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At the Campfire with Bill and Joe
Copyright 2010 – Stephen Redgwell

Whenever Bill, Joe and I go hunting, the best part of the day starts after supper. We sit around the campfire, have a few drinks and shoot the breeze.

Last fall, we were moose hunting at Lewzer’s Pass in Northern Ontario. We talked about hunting magazines, gun writers and one of my favourite Internet forums, 24 Hour Campfryer.
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"Have you guys read this? It's from the latest edition of MGM magazine (Mighty Guns Monthly). Some guy in Arizona has come up with a new 75 calibre hunting cartridge based on the 50BMG. He calls it the 75 Slammer..."

"Wow! That's amazing, Steve! What's it like to shoot?" Joe loved to hear all about new rifles and cartridges.

"It doesn't say, Joe. Apparently, the guy is too chicken to try it."

Bill chimed in. "Wait a minute! How can you make a 75 calibre cartridge from a 50BMG case? The bullet ain't gonna fit! And why do you buy that magazine anyways? Half the stories are full of crap. The other half wanna sell you stuff you won't ever use."

As Bill talked, you could see the disappointment in Joe’s face. Since grade school, Bill was the doubting Thomas of the group. Even though he’d never seen one, Joe tried to explain how the Slammer worked.

"The 50 BMG is a bottlenecked case, right? They just get rid of the bottleneck, that's all. Why do you always have to run things down, Bill?"

"Cause it ain't gonna work, that's why. Okay, so you end up with a straight walled case, right? How do you headspace it? 45/70s and 303s headspace off the rim, 'cause it sticks out. The 50BMG is a rimless case. Don't you get it? They're pullin' your leg!"

I had to admit that what Bill said made sense. Joe grabbed the magazine and scanned the page. After a few seconds he said,

"Yeah? Well it says that they have some rifles already made, and got pictures too. Right underneath it says, 'NEXT MONTH, RANGE RESULTS WITH PICTURES!'"

It was time for me to shut up and watch the fun. Bill and Joe could go on for hours.

Bill started again.

"Okay then, I'll try this another way. Suppose a guy DID have a 75 calibre rifle. What the heck would you use it for?"

"African game! Hello! They’ve been writing about magnums for a while now. Remember when all they wrote about was them Super Short or Ultra rifles? I guess the Slammer's creator figured that heavy and slow bullets were making a comeback. He wanted to be the first to design a new, workable cartridge."

Bill almost spit out his drink. "Workable? Are you nuts!?! How much does the bullet weigh?"

"It says 1000 grains..."

Bill took another sip of Crown Royal, right out of the bottle. "Well, that makes sense then doesn't it? That's manageable. That's a reasonable weight. Oh brother! Are they spitzers? Okay, I must have misunderstood. That should rocket successfully to the top, so to speak..."

Joe tried explaining it again. "You just don't get it. This rifle ain't made for us regular hunters. A big name gunsmith like Charles Sisque builds one out of fancy wood and gives it away to a famous writer like John Baronett. Them rifles are worth $5000 or more, okay? Then, some photographer takes pictures and Baronett comes up with a story that we're supposed to believe. Later on, a few of us write the editor and either complain or praise the article. That's how things work in the publishing industry. Ain't you been to that website, 24 hour CampFryer?"

"No, and I don't intend to. The Internet is full of weirdos. Is that a hunting site?"

"Yes, Bill. And the guys there ain't weirdos. They even got real, verified gun writers that post in the ‘Gut the Gunwriter’ forum. It's moderated though, so you can't swear at some famous person and get away with it."

Bill's tone changed when he heard about the famous gunwriters. "So, you mean guys like John Baronett or Greg Barrington post there?"

"Baronett does, but Barrington doesn't. He's too busy flying planes for the Marines. They discuss all sorts of neat things..."

"Like what?"

"Well, like the atmospherical air affects of the air on bullets in the air and stuff..."

