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On a job I was doing. Iraq war veteran, who joined in 2000. Young guy by my standards, it's sad the shape some of those guys are in, not sure what else we can do to help.
Living in a motel room, with nothing. Made small talk with him and somewhere along the line I said something that got him talking. Among the many things discussed I asked him if he was working and he told me it's tough to get work he has physical and mental problems. Kind of a jittery guy that I noticed I had to repeat myself if he wasn't looking at me so he must at least have some hearing problems. Had a TV on a stand and a bag in the corner, other than that the room was pretty much bare. Nicest thing by far was hanging on the wall. A glass cased frame with what looked like his official Marine papers, some medals overlapping each other in the upper left corner, 2 letters that appeared to be official honorable discharge letters including a personalized letter of thanks from one of his commanding officers, and some other Marine stuff that I can't say exactly what it was. His spiffed up color hats were neatly arranged on a makeshift shelf. He told me that all was a different time and a different world but he looks at that case and thinks that's the only thing he's done that makes him of any worth. I told him you are worth a lot more than just that.
Left there saddened to a degree and have thought about him ever since. It was a one off job an hr and half away, I feel bad I didn't think to at least ask if he minded giving me his phone number to keep in touch with him.
One is alone in a land so vast, there is only the mountains, the wind, and the eyes of God.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Thanks for talking with him. A lot of guys feel invisible and therefore ignored, then worthless. It is a bad feeling going from something relevant and of purpose to having no purpose and nothing.to give you a reason to keep going.
Me solum relinquatis
Molon Labe
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Oct 2011
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I will bet big money he would recognize and appreciate it if you drove that 1 1/2 hour again to ask him for his # to keep in contact.
Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Campfire Regular
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I will bet big money he would recognize and appreciate it if you drove that 1 1/2 hour again to ask him for his # to keep in contact. Trust me I been thinking about when I will be heading that way again and stop in. I might call the motel and explain the situation a little bit since they are the ones I actually did the work for, and see if they would put me in contact with him.
One is alone in a land so vast, there is only the mountains, the wind, and the eyes of God.
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Thanks for talking with him. A lot of guys feel invisible and therefore ignored, then worthless. It is a bad feeling going from something relevant and of purpose to having no purpose and nothing.to give you a reason to keep going. Thanks from me also.... Sometimes they need to communicate with someone who will take the time to talk with them. Some guys came back from Vietnam with similar issues but just needed to get back into some normal relations with some normal people.
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Campfire Outfitter
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I will bet big money he would recognize and appreciate it if you drove that 1 1/2 hour again to ask him for his # to keep in contact. Trust me I been thinking about when I will be heading that way again and stop in. I might call the motel and explain the situation a little bit since they are the ones I actually did the work for, and see if they would put me in contact with him. That's a good idea. Even if the motel won't give out his contact information out of privacy concern, they could give him your phone number so he could call you if he felt like it. There are a lot of folks like him that need some kind human contact and maybe a little help finding their path again. Bless you for noticing and caring.
Let's Go Brandon! FJB
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Some vets cope with things very differently.
Some were already a bit messed up before they joined. That said, the ones that don't have stickers all over their vehicles, and don't wear shirts that say "dysfunctional veteran" aka attention seekers, often don't get the help they need for a variety of reasons. One major problem is that there are a MASSIVE amount of vets claiming PTSD who are completely full of KRAP. Unfortunately it has become another way to get a bigger check each month from Uncle Sugar, so many (both men and women) who never actually even heard a shot fired in anger are claiming PTSD now.
Your guy may be one of the legit guys, and is struggling with it. Often the legit guys cope with drugs and alcohol, because they know no other way, and the VA is a clusterFluck. It is hard to discuss the issues they have with people who have not had similar experiences, so they don't open up about things. It is also not always about actual stress from combat. It is the stress of being away from home and being helpless to control what may be happening there too. Many spouses, girlfriends run wild, spending the Joe's money, screwing other dudes, taking their kids from them, etc, and the Joe is on the other side of the planet, not able to do a thing about it.
