Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Aging family members, are you prepared?

Get it handled now. Nothing will destroy a family like fighting over a dead loved one.

If those remaining are not wise and civil enough to behave ethically and properly, they are responsible for their own destruction.

Along with my wife, I am one of these aging folks. We have prepared the recommended documents on behalf of our loved ones and they all have copies - and are appreciative. But we will not cease living our normal loves and using the stuff we have gathered to help us do that. Our family has never suggested such and, as loved and loving ones, they will not.

A life is just that - freedom - and not to be governed by what others wish or feel they need - or wish to avoid. "Loved ones" should understand and respect that if they too are loving. We have invested much and much of ourselves in helping them learn and grow as real people. People are not real - far from good folks - if they do not honor such investments on the part of their forebears.

If those remaining are not wise and civil enough to behave ethically and properly, they are responsible for their own destruction.

I executed my first will at 18, at the same time my folks were updating theirs. I've updated mine several times over the years.

I finally got KYHillChick to get her things in order when she got the cancer.

Mom and Dad had everything ironed out since I was a wee one. They kept theirs up to date. There were only two stumbling blocks:

1) Dad had a drawer full of Life Insurance policies-- some that had not been active since Eisenhower's first term. He'd build a building and then take out a term policy to pay off the property in case he croaked. I had to go through each one and figure out which were still active.
2) Dad had a second safety deposit box that wasn't covered in the original processing of the estate. The bank mentioned it to me one day when I up taking care of other business. Yikes! It had was one of the big ones, and it had been given to him free upon opening an account. It was never transferred to Mom. It took lots of loot and 3 months to get into the box. The result? A pile of negatives of all my baby pictures.

Lots of good advice. You can never be too prepared but I sure don't want to leave a huge mess for my wife and kids.

The wife and I updated all of the legal documents for the third time last year. We also purchased two plots in a small country grave yard where her parents are buried. In addition, we have had a good sit-down discussion with the wife and kids as to where to locate everything and the attorney that did the legal documents and set up the trusts for the kids.

It's really hard to go through a lifetime of accumulation regarding guns and reloading equipment and decide what to send down the road. So far, nothing has gone down the road...

Bottom line, I am trying to prevent hard feelings between the kids!

Have spent just about 2 years dealing with my father’s situation; from repeated falls at home to hospitalization, then rehab and a LTC facility, and finally his death and the estate. Almost done now, but it was a certified bitch because he fought me tooth and nail while he was still in charge of his affairs and even after, threatening to disinherit me (please, please, disinherit me!). He had everything pretty much in place, but there’s just so much involved with cleaning out someone’s house and getting it ready for sale, plus liquidating investments to pay the astounding bills associated with LTC. It all fell to me and my wife, working from 165 miles away. Oh what fun!

Now I’m the next one that will go down, and I’m working on clearing up my own pile of crap before I crash.

Craig D, this is just a suggestion.

If you're concerned about the "hard feelings" over "who gets what," why not get your kids together now and discuss what guns/tools, each is to receive??

Might save those "hard feelings" later on down the road.

L.W.

I looked at these Tuesday, but did'nt buy any.

See threads on here from time to time, 70-80 year old buffoons don’t even have a will, or DNR, or POA set up. No estate planning.



8 years ago, we built a 400 sq ft room and handicap full bath on the lowest-carport level of our home.

After seeing my mother’s health fail, we began to prepare for my dad and both in-laws.

About 2 years out before my mother passed my brother and I convinced my Mom we needed to be full partners in her bank accounts and investments. It sounds greedy but it was the smartest thing we ever did. For Mom's last 6 months she was suffering from dementia badly and we needed to write checks and get groceries. We used her money and she was good with that. We already had the funeral arrangements made and on the day she passed we called the funeral home and they were at the hospital within the hour and Mom was on her next to her last ride to the funeral home. Her last ride was to the cemetery to be buried next to my dad. It wasn't a celebration but it wasn't a complete and total mess like others have already talked about.

She had no will but we followed her wishes as best we could. Her assets got divided up evenly and we could pay back my brother who paid for my other brothers wife's funeral service 7 months prior. I can't tell you how important it is to plan ahead. Just like other Fire members have said, be prepared and plan ahead. It's not that hard.

kwg

Windfall;
Good afternoon to you sir, thanks for the thread and thanks to those who've participated in it thus far.

