... you can ground a 747.

http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/some...s-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475

I don't want to be the 1st person to respond to a thread like this.

Me two.

"Nya drawp da bahm awn me -- babee!"

One time when my Dad came out of the bathroom, our cat took a sniff and went over to his litter box and started scratching around. We all laughed that he thought he was too blame.

Good place to hide Money..

My younger brother was flying home after a long week of training, as the flight got under way he felt the urge....in his words he let out a "test fart" that wasn't to bad so let it all go....his coworker sitting next to him called him an a$$hole, and they watched as people in front of them turned on their little vent things...

Nothing comes up on the link, but turning around and putting an airliner down is very expensive.

I farted one time in the grocery store and a lady came by me, stopped and checked her kids pants.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/16/british-airways-flight-smelly-poo_n_6878676.html

I was a week long training course once. The food was all catered and very high protein. I cleared three class rooms from the bathroom down the hallway

ROTFFLMFAO !

My absolutely most memorable was at the OBGYN when my wife was pregnant with our twins. We were waiting for the doctor, the nurse had just left the room, and I absolutely destroyed it. Paint peeling rumble mud butt. HOT Fart, bad. My wife went..."OH, MY GOD!" To which I walked out the door passing her Dr. On the way into the room.

Something I've learned as I've aged. NEVER TRUST A FART. NEVER!!

Yup, pushing 58 and quit trusting farts about 3 years ago.

Saw this earlier in the news. I figured that someone had posted it. I just want to bump it up.

three rules of getting old
1 never trust a fart
2 never waste a hard on
3 the last 4-5 drops always go down your leg.
sucks getting old!

Talk about flight - - - You should see my girlfriend fart -

> http://cdn2.holytaco.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Butterfly_fart1.gif <

I laugh every time some old fart is cruising through a store farting on every third step, but is either too deaf to realized everyone can hear them, or just too old to care.

Dammit, you promised you'd never bring that up again!!!!

Once upon a time....I farted SBD one on a long drive. The Lab was laying on the seat next to me, asleep, with his head on my thigh.

His eyes blinked open. Wide.

He sat up and tested the air.

He turned around and sniffed his butt.

He stuck his head between my thighs and inhaled.

He gave me a "You rotten bastid" look, turned around and buried his nose against the door frame.

I laughed for 50 miles, and every time I've thought of it in the 40 years since....

the ex let one rip one night....bout 15 seconds later The Weasel came out for air giving the ex the evil eye the whole time she laid on top the covers letting it all air out.....pretty phuggin impressive to get that dog to give up her warm bed on a cold night......

Mightta happened a time or two with our Weasel...

you know i got more chit over the years referring to that dog as The Weasel.....most seemed to think it was a negative name....the ex just took forever coming up with a name and i figured short legs, long body, its a weasel.....been around ferrets and such quite a bit and didnt consider the name a negative.....really miss that dog, may have been the ex's but she attached herself to me and my hunting dog.....

I hear you, rattler. Once we are out of Kotzebue...

The Weasel's "official" name was DJ.. Stood for Dufous Junior- for the Lab we had at the time, whose official name was Grizzly. Dumb name, but we got him 3rd hand at two years old. For some odd reason.


Took me two years to figure out he was conning us.... he was that good, or I was that bad, even after 30 years of Labs. I'd never had a used dog before - and the two previous schmucks had inadvertently trained him well...

What turned him around was coming out of Barrow after two years and parking him in a Fairbanks kennel for 10 days while we went to Cabo.

Being shunned by your pack will do that..... Damn, he minded good after that! Like a switch had been thrown.

Not, of course, Labs being Labs, without the occasional back-sliding...

But he helped train the Weasel into pack mode ( I knew they were going to be OK when, after weeks of shunning by the Lab, I came into the room to find him laying on his side, mouth open, with the puppy DJ chewing on his canine....). DJ helped train Tripper Lab in turn even if he did spend a lot of Trip's puppy months under the couch...

An 11 pound Weasel vs a 30 lb. Lab? No contest when it came to serious.

Particularly as one ages.

one of my neighbors has horrible farts. Smells like a possum crawled up his azz and died there.

At the new shooting indoor range the fans suck the air from behind the line towards the targets. And with people wearing hearing protectors you can rip off some impressive loud smelly farts with impunity.

Jim

Seen a bowel monkey released in high winds of the Appalachians that stunned small cattle.

Nothing is foolproof.

Something had my stomach tore up fierce awhile back, and, after we were all in bed, I ripped off a noseburner. My wiener dog went into a seizure, and my woman took off out of bed at a dead run... I felt bad for one, and laughed at the other........

I drove the wife out of bed twice. The last time was a home wrecker sized polish and sauerkraut dog at the county fair. Heavy on the kraut.
A word of advice to newlyweds. Don't blame her cooking, even in jest.

Worst case I ever had was after a bout of food poisoning. I'm surprised that the professor didn't cancel class that day as everyone was gagging.

As far as being a nasty bastid and cutting loose on co-workers, I used to work making disks for computer hard drives, and when we'd have to repair or qual a machine I'd suit up for the clean room and the techs would be outside working on the machine.



That thing with a clean room is it has linear air flow, supply from the sealing, discharge from the floor. But if you're on the outside wall, the air discharging from the clean room is being supplied from the floor, running up to the sealing.

