I am getting closer to the day when my son starts college. He is a rising HS senior. He is brilliant, a hard worker, loves GOD and an all around good kid. He plans on going to medical school. He has been my right hand man and hunting partner forever.

I admit to dreading the day he leaves the house. I now fully understand what my parents went through when I moved out.

What's your story?

My parents are here to see their grandkids and I just spoke to them about this very thing.

They both said they were quite pleased to see me (I was the last) go.

Whatever that's worth to you. Best of luck to your son.



Travis

Our son[only child] only went 30 miles or so. Close enough that he could return or we could visit with ease. It was still hard for mom though. It was worse when he returned after only two years and switched course going for a trade locally.
For me, the finality of which his getting married last month brought was much tougher.

Kids leaving home is just a different phase of life. You miss them but they do come back. I really liked the transition from parent to something of a more equal relationship.

The role of a parent is to civilize the little varmints before inflicting them on the rest of society. Sounds like you've got that covered. Then, any relationship you have after they're civilized and gone is voluntary on both sides.

I always thought the reason one raised kids was for them to leave.

I can hardly wait for my child to move out. Don't think it's going to happen anytime soon though.

Oldest daughter went to college last year.

It sucked.

Youngest daughter is a junior this year and I am already dreading her leaving.

What the hell are the wife and I going to do when they're gone?

Hell if I know.....

Those parents that hold onto tight are doing their kids a disservice. Not only college, but the kids need to learn that they have to go where the jobs are.

Mu daughter in law, has my grand daughter so tightly wrapped that she won't consider leaving for better pay, so after college she is working at a $15/hour job, where she shuld be getting $10.

Sako, my son sounds a lot like yours, and it was very difficult watching him leave home. Kids are one of God's greatest gifts in my book, and we only have them for a short time. All we can do is give them the "best we can do", and do lots of praying. Good luck to you guys, and the boy. I'm betting it all turns out very well.

Mine are right around the corner and frankly, I can't wait. And it's not because I want to get rid of them, but instead, because I feel at this point I am holding them back from achieving early success and reaching their full potential.

Sure, they will make mistakes, but in my experience the most successful children have parents who do not do for them what they are capable of doing, and do not do things for them that satisfy their own needs rather than the needs of the child.

It's tough. It'll take about two years to get over it.

Three down here, with 3 more to go.

It's been universally good. Not that we don't miss them, but it's neat to see them spread their wings, and� Well, if not soar, at least figure it out for themselves.

I've oft explained to them, "There's only so much I'm able to teach you. Life has the rest of the lessons." Of course, in some cases I still had more to teach, but they were getting a little weary of their instructor. That's fine - I'll be here when and if they'd ever like to stop by for a Master Class.

I've never really viewed them as, "mine." I figured they were on loan from God, so I've tried to be the best steward of them that I can, during the time that they've been with me. I've been anything but perfect at it, but I won't apologize for my effort.

FC

I have friends that tell their kids when you hit 18 you better have a job to pay for your apartment. I thought that was a little harsh but they wanted them to prepare for what was going to happen when they hit 18. All my girls moved out to go to college.
It was hard to see them go but they went 1 at a time so I was eased into it. Lol

You should be happy and proud. His leaving for college represents the effort you and your wife put into this fine young man. He will go out and be an example of your fine raising and be a positive influence on others around him. Congratulations.

Very hard

Still is

But

A part of life

Snake

I got a considerable raise upon their departure.

Beware of the bungee kids and what they can wreak. I see this happening to some of my friends and it ain't pretty.

All three of my sons are either in college or on their own and doing great. They still check in and they have all friended me on Facebook, so I can keep up. The worst part is the quiet house. I never hear the back door slam and feet running up the stairs. I used to have to check to see who was in the play room studying and whether or not they were spending the night. I miss the noise...

