Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire My mother in law is losing her mind.

This is beginning to affect my wife in a bad way. Any advice?

Try and get her in a home if you can.

My .02 is they will drain every asset she has then ship her to a lessor facility that will not care in the least.

If you can, keep her home , and do the best you can

She isn’t quite there yet, but I see it coming.

I don’t know your details but have seen it myself woman do some crazy schiit when they get older.

My mother gave her mother 20 years.

It almost killed her.

Get your MIL to a doctor or at least speak to her doctor.


There are maybe some medications that can help in the meantime.


Dementia is way harder on the ones that don't have it.

Lots of older women are semi sane but looking for a pity party

I was bound and determind to out last mine. The tyrant finally had a massive stroke, she ded...

Mine was a good woman. She’d never dream of doing the chit she does now were she in her right mind.

Sad situation when the mind goes

Ok.

Put a tracker in her vehicle, purse and on her cell phone. One day she will not find her way home.

Check her vehicle weekly and make sure it is full and gas. This becomes a weekly check to fill it up.

Doctor appointments, someone will need to make sure that she has and gets to them. That included going into the room talking with the doctor.

Medication that she is on, make sure she has her supply and that they are on auto renew, fill. You may need to fill out a pill box for her so she know what pills to day daily. This could require a daily check. Some meds are morning and evening.

Take away all debit cards and put a daily limit on a credit card. Only let her have one credit card with a. Daily limit that you pick. $300 or under is a good start. Reduced the amount of money that she could lose.

Have all credit card purchased, monitored by your wife. That way your wife will be able to track her. Likes 2 step tracking process.

All large expenses, should be set up for double approval. If that be your wife go with it.

This becomes an issue monitoring bank accounts and transferring money. I suggest you visit with her banker and see what steps need to be in place.

Bill paying, like electricity, phone and such have them set up at the back for auto pay. That way she will not forget to do it.

Good luck.

I have a few friends who are in the same spot now.

Yup ☝🏽 Been there, done that.

If you’re not ultra rich, you basically have to show you’re indigent to get help.

Like Jeff said, the care can be awful.

If possible, keep her home. Share the responsibilities with other siblings - if there is any. It’s cheaper to hire a caregiver to come in and watch her once in a while, so the primary family caregivers can get a respite.

It can be a long haul and everyone’s life can be disrupted or put on temporary hold while caring for the person.


🦫

First and foremost...Keep your patience. Don't say or do anything you'll regret later. Remove frustration and anger from your emotional pack while in her presence. Save it for later.

Mom wasn't "losing it" at the end, but there was a lot of frustration in dealing with so many things, and yes, dealing with dear old mom could sometimes be frustrating and just hard in general. But she never saw that from me, and for that I am very happy. I tried (and do now) look at it as a privilege to be there for her every need in her last year. And am incredibly happy I have no regrets regarding how I interacted with her. I know others who did not do so well, lost their cool from time to time, and they carry the guilt of that heavily.

DO consider getting someone in to help you so you can get a break now and then. It is very emotionally, mentally, and even physically draining.

Is she a candidate for palliative care yet? These people are solely focused on her and her well being. It is a "one stop shop" for getting her health care managed, home visits, and they will also offer counseling and support for both her and her care takers.

Trust me, you will need breaks from this. Try to arrange for that. If you are going to be your "best" for her when with her, you will need time to take care of yourself and de-stress from what you are facing.

If she's in need of medical care....look at palliative. If she is not in dire straits medically, get someone in on a part time basis so you and the W get a break.

Speaking from personal experience, my Mom developed dementia. My brother and I swore and be damned that our Mother was not going to a facility. But in the end she had to. We were simply not trained to deal with the physical decline let alone the mental decline. She fell we didn't know how to lift her without hurting her or us, we got it done. we couldn't tell when a UTI was starting and she wouldn't tell us until it damn near went septic, the list went on. My brother and I loved our Mother and it finally came to the point we could not care for her. At her Doctor's urging we did what had to be done, I can't speak for my brother but I bawled my eyes out when we left her. A week later when I did my daily visit she didn't know me. Something to think about is every care home does not take people with your MIL's condition and those that do often have rather lengthy waiting lists. So you may need to explain to your wife that by the time her Mom is really ready and NEEDS to go there may be "no room at the inn." Your family is on a dark and lonely path and I pray for you and yours, been there done that got the scar.

This has been what we’ve aimed for. It’s a huge challenge but honoring mother in law has been worth it.

She is in a rehab from stroke but I’m pretty sure she’ll be home before long. JeffP is correct you can go broke or be neglected if institutionalized.

The medical industrial complex is anti human

Is your wife her caregiver?
I've told my wife she should concentrate on being a daughter and leave the caregiver role to someone else even though she spent her career as a CNA and a phlebotomist. Push the fact that you seriously feel that your MIL is a danger to herself, have her evaluated by both an MD and a psychiatrist. Keep notes on the stuff she does, keep recordings if she leaves nasty voice mails.
My MIL finally made it into a long term care facility today. It's been a long trip and she finally jumped on the crazy train a few days ago. Good luck, give your wife plenty of support and understanding.

As others have said, get her to see some Doctors.
My Mom, The summer before she died, had the onset of dementia. She had herself convinced that Dad was sneaking in a young MAN to have an affair with.
Everything my brothers and I and The Old Man said we’re lies. We were all covering for him.
Mom’s sister intervened, and convinced Mom to seek counseling in a home temporarily.
While there, I guess Mom saw where this was headed, old folks, memory loss, incontinence.
When she got home, she took a bunch of pills, trying to kill her self.
We were able to save her life, but her motor skills were all messed up, and we had to put her in a home.
I’ll never forget how Dad went in there every day to look after her, feeding her and the rest.
It gave me a whole new respect for a man who I looked up to all my life.
Mom caught pneumonia and died on Thanksgiving in 2003.
The Old Man hung around for seven years killing his last buck (a 7 point), at age 86.
Sorry for the tangent.
Get her some help, and rest assured you and your family will be in my prayers.
7mm

As others have said, there isn't much medicine can do today to slow the scourge of dementia/Alzheimer's.

Attempting to provide care at home is daunting to say the least. Institutionalizing them is both expensive and does not offer the highest level of care in the best of circumstance and can be tragic in most circumstances. If you do decide to incarcerate them, put cameras throughout their room to monitor the abuse and there will be elder abuse. Alzheimer's patients are impossible to deal with and the staff is short tempered - after they steal all her stuff of course.

Sorry, no easy solution here.

My mom and her siblings are going through this right now with my grandma. My mom lives 600 miles away so it's hard for her to be there but luckily her other sisters and a brother are all local and for the most part are all involved. Grandma is a lucky old lady.


It's hard on the people who keep an eye on her. Like watching a little kid who will hide things and dream up crazy stories.