NOTED QUEMADO AUTHOR PASSES AWAY

QUEMADO February 15 � Ken Howell, 82, noted local author and raconteur, died of apparent natural causes at his Quemado residence Wednesday night, apparently peacefully in his sleep during the night, according to Quemado Police Department media representative Edithe Fantasia-Ephemera. No investigation is planned, according to Fantasia-Ephemera. Preliminary examination of Howell�s residence has revealed no suicide note and no evidence of drug abuse or foul play, Fantasia-Ephemera said.

Howell was transported by Quemado Fire Department ambulance to Quemado Regional Medical Center emergency room Thursday morning, where he was pronounced dead on arrival (DOA). Coroner�s spokesman Dr Mudd E Noggin informed the Myth-Legend that preliminary examination revealed no apparent indication of foul play. No autopsy is planned, Noggin said. Howell had been suffering from general physical decline for several years, according to Quemado Regional Medical Center spokespersons who spoke on condition of anonymity. Neighbors said that Howell always appeared in good spirits, with a ready smile and entertaining stories for his many visitors.

Howell was internationally renowned as the author of several books on a wide variety of technical subjects and an internationally respected technical and forensic expert on firearms.

Howell was the subject of a lengthy Myth-Legend interview and article in January, 2012, on the subject of his controversial analysis of �The Intricate Simplicities in the English Translations of the New Testament.�

Howell�s body was discovered by utilities repairmen who declined to be interviewed and requested anonymity.



Just got a new word-processor and have been having fun with a bit of throw-away blarney. (Just a little bit o' nil to add a tad of sparkle to a dull day!)

Thought that maybe a few at the 'fire might like to play with this, too.

Have a ball, y'all!

Indulging in a bit of wishful thinking, Ken? Next up should be an obit, perhaps for the Quemado Daily Movement.

I must say, when I read the topic line I felt a shudder, but my eyes quickly moved to the poster's name.

Glad you're in excellent spirits if not in excellent health.

Steve.

You shouldn't ought to post threads with titles like this one. You gave me a start.

Glad it's just a hoax of sorts.

Don't do that again dammit!

Next thing you know we will hear that Bigsqueeze died...

The Quemado Daily Movement went down the drain quite some time ago.

Dang it Ken I at least expect a phone call or a PM when you plan on dying...

I read the topic and I had an immediate oh no moment, glad you are still around!

I enjoy reading "MOST� of your postings�this one is the exception

LOL I damn near choked on my coffee when i read that.

Oh and apparently Mr Howell succumbed to the same illness as Bigsqueeze because neither stayed Dead for long

I'll be lucky if I can ooze a faint fart!

Plus it only happened on the internets! I for one am Glad this was only a joke, I enjoy your musings.

So this is one of those "greatly exaggerated" deals.

I myself would have implied that I had died after falling from some megafox's second story bedroom window. It would ruin her reputation and establish mine.

Who was it some years ago on here that had a death notice posted and then resurfaced some months afterward?

Ken it is a little early for April fools jokes. We all have an appointment with eternity but please don't do that to those of us that read every thread that you start and your insight to others that you post on.

When your time comes you will be sorely missed to those who are left behind. Come to think about it maybe I will get to meet you at last when we depart this world in what is known as the rapture.

Have a nice day Ken.

Did he die with a smile on his face???

I'm one o' those benighted nuts for whom every day is Fool's Day.

Not funny

I thought the same when I opened the thread.

How else?

Are Ken Howell dies made in a neck-size only version?

Only thread of your's I have not enjoyed.

Glad it's a joke.

Not again! Damn, Ken, you need to stop doing that. I used to kick my dad's butt on days like that, metaphorically of course. You're not even close but I'd do it for anybody so consider your butt kicked.

You still here?

I done sent flowers.

And lit some candles.

Would it be too much trouble if you just went ahead and .......... nah,never mind.

Bad idea.

Quite seriously, I thought Ken was offering dies for his wildcat cartridge designs.

Did he leave a- WILL- to be read at the Quemado outing planned for this summer-- for his freinds!?? a final parting word so to speak ! the last mystical tale of one of his adventures

AMEN Sir. That was quite a shock to see.

Continued health Ken, you are one of my hero's Sir.

Good idea! Thanks!

How 'bout "So long! It's been good to know ya, but I gotta be ramblin' on?" I bet somebody could add a few words and set 'em to music! (Hafta look inta that!)

Well, so long then. Sorry that I didn't get to know ya!

Dang it Ken - you just gave me the same feeling I get when I step on a snake!!!! You know, that "jump start yer heart" moment!

Don't really care for posts like this. Even if meant in fun.

This really made my heart do a few summersaults.

The antidote is learnin' early to laugh � or at least grin � at the things thatcha'd otherwise cry about. Makes life gobs easier to put-up with.

All of you have been Big Squeezed.

Self deprecation is becoming a lost art. Innanet style points seem to be the rage.

..thread title startled me Mr. Howell

I hope Ken doesn't come on here threatening everyone with Karate now.

Nah � too busy training for tippy-toeing across Grand Canyon on a tight rope again.

