Our lad, newly married, slipped off to the pub to join his old bachelor friends for a quick pint, which turned into a piss up. The Landlord suddenly declared that he was putting up a silver tankard for the longest knob on show. Our lad won but arriving home was unable to get his key into the lock because it kept moving. Nothing daunted he knocked on the door & eventually his bride opened it. "what's that mug youv'e got there, lad" she asked. "
Well, we had a knob show at pub & I won".
"You didn't show them our thing, did you" she asked.
His reply - " just enough to win the mug".

Fellow back from a trip to Italy. Co-workers asked him about the trip, wanted to know any amusing happenings. Fellow told about how he and his buddy decided to sample the local cuisine and went into a apothocary to purchase protective sleeves. Running up against the language barrier, they had to rely on gestures. Said they began by pointing at their crotches - look of bafflement on the part of the proprietor. More futile gestures ensued. Finally after consultation, they unzipped, displayed, pointed, and put some money on the counter. At this point, the gentleman behind the counter got a look of understanding, whipped out a huge instrument, swept the money off the counter, and with a smile of satisfaction, pocketed it.