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WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair #14995303 06/24/20
Joined: Aug 2011
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High_Noon Online Content OP
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Which 'fire member was this? Actually, scratch that. I don't want to know.

*****
Dr. William A. Morton, Jr. MD, retired urologist, West Chester, PA.

One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other then to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin.

After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling, stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum.

Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they were. Several days earlier, he replied, he had injured himself in the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of the type used in putting up wallboard.

We x-rayed the patients scrotum to locate the staples; admitting him to the hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, a broad-spectrum antibacterial therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.

The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing. The stump of the spermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided, and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present. Through-and through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the skin was loosely closed.

Convalescence was uneventful, and before his release from the hospital less then a week later, the patient confided the rest of his story to me.

An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunchtime with his co-workers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large floor-based piece of running machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum suddenly became caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis, and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and resumed work.

I can only assume that he abandoned this method of self-gratification.

*****

Let this be a lesson to all you basterds. Don't staple your ballsac closed if you rip it open while masturbating on a piece of running machinery. SEEK PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL HELP!


l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right.
- Del Gue
BP-B2

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995308 06/24/20
Joined: Mar 2005
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Mike_S Offline
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That will buff right out.. wow..

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995321 06/24/20
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,338
22250rem Offline
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OMG.............. I can't believe he just stapled it up and resumed work after lunch break.

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995327 06/24/20
Joined: Mar 2002
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IndyCA35 Offline
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OUCH!


Electing Biden to provide "moral clarity" is like hiring Jesse James to improve bank security.
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995330 06/24/20
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 31,722
slumlord Offline
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Hold into the wind.

IC-A

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: IndyCA35] #14995337 06/24/20
Joined: Jun 2006
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22250rem Offline
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Originally Posted by IndyCA35
OUCH!

.............. For sure........ That's the stuff that hurts just thinking about it.

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995352 06/24/20
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 22,214
MtnBoomer Offline
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I am trying to eat!


Critical thinking not needed.

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995364 06/24/20
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 14,365
Steve Offline
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"Hey, what's the dog chewing on?"

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995366 06/24/20
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,972
OldmanoftheSea Offline
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ImAgine the guy sweeping up at the end of the day.

What's that thing rolling around amidst the metal shavings?....!


-OMotS



"If memory serves fails me..."
Quote: ( unnamed) "been prtty deep in the cooler todaay "
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995390 06/24/20
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 2,238
DBT Offline
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Stapled his scrotum.....and went back to work.

IC-B

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995396 06/24/20
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 10,455
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rem141r Offline
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thats for the warning. that pto on the farmall was calling my name.


Joe McCarthy was right
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995399 06/24/20
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,423
mauserand9mm Offline
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That guy's nuts!

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995400 06/24/20
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 31,722
slumlord Offline
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But did he “get a nut” for all the trouble

Or at the point of the losing his concentration, was it Nutis Interruptis?

they story left us....hanging

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: slumlord] #14995414 06/24/20
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,423
mauserand9mm Offline
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Originally Posted by slumlord
But did he “get a nut” for all the trouble

Or at the point of the losing his concentration, was it Nutis Interruptis?

they story left us....hanging


I thought it was in the bag

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995428 06/24/20
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,703
High_Noon Online Content OP
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Wonder if he later got a plastic nut installed - you know to kinda' even things out.


l told my pap and mam I was going to be a mountain man; acted like they was gut-shot. Make your life go here. Here's where the peoples is. Mother Gue, I says, the Rocky Mountains is the marrow of the world, and by God, I was right.
- Del Gue
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995429 06/24/20
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 16,554
nighthawk Offline
Campfire Kahuna
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Posts: 16,554
Anf not so lomg ago we were laughing at guys wasting money on sex dolls. UL approved would've saved that guy money plus.


The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets. -- L. Zadeh

Which explains a lot.
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995431 06/24/20
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 54,953
rockinbbar Online Content
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I don't want the idiot to breed.

All good.


~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
~Liberal Stupidity Has Now Exceeded Their Ignorance~
Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995435 06/24/20
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 31,722
slumlord Offline
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OSHA needs to visit to make sure everything is masturbate-safe.

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: slumlord] #14995442 06/24/20
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 31,722
slumlord Offline
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Maybe all his buds can take up a collection, send him to the Pink Lady, let him lay his nuts on some midget pole dancer’s forehead while she sings a stevie nicks song.

Re: WARNING - Scrotum Self-Repair [Re: High_Noon] #14995452 06/24/20
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 22,214
MtnBoomer Offline
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Reminds me of the time I was..... Oh, nevermind.


Critical thinking not needed.

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