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Joined: Oct 2013
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Campfire Guide
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Hangin in there like a hair on a biscuit.

Hangin in there like a rusty nail.

Colder than a well diggers azz.

Fishnipples (as in worthless)

Wrong as two boys kissin

Crazy as a cat on fire.

Dog pecker gnats.

Stay on top. (Standard redneck instructions for riding a horse, water skiing, etc)

She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

Milking through the fence.

She’d make a train take a dirt road.




There’s no way I can recall the absolute thousands I’ve heard or used, growing up in the south, from Texas to Alabama.

BP-B2

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 536
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Posts: 536
If if and butts were candy and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas.

Joined: May 2020
Posts: 227
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Posts: 227
"This will only hurt for a little while"

"I'll only put the head of it in"

"I promise not to ever try to cummm in your mouth"

Credit DAC

Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 10,721
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Campfire 'Bwana
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Joined: Sep 2013
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Ugly?

Her jaw teeth are up front.


Gun Shows are almost as comical as boat ramps in the Spring.
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,024
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I’m happier than a puppy with two peters.


You only live once, but...if you do it right, once is enough.
IC-A B3

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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If that ain’t a fact, God’s a possum.
You can take that to the bank.
You can hang your hat on it.
You can bet the farm on it.
He’s so honest you could shoot craps with him over the phone.
If I say a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing for the can.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.
She’s more slippery than a pocketful of pudding.
He’s slicker than a boiled onion.
I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I can throw him.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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Brave as the first man who ate an oyster.
Brave as a bigamist.
Brave enough to eat in a boomtown cafe.
He’s double-backboned.
He’s got more guts than you could hang on a fence.
He’d shoot craps with the devil himself.
She’d charge hell with a bucket of ice water.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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She could start a fight in an empty house.
He’d argue with a wooden Indian.
She raised hell and stuck a chunk under it.
He’s the only hell his mama ever raised.
He’s got his tail up.
She’s in a horn-tossing mood.
She’s so contrary she floats up-stream.
She’s dancing in the hog trough.
He’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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He’s so busy you’d think he was twins.
They’re doing a land-office business.
Busy as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking convention.
Busy as a funeral home fan in July.
Busy as a one-eyed dog in a smokehouse.
Busy as a one-armed paperhanger.
Busy as a stump-tailed bull in fly season.
Busy as a hound in flea season.
Got to slop the hogs, dig the well, and plow the south forty before breakfast.
Got to get back to my rat killing.
She’s jumping like hot grease (or water) on a skillet.
Panting like a lizard on a hot rock.
No grass growing under her feet.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
IC-B B4

Joined: May 2014
Posts: 7,143
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So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire.
So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.
So dry the trees are bribing the dogs.
So dry my duck don’t know how to swim.
It’s been dry so long, we only got a quarter-inch of rain during Noah’s Flood.
So dry I’m spitting cotton.
Dry as a powder house.
Dry as the heart of a haystack.
Drier than a popcorn fart.


Life member NRA
I prefer classic.
Member of the VVA - Semper Fi - SGT E5
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise.
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 273
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Posts: 273
it's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock .


Grumpy old man with a gun.....Do not touch .
Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
Don't bother my monument and I'll leave yours alone.
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,385
Campfire Guide
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Campfire Guide
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Posts: 3,385
Dumber than a last year's crow's nest

So crooked when he dies they'll have to screw him into the ground

Smilin' like the butcher's dog

So unlucky, if it was raining soup my dish would be upside down

He can grow good corn in a bad year

So steep a cat can't get traction on it

Slicker than snot on a porcelain doorknob

As graceful as a hog on ice

Too wet to plow and too windy to pick rocks

Nervous as a cat in a kennel

(Referring to someone who was scared)
You couldn't have pulled a straight pin outta his ass with a D-10

(Something that was long time ago)
Since Cooley was a pup.

(Someone working at a fast pace)
He was nothing but arseholes and elbows.


Last edited by Yoder409; 02/07/22.

Wollen nicht krank dein feind. Planen es.
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 46,313
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Campfire Oracle
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 46,313
Nerves as a longtailed tomcat in a roomful of rockin chairs.


These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o
"May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 786
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Posts: 786
Stuck on him like ugly on a monkey


there is no man more free than he who has nothing left to lose --unknown--
" If it bleeds we can kill it" Conan The Barbarian
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 4,678
Campfire Guide
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Posts: 4,678
uglier than a mud fence after a 3 day rain.


Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,996
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Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra
Slicker than alligator snot
That truck doesn't have enough power to pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass.
She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
If he had dynamite for brains, he couldn't blow his nose
His brains were laid on the sharp edge of a razor blade it would look like a BB on a 4-lane highway
He's dumber than a sack of hammers
I'm so broke I can't pay attention


Most people don't really want the truth.

They just want constant reassurance that what they believe is the truth.
Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 68
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Funny

Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 273
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Anything that ain't debatable is " Like Peter Wrote It On The Rock ".


Grumpy old man with a gun.....Do not touch .
Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
Don't bother my monument and I'll leave yours alone.
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,372
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Posts: 2,372
Rich as 4 feet up a bulls ass.....

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