Ive caught a lot of hell from people I know in recent years due to me cutting many folks out of my life. I sleep very well knowing im on the right side of wrong. I caught hell for telling Clinton, Johnson, Stein and non voters around me to GFY. I caught hell for calling out the hypocrisy of the pro-choice folks I know.

I have a small circle of friends. I dont need 1500 "friends" on facebook to make me happy. Dont get me wrong, I treat everyone I come across equally. But I dont associate with those who have different views than I. Never have, never will. I couldnt care less what ethnicity you are. Whats in your heart? What does your actions say to me. I dont follow anyone. I look to those with a greater understanding of life than me. I dont need others who dont share the same views as I bringing strife into my life.

Agree or no?

Agree. Well said.

Friends are the one's you make face to face contact with often, and everyone else falls into strangers or acquaintances categories.

Acquaintances help ya move.

Friends help ya move the body.

If you don't live in my house or out rank me at work you simply don't matter.

The only exception are very very few family members.

Dink

Agreed.

However, I still work part time in the healthcare field, so dealing with folks who have some very different values and attitudes from me, I have to find things that we have in common to maintain communication.
What surprises me the most, is how many older folks still compete with their neighbors and relatives, as a major focus. So many people are not comfortable with who they are, and seek to control others around themselves, to make themselves feel alright. I hate getting sucked into their vortex. Its exhausting sometimes.

What a miserable way to live life. This attitude will ensure plenty will always outrank you at work.

In my 76 years I have had hundreds of acquaintances with whom I had good times and enjoyed their company.

I have had maybe 5 or 6 real friends and consider myself lucky.

Im union. And Republican. Im in defense, and though im there to ensure the men and women that protect me have the best possible tools to get the job done, to make sure the employees go home in the same shape they came in, im also there for a paycheck. I dont go there to make friends. Its great if I do, if I dont, no hair off my ass. I have a job to do. We all have to get along in our daily life. But I dont have to like you, invite you on a hunt or to dinner. We just have to try to coexist as peacefully as possible.

As a healthcare worker, I often have to wade through alot of BS to get to the original purpose of my nursing visit.
I get my job done.
It seems you get your job done too.
No problem.

Not to cherry pick your post but those lines I've highlighted put you in a group that contains about 99% of the population.

Almost all people choose to associate with people who are fundamentally like themselves. I included your remark about ethnicity since association has far more to do with similar attitudes and core values than those that look like us. We might be friendly to others but it's not the same and most folks will understand the difference.

Obviously by "association" that doesn't mean at work where you have no choice, but those we call friends. Even at work there are those you will associate with by choice and those you won't.

Congratulations! You are a normal human being.

I can't understand why they call it a "friend list" on Facebook. Really, it's more of a "nosy list" of people that simply want to know your business because they don't see you on a regular basis.

Good post. Same here.. I refer to my "friends" as my brothers who I'd do anything for. Likewise, they'd do the same for me.

A friend is someone you can call at 2:30 am and say "This is (fill in your name here), I am at home and need your help." Hang up the phone, and in driving time, there will be a knock on your door.

I never had time for friends, they always want you to help them do something. Anytime I have tried to have a friend , they wanted me do do some free plumbing work, free welding, free tractor work. I learned to say no. I know that's sad, but that's how I feel.

At work, agree. This is hard for a lot of people to understand...


Outside of work, agree...

Thats not a friend. Thats a moocher that needs sent down the road pronto.

I have piles of friends in real life.

How many per pile?

And what size hole do you dig for them?

Agreed. I only enjoy the company of liberals to the extent that I give them sh.it for being such dumbasses. Otherwise I don't have any use for them or the destruction they seek. I piss them off with regularity and get great joy from watching them get red faced and unhinged, all while stating the facts with a smile.

Frankly, that's just a damned sad statement on life. I hope for you and yours you figure that out, soon.

Agreed. I am blessed to be able to count those - outside of family - on two hands. I can only wish that blessing or more on others. Well, those worth having said blessing anyway...

Dude!!

You're on track to becoming a misenthrope for sure!

I can get along with most anybody , some I can't get along with for long though.

Mike

Seems contradictory and closed minded to me. So, no.

Lots. I have lots of liberal friends. Makes no difference. Small town life is pretty cool.

