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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 32,312
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 32,312 |
I have not yet hunted these... uh.. magnificent beasts. But yet, I cannot help but notice that mooses (Meese?) seem to attract more than their share of humor. Or attempts at humor. This could be because they are primarily hunted up North, and you KNOW how funny those guys is! Ho JEEZ, are they funny!  Here's a couple that spring to mind: Moose hunting is like masturbation. It's all fun and games until you pull the trigger, but then you've got a real mess on your hands. The best way to ruin a perfectly good moose camp is for some dumbass to go and shoot a moose. What else ya got, o' funny peoples of the North? -jeff
The CENTER will hold.
Reality, Patriotism,Trump: you can only pick two
FÜCK PUTIN!
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11 |
Well, remember you asked for it!
************************* Two newfies were hunting moose in the woods.
They shot one on the last day of the hunt.
They began to haul the moose out of the woods by the tail.
They got to the road and started pulling the moose towards their truck. On the way to the truck they came across another hunter.
The hunter asked them why they were pulling the moose by the tail. They simply responded, "We don't know."
The other hunter told them that they should pull it by the antlers because it was a lot easier. The two newfies thanked the man, and began pulling the moose by the antlers.
About an hour later, one newfie said to the other, "Bud, this sure is a lot easier pulling it this way, but... why do we keep getting farther and farther away from the truck??"
****************************
John
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Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11 |
And one more:
********************************
Moose Hunting
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull in close, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
********************************
John
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25,890 Likes: 18
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 25,890 Likes: 18 |
My dog is a member of the "Turd Like Clan"
Covert Trail Cameras are JUNK
3 Time Dinkathon Champion #DinkGOAT
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11 |
I am a wildlife biologist (working on moose) and I also teach statistics at a seniour university level, so I just have to post this one:
****************************
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada.
After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 metres away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose.
A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 metres to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired.
The bullet landed 3 metres to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"
****************************
Ok, I'll stop now...
John
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,727 Likes: 11 |
Dang, I just noticed that the previous one was my 1000th post.
Sorry I didn't have a better joke for this momentous occasion!
John
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Posts: 17,502 Likes: 6
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 17,502 Likes: 6 |
John, Don't stop yet. You're giving us more than I hoped we'd get. I'm still having a hard time getting past my vision of Jeff eating what he "caught" with his first "effort."
Sometimes, the air you 'let in'matters less than the air you 'let out'.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 17,502 Likes: 6 |
Jeff, I always thought it was "funny" to open up a rutting bull expecting to see that mooshit filled rumen, only to find it an oversized bladder the likes of a bota bag beyond the wildest dreams of a frat boy - and filled with female's pizz to boot!
Or is it funnier to have 120 pounds moozhit filled paunch pop open as you attempt to roll it free of the carcass?
Sometimes, the air you 'let in'matters less than the air you 'let out'.
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Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 22,690 |
I am a wildlife biologist (working on moose) and I also teach statistics at a seniour university level, so I just have to post this one:
****************************
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada.
After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 metres away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose.
A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 metres to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired.
The bullet landed 3 metres to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"
****************************
Ok, I'll stop now...
John damn! that was good!
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,576
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 3,576 |
I am a wildlife biologist (working on moose) and I also teach statistics at a seniour university level, so I just have to post this one:
****************************
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada.
After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 metres away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose.
A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 metres to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired.
The bullet landed 3 metres to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"
****************************
Ok, I'll stop now...
John damn! that was good! I thought it was "mean" Randy
Praise the Lord for full Salvation Christ Still lives upon the throne And I know the blood still cleansess Deeper than the sin has gone Lester Roloff
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 32,312
Campfire 'Bwana
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Campfire 'Bwana
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 32,312 |
I thought it was "average".
Oooh... statistics jokes. This is going downhill fast <BSEG>!
The CENTER will hold.
Reality, Patriotism,Trump: you can only pick two
FÜCK PUTIN!
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 75
Campfire Greenhorn
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Campfire Greenhorn
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 75 |
Two hunters from Atlanta flew to Thunder Bay on their first ever Moose hunt and were met at the airport by their guide. After clearing customs and gathering their gear they proceded toward Armstrong in the guide's truck. After a while a Canadian Indian ran out of the bush across the road and the guide stopped the truck, grabbed his rifle and shot the Indian, leaving him lay along the road. Neither hunter said anything, but thought this guy is nuts! They proceeded down the road and after a while another Indian ran across the road. Once again the guide jumps out and shoots the Indian. This time one of the hunters said "what's going on you just shot two Indians". The guide replied it's OK, we have plenty of them, no license, no limit. After arriving at camp they started a fire and began unloading their gear. Food, equipment and the beer. Suddenly a Indian runs out of the bush and grabs a case of beer and starts to run off. One of the hunters sees him, grabs his rifle and shoots the Indian. The bush just exploded. Canadian Mounties, MRN agents all over the hunter. Beating him up tieing him up, handcuffing him to a stump. The other hunter supprised, asked the guide "what's going on, you said it was OK to shoot the Indians". They guide replied "Ya, but you can't bait em'"
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 5,794 |
I don't get it...."snicker" ;o)
I wonder if we could throw out a bunch of ammo and guns in a parking lot in the ghettos and let the gang members shoot up each other? Just a thought on gang problems. Oh yeah, we are supposed to be posting moose jokes. I don't recall any at this time ;o) Flinch
Flinch Outdoor Gear broadhead extractor. The best device for pulling your head out.
