Home Forums Miscellaneous Topics Humor, Jokes, and Riddles Willy Wonka...War Criminal

**THIS IS A FNN NEWS ALERT**

Willy Wonka....was a Nazi War Criminal!!

UNBELIEVABLE! Yes, 70+ years after the Wars end, its come to the Worlds attention that Willy Wonka was a Nazi follower and War criminal, with the entire story now able to be told.

I mean, its all right there in the movie!!

Watch it, and see for yourself.

Lets examine some .....controversial....anonymously sourced.... "facts".

Locked behind his big iron gates, Wonka quietly went about "experiments" and "creations" after the War.
The whole factory (read Lab) sealed off from prying, but exhausted eyes after the World conflagration.

He settles on chocolate and confectionaries, post-war, so the story goes, after his factory made bullets, bombs, and airplanes there for the Reich during WWII, sure as Heinz has 57 varieties.

And where did he get that limp?? Goose-stepping through Eastern Europe, perhaps, hmmm??

So for 30 years afterwards, Wonka successfully reentered normal life as a business man, similarly like other Nazi participants, escaping his wartime past and crimes, making sweet wonderful treats "for the children"
(we've heard this justification before, havent we?)

Then In 1971, after escaping Nazi Hunters and prosecution, he suddenly opens his factory in an "act" of charity and good will??

....Reeeeally? Why?

Its safe to assume he needed the capital from the Gold Ticket contest he held - folks buying up millions of Wonka bars - with an aim to divest himself of his business holdings, deny his war-time participation history, and use the money to flee the Country!



There had been previous hints of Wonka's dark doings:

The street cleaner outside Wonkas factory gate accidentally foreshadows the sinister goings on inside ...
...."nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out!"

....and in the background, a smokestack!....(switch on menacing stain music tape, now!)
Ah-HA!

Meanwhile, nobody in the surrounding town would confirm or deny the inner workings of the Wonka factory..... .....sounding familiar?
Ah-HA! HA!!

And Slugworth?..oh that Slugworth! Nothing screams Gestapo or SS, like a man dressed in a full length black leather jacket, recording "interviews", and stalking folks attempting to take their gold....(-en ticket)

Am I right?!- Am I right?!!



So just what was behind those gates?

Inside, the huge factory was basically set up as various confectionary-related booby traps for investigating eyes, and industrial machinery converted from its war-time purposes decades before:

A "suck-up pipe"?? ...abject cruelty...

(it's no coincidence the first child liquidated was the double-agent, West German spy, Augustus Gloop,
heir to the International Gloop Modeling Agency of hot, full figured, curvy models,
NEW YORK-PARIS-DUSSELHEIM, GR.-KENOSHA, WI.)

...An "eggdicater" garbage chute??, sorting out the good from bad?
(Read as Aryan from Non-Aryan)...

....a "de-particle-izer"??, able to breakdown material and people and shoot them from one end of the factory to another in tiny bits and pieces???
.....Pretty handy for zipping war machinery and troops around, once all the trains were bombed out, and air supremacy was lost.

...Wangdoodle?... Hornswoggler??... Snozzwanger???
Sounds like Wehrmacht, Fallschirmjager, and Einsatzgruppen to me, no?

....a "complete meal in pill form"??
I believe this is what killed Hermann Goering in his cell!!

..the "Everlasting Gobstopper"??
Sinister, Wonka experimental tool that made German troops into
candy-cane- like crack addicted "super-soldiers" who fought without food or sleep.
"You can suck em and suck em..." ...and still go on blitzkreig-ing.

Also lets not overlook the combination to his factory door he speaks out loud, as if clandestinely signaling his wartime cohorts, supporting their ideaology:

"99--44--100% PURE"

Ohhh reeeeeally!?? 100 percent, only, is it?? Monster!


And Holy cow!...he blasts his way out of his factory roof in a flying whatchamacallit, uh-uh "Wonkavator"- quite obviously the fruition of pioneering Nazi war-time rocket/UFO research and technology!!

..."capable of going upways, and sideways, and slant ways, and all ways"




There seemed no limit!!... to these Wonka Nazi "Wonder Weapons" potentially meant to carry on the War once all seemed lost.

And Wonka?? With the capital from the charity contest moneylaundering complete, he divests himself of all connections to his past by just giving away his criminally tainted factory!, to then escape through the "rat line"

...how charitable??...oh, how convenient!!
Ah-ha! Ha!! HA!!!!


.......but to where?

SOUTH AMERICA, of course!

Venezuela! Peru! Brazil! Ecuador!
Homes of the cocoa bean!!

... where he could continue on in his chocolate business and experimentation, remain hidden as a rich man of society, carrying on the Nazi tradition with his wartime expats.

...or are those the home of the coffee bean...

Cocoa bean?
Coffee bean?
Cocoa--? -
Coffee--?-

.....anybody??

Well, whatever- whatever...hey if you got a cow, you can make a chocolate bar!


(**to Wonka-music**)

Who invaded Po-land,
It always was their dreeeam..
Spread alot of sorrow,
And ignore the cries and screams!

The Candyman, The Candyman did

Willy Wonka takes, eve-ry-thing he makes,
Gives it to the Reich's am-bi-tions,
Talk about your weird tran-si-tions,
Hides the worst of his Tra-di-tions!

The Candyman, The Candyman did...

The Candyman did,
Now he's hiding on the run,
Because he just aint no goooooood.

(**end**)


And as if all of Wonka's cocoa-coated veneer of evil wasn't incriminating enough...
...the most damning evidence of all..

Behind his secluding iron gates, the chocolatier and former Reich recluse dabbled in Nazi-gleaned, war-time genome experiments, keeping a workforce of little orange people, and plying them with sing-songy existential brainwashing to induce compliance to his post-war work of building a confectionary empire:

..... "Here, you'll be freeee, if you tru-ly wish to beee"......Ogre!!


Now what...do-you-think......of.......THAT!??

...I
-dont
-like
-the
-look
-of it.






Well, as you can see, Yes, the overwhelming evidence clearly shows Wonka's undocumented devotion to Nazi ideology and experimentation, makes him a fugitive War Criminal.

A Choc-o-late-zi.....Nazi!

...is nobody else connecting all these dots??!

....Hello?... CNN??


Look into the eyes of Evil...and despair!




**mic drop**



**NEXT- Little Orphan Annie: Honest orphan, or just 38yo cross-dressing high-talker, and serial grifter?