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--- CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE --- A Magic Time To Be An Illegal In America---
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 7,988
Campfire Outfitter
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Good on you for being willing and able to take on this task. It probably won't be easy and there will be roadblocks you probably have never imagined at this point.
My daughter just went through this with some friends of theirs. Their 15 year old daughter wasn't getting along with the stepmom and she came to live with my daughter and her family. It all unraveled in the end and the girl moved back home with no appreciation for the help she received and my daughter and her husband lost some good friends and learned a very valuable lesson- go into these situations with both eyes open wide.
Regardless, in order to enroll her in school, go to her parent/teacher meetings, get medical attention of any kind, or even things as simple as her going on a field trip, she has to have the permission of her legal guardians. That is the first thing you will need to get set up and the sooner, the better. You will need to get legal services of some sort involved to make sure it is airtight once you take this step or it can turn into a nightmare .
Not to rain on your parade because what you are doing is a great thing and to be commended- but it comes with pitfalls that can have lasting consequences as well as lasting changes for the positive...
Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
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Joined: Jun 2020
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Campfire Outfitter
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Good for you trying to bring a sense of normalcy to this poor girls life! Ignore the stupid [bleep] advise about revenge on her adoptive parents. That’ll only make things worse for everyone- no matter how satisfying it may be. Be damned careful around her too. YOU don’t want any crazy accusations made against you for molestation, which the parents could bring against you if they want to screw you up. Be sure and get this dine thru the proper channels. Never be alone with this girl until things are settled, one way or another. Sorry to sound like this but My wife is a LCSW and works with these situations a lot. One must keep their guard up and protect you and your family first and foremost. Again, you and your wife are to be complimented! God bless! Well said and great advice.
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Joined: Dec 2013
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Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Dec 2013
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I applaud you and your family for what you've done this Last 5 Years. But please, get your legal links in order so you can take care of the child properly. I'm sure you understand that. You sound like a level-headed guy. The best to your family and the young girl.
Slaves get what they need. Free men get what they want. Rehabilitation is way overrated. Orwell wasn't wrong. GOA member disappointed NRA member 24HCF SEARCH
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Joined: Dec 2019
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Campfire Tracker
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Just keep doing what your doing, it will all play out for all of you in the end.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 990
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Good on you. Do tread carefully though. There is a process in most states for relinquishing parental rights, even in adopted kids, it's just super complicated when it's not an infant. Hopefully the local DHS, probably with law enforcement, can navigate that process with her previous home.
Also, I highly recommend leaning on DHS for counseling for her and your family, even though you're all pretty much family already. I've seen foster kids change their behavior the instant they were safe in a new home and the reality of the new and permanent situation hits home. It's not their fault, a kid can get drastically screwed up in the first couple years of life and it might not change...ever. Anyway, that can be a serious milestone that changes a kid's behavior and it's counterintuitive to caregivers and surrounding family. Love may not be enough. Some professional coaching for you and help for her can't hurt.
If your DHS is anything like ours, they will move at top speed to get her off their books and wash their hands once she's set up in your home. Don't be shy about advocating for her and the rest of your family for support.
I hope and pray it all works out for you all. And hopefully that former home "care" givers find their way to prison.
sd
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,161
Campfire Regular
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Good for you trying to bring a sense of normalcy to this poor girls life! Ignore the stupid [bleep] advise about revenge on her adoptive parents. That’ll only make things worse for everyone- no matter how satisfying it may be. Be damned careful around her too. YOU don’t want any crazy accusations made against you for molestation, which the parents could bring against you if they want to screw you up. Be sure and get this dine thru the proper channels. Never be alone with this girl until things are settled, one way or another. Sorry to sound like this but My wife is a LCSW and works with these situations a lot. One must keep their guard up and protect you and your family first and foremost. Again, you and your wife are to be complimented! God bless! Be careful. It's a good thing your doing, but your walking through a minefield.
MOLON LABE
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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We’ve been there for a couple of our children’s friends through the years and I think in both cases we made a positive difference. They’re both productive and happy young adults that look at us like mom and dad.