Maybe get a hold of the hotel and leave your number for the guy, and tell him you'd like to come visit. Take him fishing, take him to a BBQ whatever, your treat. Something low key, non stressful. Odds are he does not have 2 nickles to rub together. Also look to see if there are non VA associated veteran's support groups in your area.
Take it slow. I did something similar last year for a young dude, fresh out, who needed to get to Montana for a job. His truck was broke down and he was living in a crappy hotel room, and had ended up with some tickets from the local police, that he had to wait around to deal with. The problem was, waiting around to take care of them was killing his very meager savings. I ended up talking to a buddy who worked for that department,and we explained the situation to the prosecutor. She dropped the charges, so he could get going on up to Montana before he lost his job opportunity.
Small things can mean a lot, even if the person does not realize it until years later, when they are thinking a little more clear.
THE CHAIR IS AGAINST THE WALL. The Tikka T3 in .308 Winchester is the Glock 19 of the rifle world. The website is up and running!www.lostriverammocompany.com
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Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
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Small things can mean a lot, even if the person does not realize it until years later, when they are thinking a little more clear. That's the way to roll. Take it slow. I did something similar last year for a young dude, fresh out, who needed to get to Montana for a job. His truck was broke down and he was living in a crappy hotel room, and had ended up with some tickets from the local police, that he had to wait around to deal with. The problem was, waiting around to take care of them was killing his very meager savings. I ended up talking to a buddy who worked for that department,and we explained the situation to the prosecutor. She dropped the charges, so he could get going on up to Montana before he lost his job opportunity. Thank you for doing this, it means a lot to me as well.
Paul
"I'd rather see a sermon than hear a sermon".... D.A.D.
Trump Won!, Sandmann Won!, Rittenhouse Won!, Suck it Liberal Fuuktards.
molɔ̀ːn labé skýla
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Joined: Mar 2017
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Campfire Regular
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OP
Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,752 |
Some vets cope with things very differently.
Some were already a bit messed up before they joined. That said, the ones that don't have stickers all over their vehicles, and don't wear shirts that say "dysfunctional veteran" aka attention seekers, often don't get the help they need for a variety of reasons. One major problem is that there are a MASSIVE amount of vets claiming PTSD who are completely full of KRAP. Unfortunately it has become another way to get a bigger check each month from Uncle Sugar, so many (both men and women) who never actually even heard a shot fired in anger are claiming PTSD now.
Your guy may be one of the legit guys, and is struggling with it. Often the legit guys cope with drugs and alcohol, because they know no other way, and the VA is a clusterFluck. It is hard to discuss the issues they have with people who have not had similar experiences, so they don't open up about things. It is also not always about actual stress from combat. It is the stress of being away from home and being helpless to control what may be happening there too. Many spouses, girlfriends run wild, spending the Joe's money, screwing other dudes, taking their kids from them, etc, and the Joe is on the other side of the planet, not able to do a thing about it.
Maybe get a hold of the hotel and leave your number for the guy, and tell him you'd like to come visit. Take him fishing, take him to a BBQ whatever, your treat. Something low key, non stressful. Odds are he does not have 2 nickles to rub together. Also look to see if there are non VA associated veteran's support groups in your area.
Take it slow. I did something similar last year for a young dude, fresh out, who needed to get to Montana for a job. His truck was broke down and he was living in a crappy hotel room, and had ended up with some tickets from the local police, that he had to wait around to deal with. The problem was, waiting around to take care of them was killing his very meager savings. I ended up talking to a buddy who worked for that department,and we explained the situation to the prosecutor. She dropped the charges, so he could get going on up to Montana before he lost his job opportunity.
Small things can mean a lot, even if the person does not realize it until years later, when they are thinking a little more clear.
Thanks for the example. This guy opened up enough to tell me a lot, but yet was very tight lipped at the same time. Not that it mattered to me or I in any way needed to know more, but that's basically how it went. For example told me he has trouble finding or keeping work because he has physical and mental problems, but never expanded on what any of them were. Didn't strike me as anybody looking for a pity party at all. I picked up on his hearing difficulty on my own. Told me he seen a lot of stuff you wouldn't believe, and it changes ya, but he never gave any examples. Told me he lost 1 guy in his unit, a buddy. That was pretty much how each and every bit of information he gave went.....make a statement, but wouldn't go past that. Told me he did some time after he got back, but never said what he did. I asked him kinda jokingly if he had gotten bored and went looking for something to do. He started to talk, just stopped and thought about his words for a bit, then answered, No, I'm just a badass that's not afraid to die. His quote was, "I got a little thug in me" and he left it at that. If I had to guess based on that, he went to jail for beating the crap out of somebody but that's purely me surmising trying to read between the lines of his limited information. Friendly enough guy, at least to me he was. Divorced twice. A lot of bad things to deal with for such a young life.
