Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire It can be tough getting old.

$5.37!That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."





I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully.





I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet? A mere child! Senior citizen?





I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?





I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.





Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?





"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind!





"Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"





I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.





That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rear view mirror.





Then, a few other objects came into focus:



Though you guys needed a good laugh......



The car seat in the back seat.



Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard.



A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.





Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.





Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.





I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?"





All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here"? At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.





Elmo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake."





I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.





She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."





All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph zone. Yessss, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm nottoo old to be driving this fast.





As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blankey.



The good news was I had successfully found my way home.





Pass this on to the other "old fogies" on your list (so they can have fun laughing, too).



Notice the larger type? That's for those of us who have trouble reading.





P.S. Save the earth...... It's the only planet with chocolate!!!!

LOL ! Getting “old” ain’t no fun! 😜

And I've got 10 years on you.

😳😬🤠

You might want to consider getting a chip before it gets any worse. At least then your wife could locate you when you wander off.

Getting old beats the alternative............................as far as we know........

Went to the post office once. To be a good boy I put my pistol in the trunk. Was driving a ford focus at the time beater that I never bothered locking could only open the trunk with the key. I come out pop the trunk grab my pistol. As I shut the trunk I see someone in the car. Hunched over by the ignition in a black hoody. Game on please let the pos have a screw driver in his hand so I can say he had a weapon and put a 45 caliber golddot in is head.

I go to the drivers door and rip it open and ask WTF are you doing. Startled the guy. He turns to me with keys in his hand and says he key won't fit. Voice trails off as he is talking must of hit him that he was in the wrong car. I just stepped aside and let him out. Older white guy probable late 60s. He was parked next to me. The focus was black. He was driving a black suburban.... with a Saint Bernard in the backseat that had to be close to 200 pounds sticking his head out the window barking. Easy mistake I guess.

Now I ain't making fun of older people. I am one too. At least I was last week. Went through a drive through. Got to the window. Woman looks at me said oh you must of forgot to ask for the senior discount..... I am 42.

Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it.

I knew I was getting old when my wife took up jogging, so she could hear heavy breathing again.

“Life Alert” for those times when you really are down.

I dont know how to act my age...I aint never been this old before!!!

It won't get any better

77 here.

Getting old ain't bad, being old Sucks. Rio7

gettin old aint for pussys said my buddy as i was tryin to use a round bail of hail to haul my ass up with after fallin in 8 inches of snow

Yup. It was the gallon of milk on senior citizen day when I got my first discount and I thought, this price must be a mistake. Then it was the mosquito that honed in on the back of my scalp to let me know that section was getting thin and in need of biting. With age comes wisdom and I was actually more convincing when I got a little gray around the muzzle. I know about the wrong car thing too. I got into another red Le Sabre just like mine and didn't remember the speaker cover on mine ajar like that. My brain turned on when the car didn't and I slunk away looking for my own car. Or driving the gray GMC to the store and then coming out and looking for our red similar one.

I did have a deer drive old guy brainstorm though. I'd get myself back into the middle of the evergreen swamp and call in a Silver Alert. Brilliant.

My wife was starting to wonder if I was losing my mind with all my forgetfulness, then it started hitting her, too. Sucks forgetting stuff, but at least she understands me now that she's in the same boat.😀

I’m 68, feel good, still working, but it’s harder to lean over to pick something up I drop. My left knee bothered me sometimes. It’s no fun getting older.

My wife once came out of the bank, studying the receipt in her hand, and crawled into the passenger seat of a white Ford pickup which was parked beside my white Ram 3500. The driver of the Ford seemed more confused than she was. GD

I'm taking the Fifth.
Paul B.