My parents tax $$$$ supported me very well.....when I enlisted in the US Army at age 18! I didn't wish to burden them by more school expenses. At 18....time for a male to make his own way!! Course I'm an old phart....and member of the OLD SCHOOL!! Kids today would live with their parents until age 50 and feel like....they're 'entitled' to it!!

All good stuff here. Thanks for the thoughts. I do try and focus on the fact that I have done my job, and did it well. My daughter will not be far behind. Thank God she loves to hunt too.

My son said that he wants to buy some land when he is established as a hematology/oncology doc, and build me a cabin on it. Did I say he was a good kid? <GRIN>

Yep, my kids were a gift/blessing from God, and I give thanks every day for the opportunity to raise em.

Easier for me - much harder for the wife. But our son is excelling in school, has a full-time job waiting for him when it graduates next year and will be in this area at that time.

You'll get used to it - and, unless your son will not be around when he gets out of school, you can still do all those things at a later date.. Focus on that..

Best wishes to you and your son..

Wow, it's no wonder that you're folically challenged!

Seriously though, all three of our sons are out of the house now and it was a bit of a transition to a big, empty quiet house.

But that just makes you value your time together when you do get to spend time with them.

It also gives you time to do things with your wife, like travel and visit friends. And catch up on things that you used to do before you had kids but didn't have time for when you were raising them.

Just the next phase of the rest of your life.

At age 17, Dad broke my plate right before sitting down for dinner. I got the message. Then, again, my brother was an only child. grins.

I think recent data shows the majority of youngsters remaining at home until age 26 for males and 23 for females.

We raised six so I have a little experience in this subject. When one leaves it does leave a hole and sometimes they move back home for a stay before they head out again. But watching them become adults on the own is a pleasure. All six of ours were good and did not get into trouble so we wern't really glad when the left like some folks.

We have close relationships with all but one and that is a great a pleasure as having them in your home.

Must be the odd ball here. I near sprained an ankle dancing in the street. The last couple years he thought he was an independent butthead and life was less stressful whenever he was out of the house. A wonderful and involved kid up to about age 15.

He opted out of college (never went to class at all the first quarter with $8K of our hard earned funds completely wasted), and was then home and looking for work for near another two years. Mostly that involved refining Xbox skills. There's not much out there for a high schooler with no serious talents.

Fortunately, he connected with a cyber girl friend and headed east. He's into some reasonable employment now and doing OK. Not living the American dream, but I think the real education is starting now.

Now life for the wife and I revolves solely around our wants and desires.

My wife has focused her energy on taking care of animals, mostly rescues. Several dogs and now a horse.

It was pretty tough on my wife because she didn't have anyone to focus her time and attention on after the youngest left. Then she decided that I needed to be the one for her to dote on, which would have been ok if she hadn't wanted me to take up shopping and sitting on my ass watching tv. The youngest is now 28 and I think we've finally got it sorted out. On the plus side the oldest and her family only live about 18 miles away and the youngest and her husband live about 60 miles away, so we get to see our girls, their husbands and grandkids regularly.

I Enlisted in the Navy and was gone for 6 years.It was the best thing for me and my parents.I went to college the hard way.I worked my way through on my own.I appreciated it more than if my parents paid for it.I made two of my kids work their way through good grades.At the end of a semester if the grades were good ,I paid them back what they had spent.Life is a learning experience and if you do not learn that good things come from hard work ,you wind up an Obummer voter.

when I graduated high school, I left home a week early, skipped my graduation, and went surfing and drinking down in Daytona Beach. My Mom says it was two weeks before she noticed I was not around.

When my kids left home, I helped them pack, provided gas money, and gave them a pat on the back. Then I put on Roy Clark's "Thank God and Greyhound". I was glad to see them off on their own.

Our four were ready to move forward when college time arrived - I suppose we used their earlier years to help them get ready, although the last one was barely 16 when she went. They were more than good with it all and did fine - not a lick of homesickness or misdirection.

I had become so in love with growing with them up to that point that any pain was at home. The other 5 of us sure missed the eldest when she went - some close family bond had been re-tied in a different way. It became easier as each went forward, and my wife and I soon loved what somone else here mentioned - our equal relationship with them, as adults.

