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#5649419 - 09/24/11 OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!!  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle
T LEE  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
Punta Gorda, FL



Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.

Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation ?

A. A different bar.

Q. What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.

Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A speech impediment.

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans
On Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.

Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a
recipe.

Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?

A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'

Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, ....'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins,... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this
[bleep].'

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the
United States



Some folks just need killing.

George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!

Old cat turd!


CMG 300 BP
#5649422 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 25,030
Barkoff Offline
Campfire Oracle
Barkoff  Offline
Campfire Oracle

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Posts: 25,030
Central CA
Number 4 offends me!








#5649423 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Nov 2009
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Oldman03 Offline
Campfire Outfitter
Oldman03  Offline
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Frog Level, La.
LOL-- those are good!!


An Old Turd!

Just "Campfire Riffraff and Trash"!

Vegetarian: vejiˈte(ə)rēən/noun: old Indian word for lousy hunter.

#5649437 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Oct 2009
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Mako25 Offline
Campfire Kahuna
Mako25  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 16,718
TX
Let 'em be offended. "They" will have to wait a bit to heard however - as my laughter is quite loud.

#5649439 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Mako25]  
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 18,026
RockyRaab Offline
Campfire Kahuna
RockyRaab  Offline
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Joined: May 2003
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Ogden, Utah
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive.


Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

#5649440 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Mako25]  
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 25,030
Barkoff Offline
Campfire Oracle
Barkoff  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 25,030
Central CA
Here is another good batch of the offensive...I'm counting on the software to do my editing of profanity.


Warning: These jokes may offend you....if so, too bad.
____________________________________________________

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said, [bleep] that knowing my luck, Id win one!


Whats the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didnt claim benefits, had his own [bleep] bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, I cant believe they [bleep] my wife after only five beers!
____________________________________________________

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sisters throat!

______________________________________________________


* Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, Its my husband! Quick, try the back door!
Thinking back, I really should have ran but you dont get offers like that every day.
____________________________________________________

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the [bleep] out of this idiot at a party. In my defensewhen you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
____________________________________________________

My wife just came in and said, I dont know if I am coming or going.
I said to her, Judging by the look on your face, youre going cus when youre coming, you look like a [bleep] Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!
____________________________________________________

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I [bleep] a girl called Penny is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________











#5649497 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Jan 2007
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jdm953 Offline
Campfire Tracker
jdm953  Offline
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Texas
At first I was offended that you left me out.So I read it again,#9 I feel better now.


Islam is best viewed through an active H.U.D (thanks Fly Boy)

He who has braved youths dizzy heat dreads not the frost of age.
#5649571 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: jdm953]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,555
Plinker Offline
Campfire Outfitter
Plinker  Offline
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An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

#5649749 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Plinker]  
Joined: Aug 2003
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teal Offline
Campfire Oracle
teal  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 26,106
Kewaunee - on the lake
None of these offend me - that in and of itself offends me.


Andrew

#5649932 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: teal]  
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 6,813
444Matt Offline
Campfire Tracker
444Matt  Offline
Campfire Tracker

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Posts: 6,813
Alabama
The Zoo and Fairy Tale ones were pretty darn funny... and spot on!

#5649978 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Quote
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

A. A speech impediment.

Real-world (Jeddah) equivalent

Saudi who can't drive his car because the horn won't blow.



Corollary

What does a one-armed Italian need most?

An interpreter.

#5650157 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: RockyRaab]  
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 19,956
340boy Offline
Campfire Kahuna
340boy  Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 19,956
Idaho
Originally Posted by RockyRaab
I am deeply offended by people who are offended by things I find inoffensive.


This.
I think.
grin


Life doesn't have a remote. Get up and change it yourself.





#5650219 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 68,003
ingwe Offline
Campfire Oracle
ingwe  Offline
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Posts: 68,003
Southwestern Montucky
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink


He spoke in tears of 15 years his dog and him traveled about. The dog up and died. She up and died....After 20 years he still grieves.
#5650260 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: ingwe]  
Joined: Jul 2010
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maarty Offline
Campfire Ranger
maarty  Offline
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Posts: 1,835
New Zealand
Originally Posted by ingwe
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink


Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama.


Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him?


The original international turd
#5650304 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: maarty]  
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,351
Gus Online content
Campfire Kahuna
Gus  Online Content
Campfire Kahuna

Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,351
Originally Posted by maarty
Originally Posted by ingwe
I find the lack of an anecdote about African-Americans in the OP offensive....

Clearly racist... wink


Ok, just for you. One African-American joke..... Barrack Hussein Obama.


