locked my harness )

Split flaps and old rattle traps but no brown shoes..

Hey Pugs, with my way of thinking, it's... "If you ain't cheatin', you don't want to win bad enough."

No substitute for knots or altitude at the merge. Even if I have a bit more than the ROE agreed on.

Heard MANY time over the intercom on a mission. MORE ALTITUDE DAMMIT, We're taking fire!

Knew a SSG who would walk up behind other soldiers in formation
and take his kevlar off and hit them on the top of their kevlar
which was startling and sometimes painful. He would then say
"turtle f***!"

I remember after I got out of the Navy, I thought it would be neat to put the General Quarters alarm on my phone. Just as a reminder of the Navy, and to wake me up too. The bad thing was I was dreaming I was still on a ship somewhere overseas and I learned that even though you're dreaming you will still fly out of your "rack" and scramble for your coveralls and boots wondering why the hell Berthing looks so weird.

I was in college at the time, shortly after the incident I deleted it from my phone.

[bleep] [bleep]'s [bleep] well [bleep].

you mean like "a horse that was never rode, a line that was never crossed and mainly yellow"

I can't read all of this thread, But

Don't get excited on your first enlistment
Hit the sack
"the local bondholders" wealthy people in town
Do as I say, not as I do
Bat the bull
Chew the fat
Feather merchants-civil service workers

My Dad had a book full of them, but what else would a 35yr career WW11 vet say.

Sweating like a blind f a g g o t eating a hot dog.

A 21 or 22 yr old Hard headed 2LT fresh the f u c k outta rotc or west point with a f u c k i n g compass on a movement to contact ( daylight ) after about the millionth take a knee security halt...... Fugging cherry 2LT with a map, compass and a f u c k ing protractor. Most dangerous gawtdamm thing in the army. Any of you all that was infantry know exactly what the f u c k I'm talking about.

W-1's should be seen, not heard.

The most dangerous thing in the Army is a 2nd. Lt. with a compass and a Sp4 to tell him that he is right.
"Battery FDC this is Lt. Brands, I'm lost".
"Well Lt. can you see anything familiar?
Err, Err, I'm two fingers left of the moon.
That actually happened.

Revelie, revelie
Drop your cocks and grab your socks

..... Remember that one well. That was one of the favorites that I was using back in Aug. 1971 when I really was that short.

I haven't read most of this thread, but I remember a couple from my brother(an army infantry soldier).
"Operator headspace and timing"-putting the blame on the operator rather than the equipment in question.
"That guy's a Lima Delta" insult standing for 'limp d!@k" !

From my days in the USMC.

S/Sgt>>>> Sir, do you know the difference between a 2nd looie and a PFC?

2nd Lieutenant>>>>> Whats that Staff Sargent?

S/Sgt>>>> A PFC has enough merit to get promoted!

Mid 80's one of the units we worked with got a new butter bar, 2nd Lieutenant Westmoreland.

Asked him if he was any relation to the General. He asked General who?

There are no chopper pilots down in hell.
There are no chopper pilots down in hell.
Navigators, bombardiers, and a bunch of other queers,
But there are no chopper pilots down in hell.

Sing Glorious, sing Glorious.....

I always told folks my MOS was 1369.

One night in the "classroom' while at MCRD

DI "Private!!! Why the hell did you join my Beloved Corps!!! Why didnt you join the army????!!!???"

Recruit "sir, the army recruiter took the private to meet the Marine Corps recruiter, sir!!!"

No schidt! True story!

FUN RUN....... every time i heard those 2 words I wanted to punch whoever saying it right in the forehead.

I have more time in a T-10 than you have in a T-shirt

What holds up a chicken's azz? Two yellow legs

I had a Platoon Sergeant who was always good for this one, "Private, you're as f*cked up as a submarine with a screen door!"

Or this one, "Son, the best part of you ran down your momma's leg!"

Seven y o grandson was at family wedding in Iowa this past summer. Suppose he's been watching too may John Wayne movies. Was standing around some of the other guest and one stated he was First Cav. And grandson heard him. He asked him to turn around and he did. Grandson said "yup, yankee cavalry !"

His dad grabbed him up by the stacking swivels! LOL! They had a talk!

I am so short I have to use a ladder to pick strawberries.

I am so short I am like a dick on a fat baby.

Double digit midget, single digit midget, day and a wake up,,, eat here, shyt there.. 3 tours in korea, gawd I hated that f u c k I n g place....

Cun+ cap (flight hat)
effed up like a soup sandwich
Best quote from an O6- “rank among lieutenants is like honor among whores”
beat & blow brigade- military band

I was a Navy Gunner's Mate, aka cannon cocker, muzzle f****r. bosun's mate with a hunting license.

One day in port, I saw a young bosun striker over the side painting the hull. I leaned over and told him, "Tell your boss if you wait til low tide you can paint lower on the hull." Apparently he did just that.
After a few minutes the BM2 found me and, poking me in the chest, yelled, "You don't f**k with my bosun's mates, only I f**k with my bosun's mates, you don't f**k with my bosun's mates!" As he walked away he turned and said, "Good one!"

Leaving Charleston harbor, we passed under the Cooper River Bridges with about 20' to spare at high tide. Somebody would always grab a newbie and tell him to go to main control and crank the mast down to clear the bridges. Main control would send him to the forward fire room, they would send him to the after engine room, etc. The poor kid would be almost frantic, thinking we were going to hit the bridges.

Always sending someone for a bucket of steam, 10 feet of waterline, relative bearing grease.

USS Forrest Sherman DD931, USS Semmes DDG18, '77-'80