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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 23,319
Campfire Ranger
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OP
Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 23,319 |
v I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
v A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.
v Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.
v Don't irritate old people. The older we get the less "Life in prison" is a deterrent.
v Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought "Their cornbread ain't done in the middle."
v Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.
v "You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.
v I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens...
v I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
v It turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
v I miss the 90's when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
v Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."
v I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
v As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
v I thought getting old would take longer.
v I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
v Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
v My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. That's when the fight started.
v Me: Sobbing my heart out, "I can't see you anymore.....I'm not going to let you hurt me again." Trainer: "It was one sit-up. You did one sit-up."
v I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test...
v Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn't afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
"All that the South has ever desired was that the Union, as established by our forefathers, should be preserved, and that the government, as originally organized, should be administered in purity and truth." – Robert E. Lee
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,244
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,244 |
_______________________________________________________
An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 4,352
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 4,352 |
Gonna have to commit some of them to memory...
... if I can remember to.
"No good deed shall go unpunished!"
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Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 879
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 879 |
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,294
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 1,294 |
v I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.
v A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.
v Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.
v Don't irritate old people. The older we get the less "Life in prison" is a deterrent.
v Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought "Their cornbread ain't done in the middle."
v Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.
v "You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.
v I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens...
v I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.
v It turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
v I miss the 90's when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.
v Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."
v I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
v As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of... it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
v I thought getting old would take longer.
v I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.
v Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
v My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. That's when the fight started.
v Me: Sobbing my heart out, "I can't see you anymore.....I'm not going to let you hurt me again." Trainer: "It was one sit-up. You did one sit-up."
v I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test...
v Picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn't afraid he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.
that is an excellent and funny set of viewpoints
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Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,387
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2020
Posts: 2,387 |
You are in charge of your own happiness.
You get what you work for. (not entirely true anymore unless you want more)
Life (and forums) is like a box of animal crackers----There's a Jackass in every box
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,418
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,418 |
>>"Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response."<<
I've literally said this about my brother. He's been married 4X and engaged 5X. One lucky (girl?) got away. There's a story about the "girl?" that will possibly get told some other day.
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,248
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 69,248 |
“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
― George Orwell
It's not over when you lose. It's over when you quit.
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 9,097 |
Fact = lower down the food chain one is in society more schitt sandwiches one has to eat...that or starve.
-Bulletproof and Waterproof don't mean Idiotproof.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,026
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 56,026 |
I am..........disturbed.
Concerning the difference between man and the jackass: some observers hold that there isn't any. But this wrongs the jackass. -Twain
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 17,090
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 17,090 |
Every one you pass up is one less you get.
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671 |
There's about a 90% chance I can randomly pick the slowest checkout line in the store.
Progressives are the most open minded, tolerant, and inclusive people on the planet, as long as you agree with everything they say, and do exactly as you're told.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,963
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,963 |
There's about a 90% chance I can randomly pick the slowest checkout line in the store. This
Coyotes shot no waiting.
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671 |
If you are in gridlock traffic and the lane next to you is moving, it will stop within 3 seconds of changing lanes.
Progressives are the most open minded, tolerant, and inclusive people on the planet, as long as you agree with everything they say, and do exactly as you're told.
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Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2018
Posts: 10,671 |
The younger you are, the dumber your parents are. The older you get, the smarter your parents were.
Progressives are the most open minded, tolerant, and inclusive people on the planet, as long as you agree with everything they say, and do exactly as you're told.
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Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 1,187
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 1,187 |
If I had known I was gonna live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.
prplbkrr = Purple Biker
Can't score goals if all you do is pass.
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,755
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 6,755 |
Twenty years from now this country will be run by people who were homeschooled by day drinkers.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
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Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,418
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,418 |
Twenty years from now this country will be run by people who were homeschooled by day drinkers. LOL!! Hey, what's wrong with day drinking? It's one of the benefits of retirement.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,244
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,244 |
I'd do more daydrinking but it cuts into my night time routine.
_______________________________________________________
An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,947
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,947 |
What does a pallet of shingles and a fat girl have in common
There’s a 90% chance a minority is going to nail it
Only Dead Fish Go With The Flow
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