From Phoenix Business Journal-

Employee just put a casserole in the oven.
Employee's plastic surgery for enhancement purposes needed some "tweaking" to get it just right.
Employee was sitting in the bathroom and her feet and legs fell asleep. When she stood, up she fell and broke her ankle.
Employee had been at the casino all weekend and still had money left to play with on Monday morning.
Employee woke up in a good mood and didn't want to ruin it. My favorite
Employee had a "lucky night" and didn't know where he was.
Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn't get out.
Employee had a gallstone they wanted to heal holistically.
Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.
Employee wound up the airport and somehow boarded a plane.

i had a bimbo that worked for me call me up begging to be off a few days because a cute guy she just met wanted to fly her to atlantic city for the weekend. i said yes and then laid her off at the first chance i had. nice T&A only goes so far.

Had an employee call in sick because he "thought" a spider bit him in the eye.

Had the same one call in because he couldn't find his truck and was going to go search for it.

Another called, he was diabetic, said he ate a flat of cinnamon rolls and could not see.

Anal glaucoma.



I don't see my ass coming into work today.

Had eye trouble and just couldn't see going to work.

Had one call in that the snow was to bad and he lived in a trail park next to the plant

There are some good ones out there. Honestly I can't say anything, I have been out for 10 days due to bone marrow testing for lymphoma and a non-existant white blood cell count.

I got the big fmla locked down on this one.

Lol


Really though, my employer has been great with me over all my health stuff.

That's a good one...

Can't come in. My arm is in a cast.

Had a kid around 21 or so working for me who always had excuses for being late or not showing up. The last straw was when he called to say he was up most of the night and was tired so he drank a few 5 hour energy drinks and was suddenly not feeling well and wouldn't be in. Told him not to bother coming back.


Hope I was never that stupid!

My best one was a cedarchopper who called in that he drank a Mountain Dew bottle of Roundup ( he stole from us BTW) by accident and he didn't feel good enough to come to work.

I've just decided to vote for Hillary, which made me very sick. But I should be ok by tomorrow because Madonna's coming over tonight.

I do remember one guy when I had my roofing crew.

Said he just remembered that he was supposed to report for his 11/29 suspended sentence. Which was no longer suspended...cause he went back over and beat up his girlfriend AGAIN.

I knew a girl that called in sick three days in a row from rug burns on her cheeks.

I've heard quite a few, and used a few myself. My friend however has one that keeps on giving. His grandfather died. The first time I heard it I said I'm sorry to hear that. He said that's ok... he died 5 yrs ago. But they don't know that, and I didn't lie about him dying.

by the way I have never lost an unemployment appeal from anyone I have fired and there have been a bunch

Told my boss I was having vision problems. Can't see my self coming in tomorrow. He laughed and said 8 am the day after. Best boss ever, also bust my balls for him and he acknowledges it. Its a give and take setup. Told him I am invited to a Kansas phesant this January. His response he and the family will enjoy a phesant dinner. You bet they will.

As an Air Traffic Supervisor, Miami ARTCC

Got a call one morning, 'Hey Gene, this is Valerie (in her most pathetic voice) I need sick leave today' OK, I say take care, 'hold on' she says. 'Hey Gene, this is Rob, I need sick leave too' Approved.............

While working in Miami, got a call from John.... 'I need sick leave' OK, whats the problem? 'I just woke up, I'm in Key West, I don't have any underwear on, I don't know where they are or how I got here'

Same location, Bob called one morning, 'Hey Gene-o, I need sick leave today'.... then I hear in the background coming over the Black-Point Marina loud speaker...conditions for Biscayne Bay ....light chop, sky clear, east wind 5-10...... APPROVED....

Was working at a Lucidol chemical plant. The reciptionest for the entire plant received a personal phone call, and then grabbed her coat and ran out the door with no explanation to anyone.
She returned about 45 min. later, and she excitedly explained that her neighbor called and told her that the power went out in their neighborhood.

She had to run home to reschedule her VCR recorder so she wouldn't' miss her favorite Soap Opera !!

They fired her on the spot.....

One day when we were getting our previous home re-roofed one of the crew showed up a couple of hours late. His excuse was that he had forgotten to charge his ankle monitor overnight and couldn't risk having it go dead.

During breaks and lunchtime that day he was stuck on the patio with his leg attached to the power outlet. His boss gave him a pretty good lecture about not being late again.

So hot I have to stay home to ice down the sheep...he worked third shift, and the sheep were alive.
Stepped on a walnut and fell
Jumped off the truck with a sack of feed on my shoulder, now my back hurts

All the same guy

Different actor
The dog got on the table and ate the sauerkraut, have to stay home to clean up his crap.

Not sick but late


Sorry I'm late but I ran out of Total and was forced to eat thirteen bowls of Raisin Bran

Hands down the best one posted so far...

aka rectal blurr. Can't see chit

I work with a guy who called in with a bad case of gingivitis.

I was standing in my boss's office one morning. A co worker called saying he was sick. Boss " how sick are you I really need you ". CoWorker " I'm fckn my sister is that sick enough" it's still a running joke.

My boss tells me to use it for hunting, fishing and that I'll never be told no as long as its for that.