Did you hear Obama gave up making speeches in the south cause every time he got on stage the rednecks would start bidding on him?


i'm a Southerner and i'm deeply afended with that remark. i clearly state for the world to know that the Hussein man is not for sale. no matter what Soros might or might not offer.


#5650382 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Gus]  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle
T LEE  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
Punta Gorda, FL
[Linked Image]


Some folks just need killing.

George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!

Old cat turd!


#5650535 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8,719
nighthawk Offline
Campfire Outfitter
nighthawk  Offline
Campfire Outfitter

Joined: May 2005
Posts: 8,719
NE South Dakota
I am SO offended by this thread! (When do I get my check?)


"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -- George Carlin
#5650550 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: nighthawk]  
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 46,613
Redneck Offline
Campfire Oracle
Redneck  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 46,613
WI.
Didn't read 'em all, so apology up front if duplicate..

What do you call two Mexican firemen? Jose and hose-B.

Why were there only 400 Mexicans that the Alamo? They could only find two buses..

What's a seven-course meal in Ireland? A baked potato and a six-pack..

How do you make a Norwegian woman more attractive? You give her a massage rubbed with lutefisk.

How do you get Minnesotans to buy Queen's tix? Offer 'em Grain Belt at $7.50/bottle..




laugh laugh laugh


NRA Benefactor member.

Ex- USN (SS) '66-'69
#5650630 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Redneck]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,025
P_Weed Offline
Campfire Outfitter
P_Weed  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 9,025
Dakota Territory
RE: "Oh Hell !!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Q: What is the difference between a woman sitting in a bathtub,
and a woman sitting in church?

A: One of the women has hope in her soul.


#5650685 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,160
700LH Offline
Campfire 'Bwana
700LH  Offline
Campfire 'Bwana

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 14,160
Gem State
Folks that are offended by a simple word or two, must not think much of themselves to begin with.


In a time of universal deceit - telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

George Orwell
#5650714 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: 700LH]  
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Guide
Irving_D  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Ny
When in Rome:

What does Michael Jackson and a Silver Medalist have in common?
They both came in a little behind.

How do you stop five black men raping a white woman?
Throw them a basketball.

Why is a dog turd better than a black dude?
Because eventually a dog turd turns white and stops stinkin'

What do you call two lesbians on their period?
Finger painters

"Meat", "Wife", "Blow job". Which of these words doesn't belong?
Blow job because you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job.

A family of skunks and a family of ducks were crossing the street, when a huge truck came full speed and killed each animal, except one skunk and one duck. The duck started crying, and the skunk asked him 'What's the matter?'. The duck said 'Well, all my family got killed, I don't know who I am anymore'. The skunk replied 'Well it's easy.. you're yellow, you got a beak, and you got palms on your feet. You're a duck!'. Then the skunk started crying too. The duck asked 'What's the matter?'. The skunk said 'Well, my whole family's dead too.. so I don't know who I am either'. The duck said 'Well.. you're not white, you're not black, and you [bleep] stink... you're a Arab!'

Last edited by Irving_D; 09/24/11.

You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute
#5650972 - 09/24/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]  
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,555
Plinker Offline
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Plinker  Offline
Campfire Outfitter

Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 8,555
How do you scare a democrat?
Say your a gainfully employed church going family man.

How do you know when a democrat is lying?
When his mouth is moving.


#5651259 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Plinker]  
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,535
ADK4Rick Offline
Campfire Guide
ADK4Rick  Offline
Campfire Guide

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Posts: 2,535
NJ
what do a mexican and a cueball have in common?

if you hit them right they pick up more english.

#5651298 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: ADK4Rick]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 30,802
gunner500 Offline
Campfire Oracle
gunner500  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 30,802
Oklahoma
I heard grambling college professors have found out what causes sickle cell anemia in african americans.

"Lickin' food stamps" grin

Gunner


"One Eye Is Taken For An Eye"
#5651323 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: gunner500]  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,037
Enrique Offline
Campfire Guide
Enrique  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,037
Mammoth AZ USA
A white guy, a Black guy and a [bleep] are interviewing for a job in AZ.
The interviewer said the first person that can fly to our other office in NY will get the job.
Who do you think got the job?



The [bleep] did.
Why?
Cuz he already had his chit packed!






Not the best and I am sure a little off but atleast the punch line was right.lol

Kique


Enrique O. Ramirez
CLAN OF THE BORDER RATS - Member

"..faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.." Hebrews 11:1
#5651437 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Enrique]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 231
DuxHateMe Offline
Member
DuxHateMe  Offline
Member

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 231
NH
Why did the arab trade his wife for an outhouse?

Because the hole was smaller and it smelled better.

