HEADLINE NEWS FROM THE YEAR: 2059


Ozone created by electric
cars now killing millions in
the seventh largest Country
in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as
California.

White minorities still
trying to have English
recognized as the third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens
Northwestern United States
crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to
reinstate heterosexual
marriage.

Iran still closed off;
physicists estimate it will
take at least 10 more years
before radioactivity
decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for
global help after being
taken over by Jamaica .
No other country comes
forward to help the
beleaguered nation!


Last Castro finally dies
at age 112; Cuban cigars
can now be imported
legally, but President
Chelsea Clinton has
banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he
will run for President in
2060.

Postal Service raises
price of first class stamp
to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to
Wednesdays only.

Average weight of
Americans drops to
250 lbs.


85-year $75.8 billion study:
Diet and exercise
is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed
for citrus crop failure
for third consecutive
year in Mexifornia and
Floruba.

Abortion clinics now
available in every High
School in United States .

Senate still blocking
drilling in ANWR even
though gas is selling
for 4532 Pesos per liter
and gas stations are
only open on Tuesdays
and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes
last remaining
conservative.


Supreme Court rules any
punishment of criminals
violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA
players is now nine feet
seven inches with only 5
illegitimate children.

New federal law requires
that all nail clippers,
screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up
newspapers must be
registered by January
2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate
at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still
having trouble with
voting machines.


I Love This Country!

It's The Government That Scares Me!
Stop organized crime, re-elect no one.

Live Simply. Love Generously.
Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.
Leave The Rest To God.

NOT CONFIRMED BY SNOPES.

Guns have two enemies; Rust and Politicians.



God Bless America

Keep Her Free

You left out farting in public is punishable with jail time and a hefty fine, cause it would offend someone.

No, that does not become a felony until 2060. Get your chitt straight!

Blacks still upset, even though everything is given to them, cradle to grave.

White folks in the south still upset about losing the war 200 years ago.

Things wont be any different in these regards either.

94 year old man caught dumping colostomy bag on Obama's grave while getting a bl^wjob from a NewAm Majority.

Butt Hole Tightening on Special this week at the all Gay Clinic's.

Portable Gas cans available only (by law) without vent and pour holes.

Underground Christian church discovered in Idaho, shut down, pastor promptly jailed, where is it widely assumed he will be killed by inmates.

Conservative school teacher uncovered, fired, after rainbow teachers report discussion of creation in school classroom.

Water treatment plant attacked by angry Muslim. Claims discrimination based on his criminal history.

HEADLINE NEWS FROM THE YEAR: 2059

BOWSINGER is 122 years old.

Dan's boomerang finally came back 1 April 2059