This will be the single greatest �news�letter of all time. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. Pathos, logos, and ethos will leap into the San Diego Zoo bear pit of your mind and shout �Bear Fight!� When it is over, you will feel like you kissed your long-lost love both goodbye and hello at a Paris train station. You�ll be rested, as if you just woke from a nap by a waterfall using a panda bear�s belly as a pillow. While it�s not true we only use 10 percent of our brains, you will feel like that had been the case up until now. You�ll be able to cook twelve-minute brownies in seven minutes. You will never have to eat kale again. This will make total sense to you. Suddenly, whether asked to train cats to use a human toilet or use a semicolon correctly, you�ll say, �Of course, a child could do it.�

My apologies to those of you who took me at my word that this would be the greatest �news�letter of all time. Alas, it comes nowhere close to such greats as Bud Gretnick�s �Guide to Home-Curing Kosher Bacon,� never mind the legendary Saul Leibowitz�s �10 Things to Do When You Get Your Junk Stuck in a Toaster� or Sarah Millman�s �Why �Gay as a Frenchhorn� Isn�t a Homophobic Phrase.�

�I think that I�m a better speechwriter than my speechwriters,� Mr. Obama told Patrick Gaspard, his political director, at the start of the 2008 campaign, according to The New Yorker. �I know more about policies on any particular issue than my policy directors. And I�ll tell you right now that I�m going to think I�m a better political director than my political director.�

"...The margin for error in government, when it�s extremely well-run, is enormous. When a government is as huge, dissolute, and distracted by a 10,000-headed hydra of �priorities� as it is today, that margin of error is no longer even a margin of error, it is a function of government itself...."