Looks like that which we do during their first 6 years matters IMMENSELY.

Sakoluvr: Its been 9 years since our older son was accepted to the superb University of Washington!
I recall distinctly his mothers tears as he and I loaded up all his truck and we headed out on the 650 mile drive to Seattle and the giant dormitory that freshmen were required to stay in for their first year of college!
We had a wonderful trip and a great talk or two on that drive, yet in the back of my mind my sons mothers tears troubled/confounded me.
We had worked hard to provide for his every need and had given him the best advice and oversaw his studies and health and his personal demeanor and habits and I saw his acceptance into the great university as a triumph or reward.
Something to be happy about.
So we unload there on "move in day" along with thousands of other new students and parents from around the country.
Our goodbyes were said and my sense of pride over-rode any sadness I was feeling.
That is until I got down to the parking lot where literally dozens of parents were standing about bawling like babies - one woman I remember distinctly was lying face down on the trunk of her car sobbing with her tears running across the polished paint of her Cadillac!
I mean it was like a group induced cry-fest!
Luckily I made it into my car before the emotions overwhelmed me.
I had a couple of good cries on the way home (10 hour drive).
But those few tears were nothing compared to the deluge I burst forward with at our sons college graduation and during the commencement speech he was chosen to give by his fellow graduates and professors at the U's School of Science!
I mean I was a blubbering mess!
Luckily that speech was taped and I take it out and view it every year or so.
This son now has a wonderful job in the field of science and is out on his own and doing well.
Still I miss his face and personality to a great degree!
Luckily he is only 11 hours away by car and he comes home twice a year so we/I get to see him about 4 times a year.
Dittoes with the college experience of this sons younger brother - so we went through "it" twice!
The direct and short answer to your question is its VERY HARD and yet its rewarding and its inevitable.
Prepare yourself and your Mrs.!
Best of luck to you and yours.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

My Son was the first to leave,for the Navy.

When it came time for our Daughter to leave it was easier.

They both know that their father has no problem for them or their family to come to the house whenever they can...Their MOM took it hard but when they were ready to leave she told them when they got settled they needed to get their stuff as soon as they could.
When we went to visit the Son in VA.we brought all of the stuff she could find to him.

She does try to be a hard arse about it but she missed them both.
You should see her when the Grandkids are here,thats one happy woman.

Happy , one less mouth to feed

With the Nero economy being the way it is even less unlikely. Personally I hated seeing my son go off to school but it was necessary. It has been two years and I am adjusting better.

My first graduates from college next week. I'm moving her to her apartment this weekend. I have consulted my check list:

1.) College degree - check

2.) Employable (starts job next week) check

3.) No criminal record - check

4.) No unwanted pregnancy or malignant romances - check

5.) Ability to live and thrive independent of parents - check

6.) No trips to rehab for drugs and alcohol - check

If she screws her life up from here, it's not our fault! I'm proud, happy, but there is a little bittersweet feeling knowing she is now grown and won't be at home any longer. I try not to dwell on that part. Mrs. Hatari does.

PS - She hunts and asked to get her CCW for her birthday, to which I enabled by sending her to Frontsight to get the training. Reading all of this makes me proud. I think I shall tell her how proud I am of her tonight!

Going through it right now, youngest is set to leave August 26th.

This one is going to be the easiest for me. My wife not so much.

My 4th and youngest is the wonderchild. Tested into and got a scholarship to a prestigeous prep school, all the rest of my kids went public. Played 4 years of varsity soccer and Lacrosse.
Won a state championship in soccer his senior year. Finished the season with 13 shutouts in a row as defender.

National Merit Scholar Finalist and was offered 7 full rides, all for academics. He is putting his spikes away and wants to concentrate on his studies for once in his life.

I'm so proud of him that I can't top bragging about him when I get a chance.

He likes to hunt and fish too. What more could a parent ask for.