One is alone in a land so vast, there is only the mountains, the wind, and the eyes of God.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Follow your instincts. Help who you can. Don't get played.
As much as it pains me to say it, look what happened to Chris Kyle.
I believe many of the vets with mental problems were f'd up long before they joined up.
I joined the Marines in 1979, and did 25+ years. I knew a lot of Vietnam Marines who went through hell, and were still the very best.
As already stated, everybody handles stress differently. But beware, there are a lot of hustlers out there.
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Campfire Regular
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OP
Campfire Regular
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Follow your instincts. Help who you can. Don't get played.
As much as it pains me to say it, look what happened to Chris Kyle.
I believe many of the vets with mental problems were f'd up long before they joined up.
I joined the Marines in 1979, and did 25+ years. I knew a lot of Vietnam Marines who went through hell, and were still the very best.
As already stated, everybody handles stress differently. But beware, there are a lot of hustlers out there.
I"ll be honest, my instinct is he's a decent guy who decided to open up to me about some stuff he had going on, after he figured out I was a decent guy. But I get what you're saying and it's certainly not bad advice.
One is alone in a land so vast, there is only the mountains, the wind, and the eyes of God.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2007
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Some vets cope with things very differently.
........... It is also not always about actual stress from combat. It is the stress of being away from home and being helpless to control what may be happening there too. Many spouses, girlfriends run wild, spending the Joe's money, screwing other dudes, taking their kids from them, etc, and the Joe is on the other side of the planet, not able to do a thing about it.
Maybe that would legitimize a PTSD claim?
Retired cat herder.
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Got a Jar Head kid overseas right now, think I can work him back to the world when he comes home
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Joined: Mar 2007
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2007
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Some vets cope with things very differently.
Some were already a bit messed up before they joined. That said, the ones that don't have stickers all over their vehicles, and don't wear shirts that say "dysfunctional veteran" aka attention seekers, often don't get the help they need for a variety of reasons. One major problem is that there are a MASSIVE amount of vets claiming PTSD who are completely full of KRAP. Unfortunately it has become another way to get a bigger check each month from Uncle Sugar, so many (both men and women) who never actually even heard a shot fired in anger are claiming PTSD now.
Your guy may be one of the legit guys, and is struggling with it. Often the legit guys cope with drugs and alcohol, because they know no other way, and the VA is a clusterFluck. It is hard to discuss the issues they have with people who have not had similar experiences, so they don't open up about things. It is also not always about actual stress from combat. It is the stress of being away from home and being helpless to control what may be happening there too. Many spouses, girlfriends run wild, spending the Joe's money, screwing other dudes, taking their kids from them, etc, and the Joe is on the other side of the planet, not able to do a thing about it.
Maybe get a hold of the hotel and leave your number for the guy, and tell him you'd like to come visit. Take him fishing, take him to a BBQ whatever, your treat. Something low key, non stressful. Odds are he does not have 2 nickles to rub together. Also look to see if there are non VA associated veteran's support groups in your area.
Take it slow. I did something similar last year for a young dude, fresh out, who needed to get to Montana for a job. His truck was broke down and he was living in a crappy hotel room, and had ended up with some tickets from the local police, that he had to wait around to deal with. The problem was, waiting around to take care of them was killing his very meager savings. I ended up talking to a buddy who worked for that department,and we explained the situation to the prosecutor. She dropped the charges, so he could get going on up to Montana before he lost his job opportunity.
Small things can mean a lot, even if the person does not realize it until years later, when they are thinking a little more clear.
