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I could write a book on how to screw up a hunt... here's a few "boners" I've pulled over the years.

1) Never set up your bivy in the middle of a well established pack trail, even if its the only flat spot you can find on the side of the mountain. Woke up in the middle of the night a few years back, squirming in my bivy, couldn't get the zipper open, poked my head out to see a horse standing over me spooked and rearing up because some giant green worm (me) was quirming and thrashing in the middle of the pack trail... thought the outfitter that was on the horse was going to shoot me... I would have.

2) Make sure you have the right fuel for your stove, canister fuel does not work on a liquid fuel stove, and visa versa... remember that when you swap out the stove in your pack, you have to do the same with the fuel. Mountain house meals are pretty crunchy when eaten un-hydrated.... and talk about constipation!

3) NEVER prime/pre-heat a liquid fuel stove under your tent's vestibule... yes the fabric is flammable, and yes it burns fast. The warning on the label is their for a reason.

4) Make sure you have an arrow nocked on your bow string before you draw on that bull...

5) Mice LOVE the taste of Wilderness Athlete berry flavored drink mix, especially when they have to knaw through your bite valve to get to it.

6) Pull the ivories out of your elks skull before you take the last 5 trip back to the truck...

7) Side arms are nothing but dead weight if you forgot to put the bullets in it before you left the trailhead. Although the butt of the grip does make for a fine hammer to drive in tent stakes.

8) When you are squatted down trying to stalk in on the herd you've been dogging all day long, and you get the urge to fart, just be careful that's all you do because that position puts a little extra pressure on the bowels and you may get more than you bargained for.

9) Make sure to stop at the nearest stream crossing to clean up your arse after you had to wipe with dry spruce needles a few hours earlier high up on the mountain... otherwise extreme chaffing and sphincter irritation will plague you for days. Note to self- always remember the toilet paper.

10) And last but not least, NEVER and I mean NEVER lock your car keys inside your vehicle when you're trailhead is over 12 miles from the nearest town, and you don't have cell phone service...

Good times...



God Bless America!
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Once your pack is loaded at home, don't assume you have everything, go to another room, empty it, and check the checklist one more time.

Don't forget your bug spray.

If you're packing fishing tackle, don't forget your reel.

Bring BOTH socks.

Tent pegs are useful.

So are the poles. Otherwise it's a sack with a zipper. That sweats.

After breaks, check your pack for rocks. Hiking partners are evil.

You need 2 more packages of jerky than you realize. Another box of matches and s' more toilet paper aren't a waste either.

When you warm up water for a shower, do enough to get the soap back off, too.


Anyone who thinks there's two sides to everything hasn't met a M�bius strip.

Here be dragons ...
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Originally Posted by redfoxx
I could write a book on how to screw up a hunt... here's a few "boners" I've pulled over the years.

1) Never set up your bivy in the middle of a well established pack trail, even if its the only flat spot you can find on the side of the mountain. Woke up in the middle of the night a few years back, squirming in my bivy, couldn't get the zipper open, poked my head out to see a horse standing over me spooked and rearing up because some giant green worm (me) was quirming and thrashing in the middle of the pack trail... thought the outfitter that was on the horse was going to shoot me... I would have.

2) Make sure you have the right fuel for your stove, canister fuel does not work on a liquid fuel stove, and visa versa... remember that when you swap out the stove in your pack, you have to do the same with the fuel. Mountain house meals are pretty crunchy when eaten un-hydrated.... and talk about constipation!

3) NEVER prime/pre-heat a liquid fuel stove under your tent's vestibule... yes the fabric is flammable, and yes it burns fast. The warning on the label is their for a reason.

4) Make sure you have an arrow nocked on your bow string before you draw on that bull...

5) Mice LOVE the taste of Wilderness Athlete berry flavored drink mix, especially when they have to knaw through your bite valve to get to it.

6) Pull the ivories out of your elks skull before you take the last 5 trip back to the truck...

7) Side arms are nothing but dead weight if you forgot to put the bullets in it before you left the trailhead. Although the butt of the grip does make for a fine hammer to drive in tent stakes.