Early on discovered that being open and honest with "acquaintances" was a good idea, because one will have many, many of those in the workplace, in educational circles and throughout life in general.

Such an approach with and through acquaintances can enable a person to learn much about the many facets of human existence - why and how people think, why they do what they do, and to identify the best qualities among them, and sometimes the worst. These interactions enable a person to apply and test one's fundamental values and beliefs in one of this earth's true crucibles. Reality matters.

Friends are an entirely different matter. Knowing that there are some great ones out there somewhere - the above activity will help a person identify and gravitate to them. Dad and Mom wisely taught us to make those choices carefully - that true and great friends are the people who will bring out one's best qualities and suppress one's unworthy tendencies - and give unfettered opportunities for one to try to do the same for them.

Very clear distinction between the two - for me. Having enjoyed hundreds and hundreds of acquaintances, I am blessed beyond explanation for the wonder of some true and great friends. Precious treasures.

Friends are ones that you can call to come and get you and your horse trailer when your truck breaks down 200 miles from home and they do it and you would do the same for them. Acquaintances are ones you tell it to after you get home. Friends you can count on in life and you don't take that friendship lightly or the word.

I enjoy people with differing viewpoints and like many by vocation I interact with them frequently

I have to laugh at the ones that can't control their emotions if you challenge thier ideology

There's been a few of those that have dropped me like a bad habit

But I'm fine with that.

Stupid people aren't very interesting to me

Fruck NO!!! You are a narrow minded person who thinks they have a monopoly on lifes wisdoms. If you only surround your self with like minded people, how in the hell do you ever challenge your personal convictions to see if you truly believe them, or just blindly follow along. When you come down off the condescending mountain, you might learn from some of those "lesser than yourself" mentality of people. My wife is the kindest, gentlest most honest caring person I have ever met on this planet, and we are very different in our points of view. If I had your mentality I would not be married to the woman of my dreams for 36 years. Most of my long time dear friends have considerable differences in opinion from mine on a few of lifes big quandaries. It sounds like arrogance is is substituted for wisdom or knowledge. Being so opinionated absolutely retards any type of cerabral growth.

Not narrow minded, focused.





You seem to think I live in some sort of box, shut off from the rest of society. I meet people from all walks of life. I interact with those same people. I pick and choose who and what I let enter my life based off those interactions. When the necessities of life are over, they go their way, I go mine. I do not befriend the majority, nor do I associate with them outside of that which is necessary. It must work pretty good for me considering im the one usually listening to others problems, instead of bitching about everyone around me.

The Marine Corps always told us that you never have friends. You have acquaintances, because then you don't have to worry about friends getting killed.

Actually it's the only way to have a drama free life.

I don't care who's shacking with who, who owes what or owns what.

I'm to worried about my family, hunting, reloading and shooting. I learned along time ago I don't need anyone (other than my wife and kids) to do anything.

Dink

My friends are my friends. They got that way for various reasons, mostly common interests, but some became friends for different reasons. The one thing they have in common is that I trust them. Don't get me wrong, they may do things I disagree with, but they don't do them with the intention of hurting me.

True, people will probably always out rank me. I'm ok with it. To let on like I care about things that I don't would be lie. Lots a people like to live a lie though. I would rather be honest.

Dink

Anybody that needs more than one hand to count their friends, doesn't know the definition of the word "friend."




Dave

Is your kid still a cop?




Dave

So... Are you stupid or are your wife and friends stupid?




Dave

I guess we are not more smarter as you be. I aint too smart cause I realize you can learn from anybody, if you know how to listen.

Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill were as polar opposites as any two humans can be. But some how, they found common ground and got many things accomplished that couldn't have been done had they been busy calling each other stupid. I have thick skin, and also have more depth than a wading pool.

I WILL SECOND THE MOTION.

Not very many friends in my circle. Lots and lots of acquaintances.

Working hard to teach my kids that a real friend is rare and you can't expect to make but just a few in your early life (school years). You don't need a circle of 20 people, because of those 20, 18 generally enjoy others' failure and misery to make themselves feel better/bigger.

