Home Forums Hunting & Shooting Hunter's Campfire BAD Joke Challenge

I got a sweater for Christmas... I was bummed. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

I used to date a midget.... Man, I was nuts over her.



I used to date a homeless girl. It was nice. You could drop her off any where.

Zappa; Dinah Moe Humm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMpoRggs9s4&feature=related

Hear about the two cement mixers that got married?


You know what they had?

A little sidewalk running around the house.

hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding sucked, but the reception was AWESOME!

Goose walks into a bar looking sad, Bartender says 'whats the matter?" Goose says, "Nothing really, I just feel DOWN all over."

Have any of you seen Stevie Wonder's kids? Well, it's okay if you haven't because neither has he!


Why did the heroin addict become a nun? She wanted a new habit.


What's the difference between Richard Pryor and Michael Jackson? Pryor was burned by Coke and Jackson was burned by Pepsi.


What's 10, wets his pants, and shakes a lot? An epileptic kid watching anime cartoons.


What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an Asian? A car thief that can't drive.


If you mix vodka with orange juice and then add milk of magnesia, does that make it a Philips screwdriver?


Why are we asked for our drivers licenses when we buy alcohol when it's illegal to drink and drive?


If hot air rises doesn't that mean politicians should float away?

So Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and the Pope walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? Some kinda joke?"


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. . . so three weeks later, Eb turns to Zeke.

"Zeke?"

"Yeah, Eb."

"Remember that city girl?"

"Yep."

"I don't care if she does get pregnant. I'm taking mine off."



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So there are these two polar bears sitting in a bar, watching a couple of penguins argue over the bar tab.

One turns to the other and says, "Talking penguins-- silliest thing I ever heard."

"I have to agree," said his buddy. They both went back to drinking.

_________________


I read in the paper the other day where an 8 year old kid took his Dad's Civil War revolver and killed both his parents in cold blood. What do you say to a kid like that?

"Kid, you're an orphan."

"But that's an old joke."

"That's okay, it was an old gun."

______________________________


What time is it when the mounted deer heads on the wall start talking to you?



Time to change your brand of cough syrup.



(That's not a joke, shaman! I didn't think that was funny.)


I didn't think it was funny either. I'm just saying.


_____________________


Did I mention the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

One is a Dollar-Twenty-Nine. The other is under a buck.



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Did I ever ask you if you knew what the difference between toilet paper and sandpaper is?



That's it! That's the last time in this camp I'm ever going to let you go into town for supplies.

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. . . so the polar bear looks over and sees Obama, Clinton and the Pope arguing with the bartender.

"What brand of cough syrup did you buy me?" he asks his buddy.


Just then, the waitress comes over and asks for a drink order. The one polar bear point to the dead seal on the floor and asks, "What was he drinking?"

"I don't know says," the waitress.

"Find out. " says the polar bear. "Whatever it was, I don't want it."
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__________________________


What was that?

The world's shortest joke.

_____________________________





____________________

What was that?

The world's shortest joke again. You didn't get it the first time, so I thought I'd repeat it.




______________________________


Suddenly, somewhere in the dark depths of a city, a woman realizes she's pregnant. She TOLD them not to take it off!



G'night everyone!!! Drive home safely!

An American walks into a Mexican market and spies a peon laying against a wall. The American asks the time of the peon, who reaches out, hefts the balls of the donkey just in front of him, and pronounces "3:42".

"That's amazing!", the Gringo says. " How do you do that?"

"Well", says the Mexican,hefting the balls again and pointing " you see that clock on the wall over there?....."

A man had lost one of his arms in an accident.

One day he felt terribly depressed and decided to commit suicide. He got into an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself. I still have one good arm to do things with.

There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down to the street and caught up to the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and kicking up his heels again.

The one armed man asked, "why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy .... My ass itches

my wife and I were about to make love

I asked her if she wanted me to leave the lights on

she said no

so I closed the car door

ba dum bump

Bad joke? I win:

Gal: Do you remember me?

Guy: Ummm...

Gal: Four months ago we had crazy sex and you said I was a good sport?

Guy: Sure, I remember now.

Gal: Well, you got me pregnant and I'm going to kill myself!

Guy: Wow, you really are a good sport.

A guy just about to finish the job building a new chimney on his house needs eleven bricks for completion. He runs down to the local store to get them but bricks come ONLY in packs of a dozen. He rolls his eyes and buys the 12 pack then heads home to finish the chimney.

Guess what he does with the extra brick.

He throws it up in the air.

Hey, 700LH.

Bobby Brown. Live.

(not recommended for mo's or mo sympathizers... LOL)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8y0JLPQl94&feature=related

Did you hear about the two Mexican firefighters? Jose and Hose B.

How do you catch a Unique rabbit???

Unique up on him...

Maser talking to VA about his "experience" (read lack of) with things to do about shooting.

Hard Lunk Cafe special of the day...

"The Carol Carpenter"




A plate of ribs.


Like 'em fried?


Ask for the "Ike Turner"

They'll batter them for you.

A penguin noticed his car was leaking a lot of oil, so he took it to a mechanic.

the mechanic told him to come back in an hour, he would look at the car to see what the problem was.

The penguin wandered off into the nearby mall, and bought a vanilla ice cream cone.

Being handicapped by not having hands, the penguin was somewhat of a messy eater, and got ice cream drips all over his feet.

He went back to the mechanic to see what was wrong with his car.

"looks like you blew a seal", the mechanic said.

"Naw, I just spilled my ice cream", replied the penguin.

What did the fish say when he swam into a concrete wall??






Dam!!