8) When you are squatted down trying to stalk in on the herd you've been dogging all day long, and you get the urge to fart, just be careful that's all you do because that position puts a little extra pressure on the bowels and you may get more than you bargained for.

9) Make sure to stop at the nearest stream crossing to clean up your arse after you had to wipe with dry spruce needles a few hours earlier high up on the mountain... otherwise extreme chaffing and sphincter irritation will plague you for days. Note to self- always remember the toilet paper.

10) And last but not least, NEVER and I mean NEVER lock your car keys inside your vehicle when you're trailhead is over 12 miles from the nearest town, and you don't have cell phone service...

Good times...


Funny stuff there. I'd love to share a campfire with you, and listen to more...


Originally Posted by archie_james_c
I should have just
bought a [bleep] T3...


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This is turning into a cool thread, in fact it could turn into a pretty fun book.


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Good lessons learned here! Funny sh*t, too! smile

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check you pack one more time for your silverware. i hate loaning out my spoon.

and you hate loaning me your coffee cup.

even if you dont oil your bolt and trigger check for function after a wet snow anyway. i had to hold the action over the stove for an hour to thaw it. [ glad i checked cause it did go bang when the time came ] ya cant be too sure!

tell me again how warm that water was when you cleaned up

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Funny stuff there. I'd love to share a campfire with you, and listen to more... [/quote]

Those are just a few of the funny ones that were really just an oversight or inconvenience. I've got a few that could have had much more serious nature... like a pack string and a jeep rolling off the mountain (in the same trip), or a deep hand laceration from boning a mule deer with frozen hands and rushed/bad judgement when using a sharp object (thank God for duct tape), or tying your rain gear around hanging quarters to try to keep the bears off overnight, then have it start raining (the slushy semi-frozen kind) a couple miles down the trail and ending up hypothermic since all you have on is an underarmor heat gear short sleeved shirt... or leaving your late grandfathers buck knife on the hood of your truck only to remember it the next day 8 miles into the back country, worrying about it for a week, then getting back to the truck at the end of the hunt to realize your worst fears came true and someone swiped it! The worst was having my teenaged son become hypothermic way back in the backcountry because I packed too light to save weight and didn't put any cold weather clothing in our packs... had to teach him about sharing body heat to save his life... and about being stupid just trying to save a couple of pounds in the pack...


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Great thread!

Don't head out into cold weather with nothing but food you have to cook. Being hypothermic and stupid in the snow is not the time to be HAVING to get the stove lit .

When you crap, always have your bow or rifle next to you.

When you stalk and take a shot at an antelope, then head back to your pack for the rangefinder after you miss, don't lay your rifle down in tall grass.....



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Don't let a stranger that you're helping touch any of your gear. Two things happened here:

a. This guy shot an elk and had "back problems" so when I went up to just help him gut and quarter he suddenly couldn't carry anything. You guessed it, I carried out that stupid mother@$*@)'s elk for him. (Of course, he was probably telling his buddies at home that he got some stupid mother@)$*@@ to carry his elk out for him.) Anyway, I wanted him to contribute in even a small way, so I strapped the head onto my packboard and made him carry it - small raghorn 3 point - while I continued to work on cutting up the rest of the elk. He swore it was over 80 pounds (probably 30 pounds TOPS), started across a hillside and did a HUGE flop bouncing down through the timber with MY packboard attached to him. And I mean he was yardsaleing with all his gear ripping off. I guess that was kind of gratifying but I wish he didn't have my pack on when he did it.

b. Got the last quarter back to his pickup and was going back to retrieve his pack and left my packboard there. His wife was in the pickup and, being helpful, decided to try to get the blood off of it (it's a packboard and it's SUPPOSED to have blood on it.) She disassembled it in such a way that it took me two hours to get it right again. She was annoying but ingenious, I guess.

Honest to God, the guy sounded like Elmer Fudd when he talked, as well. Lazy, uncoordinated, a braggert, horrible stutter - someone probably should have put the brakes on when they were issuing hunter's ed cards. But he did have a kind, well-meaning wife (uglier than sin, though)

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When you are hunting elk only shoot one at a time, especially 3 miles back, and no horses.