I have a large circle of people that I am acquainted with. Many of who have extremely different political and social views than I. I could care less as long as they don't feel the need to push their beliefs on me. Some of these people I would go to great lengths to help because they are truly good people have have done good for me and mine (coaches mainly) even though they support things totally antithetical to what I believe.

Those with different views can still have the greater understanding you seek..and through that one can sometimes
still learn something valuable, despite personal differences.

Other peoples views don't necessarily bring strife lest some try to force their view onto another.

I found life improved with less 'friends'....but everybody is different.

Yes. Friends are friends for a variety of reasons and life is considerably more interesting if we disagree on a variety of issues.

The OP must have very little in the way of exchanges with his associates. They can simply sit in silence and perhaps nod to one another once in a while. If I lived that way, I'd have to dump my wife. Ain't going to happen.

It's especially entertaining when a varied group can sit around a fire in the evening, and we each know how to push one another's buttons. Just a 5 word comment can generate an hours worth of entertainment.

I base my friendships on shared values, not political or religious beliefs.
I have some acquaintances with liberal leaning tendencies but not "extreme, the world is ending because Hillary lost" types. The same applies to far right.
All those that I remain friends with have very similar values when it comes to business, parenting and treating people correctly.
True "friends" are rare. Some define it as someone that will be there for you no matter what. I try to allow for their own needs as well. When the oxygen mask drops in the plane you need to put your own on before helping someone else. If they aren't squared away how can they help you.
When I was a young man growing up I had a few mentors, one I remember very well, he told me if when I am on my deathbed and I can say I have had 5 true friends I have done well in life.
His definition of of "true friend" was
some you could call at 3 AM and say "I'm at the corner of 1st street and Main" and before you can define the problem
the phone goes dead (pretty sure it was a pay phone then)
A true friend will show up in minutes, not knowing the problem he will have a gun, a condom and $500 bail money.

Evidently we differ from one another in the actual definition of 'friend' and 'acquaintance'.
That's all well and good, but it's a bit off putting for some to puff up with righteousness and to pontificate that their definition is better than someone else's.
Personally I have a lot of friends, and an awful lot of acquaintances. I am in close touch with folks from elementary school, through high school, college, and adult life. I like people, and I put a lot of time and effort into keeping friendships intact.
Shrug, that said, I don't spend much time with anyone, friend or family, that is a far lefty, or that believes in, or supports an agenda or world view that I differ from.

Some guys seem to need to be involved with many other folks in order to be happy/satisfied, some seem to be happy (and less hassled) by having just a few, and some seem to want/need almost none. And, as someone already said, the definition of "friend" may vary and complicate this discussion quite a bit.

Looks like the needs/wants for having some other persons close/steady in one's life, and the criteria for what is a "friend", are pivots here.

For certain, in my experience, true friendship is a two-way deal - a deliberate joining of kindred values and spirits.

I try to teach youngsters that as you get older your friends become less but the bonds become stronger. They don't get it because they are all trying to be each other's friends. What they don't understand is those so-called friends are not friends at all.

Another definition of a friend versus true friend- a friend will be there to get you out of jail. A true friend will be sitting next to you in jail.

I think best friends that stay mutually active in your life do become few and far between as you age. I also think we don't seek out friendships like we do when we are younger and family once again becomes a priority and limits us from doing so.

A true friend would talk you out of stupid choices, and if you don't listen will say, "I told you so." If you're sitting in jail because of following someone elses actions or vice versa, I wouldn't call it a friendship as much as I would call it two dumbasses that deserve each other.

Do you really mean to say that people who outrank you matter, and people who don't outrank you don't matter?

DINK needs a group cyber hug.

He Dink, are you Italian?

I doubt that DINK and the OP are as hardcore iconoclastic as they might sound.

Additionally, this topic isn't the best one to discuss in the middle of January, when cabin fever and foul moods hit especially hard.

DINK's work puts him dealing with the dreggs of society. Easy to become cynical. jus sayin.

Just strangers around the 'fire.

Sounds a little insecure and unhappy to me.

I agree!!

