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I am not at liberty to speak of that.


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I’ve just realized I have had a blessed life. It pains me greatly to read this thread. God Bless.


~Molɔ̀ːn Labé Skýla~

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Dealt with the loss of a child. MTG


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Probably burying my grandfather, he had parkinsons, well before I was born, I watched that man shake for 20 years. Seeing him in that casket not shaking for the first time about messed me up. He had his issues but he loved me to death and was a wonderful grandfather.

My boss lost both her daughters, 14 and 16 in a car wreck. Can't imagine what she and her family went through and still goes through. You dont want to go to a funeral for two teenage sisters.

Lost a friend at 17 in a wreck, his dad just layed over the coffin at visition crying the entire time. It was rough.

Last edited by killerv; 09/23/22.
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Originally Posted by AcesNeights
[quote=Potsy]
For years I carried the guilt that had I been there that afternoon I would’ve started CPR immediately and he would’ve had a chance. To a lesser extent I felt like grandpa was holding on for me and only stopped when I left.

Have been told by people in the profession (elder care / hospice care) that this is not unusual at all. While they appear to be "out of it", they will often hang on until loved ones leave, or until they understand it is "okay to go".

It seems to happen a lot I guess when family is there, then head out for a quick "break" like dinner or a few hours sleep.

Had a close friend succumb to cancer 15 years ago. The final stretch was a long and painful one for him. But ol' Eric was battling and hanging on. He finally passed with family and friends around. I was holding one of his hands, and his son the other. His son leaned into him and said "Dad, we will be okay. We love you. If you are tired of fighting and want to go, it's okay to go". There was an almost immediate change in breathing. Then Eric stopped breathing a minute later. That was tough to watch.

When mom passed the nurse warned me of this (though I'd been aware of the phenomenon before). I'd been on an almost constant vigil in her last weeks. I needed sleep, I was a walking disaster. We hired 24/7 nurse to stand bedside. I went home to sleep. Not long after I woke, and preparing to go back and see mom, she passed.

I have no guilt over that. She knew I (and the rest of us) were there for her for endless hours in the end. I'm haunted by many ugly visions over her final weeks, but thankfully watching her take her last breath was not one of them. She certainly wouldn't have wanted that. She was an extremely unselfish and giving woman. She knew she was loved, and would not need to be surrounded in her final moments to feel so, and would HATED the thought of putting anyone out. Strongest woman I've ever met.

Some people just need permission to go, or just want to be alone when it is time to save loved ones the additional grief.


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DaveR…. Thanks for your reply. You are definitely on to something because I’ve seen it a lot, holding on until the loved ones leave. I understood the phenomenon even back then but grief can cause one to have thoughts that they otherwise wouldn’t have. When I left the room that morning I knew I wasn’t going to see grandpa in this life again but I wasn’t ready to give him up. I had the most incredible, vivid, real dream of my life the following night that until I die I’ll be absolutely convinced that grandpa was letting me know that he was “home”. It was a dream that brought me immeasurable comfort.

Several years ago mom went to Providence hospital for a simple surgery. It went well and she was feeling great looking forward to going home and excited to be back in church for the following Sunday since this was her first Sunday in 60 years of missing church. Overnight she’d gotten sepsis from the hospital and by the next evening we met as a family with the doctors to discuss DC’ing her life support. I sat next to dad (I’m the oldest of 5) and held his hand as he stoically asked the questions he needed answered before making the decision. We all went in to say our goodbyes but I went last. I don’t think dad or most of my other siblings could stay there while mom passed but once again I wasn’t going to leave mom’s side so I told the nurse to DC mom from life support while I kissed her forehead and thanked her for being my mom, the best anyone could hope for. I sang (poorly) a couple songs that mom loved and then I told her to let go and join the Lord that she has faithfully served all her life….we’d be ok and we’ll all take care of dad as well as each other. After I said those words her face relaxed and she went flatline. I silenced the machine so that the rest of the family didn’t have to hear that terrible sound.

In the years since mom passed her family has made her proud. We’re as close as we’ve ever been and we all look after dad. He lives with my younger brother and quit smoking….something mom bugged him to do for 50+ years. Mom is smiling down from heaven and I’m damn proud of my younger brothers and sisters.


�Politicians are the lowest form of life on earth. Liberal Democrats are the lowest form of politician.� �General George S. Patton, Jr.

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I have not read all of the posts on this subject. It is painful and heart breaking what life offers up. To that end I recommend making the most of each day. Hug your children and contact your family. Life is a gift and can be fleeting. MTG

Last edited by MTGunner; 09/23/22.

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Originally Posted by Timbermaster
I’ve just realized I have had a blessed life. It pains me greatly to read this thread. God Bless.

X2


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Originally Posted by Jim_Conrad
Originally Posted by Timbermaster
I’ve just realized I have had a blessed life. It pains me greatly to read this thread. God Bless.

X2

I have been through some tough stuff. But in the grand scheme, I am there with you Timbermaster and Jim C. Nothing compared to some of you guys.


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Watching that hearse turn the corner on that county road and approach. Carrying my little niece away from the hearse in a box that was shockingly lightweight. Otherwise done some hard stuff but it all pales in comparison.

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