#5651518 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: DuxHateMe]  
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,335
Nate40 Offline
Campfire Regular
Nate40  Offline
Campfire Regular

Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,335
West Tennessee
Lmfao bout swalloed my dip. Onlyone i can think of is real bad so ill have to think about it b4 i post it lol.


Rather be judged by 12 than carried by 6.
#5651673 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Nate40]  
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
T LEE Offline
Campfire Oracle
T LEE  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 72,701
Punta Gorda, FL
Q. Why do low riders have them little steering wheels?

A. So the homies can still drive wearing handcuff's.


Q. What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three piece suit?


A. Will the defendant please rise.


Q. Three Mexicans riding in the back seat of a car, who is driving?

A. The arresting officer.


Some folks just need killing.

George Orwell was a Prophet, not a novelist. Read 1984 and then look around you!

Old cat turd!


#5651694 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: T LEE]  
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,260
EvilTwin Offline
Campfire Kahuna
EvilTwin  Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,260
Upstate NY
Q: Why do Eyetalian boys grow mustaches???


A: So they can look just like Mom


Be afraid,be VERY VERY afraid
ad triarios redisse
My Buddy eh76 speaks authentic Frontier Gibberish!
[Linked Image]
#5652074 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: EvilTwin]  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,037
Enrique Offline
Campfire Guide
Enrique  Offline
Campfire Guide

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Posts: 4,037
Mammoth AZ USA
Bump so more peoplecan be offended.lol


Enrique O. Ramirez
CLAN OF THE BORDER RATS - Member

"..faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.." Hebrews 11:1
#5652103 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Enrique]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

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Posts: 29,348
How do you stop black kids from jumping on the bed?
Put Velcro on the ceiling.

How do you get 'em down>
Tell Messican kids they're piatas.

(Even I groan at those!)


"Good enough" isn't.

Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.



















#5652111 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Why did medics have to coin the phrase premenstrual syndrome?

Mad-cow disease already applied to something else.


"Good enough" isn't.

Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.



















#5652115 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Why do Saudis smell bad?

So that the blind can also hate 'em.


"Good enough" isn't.

Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.



















#5652177 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,903
Archerhunter Offline
Campfire Kahuna
Archerhunter  Offline
Campfire Kahuna

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 16,903
A sandy knoll,
What did the blind guy say as he passed the fresh fish market?
Good morning, Ladies.

How do you babysit a little black kid?
Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.

Do you know why Mexicans and Blacks never intermarry?
They don't want kids laying around the house that are too lazy to steal.

How do you starve a black guy?
Hide his foods tamps under his work boots.

How many Mexicans does it take to grease a car?
Just one if you hit him square.

Why do Saudi's never teach sex ed and driver's ed on the same day?
Too taxing for the camels.





BAN THE RAINBOW FLAG!
PERVERTS OFFEND ME!

"When is penguin season, daddy? I wanna go kill a penguin!"
---- 4 yr old Archerhuntress

#5652202 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Archerhunter]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
It's politically incorrect, rude, and an inconscionable racial slur to refer to Messicans as "greasers."

They're Lubricanos.


"Good enough" isn't.

Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.



















#5652205 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]  
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Guide
Irving_D  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Ny
Originally Posted by Ken Howell
It's politically incorrect, rude, and an inconscionable racial slur to refer to Messicans as "greasers."

They're Lubricanos.
TFF


You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute
#5652212 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Ken Howell]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
Ken Howell Offline
Campfire Oracle
Ken Howell  Offline
Campfire Oracle

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 29,348
How many Muslims does it take to roof a house?

Depends on the size of the house. Three or four should do it, if you hammer 'em out flat enough.


"Good enough" isn't.

Always take your responsibilities seriously but never yourself.



















#5652217 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]  
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Guide
Irving_D  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Ny
I apologize in advance for this one: Two condoms are walking past a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Wanna go get [bleep]


You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute
#5652240 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]  
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Guide
Irving_D  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Ny
Why weren't there any blacks on the Flintstones?
They were still monkeys back then.-

John sits down at a bar, looking very dejected. His friend Steve asks what's wrong. "It's my mother-in-law, I have a real problem with her." "Don't worry" Steve says. "Everyone has a problem with their mother-in-law." "Yeah", John says, "But I got mine pregnant-

How do you piss off Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.


You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute
#5652250 - 09/25/11 Re: OH HELL !! ... Let's Offend Everybody !!!!!! [Re: Irving_D]  
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Irving_D Offline
Campfire Guide
Irving_D  Offline
Campfire Guide

Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,598
Ny
How much fluid will fit into Monica Lewinski's mouth?
One U.S. Leader


You've got to hand it to a blind prostitute
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