FB friend of a guy I've hunted tuna with posts a ridiculous 'training' video where he demonstrates the uber tactics of killing an opponent (training dummy) set up in his garage with a hatchet and double-edged dagger. Vid shows our hero tossing a right-handed hatchet haymaker at mannequin that hits in the neck area. Now it gets serious and our hero goes on to explain that the proper technique in such a situation is to then decisively yank the buried hatchet attached to the bad dummy into his chest so he can simultaneously thrust the 9" blade conveniently gripped in his left paw into the now-hatchet wearer's face. I honestly thought it was a joke/parody, so replied:
KG: 'The last time this dude was involved in an actual physical altercation other than with an inanimate dummy was when his sister made him eat a mud pie in the sandbox when he was around 4. He lost that battle, I bet.'
Tuna buddy JJay replies with: 'Haha actually, he’s one of the better and most active martial artists I know. He’s a full dog brother'.
KG" 'Your 'full dog brother--whatever the Christ that means-- carries a 9" shank and hatchet on errands for his mum in case of goblins?
Just funnin' brother. No slight intended'. I of course intended every slight at this circus but was trying to be polite in deference my fishing pal.
Clowntastic Maximus/MBerry replies: 'First, I beat my sister's ass that day....' then posts, KG, 'we don't know each other and I'm feeling less.froggy than normal so I shall just say... I've had one or 2 physical confrontations since then...'
Photo spread inserted at this point of this kid in what ostensibly is an amateur MMA bout in where he appears to be getting the better of some mulatto weakling wielding some kind of 'Filipino fighting stick', which closely resembles a drumstick or similar.
Then,
MBerry 'Looking back on this hours later, I should have played along
KG 'MBerry Were any of those so-called physical confrontations with actual humans or of the malicious rubbery variety like the one in your 'training' video? BTW, that must be a pretty resilient opponent you're expecting to go to war with for you to feel it'd be necessary to have to stab rubber dude in the forehead after burying a fuggin' hatchet in his neck? Seems rather excessive, unless that is, of course, your hatchet is made of rubber. In which case it makes sense that you'd want to follow up with the whole stabbing thing...
MBerry 'Well, ya [bleep] [bleep], I'm feeling far frogger today. [bleep] you, [bleep] your mom and [bleep] your kids. All at the same time. Eat a massive satchel of [bleep] and feel free to insert some broken glass into your urethra. Fat old [bleep] typically just make me laugh, but you're welcome to sodomized yourself with whatever you find hanging around. John Jay, who is this [bleep] [bleep]?
KG: 'I knew it. That was too easy. Two posts and the killer loses it. Such a warrior's level of zen and self-control displayed. The Dalai Lama would most certainly approve.
Keep up your 'training' and maybe some day you can graduate to advanced lessons showcasing your prowess (AKA known as compensatory fantastical delusions) on how best to attack mannequins in your garage with axes and bayonets. Hilarious, this is. You can't make this stuff up!
MBerry
'Uh... last post removed, due to whiskey....'
Then: MBerry Well, friend. If you'd heard the video beyond the humorous "Jay Portions," you'd have heard that in this particular instance we are hooking behind the OP's head and pulling in. The issue with axe combat (that most modern humans don't take into account) is that they get stuck. So slamming the haft into the neck and pulling forward disrupts the nervous system and then pulls the enemy with a spike in the back of their neck. This might not end the encounter, hence a stab to the face. Hopefully the eye, as that has been proven in most case studies to end the encounter, unless drugs are heavily in play.
I am a Full Dog Brother and I have somewhere near 150 full contact matches with sticks (Filipino Martial Arts) and 10 years exp of hard sparring with weapons, in general. Not to mention 3 years of BJJ and 5 of muay thai, now training under Malaipet. I mean, I MIGHT be a big pussy who is making this up, in which case, please challenge me to a fight!
Image may contain: 3 people, shoes
KG: 'Which one is you? I'm guessing you're the one with the frightening man bun. What do I win? lol I chose to turn my back on resolving conflicts with violence and trying to impress people with badassery decades ago. It's much more fun and satisfying simply knowing intimately what a man is capable of --and will do without hesitation--if forced in the event that say, some testosterone driven wannabe shythead obsessed with role-playing tests him. Cool hobby though, killer. Here's one of mine:
Pic of uzi, AK, M4, miscellaneous bolt guns, scatterguns, revolvers in pickup bed at range. <the bait has been laid>
MBerry: 'Bro, you look like you've got [bleep] diabeetus and a tiny dick. I'm not worried. The tiny dick is inferred by the need to show your guns n ammo... not the Asian thing. I'm not a racist.
KG: 'Diabeetus'? Tee hee! Oh Lord, not just a straight-up warrior/killer but a learned scholar to boot! You know it's getting serious when the penis insults start a-flyin'! Jay, if he really is your buddy I suggest you stop him before he really gets his Shaolin 'haight awn' and starts saying things that might make me break down and weep... Holy fark on second thought leave him be. I'm just about ready to get warmed up to start having some fun with him! Too funny!
Mr. Badarse, please take a moment to pause to regale everyone now with some further, gripping footage of you wielding a medieval mace, chainsaw and custom tactical harmonica with one side decked out with a honed edge for throat slittin', evisceratin' or toenail clippin' of your sworn enemies (you know, like the scary rubber one in the original display of abject silliness posted). I can't wait!
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I'm waiting for his response.
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