Needless to say if you rip one in the clean room, your tech on the other side of the wall is not going to be a happy camper

I literally have tears!

Did ya save the recipe for that chow ?

If the glass was bullet proof, I wouldn't give a schit.








Or would I.....

I ripped off an SBD in my buddy's truck, just as he was dropping me off from our weekly trapshoot night. It stunk, badly. Very badly. Paint-peeling bad.

Three days later, he picked up his girlfriend, and she asked "Who chit in your truck".

To this day, 17 years later, he still is pissed about it.

We haven't been to a Taco Bell since, either, at least when he's driving. Thank God.

One of my favorite commercials.

This thread has me on the verge of tears!

I was bird hunting with a buddy many years ago in Eastern Washington. We were driving across this huge ranch he had secured permission on and just as we passed a small asparagus field, a pheasant ran across the road into the asparagus. I stopped and my buddy jumped out and went to chase the bird to the end of the field in hopes of a shot.

While I waited I felt one brewing. My buddy made it to the end of the row, jumped the pheasant and made the shot. He was about half way back to the truck when I ripped one off. Without a doubt my best effort ever. This one rolled around the cab of that little Datsun pickup in a green cloud and quickly displaced every molecule of breathable air.

My buddy returned, unaware of what he was about to encounter. He dropped the pheasant in the bed of the truck and unloaded his gun. He pulled the door open just as the cloud had gathered it's full strength and started to poke his head in the cab. It was almost as if he hit a wall. He reeled back like he'd taken a left hook to the jaw and spun around, grabbed the bed rail of the truck to support himself and began puking. Of course this guy would gag a little when he dressed a game bird but this had bird gut beat by a hefty margin. He had many choice words and threats for me I'm sure but I couldn't hear them, I was laughing too hard.

I've experienced some '1st date' farts - usually was the 'last date' too.

I busted one off in my truck on the way up to hunt grouse with my BIL in the passenger seat. The fog made it too him faster than he could roll down the window and he proceeded to gag and puke a bit out the now open window. That's been my best effort so far.

The official list:

http://www.fartnames.com

There's the German potato soup fart. Little sound, small gas volume, but an eye watering smell reminiscent of burning electrical wiring mixed with sulfurous boiled egg yolks.

I was on a flight once where I got upgraded to first class. I had been cutting some nasty farts before the flight. I fell asleep in the recliner, and woke up to hear a couple of guys around me saying "Oh my GAWD, whoever did that should be shot!"

I just went back to sleep.

Boarded a 747 in Cali on the way to S. Korea.and I literally was in the front row, feet damn near touched the wall.

Well we get wheels up, its dark outside and I cover up with the blanket and the O'L Arse comes alive.

The circulation must have been that it rolled up the front and kept rolling on the ceiling and dropped down close to 6 rows back, those people were pissed. One guys even yells out, Hey sumbuddy neefs to go take a chitt!

That was a long flight for some.

It's like the constipated accountant . . . He couldn't budget.

I sleep in a king size, and my two setters would sleep on half of it. One night I let go, both wrinkled their noses and left.

I cleared a car out with an egg and beer fart.

have told this one before.....

buddy of mine has guts that are pretty rotten.....my family spent a weekend with his down in Medora ND renting a cabin.....got there and the kids all went for ice cream at a lil store and while they were gone, Craig let one go that cleared us adults all out of the cabin.....bout ten minutes later the kids come wandering back and dont stop to ask why we are all standing on the porch and proceed into the cabin and with in bout 15 seconds all 5 of them come running out and cause a minor traffic jam at the door with them all trying to be the first to fresh air....took a half hour to air that damn cabin out to the point of tolerable....

Was driving sleeper team for Provisioners out of Seattle making the Friday Fish run to Denver. We stopped at a Mexican Diner at Flaming Gorge exit on I-80. Had an excellent bowl of green chili got back into the Mack climbed into sleeper went to sleep, about a half hour later got a gas attack and let it go. Now I'm not going to say it was bad but it peeled the finish off the leather padding inside the sleeper, my co-driver rolled all the windows down in that Mack and had a pine scent can of air freshner and was spraying the can all over the cab of that Mack. It smelled like someone had schyte a Christmas Tree in there.

Needless to say that was the only trip I made with him and it didn't hurt my feelings one bit, he was a real AHole.

when my son was about 6 he let one go in church and everyone heard it. he says "sorry" just as loud. that church smelled like sewage for 15 minutes. i was proud.

HAHAHAHAHAHA that's awesome

Dad cleared the cabin years ago with a dandy SBD. The guys closest were the first out the door, into mud and snow in their stocking feet. Last out were my brother and me, but we stayed on the porch, because we were used to such goings on. Dad sipped his beer and laughed like crazy. It was a good five minutes before the last guys were able to come in.
It's genetic, too. My brother and I went to breakfast a month ago, and I had him scrambling for the windows a couple times on the way home.
Good times.

Did he have to sit in his own pew?

Wife and myself went to look at a house one morning. Stopped for breakfast on the way and something didn't agree. I let one go inside the truck waiting for the Realtor that had both of us bail out. Looked at the house. Probably took an hour or so and went back to the truck opened the door and that hellcloud was still lingering inside............