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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15668901 01/17/21
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Happy_Camper Offline
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Originally Posted by atvalaska
Little background , 84yo mom is in a nursing home she's got a little bit of dementia she's on hospice as of about about 6 months ago... just talked to her on Friday with my brother
and she was all happy good to go imo . Saturday morning between breakfast and a shower she has a stroke ...right side ain't working can't talk any more can't hold utensils to feed herself and because she's on hospice the doctors won't give her a tube.
My Brother Talks to her by having her blink her eye ASKED her if she wanted to go to the hospital...yes/ blink... when she goes there (like I stated above ) the doctor said while she's on hospice why bother. Thing is they put her on hospice because she had a urinary tract infection back in September and once he got rid of that she was back to her happy normal self now she has this hospice thing hanging over head . So us last three brothers are deciding what to do ...she can't feed herself if we get her hooked up on a tube the quality of life is gone , if we don't hook her up on a tube are we starveingd Mom to death you guys had to have been in similar situation ...what did you guys do... what are we to do ...dam..

I am totally pissed for your Mom and I don't even know her. Most of those hospice businesses have expiration dates for the patients. Here's a protocol of what I often see.......
1. (Deleted)

Never mind. I shouldn't talk when I'm angry.

Atvalaska,

I'm not mad at you. I just sympathize with your Mom.
I hate hospices and think that many if them are insurance sponges that murder helpless victims.
I would not be the least bit surprised if you are not right. You are her boy. I would get hold of EVERY unredacted medical record AND FIRE THE DOCTOR if I were you.....STAT!
I would take CONTROL of her care, because apparently you are THE one who cares and make sure that she gets fluids and proper nurishment Monday morning IF it was me. Do what you think best. I don't know anything about the situation other than what you said and it is none of my business, nor my responsibility.
It sounds like you are sincerely concerned by reaching out to us strangers, so I am rooting for you and your Mom.

Prayerfully yours,

Happy Camper


Man's Greatest Need.... because life is short.
Are you absolutely 100% sure that you will go to heaven if something happens today?
You can be:
https://youtu.be/WuMTe9l6nzM
BP-B2

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: Jim_Conrad] #15668904 01/17/21
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Happy_Camper Offline
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Originally Posted by Jim_Conrad
I have watched doctors administer a big ole shot of opiates for the "pain".

It ended the pain alright.


Look back now....it was a quick merciful end. Not like the alternative.

You should get a job as a hospice nurse.


Man's Greatest Need.... because life is short.
Are you absolutely 100% sure that you will go to heaven if something happens today?
You can be:
https://youtu.be/WuMTe9l6nzM
Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: Happy_Camper] #15668907 01/17/21
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Originally Posted by Happy_Camper
Originally Posted by Jim_Conrad
I have watched doctors administer a big ole shot of opiates for the "pain".

It ended the pain alright.


Look back now....it was a quick merciful end. Not like the alternative.

You should get a job as a hospice nurse.


Nice toggle dirt bag.

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15668938 01/17/21
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The way hospice works around here, they won’t even put people in hospice unless the doctors have a reasonable belief that the person will pass within 6 months, and they only do palliative care. If you go to the hospital to prolong life, they will kick you out. If it turns out that your mother had a curable medical condition from which she recovered, it may have turned out that she should not have been in hospice even if the doctors objectively thought that she met the criteria at the time.

With that said, starving someone to death by not inserting a feeding tube sounds very harsh and inhumane. Nutrition is a basic need whether a person is sick or perfectly healthy. Providing food is different than artificially breathing for someone or pumping their blood or fighting an infection with medication. I don’t really know much about medical ethics, but I see a distinction.

You are in a tough situation, and I hope that you can come to a wise decision and be at peace with it.


"Don't believe everything you see on the Internet" - Abraham Lincoln
Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15669021 01/17/21
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ATVAK my mom is in hospice right now. She lived in my house for over 15 years. Started having issues associated with dementia probably started around 79. After she hit 81 she would get in trouble calls from the police pick her up at the hospital. She got on a train to visit friends in MA. Got picked up in New Jersey dropped off at the hospital drove 300 miles to pick her up bring her home. Did the same thing a year later this time she made it to MA landed in Mass General Allen Cognitive tests etc discharged to nursing lasted a little over 3 years in there hated it the whole time. They said were taking care of your mom. She was better off at the house IMO not to the rest of my siblings though.

Long story short its hard watching them go down hill. You have to ask yourself are they living for us or themselves? I knew what the prognosis was when I picked her up in New Jersey 3 years ago I told her then I thought she was getting there and eventually they would'nt release her to my care. Nobody can take your freedom faster than a MA liberal.

My prayers are with you brother. Hospitals have protocols and they'll pretty much make decisions for you like discharge to hospice. Welcome to the affordable care act hospitals are not only doctors and nurses anymore they call lawyers and lobbyists health care professionals now.

At this point I'm just hoping mommy goes home soon you have to do all you can for them while they're walking amongst us.

God bless y'all

IC-A

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: Jim_Conrad] #15669053 01/17/21
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Originally Posted by Jim_Conrad
I have watched doctors administer a big ole shot of opiates for the "pain".

It ended the pain alright.


Look back now....it was a quick merciful end. Not like the alternative.

Anyone that has watched people die in misery will agree with you.


Ideas are far more powerful than guns, We dont let our people have guns. Why should we let them have ideas. "Joseph Stalin"

He who has braved youths dizzy heat dreads not the frost of age.
Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15669060 01/17/21
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Parters for your mom and family. I know it’s a tough situation. My aunt had a stroke in May, and wasn’t found for 12 hours after her work called my cousin to tell him his mom didn’t show for her shift. She’s been in a nursing home since 2 weeks after the stoke. Kind of the same deal as you described. She can no longer talk and no longer has use of her right side.