My experience with this is that my wife and I were the executors for both sets of parents and both of our late Moms were dementia patients. My Mom in law was medically induced and Mom's was a slow descent into it. I wouldn't wish dementia on anyone - ever.

I'll begin by stating it's my belief that the most unselfish thing we can do for our heirs is to leave a good will, POA and what we call a Representation Agreement which seems to be what you good folks call a living will.

Other things we've done for our girls besides that is sending them the contact information and account numbers for our investments, bank accounts and insurances.

We've talked to them about services - I'm easy in that I just want my ashes spread someplace with a decent view of mulie country. I've suggested they wait until fall, buy a tag and take a walk with a good rifle while spreading them.

We've both dealt with friends who had to clean up after loved ones/parents had passed without proper wills. Up here if it goes to probate, the government takes 1.4% of gross - cool....

Indeed if you've got "stuff" you want to give to either heirs or friends, please do so now while you can get the satisfaction of seeing them enjoy it as well.

Thanks for reading, hopefully acting on some of the suggestions and I hope you all stay well.

Dwayne

Going to the lawyer to get item #2 finished for the wife's mother tomorrow.

She's bat chit crazy with dementia to boot.

I have settled a few estates, it can be a real PITA

Couple of long stories short. Seen both sides of this. Pretty smooth on my moms side with her parents. They did do some stupid stuff with trusts though. I think my mom was 68 or 67 when she passed but the trust forbade any distribution until two years after the trust, and even then only up to two thirds. So that was a little weird with my mom being the sole heir and trustee, but could t do anything other than look at it. That grandma also fell for at least three scams right before she gave up at 90. She was super embarrassed and got bilked out of at least $20,000.
In our estate plan their won’t be anything like a hold on funds if our kids are over 30.

On the other hand, you can do what my dads parents did. Divorced, neither had a plan. My dad was the only one with means to bury them, but all his siblings wanted to have input on funerals for him pay for. Not a dime between either one and the siblings and cousins all thought my dad stole their money. In fact his moms house was reverse mortgaged to the hilt and she still didn’t understand why the bank wouldn’t giver her any more money. Took 4 years to finally remove my cousins from her house this past January. First they got evicted by health orders because the utilities eventually got shut off(easy to do when you have no rent to pay). Found that part out last Christmas when my dad showed up to drop off presents. They were holding out for a bank settlement of at least $5k to not strip the house of copper wiring. Somehow the bank and health department finally got them out and finished the foreclosure. Now they are crashing at my cousin’s 20 year old son’s house, who is in turn crashing with with girlfriend and her family with their two kids in Goodland, KS. From Victorville, Ca they drive three cars out there and my mom was like “Why would they take three cars!?! That’s stupid. They said they had a lot of luggage.” Because they moved Mom!

So yeah, take care of your estate while you’re lucid. Oh one other thing, my dad is terrible about telling me things in his will that are not written down. Said my kids will get 50% of my brother’s shares if they don’t have kids. Well that’s not in the will, so probably not gonna hold my brothers to that one.

I am one of them old folks now. Got it all covered. Nearest relative is 1200 miles away. Hardly hear from them ,so it is only me and my wife. I have been gifting a few of my firearms, selling a few more on consignment.Hope no one is expecting much.My wife is younger than me and I will probably go first.She says she is giving the rest away to charity when she goes..

I have been an executor to three individual's estates when they past.I don't want anyone to go thru that for me.

Everything in order here. My folks live about 300 yards from me. It's just that time now where nothing is brought up, but you know you have to involve yourself with their affairs a bit here and there. My folks are 78 and 80, and I consider myself fortunate that they're still with us.

third oldest in my line. couldn't check any of the op's list myself. keep thinking about it. that's all, think about it.

My father was diagnosed with a terminal illness and was determined to prove wrong the old saying," You can't take it with you!"

After some thought he figured out how to take at least some of his money with him. He instructed me to go to his bank
and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed me to take the bags of money to the attic and
leave them directly above his bed, so that when he died - He could grab them on his way to Heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral I went up to the attic to clean, and came upon the two pillow cases stuffed with Cash.

"Oh!, that darned old fool" I thought - "I knew he should have had me put that money in the basement!"

I am also the eldest and yes, we have wills, POA's, Trust Accounts and everything in order for the kids to assume control if necessary. Very little cost to get all of this accomplished.

We need plots, and a stone.

Pops had a DNR. They didnt follow it. Worked out, but could have been better, or much worse.

11 days it took him to expire.