My categories:

Family:
by blood or not. Someone I can call at anytime and they're there for me period, no questions asked. We can see each other all of the time or maybe from time to time. I've got lots of "blood" relatives that I don't consider to be family (sadly, including my sister and parents).
Example, my best bud for the past 35 yrs. I consider him as my brother, not just a friend. He lives in another town, so I don't get to see him as often as I'd like. But, there's been times where I've broken down in the middle of nowhere and he was on his way (or me heading to help him). Heck, I'm helping him with his parent's 50th wedding anniversary this upcoming weekend. But, I also consider them as family, especially since most of my summers were either at his house or my grandparents.

Friends:
people I get along with, watch a game with, generally know their immediate family members (spouse, kids, etc). Maybe go eat dinner from time to time. We may or may not agree on everything, but most things in general.

Acquaintance:
Someone I run into from time-to-time. Could be someone I have things in common with or not. Generally someone that I would shake their hand, be friendly with etc, but not ever ask them over to watch the game or hang out.

Interesting discussion. After some reflection I'd say that while most of my friends share a common mindset, I have a few that are coming somewhere between mid and left field. My life wouldn't be nearly as rich if I didn't have friendships with those people. Conversely I know people that seem the have the same mindset as me, and I can't stand them.

I figure the reason I can handle friendships with people that have differing points of view is that I have solid confidence in how I view things and being around others with a different view isn't necessary for me to feel secure. There's no better way to strengthen your view on a subject than discussing it with someone you can respectfully disagree with.

Now fools, zealots, fence sitters and the week minded are just a waste of time.

Rarely do I discuss meaningful subjects with co-workers, and I can get along with most anyone in the workplace. I can deal with those I don't agree with, especially if they're the ones cutting the check. While few of my co-workers have become friends, I've found that a friendly relationship with supervisors, co-workers and clients tends to get you further than being an a-hole. The few times I've been an a-hole it's come back to bite me one way or another.

This!

This whole thread is sad as fûck.

A clever responsible friend may manage to keep both of you out of jail in the first place...

something for people to experiment:
-stop making the effort to keep in touch with friends and see how long it takes before they contact you.

simple advice:
- don't get your hopes up with people or have high expectations, thus avoid too much disappointment.

- Are you even half the person you expect others to be toward you?...If not the problem could be you.

Really it means I have to listen/deal with my bosses.

Dink

No.

Dink

Actually I think it's just the way I'm wired. I'm hard headed and want things done a certain way.

My kids are still pretty little but they are not followers either. They do not go with flow and do their own thing.

Dink

DINK,

I'm ok with you not giving a fugk about me.

Just an FYI.



Your Not-Friend,
Travis

Some day, you're likely to outrank some of those you didn't give a f'k about. Good luck.

Maybe I’m overly sensitive and judgmental, but I am not likely to befriend people who I believe are inclined to surreptitiously move bodies or to go to jail.



The late Justice Scalia was the same way. He introduced people to new ideas. He introduced liberal Justice Kagan to hunting and even brought her to Wyoming for her first deer. During that hunt, she learned that a mortally wounded critter can run away because full system failure sometimes takes time to occur. When I look at the votes on certain cases involving use of force, I cannot help but believe that the life experience of that hunt provided valuable insight to a person who grew up in Manhattan.

Half moved away,..half died,..

*shrugg*,...what ya gonna do?

You can tell a lot about a man by how he treats people who are beneath him in whatever heierarchy he operates in.

If a friend will get you out of jail, and a really good friend will be next to you in jail, what do you call that guy standing behind you in the jail shower?













Not that I really want to know...

A man only needs two friends in life: One to bail him out of jail and one to break him out.

They much prefer to treated the same. If a supervisor has favorites and shows favoritism watch the piss offness and hatred began.

Dink

Interesting thread. I've never really felt that somebody should be willing to throw themselves on a grenade for me to consider them a friend.

I would add, "A true friend will be sitting next to you in jail saying 'Damn. Wasn't that the most fun we've ever had?!'"

L.W.

Congratulations!

I'm not great at math, but it takes more than two friends to make a circle, right? You're a rich man, pahick. Almost half of my friends are dogs, and I'm not complaining.

Gosh! The Fire can argue about anything.
Friendship criteria is different for everyone.
What's the "Best" flavor of Ice Cream?
Let's sing kumbaya and hug now before our Rocky Road Ice Cream melts.
Then you can argue about it. But not in Spanish 'cause it offends some people. Oh, but not liking Spanish offends some people. Life is so tough guys...