When I was 18, my Dad "suggested" that I find other living arrangements.

I was great with that.

First one off to college was a little rough, two years later or "baby girl" heads out. Was a rough week then the fun began, no kids once again in our lives. Love them dearly get see them enough, but nice not to plan your schedule around their activities.

When I was 18, I was about to head to school 40 miles away. Had planned on splitting time between home and and aunt's place near the school. Got into it with my step-father and didn't return to my folks' house for more than a few minutes for over a year.

Figured out later that was a bit hard on my mom. My step-father, not so much.

Our daughter's just about to head back for her junior year, she sounds like a female version of your son.

For the longest time I'd been counting down the years when the kids would be out of the house. I hadn't thought at all at how much I'd miss my daughter when she went off to school. Of course mom cried, but I was surprised how much I missed her. Totally changed the dynamic in the house. We've got two more on taxiing to leave the nest, oldest boy next year, youngest boy in three years.

Life has seasons, enjoy each and every one of them, seems the older you get the faster they pass.

One final note, they don't automatically become responsible when they turn 18 and head out on their own, no matter how good they were in high school. Just realize some of life's lessons can only be learned when the training wheels come off.

Only daughter moves into dorm at MS State on Aug. 9th. I am NOT looking forward to this. She lived with her mom (the ex, God rest her soul) from 3 to 13 then came to live with us full time. So, besides the weekends from before, I've only had her for the last 5 yrs. Been my hunting, camping and kayaking buddy for all that time. Gonna be quiet around the house. I am curious to see how much the water and electric bills drop though.

Hatari, my dad told me about 50 years ago, that his primary job as a parent, was to prepare his children for adult life. I think he did a fine job. All of my many brothers and sisters would pass your check list just fine, and we all have gone on to have productive, happy lives.
You should be proud of that girl.

When our son left for college, I don't think he was 20 miles down the road before we had his room emptied and repainted it. Turned it into an office. He ended up with a room in the basement for when he did come home . . .

Our daughter was going to be the hard one as she and my bride are/were very close. Bride was really NOT looking forward to her leaving, so we set up a week + long vacation for just the two of us to the Richmond, VA and Colonial Williamsburg area. Took her mind off the empty nest.

We got along fine with both the kids. Both of them were good kids and didn't cause much strife for us as far as getting into trouble . . . it was just time for them to continue to grow up and be on their own.

Thank you, I appreciate that. I agree with your dad, especially because he sounds like my dad.

OK, he's right!!

IMHO, my greatest accomplishment, as a father, was watching my two sons leave home and take on the world on their terms and with confidence.

you give them roots so that they may grow wings.


used to worry about empty nest syndrome a fair bit, raising, recreating and providing for our kids the last 20 years or so took up a huge chunk of life.

but we're enjoying the time together just me and mom, still have a 16 year old at home that loves to hang with us. But he works so his time with us is limited due to his working.

we worked hard a long time ago and are enjoying the fruits of that now. It's so easy with just the two of us, fix a meal, eat it out of the skillet, two forks to wash. lol

and my wife she's damned fine company, love having our kids when they're with us, but I'm fine with just mom and me

My parents had no problems with the three of us when we headed off to school and my wife and I had no problems when our two son's did the same. Still have #3 son to go in a couple of years. I truly believe it is good for all and best when the kids are a fair bit away so they cannot readily come home, see local friends, etc. Time to grow for all.

The time comes when every boy must spread his wings and fly, just as the time come when every girl must spread her legs and leave. It's the nature of the beast.

I can still hear my dad saying (when I was 18 and a few months), "Son, you know I love you but you have to get the hell out of this house."

He was right.

I am in the same boat as the OP. My only child (son) will be a HS senior this fall and we are out looking at colleges now. It will be tough on me when he leaves but it will be worse for his mother. The saddest thing is that if he wants a good job in the area that he is interested in he will have to move far from home.

kids hell,i was estatic when the MIL moved out