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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569 |
Southern women can say anything about someone else as long as they end it with "bless his/her heart"
Example: that boy is stupider than stump water, bless his heart.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 5,569 |
He's the sorryest SOB that ever schit behind a pair of shoes!
Last edited by MPat70; 10/24/22.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
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Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,392
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 10,392 |
If BS was a bumble bee you’d be a 747.
I prefer classic.
Semper Fi
I used to run with the hare. Now I'm envious of the tortoise and I do my own stunts but rarely intentionally
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 4,165
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 4,165 |
Ugly enough to scare the squeal out of a pig.
Tighter than bark on a tree.
Dumber than 100 head of sheep.
Strong enough to lift a car but not smart enough to drive it.
His head is all bone, no brain.
Come from a town of 100 people but only 2 last names.
The only reason she is still a virgin is because she could outrun her brothers.
You get out of life what you are willing to accept. If you ain't happy, do something about it!
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Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 3,460
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Dec 2021
Posts: 3,460 |
It was so hot, I saw a rattlesnake crawl into the campfire trying to find shade under the coffee pot.
He talks so much, he musta been vaccinated with a Victrola needle.
He'd climb a greased pole backwards to tell a lie rather than stand flat footed on the ground and tell the truth.
He was so cross eyed, he could stand on Wednesday and look both ways for Sunday.
Watch him, he'll steal the stink out of dirty.
He's so tight, he'd skin a flea for his hide and tallow.
She's cuter than a speckled pup under a red wagon
Hotter than an eleven dollar cook stove.
He's about three turns tighter than tree bark.
Ain't got the sense God gave a goose.
He's scared of his own shadow.
The boy wouldn't say "sooooie" if the hogs was eatin' 'im!
I wouldn't take a gold monkey for it....or....I'd give a gold monkey to see that!
Give a poor man a hundred dollars and the first thing he wants to do is join the country club and vote a republican ticket.
A poor man voting for a republican is like a chicken voting for Col. Sanders.
Couldn't whup his way out of a wet paper sack.
Quicker than two shakes of a dead lamb's tail.
He was so mean, they had to hire pall bearers.
He was so crooked, they had to screw him in the ground.
Q: How do you make a Baptist laugh on Sunday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday!
I couldn't catch a cafe on biscuit wheels
If beer was a dime a bottle, I couldn't even buy a smell.
I'm so broke I'd have to fart twice to make a scent.
He's so tight he can make Lincoln squeal.
He's so tight he squeaks when he walks.
He's got nine and a half cents out of the first dime he ever made.
He can turn on a dime and give you nine and a half cents change!
Beat you like a red headed step child.
Rather hear a fat boy fart than hear a pretty girl giggle.
Last edited by MartinStrummer; 01/30/23.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,012
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 5,012 |
Heard this ol' carpenter from down south comment about a hottie walking past the jobsite
"She so skinny, It'd be like fkn a bag of antlers"
"The welfare of humanity is always the alibi of tyrants".
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 19,822
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 19,822 |
Finer'n a frog's hair split three ways!
Ed
"Not in an open forum, where truth has less value than opinions, where all opinions are equally welcome regardless of their origins, rationale, inanity, or truth, where opinions are neither of equal value nor decisive." Ken Howell
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Joined: Mar 2022
Posts: 875
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Mar 2022
Posts: 875 |
Baptists- wherever three or four are gathered, there's sure to be a fifth
Save our kids - shoot your local drug dealer.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,780
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 13,780 |
Know why it's so hard to tell a redneck murder?
Because there's no dental records, and all the DNA is the same.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480 |
Boy is so scrawny, he's only got one stripe on his pajamas
there is no man more free than he who has nothing left to lose --unknown--
" If it bleeds we can kill it" Conan The Barbarian
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,529
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,529 |
Drunker than Cooter Brown!
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 973
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 973 |
Can't believe I didn't see this one: -well that went over like a fart in church
-you need your moral compass recalibrated
-she can suck a golfball through a garden hose
-He's so crooked he swallows nails and poops out corkscrews
-like a dog up a bone tree
-so cold i can cut glass with my nipples
-that fart'll strip the paint off a car door
-she looks like a horse trying to eat an apple through a chain link fence
-lifes a boner, ya gotta stick it out
-it's movin at the speed of smell
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480 |
Little monkey, you better eat a lot more bananas before you try to climb this tree
there is no man more free than he who has nothing left to lose --unknown--
" If it bleeds we can kill it" Conan The Barbarian
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Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 16,865
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Dec 2019
Posts: 16,865 |
Well I'll be sheep dipped!
-OMotS
"If memory serves fails me..."
Quote: ( unnamed) "been prtty deep in the cooler todaay "
Television and radio are most effective when people question little and think even less.
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Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,964
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 3,964 |
Meaner than a bitin’ sow.
"I was born in the log cabin I helped my grandfather build"
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Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 83
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 83 |
He ain’t worth two dead flies.
He ain’t fit to make a crowd.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,480 |
Boy , are you that stupid or was you trained that way?
there is no man more free than he who has nothing left to lose --unknown--
" If it bleeds we can kill it" Conan The Barbarian
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 19,067
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 19,067 |
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a pig
If God wanted you to walk and carry things on your back, He would not have invented stirrups and pack saddles
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Joined: Jun 2023
Posts: 46
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Jun 2023
Posts: 46 |
Grew up so far back in the woods I was 16 years old before I found out my name wasn't GET WOOD.
A man without a stick will get bitten even by sheep.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,325
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,325 |
If brains were bailing wire, that boy wouldn't have enough to short out the resistor in a firefly's as...
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