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Are you sick of this? I am. But it's lucky for Canada that this antiquated, commercial nonsense will be stopping soon!
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PMO*: Christmas Day to be Renamed, Extended to Seven Days

Ottawa - In a move to help business, boost the economy, and promote "acceptance of all people, by all people", Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced this morning that the Christian religious celebration known as 'Christmas' will be a week long event.

But there will be changes. It will no longer be called "Christmas". Some of the adjustments include: Presents will be given out for seven days, to comply with upcoming, compulsory legislation. And in order to kick start acceptance by the public, the government is using a financial incentive. Hold onto your receipts! You can deduct decorations and prezzies on your income tax.

The idea for this week long event was inspired by the Jewish celebration of Hanukkah, eight days that commemorate the re-dedication during the second century B.C. of the Second Temple in Jerusalem. According to legend, Jews rose up against their Greek-Syrian oppressors in the Maccabean Revolt.

But this event will be modified as well. "It's way too violent and yucky!" Trudeau said.

In order to be all inclusive, the PM is directing that Christmas and Hanukkah will become an interfaith holiday. The plan is to take the best of each of the events and blend them together to create a special Canadian "Winter Festival".

"I think this is a really good idea! Religious holidays are way too religious. And like, it's good for me because my wife will buy me more stuff. I'm pretty smart for thinking this up, right?" the PM said to the media on Parliament Hill this morning.

It gets better.

Santa will become "The Gifting Person", not tied to the birth of Christ. He will no longer be male, or Christian, or old, or fat, or an animal abuser, using reindeer to haul an overweight man through the frigid sky. Instead, "The Gifting Person" will be androgynous - a svelt, sexless person who will walk from house to house distributing fruits and vegetables - today's healthy eating choices. No more meat will be served. This is expected to please vegans, gays, animal rights activists, feminists, and persons who wish to eliminate gender in language and everyday life.

The Jewish "Festival of Lights" has been combined into Winter Festival as well. Candles will no longer be lit, as this is a fire hazard. Instead, pictures of candles will be used. It will also save energy.

The PM's office wants to form a special "All Faiths" committee, to bring the country's religious groups together under one unique Canadian umbrella. It is expected to take some time to gather the information required to form the new belief system. Trudeau told the media that there will be some initial resistance, but Canadians will be convinced to comply "in the gentlest of ways", in keeping with the All Faiths idea of peace and love at any cost.

The committee will also be looking into the elimination of Easter, Ramadan, and other religious events, "...because they are, like, violent!" Trudeau was overheard saying to religious leaders.

Happy Winter Festival everyone!

*PMO - Prime Minister's Office

(This article is tongue in cheek.)

These people are outta their tree. Why doesn't he just proclaim himself as God while he's at it.

Trudeau Gains Upper Hand Against Trump: US to Adopt "Winter Festival"

London - At the NATO summit earlier this week, US president Donald Trump lost several rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors to Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. The prize? The United States will adopt Canada's new Winter Festival and replace Christmas and Hanukkah.

Trudeau's childlike understanding of the game actually put Trump at a disadvantage, and he lost in four straight sets. "I'm real good at Rock, Paper, Scissors" Trudeau remarked. "My dad taught me when I was a kid. Maybe I can change the election at home. We could play this instead of voting. Voting takes so long and it's not as much fun."

Both Trudeau and Trump were disappointed with the rest of the NATO countries, saying they would not even try to play. One of Trump's staff was angry that cookies and milk were not provided for the pair to enjoy during the impromptu tournament. After it was over, President Trump told reporters,

"I'm a fair man, so I told Mr. Trudeau that the US would celebrate his new Christian celebration of the Winter Festicals, as we agreed. It will be good for the economy."

G day, That's cute. Ha ha ha. Bill out. 👣🐾🇨🇦