I truly admire what you’re doing and I admire what an amazing example of loving and compassionate parents that you’ve shown your daughter. She’ll be 18 before you know it but until then these are extremely important years for teenagers. The stability and love that your family offers is invaluable for that young lady to begin to move ahead despite the pain of the past, wondering why nobody wants you.
She doesn’t have to feel unwanted anymore.
God bless you and your family! What Aces said. She is in dire need of stability and purpose. Puberty is Hell at best, and she's been cast into her own special chamber. Her "parents" need to be arrested, and she needs stable legal guardians. You might start with Child Protective Services.
Hunt with Class and Classics
Religion: A founder of The Church of Spray and Pray
Acquit v. t. To render a judgment in a murder case in San Francisco... EQUAL, adj. As bad as something else. Ambrose Bierce “The Devil's Dictionary”
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Joined: Feb 2010
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Campfire Regular
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Good luck, and Godspeed.
Legally, you are in no position to help.
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 8,200
Campfire Outfitter
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Thanks for stepping up and being a positive influence on this young lady when she is in need. Not everyone would take on this situation.
Using a lawyer who is experienced is this type of proceedings is highly recommended.
I wish you, your family and the young lady all the best.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 56,274
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
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We’ve been there for a couple of our children’s friends through the years and I think in both cases we made a positive difference. They’re both productive and happy young adults that look at us like mom and dad.
I truly admire what you’re doing and I admire what an amazing example of loving and compassionate parents that you’ve shown your daughter. She’ll be 18 before you know it but until then these are extremely important years for teenagers. The stability and love that your family offers is invaluable for that young lady to begin to move ahead despite the pain of the past, wondering why nobody wants you.
She doesn’t have to feel unwanted anymore.
God bless you and your family! Good for you trying to bring a sense of normalcy to this poor girls life! Ignore the stupid [bleep] advise about revenge on her adoptive parents. That’ll only make things worse for everyone- no matter how satisfying it may be. Be damned careful around her too. YOU don’t want any crazy accusations made against you for molestation, which the parents could bring against you if they want to screw you up. Be sure and get this dine thru the proper channels. Never be alone with this girl until things are settled, one way or another. Sorry to sound like this but My wife is a LCSW and works with these situations a lot. One must keep their guard up and protect you and your family first and foremost. Again, you and your wife are to be complimented! God bless! These two posts ^^^^ sum up my feelings on the situation. I highlighted the one line about being careful because I have a friend that just did 7 years in prison for exactly this scenario. His family took in a troubled 14 year old family friend, she said he touched her inappropriately and boom, convicted. The worst part was they couldn't introduce all the evidence in court, especially about her troubled past and all her drama, because she was a minor. It was seriously messed up, and he did the time. Messed up his life, his family, what a train wreck. All for wanting to help.
_______________________________________________________
An 8 dollar driveway boy living in a T-111 shack
LOL
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Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 41,291
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 41,291 |
Nice to see people with good hearts rise up...
Make Gitmo Great Again!!
Who gave the order to stop counting votes in the swing states on the night of November 3/4, 2020?
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
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Good luck to all involved. Don’t let the gal lose sight of her self worth. Make sure she knows she's with you because you want her there, because she is a worthy human and does not deserve to be treated poorly. Thank you for rescuing her, even if only a little.
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Joined: Jul 2020
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God bless you and your wife.
Our three are adopted. We used a faith-based organization. There are innumerable church- and faith-based organizations out there who can help you understand and navigate the process. Ultimately, if you're serious about adopting, you will need legal help to jump through significant legal hurdles (adoption agencies have their own staff). But, your ace-in-the-hole might be the DHS route. Your daughter's friend scenario is why so many social workers went into that profession.
Good luck and godspeed. Pls keep up updated.
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Joined: Aug 2002
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Campfire Outfitter
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Posts: 14,064 |
Good call and very loving and respectable thing to do.
Biden's most truthful quote ever came during his first press conference, 03/25/21.
Drum roll please...... "I don't know, to be clear." and THAT is one promise he's kept!!!