You're not the only one!

We need to verify this in the usual manner:


SNOOPES

KEN HOWELL

CLAIM: Ken Howell is dead

STATUS : Not yet, so relax

Example:





Origins: Ken got a new word processor and want to get a rise out the usual suspects. Seems to have worked. Doctors at Quemado Regional Hospital have been unable to remove the grin from Howell's face even using 000 steel wool and Ajax

"KEN HOWELL DIES"

Next, I suppose he will be late to his own funeral.

Ken

Don't put this stuff out here I was Very sad

Snake

Geez, had me scared for a moment!

82 and you aren't on drugs? No wonder you died.

Ken Howell dies posted by Ken Howell... kinda a giveaway that it'd be tongue in cheek... I didn't even open it till it had enough responses to possibly be interesting.

Kent

Ken,

You know as well as I do that there are two rules for old dudes like us:

1. Pee whenever you can.

2. NEVER trust a fart.

I'm glad you're not dead

Blessings,

Steve

Ken, there's a necessary 12 year penalty added to your life span for every palpitation your topic induced.

I had three. If the total exceeds two dozen you get new tennis shoes and a flintlock.

Crap Ken

When I was deciding which section to open, this was the headline post on the right... An awe Crap emerged from my vocal chords, and .... luckily when I saw you were the author I suspected you are still with us.


Ummm, keep typing away, my friend, and the title of this thread will continue to be delayed, I hope.

Now quit that, young man!


Thanks for the adrenaline rush

Allen

Darn it!

I was getting ready to buy your book before it sold out hoping the price would increase ten fold. Then I could pawn it off on a sucker and rake in the extra cash.

lol jk...

Phew !

.....you crazy old bastid !

Not really.


I've heard that it's not all that uncommon for friends or families to post obits on forums they knew the deceased frequented.


I just don't like having my emotions toyed with although I don't believe that was the intent.

I got into that news release as far as Quemado Police Department and Quemado Regional Medical Center and then looked at the name of the poster.

I've been to Quemado and mentioning those non-existent facilities were dead giveaways, Ken. (No pun intended.)

Quotes from Dr. Mudd E. Noggin and Edithe Fantasia-Ephemera were nice touches, though.

Glad to know you're still kickin'.

Bill Quimby

Ken -

Next time you die, please PM immediately me so I don't miss the headlines.

Also, I need 15 minutes advanced warning of any unscheduled outages.

Thank you.

Tom

Dangit Dr. Ken, that aint funny, ye bout gave me a damn stroke, glad yer still here though.

Gunner

I bet that you missed the baseball stadium and the opera house, too.

,..as did a tousel headed young French maid who was seen scurrying off with her shoes on the wrong feet excidedly muttering, "Mon Dieu!,...il est mort!"

would you do a few of those for a couple of ex-wives?

Now I am worried. That is your shower you're singing in, not an opera house.

Damn, the winter sure went fast.
I didn't realize it was April 1st already.

Ken Howell, he still owes me money!

There's three rules, the third being, never waste a hard-on.

Jesus, you're warped.

My first thoughts on reading the title were: carbide? bushing? full-length? neck? trim? seating?

Ken, you ba$$hole!

When I saw the poster was Ken Howell, I thought "that's odd" but maybe you had given permission for someone to use your name in order to notify all your "buds" on the 'Fire.

My NEXT thought was "there goes the speling :), grammar and punctuation on the Campfire."

You are prohibited from leaving this world until I have the next chapter and we have a lengthy discussion, face to face on the subject!

Weird schit..........







and just keeps getting more.

Ken, we all know when your time comes, you'll be on the "A train" to the pearly gates.

In anticipation of that day, some of us chipped in for new luggage.

The cable guys declined an interview? Wow. Usually they do 60 minutes, at least. Holding out for the highest bidder for an exclusive, no doubt. I can see it making national news: 'Jimmy and Praneeth, Veteran Cable Guys, Find a Dead Guy: the Real, Shocking Truth'.

Yep.

Glad to see first reports were exagerated.

You bastid, Ken! I'm just trying to figure how you thought we'd believe you were only 82 at the time of death!

Ken, being a relative newbie here I hope to be amused and educated by your musings and anecdotes for many more years before that headline becomes real. However I have worked all night and upon opening the forum and seeing that headline. My initial thoughts were. DAMN. God speed and good health prayers to you,
John

Does this mean none of his guns are up for sale?

I second that!! Don't do that again dammit!

Just the little boy who cried Wolf!

Longing for home?

Not funny

Just found out a good friend who moved away passed away from cancer last week, and he didn't tell anyone but his wife until I got a goodbye email he typed up before he passed, and his wife sent now after he passed.

Guess I'm just not in the mood for this stuff right now

that obit was so incomplete it wasn't even funny. no mention of where the body would be interred, or put up in a tree for the birds have a sample, or cremated, or put in a boat out to sea.

they just don't make obits like they use to before everything came from china.

seriously, Ken very funny. when i saw the author of the tread was you, i knew we were fixin' to be had.

......

