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Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! #15438463 11/21/20
Joined: Jan 2001
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memtb Offline OP
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Dear Family,
I'm not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00! Arrive late and you get what's left over.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different This year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:
1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The television stays off during the meal.
2. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close attention to refills.
3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.
4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.
5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.
6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.
8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.
9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things.
10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?
11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have to be difficult.
12. Domino's and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you have kids.
13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.
In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver.
I really mean all of the above.

Love You, Grandma


You should not use a rifle that will kill an animal when everything goes right; you should use one that will do the job when everything goes wrong." -Bob Hagel

~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
BP-B2

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15438609 11/21/20
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PaleRider Offline
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Tough old bird....... grin grin

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15438632 11/21/20
Joined: Jun 2006
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mark shubert Offline
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Sounds just like the grandma I'm married to!!!


I've always been a curmudgeon - now I'm an old curmudgeon.
~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15438648 11/21/20
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 54,725
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I sent that to my mother.


Sin wouldn't be so attractive if the wages were paid immediately.
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15438698 11/21/20
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LOL her house her rules.

IC-A

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15438958 11/21/20
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That’s good!


The degree of my privacy is no business of yours.

What we've learned from history is that we haven't learned from it.
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15439338 11/21/20
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BALLISTIK Offline
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Very nicely put, A+ to this Lady.


"Social order at the expense of Liberty is hardly a bargain” de Sade
"He who'll not reason is a Bigot, he who cannot is a Fool, and he who dares not is a Slave."SirWilliamDrummond
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: BALLISTIK] #15439796 11/21/20
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Fireball2 Offline
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I'd like her.


_______________________________________________________
An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack

LOL
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440156 11/21/20
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 23,576
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JSTUART Offline
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Originally Posted by memtb
Dear Family,
I'm not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not 2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00! Arrive late and you get what's left over.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove. Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives - date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different This year because I have decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:
1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The television stays off during the meal.
2. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close attention to refills.
3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.
4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.
5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy... look at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.
6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.
7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.
8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.
9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things.
10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I can live with that. Can you?
11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said. Really, this doesn't have to be difficult.
12. Domino's and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and it's true now that you have kids.
13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas. Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.
In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from each family needs to be the designated driver.
I really mean all of the above.

Love You, Grandma



My kind of Lady.


These are my opinions, feel free to disagree.
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440222 11/21/20
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,123
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m_stevenson Offline
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I love Granny!


Mark

NRA Life Member
Anytime anyone kicks cancers azz is a good day!

~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~

Oh The Drama!
IC-B

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440461 11/21/20
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 13,083
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oldtrapper Offline
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I could enjoy Thanksgiving with her.


[Linked Image from i.postimg.cc]

Soli Deo Gloria

democrats ARE the plague.

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440475 11/21/20
Joined: Feb 2010
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16bore Offline
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I’ll bet she voted for Trump. In person.

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440601 11/21/20
Joined: Aug 2005
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stevelyn Offline
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Her platoon would follow her for a raid on Hell.


United States of America
A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of the Chinese Communist Party & People's' Liberation Army
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440672 11/21/20
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 8,226
pal Online Content
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Good one. smile


"There's more to optics than meets the eye."--anon

"...most of us would be better off losing half a pound around the waist than half a pound on our rifle."--dhg

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15440690 11/21/20
Joined: Apr 2019
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Broffesor11 Offline
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Last of a dying breed.

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15441086 11/22/20
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BobMt Offline
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If this was actually true......then she would fit the definition of the word cunnt......bob

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: BobMt] #15441126 11/22/20
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auk1124 Online Content
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Originally Posted by BobMt


If this was actually true......then she would fit the definition of the word cunnt......bob


+1

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: mark shubert] #15441192 11/22/20
Joined: Apr 2004
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Seafire Offline
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Originally Posted by mark shubert
Sounds just like the grandma I'm married to!!!


what ever you might say in public.. I know, you know, that you are lucky to be married to Such an Angel, even if she
knows how to use a rolling pin for something besides just rolling dough..She might have the stern-ness of a drill sgt,
but also has the heart of a saint...

happy thanksgiving to you and the Warden, Mark...




"Minus the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the Country" Marion Barry, Mayor of Wash DC

“Owning guns is not a right. If it were a right, it would be in the Constitution.” ~Alexandria Ocasio Cortez

Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15441726 11/22/20
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 54,725
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It's not the woman. It's her nut case relatives that she has to put up with. With normal relatives, most of those rules wouldn't be necessary.


Sin wouldn't be so attractive if the wages were paid immediately.
Re: Damn! I like this woman’s attitude! [Re: memtb] #15442013 11/22/20
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g5m Offline
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Good for that Grandma.


Retired cat herder.


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