Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire Old farmer talk for--

Richer than 4 foot up a bulls azz.

A crow schit him on a fence post.

Going to open a can of woop a$$

That woman's crazier than a chithouse rat!!

Fits like a fist in the eye.

A running horse never plowed a field.

Deader than yesterdays news.

Wilder than a March hare.

Darker than a [bleep] pocket.

Better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Got a wild hair up his ass.

Busier than a one armed paper hanger.

When its gone, its gone.
Said by the new guy on a fly in camp who drank all the beer by Tuesday.

Skin a fart to save a nickel and ruin a fifty cent jack knife.

Tighter'n a bull's ass in fly season.

He's so tight you can't pull a needle out his ass with a tractor.

Colder'n a well digger's ass.

So tight he'd skin a flea for his hide and tallow.

That boy would climb a greased pole backwards to tell a lie rather than stand flatfooted on the ground and tell the truth.

He'd lie even if the truth would serve him better.

He's about three turns tighter than tree bark.

I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire!

He's so black, charcoal would make a white mark on him.

Tighter than an ant's a$$ stretched over a #9 washtub.

Stared at her like a calf mooning a new gate.

Squeal like a pig hung under a gate.

Wouldn't say "s#¡t" if he was standing in it knee deep.

Drunker than Cooter Brown.

He ain't got a pot to pu$$ in or a window to throw it out of.

He's so broke, he'd have to fart twice to make a scent.

Hes so ugly, his momma had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the puppy to play with him.

He's so stupid, if you put his brain in a humming bird, it would fly upside down and backwards and bv euck a mule's a$$ for a morning glory.

Dumber than a bag of: hammers - rocks, etc, etc.....

He's slower than smoke off s#¡t on a cold morning.

So slow he couldn't catch a cafe on biscuit wheels.

Slicker than a greased pig.

Played him like a fiddle.

Whip him 'til he s#¡ts, then whip him for s#¡tting.

I'm gonna kick your butt 'til your nose bleeds!

Tighter than a fishes bum.

Sweating like a whore in church.

This tractor couldn't pull a greased string out of a cat's ass. Rio7

Plowin' corn.

I bet his azzhole is puckered up so tight you couldn't drive a greased nail up it with a twenty pound sledgehammer.

You gonna stand there all day with your hands in your pockets or are you gonna drop your drawers and rail that sheep like a man?

Don't talk about Jim Conrad that way.

Feed him lots of beans , fug him in the azz and pray he shirts himself to death



That’s just plain mean

It fits like gloves on a rooster.

Cuter than a spotted puppy

Cuter than a spotted puppy, in a little red wagon, sitting under a Christmas tree.

Worthless as tits on a boar. F--ked like Hogans goat. Hotter than a freshly F--ked fox in a forest fire.