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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 3,570
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 3,570 |
Hangin in there like a hair on a biscuit.
Hangin in there like a rusty nail.
Colder than a well diggers azz.
Fishnipples (as in worthless)
Wrong as two boys kissin
Crazy as a cat on fire.
Dog pecker gnats.
Stay on top. (Standard redneck instructions for riding a horse, water skiing, etc)
She could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Milking through the fence.
She’d make a train take a dirt road.
There’s no way I can recall the absolute thousands I’ve heard or used, growing up in the south, from Texas to Alabama.
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 623
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 623 |
If if and butts were candy and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas.
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Joined: May 2020
Posts: 562
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 562 |
"This will only hurt for a little while"
"I'll only put the head of it in"
"I promise not to ever try to cummm in your mouth"
Credit DAC
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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 11,260
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 11,260 |
Ugly?
Her jaw teeth are up front.
Gun Shows are almost as comical as boat ramps in the Spring.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,368
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,368 |
I’m happier than a puppy with two peters.
You only live once, but...if you do it right, once is enough.
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
If that ain’t a fact, God’s a possum. You can take that to the bank. You can hang your hat on it. You can bet the farm on it. He’s so honest you could shoot craps with him over the phone. If I say a hen dips snuff, you can look under her wing for the can.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going. He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers. Crooked as a dog’s hind leg. Crooked as the Brazos. Slicker than a slop jar. More twists than a pretzel factory. Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks. So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night. She’s more slippery than a pocketful of pudding. He’s slicker than a boiled onion. I wouldn’t trust him any farther than I can throw him.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
Brave as the first man who ate an oyster. Brave as a bigamist. Brave enough to eat in a boomtown cafe. He’s double-backboned. He’s got more guts than you could hang on a fence. He’d shoot craps with the devil himself. She’d charge hell with a bucket of ice water.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
She could start a fight in an empty house. He’d argue with a wooden Indian. She raised hell and stuck a chunk under it. He’s the only hell his mama ever raised. He’s got his tail up. She’s in a horn-tossing mood. She’s so contrary she floats up-stream. She’s dancing in the hog trough. He’ll tell you how the cow ate the cabbage.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
He’s so busy you’d think he was twins. They’re doing a land-office business. Busy as a one-legged man at an ass-kicking convention. Busy as a funeral home fan in July. Busy as a one-eyed dog in a smokehouse. Busy as a one-armed paperhanger. Busy as a stump-tailed bull in fly season. Busy as a hound in flea season. Got to slop the hogs, dig the well, and plow the south forty before breakfast. Got to get back to my rat killing. She’s jumping like hot grease (or water) on a skillet. Panting like a lizard on a hot rock. No grass growing under her feet.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,312 |
So dry the birds are building their nests out of barbed wire. So dry the catfish are carrying canteens. So dry the trees are bribing the dogs. So dry my duck don’t know how to swim. It’s been dry so long, we only got a quarter-inch of rain during Noah’s Flood. So dry I’m spitting cotton. Dry as a powder house. Dry as the heart of a haystack. Drier than a popcorn fart.
I prefer classic. Semper Fi I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 765
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 765 |
it's raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock .
Grumpy old man with a gun.....Do not touch . Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. Don't bother my monument and I'll leave yours alone.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 5,498
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 5,498 |
Dumber than a last year's crow's nest
So crooked when he dies they'll have to screw him into the ground
Smilin' like the butcher's dog
So unlucky, if it was raining soup my dish would be upside down
He can grow good corn in a bad year
So steep a cat can't get traction on it
Slicker than snot on a porcelain doorknob
As graceful as a hog on ice
Too wet to plow and too windy to pick rocks
Nervous as a cat in a kennel
(Referring to someone who was scared) You couldn't have pulled a straight pin outta his ass with a D-10
(Something that was long time ago) Since Cooley was a pup.
(Someone working at a fast pace) He was nothing but arseholes and elbows.
Last edited by Yoder409; 02/07/22.
Wollen nicht krank dein feind. Planen es.
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,288
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 60,288 |
Nerves as a longtailed tomcat in a roomful of rockin chairs.
These premises insured by a Sheltie in Training ,--- and Cooey.o "May the Good Lord take a likin' to you"
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,464
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,464 |
Stuck on him like ugly on a monkey
there is no man more free than he who has nothing left to lose --unknown-- " If it bleeds we can kill it" Conan The Barbarian
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Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,177
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 5,177 |
uglier than a mud fence after a 3 day rain.
Some people are educated beyond their intelligence.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,884
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,884 |
Colder than a witch's titty in a brass bra Slicker than alligator snot That truck doesn't have enough power to pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass. She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. If he had dynamite for brains, he couldn't blow his nose His brains were laid on the sharp edge of a razor blade it would look like a BB on a 4-lane highway He's dumber than a sack of hammers I'm so broke I can't pay attention
Most people don't really want the truth.
They just want constant reassurance that what they believe is the truth.
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Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 68
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 68 |
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Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 765
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Oct 2021
Posts: 765 |
Anything that ain't debatable is " Like Peter Wrote It On The Rock ".
Grumpy old man with a gun.....Do not touch . Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. Don't bother my monument and I'll leave yours alone.
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 4,324
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 4,324 |
Rich as 4 feet up a bulls ass.....
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Forums81
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