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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
Which 'fire member was this? Actually, scratch that. I don't want to know.
***** Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, retired urologist, West Chester, PA.
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.
After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.
Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.
Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.
I can only assume that he abandoned this method of self-gratification.
*****
Let this be a lesson to all you basterds. Don't staple your ballsac closed if you rip it open while masturbating on a piece of running machinery. SEEK PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP!
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Posts: 5,122
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,122 |
That will buff right out.. wow..
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489 |
OMG.............. I can't believe he just stapled it up and resumed work after lunch break.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 11,496
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 11,496 |
Don't blame me. I voted for Trump.
Democrats would burn this country to the ground, if they could rule over the ashes.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939 |
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,489 |
.............. For sure........ That's the stuff that hurts just thinking about it.
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,412
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,412 |
"I can't be canceled, because, I don't give a fuuck!" --- Kid Rock 2022
Holocaust Deniers, the ultimate perverted dipchits: Bristoe, TheRealHawkeye, stophel, Ghostinthemachine, anyone else?
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18,345
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 18,345 |
"Hey, what's the dog chewing on?"
Carpe' Scrotum
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 17,040
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 17,040 |
ImAgine the guy sweeping up at the end of the day.
What's that thing rolling around amidst the metal shavings?....!
-OMotS
"If memory serves fails me..." Quote: ( unnamed) "been prtty deep in the cooler todaay " Television and radio are most effective when people question little and think even less.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,626
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 6,626 |
Stapled his scrotum.....and went back to work.
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Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,408
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,408 |
thats for the warning. that pto on the farmall was calling my name.
My diploma is a DD214
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 5,800
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 5,800 |
Whatever you said...everyone knows you are a lying jerk. That's a bold assertion. Point out where you think I lied. Well?
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939 |
But did he “get a nut” for all the trouble
Or at the point of the losing his concentration, was it Nutis Interruptis?
they story left us....hanging
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 5,800
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 5,800 |
But did he “get a nut” for all the trouble
Or at the point of the losing his concentration, was it Nutis Interruptis?
they story left us....hanging I thought it was in the bag
Whatever you said...everyone knows you are a lying jerk. That's a bold assertion. Point out where you think I lied. Well?
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793
Campfire Outfitter
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OP
Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 8,793 |
Wonder if he later got a plastic nut installed - you know to kinda' even things out.
l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right. - Del Gue
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 16,554
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 16,554 |
Anf not so lomg ago we were laughing at guys wasting money on sex dolls. UL approved would've saved that guy money plus.
The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets. -- L. Zadeh
Which explains a lot.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,595
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 69,595 |
I don't want the idiot to breed.
All good.
Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla!
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939 |
OSHA needs to visit to make sure everything is masturbate-safe.
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 66,939 |
Maybe all his buds can take up a collection, send him to the Pink Lady, let him lay his nuts on some midget pole dancer’s forehead while she sings a stevie nicks song.
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,412
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 31,412 |
Reminds me of the time I was..... Oh, nevermind.
"I can't be canceled, because, I don't give a fuuck!" --- Kid Rock 2022
Holocaust Deniers, the ultimate perverted dipchits: Bristoe, TheRealHawkeye, stophel, Ghostinthemachine, anyone else?
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