So finally heard from the goof Ex employee who didn't show up for work(for 2 weeks) nor call till I received a text message yesterday asking for his final pay check. He picked it up without incident and I just said "here ya go bye"
Then I received this text message..I deem it an instant classic for the ages along side "The dog ate my homework" TFF!
"kind of embarrassing 2 talk about but i didnt show up for work because i had a hemroid problem that was very painful and its gonna be another couple days be4 i recover idk if you hired somone else or not but w.e the situation is i would like to come back and work for you"
That is a pretty good one, considering it was two weeks.
My brother sells re-claimed construction materials that come from tear-downs. One of the main guys that runs a tear-down crew had several workers that were all no-shows for a few days. When asked why they didn't come to work, one said that they'd "had the radioactive cancer". When asked how they got such a thing, they claimed "it was from JJ's thieving ass what stole a busted microwave and used it in the house". When asked how they were miraculously back at work a few days later, they said the doctor cured it. What did the doctor give them? "Some Tylenols".......
Years ago I worked for a seed company. We had a Mexican kid who, about once a week, would call in drunk. He didn't lie about it. He'd just say he was too drunk to work that day. The boss was about ready to fire him when he didn't show up one day. The boss called him in to fire him and he said something like 'You no fire me por favor. If I no work, I go to jail.' He was done with that job for sure but I never heard if he went to jail.
I had a Plumber that worked 4 days a week on average. 5 this week, 3 the next. I liked him or I would have fired his ass a lot sooner. One of the other plumbers ask him why he only worked 4 days a week. Greg looked at him and told him, ". I can't quite make it on three". That made sense to me. I finally ran his ass off. He finally straightened up from what I heard.
Had an apprentice that refused to help set a prefabricated panel! I was pissed and ask what the hell, give us a hand! He says I can't my shorts are to tight! I couldn't do anything but laugh!!
Sorta creative. He went with the medical sympathy angle AND the too embarrassed to tell you angle. One-two punch excuse. Perhaps you weren't using his creativity to his fullest potential. Maybe he should be in some sales capacity for you.
Knew one pretty senior guy at a previous employer, who told his supervisor he had to get a boil on his butt lanced and wouldn't be in for a couple days. Probably true as he'd clearly been in pain from it. The supervisor told everyone, of course. About 10 guys brought him pillows to sit on.
New yard guy knocked on my door and said he's the greatest so I sent him up on the mountain to clear some brush and a fence line. Did OK. Said he would be back the next day but didn't show for 3 weeks with no calls no nuthin'. Quit after I said it would be nice for him to stick to his word.
Gave up getting upset about the lack of giddy up n go around here long ago. It is what it is .
Had a girl show up with her own equipment including gas. Did more work in an hour than the hillbillies did in 2 1/2 and she's a Republican ta boot !
I interviewed a lady for a receptionist position a couple months ago. When I asked what hobbies she had she said she like to drink beer and party. She didn't get the job.
In high school I crapped my pants at least once a week on my way to school. I'd show up late in Sister Mary's office explaining that I'd had to turn around to go home and change my pants and sometimes even shower before heading back toward school. I got no sympathy, but regular detention. She was a hard woman with pretty inflexible ideas about young men and their bowels.