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 3,767 |
Have you ever screwed a moose all you wanted???? . . . . . . . . . whydja stop??????????????????????????????????????????
its all I could come up with...
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Posts: 11,738
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 11,738 |
Two guys walking down an Illinois farm road saw another two guys out in an a bean field in a canoe with a moose call and a rifle calling for moose. It is important that this was last year or at least, specifically not this year.
Dimwit A says to Dimwit B - " Don't those damn idiots know you cannot kill a damn moose in a damn bean field in Illinois in the damn summer? How stupid is that? "
Dimwit B replies - " Maybe we should go tell them? "
Dimwit A - " No way, Dumbazz! We ain't got no boat. "
(caveat - in some places in Illinois this year, it might very well take a boat to navigate a bean field)
Save an elk, shoot a cow.
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Posts: 4,987
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,987 |
I am a wildlife biologist (working on moose) and I also teach statistics at a seniour university level, so I just have to post this one:
****************************
An engineer, a physicist, and a statistician were moose hunting in northern Canada.
After a short walk through the marshes they spotted a HUGE moose 150 metres away. The engineer raised his gun and fired at the moose.
A puff of dust showed that the bullet landed 3 metres to the right of the moose.
The physicist, realizing that there was a substantial breeze that the engineer did not account for, aimed to the left of the moose and fired.
The bullet landed 3 metres to the left of the moose.
The statistician jumped up and down and screamed "We got him! We got him!"
****************************
Ok, I'll stop now...
John damn! that was good! I thought it was "mean" Randy Oh my...
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,987
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 4,987 |
Two hunters from Atlanta flew to Thunder Bay on their first ever Moose hunt and were met at the airport by their guide. After clearing customs and gathering their gear they proceded toward Armstrong in the guide's truck. After a while a Canadian Indian ran out of the bush across the road and the guide stopped the truck, grabbed his rifle and shot the Indian, leaving him lay along the road. Neither hunter said anything, but thought this guy is nuts! They proceeded down the road and after a while another Indian ran across the road. Once again the guide jumps out and shoots the Indian. This time one of the hunters said "what's going on you just shot two Indians". The guide replied it's OK, we have plenty of them, no license, no limit. After arriving at camp they started a fire and began unloading their gear. Food, equipment and the beer. Suddenly a Indian runs out of the bush and grabs a case of beer and starts to run off. One of the hunters sees him, grabs his rifle and shoots the Indian. The bush just exploded. Canadian Mounties, MRN agents all over the hunter. Beating him up tieing him up, handcuffing him to a stump. The other hunter supprised, asked the guide "what's going on, you said it was OK to shoot the Indians". They guide replied "Ya, but you can't bait em'" that was a good one
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Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Nov 2007
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I travel that road once in a while for overtime shifts in Armstrong... I wondered about the GSW.
In fact I`m going up July 25th
Randy
Praise the Lord for full Salvation Christ Still lives upon the throne And I know the blood still cleansess Deeper than the sin has gone Lester Roloff
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,484 Likes: 6
Campfire Regular
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Campfire Regular
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,484 Likes: 6 |
Two hunters from Atlanta flew to Thunder Bay on their first ever Moose hunt and were met at the airport by their guide. After clearing customs and gathering their gear they proceded toward Armstrong in the guide's truck. After a while a Canadian Indian ran out of the bush across the road and the guide stopped the truck, grabbed his rifle and shot the Indian, leaving him lay along the road. Neither hunter said anything, but thought this guy is nuts! They proceeded down the road and after a while another Indian ran across the road. Once again the guide jumps out and shoots the Indian. This time one of the hunters said "what's going on you just shot two Indians". The guide replied it's OK, we have plenty of them, no license, no limit. After arriving at camp they started a fire and began unloading their gear. Food, equipment and the beer. Suddenly a Indian runs out of the bush and grabs a case of beer and starts to run off. One of the hunters sees him, grabs his rifle and shoots the Indian. The bush just exploded. Canadian Mounties, MRN agents all over the hunter. Beating him up tieing him up, handcuffing him to a stump. The other hunter supprised, asked the guide "what's going on, you said it was OK to shoot the Indians". They guide replied "Ya, but you can't bait em'" that was a good one Actually, that was racist and heap-um uncool. Now if it was moose hunting in the Arrowhead of Minnesota and the beer thieves were road-kill humping 'sconies wearing cheeseheads ... THAT would be funny!!! GE
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Posts: 88,420 Likes: 253
Campfire Sage
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Campfire Sage
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 88,420 Likes: 253 |
Moose were designed by drunken hunters attempting to upgrade a horse.
If you take the time it takes, it takes less time. --Pat Parelli
American by birth; Alaskan by choice. --ironbender
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