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Campfire Tracker
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No CPS in your AO to prosecute the parents? Sounds like they need some jail time, especially regarding that suicide story. Except the first thing they do is put the child in foster care or, back in the system.
Fight fire, save lives, laugh in the face of danger.
Stupid always finds a way.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,774
Campfire Tracker
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Make sure that you connect with the principal in the school she attends. This is after contacting a family attorney. After you have a good game plan with them on your side go to OCS with your plan and arrows ready. It still will be messy and you probably have to take some classes but if the girl is good to move in with you and OCS and school administrator and attorney are all lined up you probably can get stuff done quickly. Be prepared to have OCS up your azz for a while. Principal has some legal powers in discussion with OCS and local guardian ad litem. They want her happy as well and will cut red tape. Do not let her go back to her parents. Go hard.
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Campfire Tracker
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I really wish you well Torqued and hope you can help this young lady out. You should see if being a firearms owner is a bar to fostering her. Many states have an automatic no if you own firearms. And great advice from everybody telling you to avoid her parents like the plague. Is it possible she still has a case worker? If so, that would probably be the best place to start.
Last edited by smarquez; 09/05/22.
Fight fire, save lives, laugh in the face of danger.
Stupid always finds a way.
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 15,513
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
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Although we have helped and tried to guide some kids beyond our own, we have never done something as significant as what you are doing - so no experience to share. Looks like some knowledgeable people here have covered the legal aspects with suggestions - so I won't try.
But, given her emotional state and the nature of the parents, I would second the advice on good judgment in being with the young lady, particularly alone, because the noted potential is all too real.
You are trying to do the best kind of thing - but avoid being stung for your good works. Once the situation is stabilized - legally and emotionally - your instincts will let you know how to be.
That said, I truly admire what you are trying to achieve with and for this girl, and wish every success for you and your family - and for her. You may very well be saving her from a bleak future and putting her on a path to excellent well-being - and you may be saving her life.
Try to remember that what you are doing, and how well you do it, will quietly speak volumes to your own kids and other folks who know you - in the most positive terms. That is powerful influence on other lives well beyond that of the young lady you are helping. Be calm, thoughtful, loving and strong - praying for your guidance.
NRA Member - Life, Benefactor, Patron
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Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
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I'm not going to go into all of the details tonight, been a busy weekend and need to vent a little.
Our 15 year old daughters best friend has been at our house more than her own for the last 5 years. Her parents are raging alcoholics and really don't want her around. They are both without jobs and trying to get on disability. They adopted her when she was 8 years old,she is 15 now. They told her last weekend that they regret adopting her and want to put her back in the system. She has been depressed lately and recently asked her parents to get her into counseling because she was having suicidal thoughts. Her dad went and got his pistol and put it to her head and told her to pull the trigger.
Jump ahead to Saturday morning. Her mother called my wife and told her to come get the girl, that they were done with her. This young lady has been at our house more often than not the last 5 years and is like our own daughters and a sister to the girls. She goes on vacation with us,float trips, trout fishing, etc. She is part of the family.
My wife is going to start making phone calls tomorrow to find out what if anything that we can do to get power of attorney,get her parents to sign her over to us or whatever.
Spent the weekend getting a room in the basement cleaned up to start making it hers. Not to mention fighting the urge to go to town and rub her dad's face in the rocks.
This is just scratching the surface as to all that has happened the last couple months, so hopefully something good will come out of this.
Sorry about the long read and jumping around, run ons, etc
Any advice is appreciated, I'm sure some of the members have been her before.
Thanks guys first prayers for everybody involved , primarily the young lady for her to understand that your family loves her. and for you and your wife to understand all of her needs and there may be many. then for your own kids to also love her and understand her needs as she fits in to your family . for the authorities to allow u your family to become her family and that her adoptive parents will indeed give her to u. As best you can if you have younger kids at home that some [how much] of your time will be needed to nurture her .
There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle----Robert Alden .
If it wern't entertaining, I wouldn't keep coming back.------the BigSky
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