I told him the other week I was going to be ill.. he asked how big was the buck this time? I laughed and said no, I need some days without anything to disturb me to study for a big state test for work. Yep, no problem, but he thought hunting would be more fun.

I"m going to show Carolyn the my arm was in a cast one, since she started fly fishing last year she'll love that one!

Awesome.

Using that one.

We had a "weather related" call in line to be used for weather related absences so I used it.

Nice 90 degree August day.

Got called into the office the next day. ??????

Explanation please there, 284.

Explained that I took the day off to ride my motorcycle.

BIG meeting the next day on call in protocols.

I'm retired from one of the Harley factories and naively assumed they would naturally "see it my way"

Guess not

90 degree day + blue skies + BIKE what's not to understand ?

The most interesting one I ever got was a girl who needed to meet with her parole office within the next hour or she was headed back to jail.

My favorite was a sunburn. I always had evidence the.next day.

Miami ATC again. Following hurricane Andrew, guy down the road a ways, NOT affected by the storm, calls in.

'Hey boss, I can't come in, there's a 'Palm Frond' in the driveway and I'm waiting on the city to move it....I need storm leave'

Had a guy working for me last year called in because he couldn't get to work . It was an inch of snow and he drove a 2500 Dodge Cummins.

Had a guy "too sick to work" so went home early. Next day the boss came and said he was in the hospital; crashed his motorcycle on gravel, broke 3 ribs, leg, concussion. The work was usually easier without him anyway.

Had a guy call me once to say he was going to be late because he had to thaw out his underwear...

Pissed off his wife so she soaked all his shorts and threw them in the freezer.

It was bait.



Travis

Fellow called in sick for a tour on the slope because he had to go to his mother's funeral in Hawaii.

A couple hitches later she actually died, suddenly and unexpectedly.

I worked with a guy several years ago that called in a couple of hours before his shift and my manager rearranged the schedule so we could cover his work load. About three hours later the employee who called in, shows up and feels that he needs to further explain to the manager why he cant make it to work.
It turned into a shouting match, strangest thing I have ever seen anyone do at work.

That one is the greatest Pugs, nicely done!

I am taking sick days next month, going to a DEER friend's funeral..

Couple months ago I took a couple days for surgery - came back to work in a soft shoe and cane, Boss: "What Happened?"
Me: "I told you I was having surgery on my foot."

Boss: " I thought you were joking!! I thought you were going hunting again!"

Great guy to work for!

Was lucky....being in field sales or field sales management, no one really knew where I was... as long as I called into the office routinely.. catch up on phone messages, gave them reports etc, they were none the wiser..


Would take time off when I wanted to....

Say I wanted to go somewhere for a week, did so after writing a couple of good sized orders... just 'sandbagged' them, and called them in while I was out doing what I wanted..

then back dated them before sending them in when I got home...


was pretty much always over quota so no one was the wiser and if they were really didn't care as long as I wasn't advertising it...

always looked at it, I was paid by the job, not by the hour...

In the Federal Service there is Sick Leave- Leave you are to take when you are sick...DUH!

then there is Annual Leave-Leave you can take anytime if we have staffing to cover the shift.

There is Holiday leave- 8 hours are paid for the various holidays that are recognized as federal holidays-Xmas, NY, Thanksgiving, MLK, Presidents Day etc.,, you get the pay whether you work or not, if you take the day off, you get 8 hours of holiday pay, if you work you still get the 8 hours 'extra' pay, guys like to work holidays cause it looks like your getting paid double time.

And you cannot take two types of leave for the same day...

Fred calls in,'Hey Gene I need sick leave for today' OK, I say, except it will not be Sick Leave, todays a Holiday, so I'll put you down for holiday Pay'.... 'Fred: 'It's a holiday????, Oh, I'm not feeling that bad I'll be in, see you at 7'

More excuses:

• Employee's pressure cooker exploded and scared her sister, so she had to stay home.
• Employee had to attend the funeral of his wife’s cousin’s pet because he was an uncle and pallbearer.
• Employee was blocked in by police raiding her home.
• Employee had to testify against a drug dealer and the dealer’s friend mugged him.
• Employee said her roots were showing and she had to keep her hair appointment because she looked like a mess.
• Employee ate cat food instead of tuna and was deathly ill. -- I actually know a couple of guys who did this on a hunting trip. One of them just grabbed some cans from his kitchen cabinet on the way out the door. It didn't keep them from hunting the next day though (one of them actually thought it was pretty good).
• Employee said she wasn’t sick but her llama was.
• Employee had used a hair remover under her arms and had chemical burns as a result. She couldn’t put her arms down by her sides due to that.
• Employee was bowling the game of his life and couldn’t make it to work.
• Employee, experiencing traumatic stress from a large spider found in her home, had to stay home to deal with the spider.
• Employee ate too much birthday cake.

The best is an employee that suddenly remembers they have to pick up their kid in an hour so they have to be done early. Of course "my kid is everything I'm not going to put this job before them" is what they always say.

Co worker/ friend who was supposed to relieve me stopped by the boat we worked on and asked if I could cover his shift for a couple hours while he ran his boat and huge brown bear hide home! It had gorgeous thick chocolaty brown fur. Cool thing was it had broken the bone under a canine tooth and it healed but the tooth pointed straight out like a dagger.

Pretty good excuse in my book!!!