|
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,732
Campfire Ranger
|
OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 17,732 |
I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.
I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the "Jim" this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
When I was a child I thought “Nap Time” was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.
The biggest lie I tell myself is ”I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
I don’t have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I’m just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
At my age “Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Actually, I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne.
Life is great.
I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now, I’m wondering: did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?
NRA LIFE MEMBER GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS ESPECIALLY THE SNIPERS! "Suppose you were an idiot And suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself." -Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 7,306
Campfire Tracker
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 7,306 |
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." **Edmund Burke**
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." **Benjamin Franklin**
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 46,243
Campfire 'Bwana
|
Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 46,243 |
Good ones!
Trump Won!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489
Campfire Outfitter
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489 |
Love it...... I can really relate to most of that.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,698
Campfire Tracker
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 6,698 |
Your Christmas card list keeps getting shorter.
I like to do my hunting BEFORE I pull the trigger! There is only one kind of dead, but there are many different kinds of wounded.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 27,091
Campfire Ranger
|
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 27,091 |
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,306
Campfire Kahuna
|
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,306 |
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” ― George Orwell
It's not over when you lose. It's over when you quit.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,002
Campfire Tracker
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 7,002 |
One of the best things about the senior citizen/ retired thing is,
Midweek!
I can go fishing, hunting, to the gun range, riding on the UTV, shopping at Lowe's and Big R, or wherever I want to go, without fighting with the weekend crowd!
I'd rather be a free man in my grave, than living as a puppet or a slave....
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,140
Campfire Kahuna
|
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 59,140 |
Ex- USN (SS) '66-'69 Pro-Constitution. LET'S GO BRANDON!!!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337
Campfire Ranger
|
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 26,337 |
isn't it strange how the world has been set-up for five days of work, two days of recreation of whatever type, then back to work?
i've often deer hunted in the middle of the week, to have the woods to myself. no tellin' if the deer were moving more then.
it's like the work a day world is in a ritual of sorts. all one has to do is play the role. the paycheck is on friday.
now that i'm retired, sometimes the grass is high, sometimes it's mowed close. doesn't much matter.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,932
Campfire Tracker
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 4,932 |
Have a friend who was, I think, a chemical engineer. He is retired now and spends his time turning beer, wine and whiskey into urine.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 588
Campfire Regular
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2017
Posts: 588 |
Eat til I'm tired. Sleep til I'm hungry. Repeat. Life is good.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,171
Campfire Regular
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,171 |
Dong Ha Vietnam '67
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,108
Campfire Savant
|
Campfire Savant
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 151,108 |
Getting old ain’t for sissies
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 17,774
Campfire Ranger
|
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 17,774 |
Excellent and pretty true!!!
Molon Labe
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774
Campfire Tracker
|
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 4,774 |
I'm 45 and life is great. I love my God, my wife, my kids and my job. I may retire some day, Lord willing, but for now work is a lot of fun.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 837
Campfire Regular
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 837 |
Rules of Senior Life
Never waste a hard-on Never pass a bathroom Never trust a fart
Guidelines
Never run when you can walk Never walk when you can ride Never step over things you can go around If it looks heavy, get someone else to pick it up Don't buy groceries on Wednesday's [ SSA checks come out then and the stores are full of the Walking Dead]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,987
Campfire Regular
|
Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 2,987 |
fubarguy,
May I add another??: FIND & MARRY a beautiful "trophy wife", who actually LOVES you beyond measure & accepts you as you ARE, as I did.
yours, tex
Last edited by satx78247; 04/19/19. Reason: typo
"VICTORY OR DEATH"
William Barrett Travis, Lt.Col., comdt. Fortress of The Alamo, Bejar F'by 24, 1836
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 10,913
Campfire Outfitter
|
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 10,913 |
Very Good.....Very Accurate! A “Thumbs Up”! memtb
You should not use a rifle that will kill an animal when everything goes right; you should use one that will do the job when everything goes wrong." -Bob Hagel
“I’d like to be a good rifleman…..but, I prefer to be a good hunter”! memtb 2024
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,306
Campfire Kahuna
|
Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,306 |
An octogenarian couple was watching a risque show on TV. Suddenly the husband pointed at his crotch and said, Hey, look at this! The wife said 'lets go have a party...NOW'. So, they headed off to the bedroom. An hour later, they silently came back to the living room and went back to watching TV. Pretty soon, he said 'It wasn't much of a party, was it'. She said 'It never is much of a party when no body comes. '
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” ― George Orwell
It's not over when you lose. It's over when you quit.
|
|
|
|
597 members (1beaver_shooter, 17CalFan, 10gaugeman, 12344mag, 10ring1, 1337Fungi, 52 invisible),
2,729
guests, and
1,082
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums81
Topics1,191,312
Posts18,468,262
Members73,928
|
Most Online11,491 Jul 7th, 2023
|
|
|
|