I came across a goofy looking bull and his cows fairly late in the season after there had been a pretty good snow. Well I had two tags in my pocket and thought it would be a great chance to make use of said tags. Made for a long pack out the next day, especially when my buddy who was helping me pack mine out found a bull to shoot as well. 3 elk in two days was a LOT of work.

Last edited by sreekers; 03/09/12.
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Oh, and to make matters worse (almost forgot this part) I had a puppy at home that I'd feed in the garage. The packboard was sitting there and the dog ate the fricken' straps off of it. I guess that lady must've not gotten all the blood off afterall.

I don't mean the dog chewed them up, I mean she consumed them and pooped out packboard straps. I just threw the damn thing away.

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Never, EVER lay your shotgun, rifle, flyrod, or ANY other gear on top of the car while loading other gear, dogs, etc. into the car You WILL drive off with something on top. Not a matter of IF, just WHEN.
I've driven off with a shotgun, a flyrod and various travel mugs, sunglasses and other assortment of smaller gear.


Gloria In Excelsis Deo!

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As far as gear goes.. The poorer (or cheaper) you are, the tougher you need to be.


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Originally Posted by halflife65
Oh, and to make matters worse (almost forgot this part) I had a puppy at home that I'd feed in the garage. The packboard was sitting there and the dog ate the fricken' straps off of it. I guess that lady must've not gotten all the blood off afterall.

I don't mean the dog chewed them up, I mean she consumed them and pooped out packboard straps. I just threw the damn thing away.


"I just threw the damn thing away"... Which one,the dog or the packboard?..lol

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Originally Posted by MuleyFan
Originally Posted by halflife65
Oh, and to make matters worse (almost forgot this part) I had a puppy at home that I'd feed in the garage. The packboard was sitting there and the dog ate the fricken' straps off of it. I guess that lady must've not gotten all the blood off afterall.

I don't mean the dog chewed them up, I mean she consumed them and pooped out packboard straps. I just threw the damn thing away.


"I just threw the damn thing away"... Which one,the dog or the packboard?..lol



Both.....

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Yeah, wanted to but I still have the dog. Danged thing eyeballs my backpacks all the time now - I can't trust her with them. That was a few years ago and I guess she's smart in a dumb kind of way.

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not really pertaining to hunting but this happened outdoors. me and a friend were early scouting. when you're 40 years old and 6'6" 260, the fun you used to have riding trees down isn't the same as when you were a kid. i told my buddy watch this(famous last words) ran down a steep ridge jumped and grabbed a sapling tree. that thing bent then snapped and i looked like the old skier on wide world of sports rolling down the hill.
man that hurt. grin


My idea of being organic is taking a dump in the woods.


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I understand the same thing is true of your boom box you're using for an electronic predator call.

... I won't name any names but if you're paying attention, you know you. smile

But I guess I could say I found out the hard way 'bout binoculars. frown I needed new ones anyway (TM).


Anyone who thinks there's two sides to everything hasn't met a M�bius strip.

Here be dragons ...
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Don't hunt the morning of your wife's very first Lamaze class that she expects you to attend, 'cause you might just get your deer. Nothing like a long run through the woods with full gear.

Don't forget to dig a small drainage trench around your wall tent when rain is coming. Unless you like living swampy I guess.

Definitely don't forget to look for cactus before you sit down. I had some interesting skin geometry for a while, there was a nice safe rectangle from my hunting license inside a large angry red patch of prickles.

Do have a backup travel plan. And when your travel plan depends on others, make sure they have a backup plan. We got stranded in the Weminuche Wilderness on a short backpack trip getting dropped off the D&SNGRR. Mudslide covered the tracks. They did eventually fetch us, but we were prepping for a really long walk and an extra day off work. Long version here:

https://davestories.wordpress.com/2010/09/05/wilderness-hobos/

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Originally Posted by elkhunter_241
During archery season dont leave your sidearm at camp, no matter how heavy it is.

I only did this twice in a 20 year span and as luck would have it, I ran into a bear both times, the second one got the point across REAL well, it was a grizzly at 15 feet.


Obviously - you didn't need it, and it might have gotten you into trouble if you'd had it...


The only true cost of having a dog is its death.

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Never hunt solo with only one knife and one compass.


The only true cost of having a dog is its death.

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