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15669085 01/17/21
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Basically had the same thing happen with my dad couple years back. He, a dementia patient developed an infection. Heard the same Hospice crap. Told them I wouldn't treat a dog thataway and would not sit back and watch it happen to Dad.. Someone listened and the infection was treated and all went back to whatever normal was.

Miss my Dad.

g


"I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."
Thomas Jefferson

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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15669131 01/17/21
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Wife's dad had a pretty serious stroke in his mid 70s. He had a formal 'Do Not Resuscitate' order. Neurosurgeon told us 'what you see now is the best he's ever going to get and from here on your dad is only going to get worse'.

Wife moved him from hospital to a local nursing home and stayed with her dad every day from early morning to bedtime at night hand feeding him herself and making sure he was properly cared for, medicated and kept clean. This went on for around six months until when he went on Hospice and we moved him to a spare bedroom in our home until he passed not long after.

Her dad could swallow soft food and liquids on his own but took more time to eat than short handed nursing home staff had for the number of patients they had to feed and care for in the allotted time, plus the stroke left him with no feeling on one side of his face so he could possibly choke on any unswallowed food still on the paralyzed side.

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15669170 01/17/21
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Sometimes you just have to let go. I have been there. Three times. It ain’t easy.


Sam......

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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15670846 01/17/21
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atvalaska Offline OP
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Wow, a lot of u were... are in the same pickle I am , they got her on Motriien as the nurses think she's in pain ,my brothers were there and agree. The doctor is coming to make his rounds Monday morning..we'll see what that gets her...thanks men for all the give a dam....


This beer taste like I'm not going to work tomorrow......🥁
Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15670994 01/17/21
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family friend is on hospice at her home now, UTI, diagnosed as not treatable except with IV antibiotics. The hospice folks can't do that, would have to go to a facility, that would end hospice and we'd have to figure a way to pay for it as she's broke. Her retirement pays for her bills and some home care folks. My family members stay with her a lot, check on her daily when not staying there to make sure the hospice folks are doing their jobs.

atvalaska, best wishes on a decent outcome. My mother was an Alzheimer patient, in a care facility for +/- 10 years. Ambulatory for most of that time, not so much the last year or so. Some heart issues, UTIs, and maybe a mini-stroke or two as I recall. Used up every dollar of my dad's retirement and the proceeds from selling the family house though, to keep her thee that long. I hope you folks find a solution, it's always tough.


The desert is a true treasure for him who seeks refuge from men and the evil of men.
In it is contentment
In it is death and all you seek
(Quoted from "The Bleeding of the Stone" Ibrahim Al-Koni)

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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: Valsdad] #15671072 01/17/21
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My greatest regret is that I caused my mother to live beyond the days that she had true quality of life. One feels obligated to try everything and that is the problem.

There is no easy answer, best wishes to all so afflicted.


mike r


Don't wish it were easier
Wish you were better

Stab them in the taint, you can't put a tourniquet on that.
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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15671083 01/17/21
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I’ll pray for all of you

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15672882 01/18/21
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Prayers sent for your mother.
Paul B.


Our forefathers did not politely protest the British.They did not vote them out of office, nor did they impeach the king,march on the capitol or ask permission for their rights. ----------------They just shot them.
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Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15672920 01/18/21
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Toughest decision in my life so far this last August was making the decision to stop treatment and let Dad go. Whatever you decide will be of no comfort to you it all comes down to what's best for those you love. Take care and know your not alone, good group of real men here to lend moral support as they did me in my time of need.


Maybe we're all happy.
Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15672957 01/18/21
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You can take her off hospice. It is not a permanent designation.

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: Happy_Camper] #15672976 01/18/21
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Originally Posted by Happy_Camper
Originally Posted by Jim_Conrad
I have watched doctors administer a big ole shot of opiates for the "pain".

It ended the pain alright.


Look back now....it was a quick merciful end. Not like the alternative.

You should get a job as a hospice nurse.

WTF is wrong with you? Moron.

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: atvalaska] #15673153 01/18/21
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Atvalaska: I pray for you and for your mothers transition from this life to the next and that she be calm and as pain free as possible!
Have gone through the loss of four beloved parents and parents in law now and it is HARD!
It is also a fact of life that, there is, an end to life.
What ever decision you and your brothers make IS the right one!
Be strong.
Hold into the wind
VarmintGuy

Re: Mom in nursing home ..just had stroke..help [Re: kolofardos] #15673166 01/18/21
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Happy_Camper Offline
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Kolofardos,

Right after Atvalaska reaches out for help or encouragement, this is what jim conman says,

"I watched my mother care for my grandmother for 30 years. Eventually ending in a nursing home.....where she was for 4! years. UTI after UTI.
Eventually it was time to stop treating the UTI. Quality of life was long gone....and wasn't coming back.
My mother had to let her go....."

Maybe I should have suggested that a hospice chaplain or social worker would be a better career move instead.

Do you suggest that Atvalaska should just put his Mom down too?
Perhaps my observations in nursing homes of incontinent folks left in dirty diapers for days with bed sores, dehydration, and pumped full of numerous drugs is not the norm. UTIs are common in that scenario for certain. Kidney, liver failure and strokes are also common with that kind of "care."
Many nursing homes I've seen"care" for people like that.
From what I read Atvalaska really cares about his mom and I empathize with him and his mom, NOT the ever encouraging Conman.


Last edited by Happy_Camper; 01/18/21.

Man's Greatest Need.... because life is short.
Are you absolutely 100% sure that you will go to heaven if something happens today?
You can be:
https://youtu.be/WuMTe9l6nzM
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