Bill started laughing. "So you mean it's stuff that you don't understand or don’t care about because you only hunt with a 30/30..."

"I guess...but it's still neat to read! One time they had a discussion about the influence of space radiation on light for calibre moose bullets.”

Bill sat there shaking his head. He was either amazed or confused. It didn’t seem like Joe noticed though. He just kept on talking.

“Why are you givin' me that dumb look, Bill? Okay, so you may not understand about all that, but there are some of us guys that do. Did you know that wind shear can cause instability in copperized bullets? Since you use them Burns Copper Compensated projectiles, I'd think that would interest you."

"No, it don't. Do they talk about animals?"

"Heck yeah! There was a thread on Bigfoot in Montana and another on how to properly butcher buffalo wings. John's wife Raylene is a famous cooking writer!"

"Buffalo wings? Bigfoot? Are you nuts? Buffaloes don’t have wings! And everybody knows that there ain’t no such thing as Bigfoot! Cheese and rice, Joe, these people sound like loonys to me!"

"Bill, just because you went to night school does not mean you know everything. Raylene prepares them wings with three different sauces!"

“You’re just talkin’ stupid, Joe! Why would a bunch of writers post to a website full of yokels?”

“When writers ain't writing, they like to unwind. They're too high class to watch TV, unless it's got something to do with their work, like on ‘The Red Green Show' for instance. They prefer to mingle with other outdoorsmen, swap ideas and things."

“I see...”

"Well anyway, they hang out at 24 Hour CampFryer. Just click on 'Gut the Gunwriter' forum. My Internet handle there is Canadian Bacon. Just be civil, okay?"

"I'll have a look, but they sound too high-toned for me. I'd feel outta place."

"Don't worry, Bill. There's some really dumb people there, just like you!"

Very cool Steve, reminds me of Joe & I or maybe the writer on the back page of Ontario out of doors. I've hunted with him & another writer from there.Dam if I can remember there names, Steve & Tom I believe. In the evening after supper ya laughed so much it hurt! Real people, I'd hunt with them again!!! Look at the back page in the magazine, the little pic in the top corner was done by Tom & it's just the way Steve looks. Toms also an artist by trade, he's done pics for Steves books on funny hunting stories. Your writing reminds me of Steves back page with Hayseed, & his other cronies. Thanks for the laughs. Bill out. 🐾👣🇨🇦

Ah, the OOD crowd. I am glad you enjoyed yourself. They are, um, unique. Let's leave it at that.

steve you need your own show . i laughed my ass off

Laffin’ I am!

And I needed a laff!

I understand it is coming out ia an AR 10 platform.

I'm glad everyone enjoyed it. One could write an entire season of shows based on just what they post in the Hunting Optics forum.

I have received a number of emails about putting a book together. I spent the past couple of days looking at that very thing. We'll see how this pans out.

Tentatively, 250 pages, 6x9 format. Colour glossy cover. 18 stories and some poems scattered throughout.



The Guns at Liskerville Crossing
A Tiny, Red Hot Pepper
What the Heck is an “O’Clock”?
Disaster
Hey You...Boy!
Mister Beresford, You Will Be Missed
Joe Grinder's Heirlooms
Grampa’s Old Gun Rack – A Christmas Story
If Creedmoors Were Gold
Hey, Vegetables are People Too!
Morton Meets a Moose
Charlie Cootz – Trophy Game Rentals
That Rifle's So Old!
At the Campfire with Bill and Joe (24 Hr CampFryer)
The 30-06
The Stutz-Packard 1000
The Death of Archibald Hatch
Mike and Steve Go Fishing
The Old Man and the Kid
Why I Don't Hunt with No School Teachers!
The Three Legged Deer
Gramps
Grampa's Garbage Tree
The Devil and the Outhouse
Boxes in the Barn
The Lead! The Lead!
Bobby and the Martians!
Noisy Frew Frew
Just One Shot: Blood Rage
Just One Shot: A Sniper and His Nazi
Just One Shot: Kiss the General