Mr.Ken,PLEASE DON"T PLAY AROUND LIKE THAT...OK?

Ken... really.... really...please don't play like that.

Guys, think about it. If Ken were gone then who would have cut and pasted a news article on his log in?

Whuuuuuuu! scared me. glad you are okay.

That's funny in its own way!

� followed shortly by the passing of the Quemado Daily Diarrhea-Constipation, which left most Quemadans reaching for tissues.

Can't say that Ken Howell does not have a dying sense of humor. GW

Quite some time ago I scratched-up this little scratchery for family and friends �

Mon Bon Voyage
If pine trees sigh the day I die,
Let no one ooze a tear.
If grass turns brown as an angel's frown,
It's not 'cause I'm not here.
If the sky be blue, let none of you
When sets my last day's sun.
Where grass is green, let you be seen,
One and all, having fun.



I'm 82, >90% disabled, half blind, declining.
The end isn't whether � it's gonna happen.
Fear and moping won't postpone it, and they sure won't make the waiting fun or easier.
Grins and joking won't affect the date one way or the other, but they sure make the waiting a lot easier.
(I'm not trying to influence your point of view � just letting you know mine, for what it's worth to your understanding.)

Mark Twain said he went to a minister to make his final arrangements in advance. When he told the minister that he wanted to be cremated, the preacher said "That's already been arranged"

while i truly believe you are not trying to influence our point of view, if it happens anyways, would it be your fault?

seriously, thank you for being a most wonderful role model and example for a trip we'll all take sooner or later, more or less. some of us will leave sooner and some of us later, thank you for helping to point the way.

anytime i see an old oak tree go down in a big storm, i refer to it as a tree that has crossed over, and is now walking and talking with Jesus. am i wrong having that viewpoint?

All our stories eventually have the same ending.

I'd like that and be glad to've had a part in it if it'd make your life sweeter and easier somehow, but I don't expect it, of course.

Odds of going to Heaven are in my favor.

Ol' Slewfoot has already made it clear that he doesn't want anybody following him around and making him laugh.

God, on the other hand, has a rich sense humor � He made me.

You can hear he tap tap tap of cloven hoofs around here at times, a delightful group I like to refer to as the hyenas.

My heat skipped a beat. On one of my other forums, the son of one our longtime friends posted a notice using his Dad's login of his father's passing. I'm glad you are still kickin'- even if it's just to kick us all in the shins.

Ain't meaning ta kick nobody in the shins but Ol' Slewfoot.

when ol slewfoot finally tracks you down, he's going to eviscerate you.

but, good luck, anyways.

You had me Ken until I saw you were the poster. I figured it was your sense of humor instead of someone posting using your login. But had to read it just to be sure. Once I knew it was your humor I enjoyed it, but can understand why others won't. Glad you are still enjoying life.

I goofed, all right!

Big time!

Again! (Life-time habit.)

Didn't mean to upset anybody, even for a moment.
Just meant to play around, to have some fun, and to share it.

Shoulda thought first.

I didn't much care, one way or the other.


















ok...maybe a little...

"I bet that you missed the baseball stadium and the opera house, too."

Nope. I saw them. They're between Home Depot and the community center, across the road from Macy's, Burger King and the Quemado Casino and Resort.

Bill Quimby

EVEN IF YOU ARE ALONE

Blessings,

Steve

Glad he's not dead to, but he's still a smart ass

ver 1.0 of the obit needed a bit of work. once he works on it, and offers up ver. 2.0 and then final version 3.0 everything will probably be perfectly clear. hopefully, he's doing the work as we speak.

That he is! I bet he giggles like a little kid everytime some one gets after him for his posting this thread...Don't cha Ken?

Long live Ken Howell!

Gee's Ken, I bit hook like and sinker till I got to the fine print! Good one, Sir you are The Master!

Ken,

My first and last post to you.

You are a [bleep] idiot posting something like that.

Thanks for posting this news, Ken. Fortunately I also saw that your name was in the headline, where it belongs, as well as in the "posted by" slot, so I figured you were going to amuse us. You have never disappointed this audience in that regard.

Your legions of fans have been trying to do justice to your obit, but you are too modest to have told all of your accomplishments to any one of us. It got to be 8 single-spaced pages long before you reached 30 years.

May this find you warm and rested for your eventual journey, with that beaming smile of yours, ready to brighten heaven.

DAMN! ... and I already sent flowers.

Mr. Howell I respect you for squarely facing what is inevitable for all of us. I don't like to think of it but is coming for sure and certain.

Ken, to paraphrase (Paul), we are in a "win-win situation"; that said, I was startled, then glad to find you hadn't yet left your tent for a much grander abode above..

First time back here in about 8 years and this is the first post I looked at. Yes, you got me. Then the brain bounced to "Hmmm, Is he selling dies?"
Good to see ya ornery one.

Reports of the death of Ken Howell, even though they come from a source close to the subject, ie himself, appear to be grossly exaggerated.

He must really be dead.!

There's 2 threads on here about Foxnews, and he hasn't commented on Megyn Kelly or Judge Pirro.!