"They" prefer to be treated the same as those above you in the organization.

This^. I have lots of friends and acquaintances. Many who dont share my beliefs or align with my political views. I learned long ago to not talk politics or religion in social settings. It just makes things go easier with co-workers/people u deal with in everyday life if you keep it to yourself. Personally people who go on and on and on about their politics are an F-ing bore. I have an Uncle who is almost impossible to go anywhere with and have a good time because he is non-stop judging everyone's politics that is around us from his enlightened opinion of what they might be. I just stopped inviting him places cause it's a mental exercise dealing with it.

I think the definition of friend has changed since the invention of The Web. It has at least added some new layers.

There are people on here who I consider a friend, in some cases dear friends. This is despite having never met them. Probably I will never meet them. I'm not even sure I'd like them if I knew them in-person. My involvement with this sort of thing goes back a lot farther than most of you. I figure my first posting to an online forum was around 1981. I ran a BBS myself for ten years starting in 1989. What I found out as a result of that experience is that an online persona is a bit of a fiction. However, it is no different than the fiction we portray in our physical relationships. The trick is to be honest in all manifestations of yourself, to require it in others, and to be true to yourself at all times.

I have a handful of really close friends that I actually see and these are not folks I have much of an online relationship with. They're all older than me, I've had a bunch of them go on down the trail over the years. There are a couple that I could trust to get me out of jail. However, I've found it is far more reliable to keep the business card of a bitch'n-good criminal attorney in your pocket. Your friends may figure out how to blow the wall of the jail, but a good attorney can get you released on your own recognizance with just a phone call.

Back to this whole Facebook thing. I agree that, to a great extent, it's curiosity. However, there's a considerable amount of petty sadism and Schadenfreude involved as well. I amassed a large number of deeply liberal friends early in my life. While Obama was in office, I loved posting crap on my wall that gave them the vapors. Now that Trump is in, I relish watching them get all torqued out of shape over the news. I also have a bunch of old girlfriends from 30 years ago that wanted to friend me. One that tossed me over 35 years ago invited everyone on Facebook to a Super Bowl party at her house with the guy she tossed me over for. She had to cancel, because no one wanted to come. They're just as mean and unpleasant as they were back then. Another old girlfriend texted me just before the election and demanded I HAD to vote for Hillary. When I didn't, she unfriended me, but it took her 6 emails to do it and called me all sorts of names along the way. I'm not missing all the vegetarian recipes and stupid cat pictures, but I did enjoy watching her rehashing our break-up of 30+ years ago. That was cheap entertainment. Overall it is fun watching all these extremely unhappy people having miserable dysfunctional lives, telling each other how superior they are. It helps me stomach the news a lot better.

One last thing: because I was online pre-WWW, I ran into a lot of folks that were handicapped. Back in my BBS days I had dear friends that were blind, crippled, shut-in, or ill. That's a lot of what was out there in those days. I used to quip that you had to have something wrong with you to call into my BBS. This was because that was the only way they had to communicate. I had 4 close friends that were on the waiting list for livers. 2 got them. 2 died waiting. My point in saying this is be attuned to that fact. We all put money in the plate on Sunday. We all put can goods in the bin. However, if you really want to spend yourself in a great way, open yourself to online friendships. There are people out there that don't want your pity. They just want someone to talk to. There are probably a bunch of them on here. I learned 20 years before this Campfire started not to be too hard on folks that want to talk hunting and shooting but don't seem to ever do either. One reason I keep up my turkey hunting audio-only podcasts is there are blind guys out there that really dig them.

But I would ...you know the kinda grenade I mean. That's what BFF's do

Friends take a lot of time, I'm busy most all the time. It's all I can do to make time for family.

Good point. There is nothing wrong with verbally communicating, but there has to be more than that to seal the deal.

i always say that your are lucky these days if you have 5 friends that you would trust leaving a hundred dollar bill laying on your kitchen counter while you weren't there.

good friends are hard to come by.life will teach you who you can trust and count on.

Hell, I have made more friends on here, that I later met in person, than that. In fact I have made friends, here first, that would do quite a lot for me, and I them. I have strong evidence to support that claim. miles

Good by-line material! GW

"Drink" ! GW