Having done two Iraqi tours myself in the Marines, and knowing that Mackay has BTDT, the above is all true. If you see a pickup with an absurd amount of motto stickers and the dude always wears the shirts, he likely was a garrison Marine who thought Okinawa was a "deployment", or maybe spent time on Camp Blue Diamond with MEF or Division.... Nothing wrong with that...as they're absolutely necessary but it does paint a pretty reliable picture. To the OP, good on ya....if you do keep in touch with him let him know there are options. I still deal with getting my Marines and Sailors the help they need, to the legal extent that I can. The VA can be worthless, depending on the particular office, but luckily they're not the only option. There's likely a local county veterans extension or some non-profit group he can look into, if need be.
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Some were already a bit messed up before they joined. That said, the ones that don't have stickers all over their vehicles, and don't wear shirts that say "dysfunctional veteran" aka attention seekers, often don't get the help they need for a variety of reasons. One major problem is that there are a MASSIVE amount of vets claiming PTSD who are completely full of KRAP. Unfortunately it has become another way to get a bigger check each month from Uncle Sugar, so many (both men and women) who never actually even heard a shot fired in anger are claiming PTSD now.
That schitt has been going on for years. It ramped up after the first Gulf War. 100% disability. $3k/month. Tax free.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Had to bring my son back after his irag tour. It can be done. He was lucky and had no injuries while he was over in iraq.
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Don't think there will be a claim when Anthony comes home
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Some vets cope with things very differently.
........... It is also not always about actual stress from combat. It is the stress of being away from home and being helpless to control what may be happening there too. Many spouses, girlfriends run wild, spending the Joe's money, screwing other dudes, taking their kids from them, etc, and the Joe is on the other side of the planet, not able to do a thing about it.
Maybe that would legitimize a PTSD claim? Absolutely. The stress of feeling helpless is far worse for most than the stress of actual back and forth shooting. This may sound strange or "off" to some, but I will try to explain a little from my perspective. The back and forth stuff can actually be a stress reliever. What can absolutely drive you nuts is being hammered night and day by indirect fire (mortars and rockets). The vast majority of the time you don't get the opportunity to fire back. Often you just roll off your bunk, throw on your PPE (helmet and vest) and make a mad run for a bunker or safer location, all while listening for the tell tale sounds of one that is going to be close to you. When that happens, you lay flat, and hope for the best. Other times, if you are asleep and the rounds are falling you just roll off your rack, throw your gear on top of you and wait for the explosions to stop, hoping that your number is not up. It can be rather stressful, and not being able to do anything about it usually pisses you off and builds the stress up. Being able to shoot back at a spotter or someone who is adjusting fire is actually a stress reliever. Getting into a back and forth type thing can actually burn off some of that stress too, under the right circumstances. It just depends on what the circumstances are. For a soldier having to deal with the stress of a deployment, and knowing that things are not good at home, makes things doubly hard.
THE CHAIR IS AGAINST THE WALL. The Tikka T3 in .308 Winchester is the Glock 19 of the rifle world. The website is up and running!www.lostriverammocompany.com
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Good thinking, blanket. They need family more than a stranger, but shade tree is doing the right thing When you are in dire straits, any help I'm sure will be appreciated. True there has been some frauds, who take advantage of a good-intentioned person, but there are tons of Suicide's related to Vet's who have some Battle related issues. It's discussed constantly in The American Legion Magazine and also in The Dept. Of Veteran's Affairs publications.
I have a close friend who suffer's from PTSD extensively. He is managing his affliction nicely, because of help from family and friends such as myself, who went through similar situations, but for some reason were not affected as severely. He never misses his counseling appointments at the VA which he claims has been great. What would help my friend and possibly the one that shade tree is talking about would be a job opportunity. Being a normal part of society and going to a job every day is much better than sitting around all day and waiting for the disability payments. If any one has a job available, Check with the VA. They can refer you to some one who may desperately need your help.
Better to be over the hill than under it.
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Joined: Oct 2002
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Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2002
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Some people have no family.
The military didn't know what to do when I put no one down as next of kin to notify/get payments etc. I told them I had no family, but they just couldn't stand an empty block.
Some people have a difficult time understanding that some of us have NO family.
"Dear Lord, save me from Your followers"
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