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Joined: Feb 2009
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Campfire Tracker
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OP
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I know, what happens in hunting camp stays in hunting camp, but... in the spirit of "it's been a long damn week and we could use some humor," anyone care to share any of their favorite humorous quotes from our ink-stained brethren?
In the self-deprecating category, I'll start:
At the last SHOT show, I was chatting with Ron Spomer and informed him that I was greatly offended.
"Why?" he asked.
"Because I've been on several hunts lately where fellow writers kept telling me I look like you," I said.
Without missing a beat, he replied, "I think they're trying to insult both of us."
If you're fixin' to put a hole in something, make it a hole to remember.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121 |
"It's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them"
That one was courtesy of an Alaskan writer/guide that I will not mention.
"Dear Lord, save me from Your followers"
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6,162
Campfire Tracker
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OP
Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6,162 |
Hard to argue with that logic...
If you're fixin' to put a hole in something, make it a hole to remember.
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,841
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 3,841 |
"Bird hunting without a dog is like having sex without a woman."
Quando omni flunkus moritati
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,924
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,924 |
"It's not premarital sex if you don't plan on marrying them"
That one was courtesy of an Alaskan writer/guide that I will not mention. Thanks
Phil Shoemaker Alaska Master Guide, Alaska Hunter Ed Instructor FAA Master pilot www.grizzlyskinsofalaska.comAnyone who claims the 30-06 is not effective has either not used one, or else is unwittingly commenting on their marksmanship.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 96,121 |
You actually put on the 'Fire many years ago and just as I was going to comment you deleted it. I never forgot it though, I laughed my ass off.
"Dear Lord, save me from Your followers"
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,924
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3,924 |
It was one of those comments I am afraid my kids like to quote. That, as well as my admonishment that if you are looking for sympathy you can always find it in the dictionary between sh-t and syphylis
Phil Shoemaker Alaska Master Guide, Alaska Hunter Ed Instructor FAA Master pilot www.grizzlyskinsofalaska.comAnyone who claims the 30-06 is not effective has either not used one, or else is unwittingly commenting on their marksmanship.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 60,063
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 60,063 |
Mike,
One of my favorites came from Jason Lucas, the fishing columnist for SPORTS AFIELD for 24 years after WWII. Back then some tourism departments in were trying to improve the image of northern pike, because they wanted to attract more anglers, so started calling the fish "the great northern pike."
In a column on pike fishing, Lucas commented: "The Great Northern is a railroad, not a fish."
“Montana seems to me to be what a small boy would think Texas is like from hearing Texans.” John Steinbeck
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,424
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,424 |
"If you shoot someone with a 25 acp, and he finds out about it, he is going to be upset with you"
Think it was Cooper, but I'm not sure.
If you love someone set them free If they come back no one else liked them Set them free again
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 7,075
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 7,075 |
I recall a Capstick line relating to shooting a Cape Buffalo and after the shot, he decided to "pop over and discuss the matter further".
When truth is ignored, it does not change an untruth from remaining a lie.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,561
Campfire Tracker
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Campfire Tracker
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 3,561 |
One from a McManus Answer Man story:
You don't get down from a log, you get down from a goose.
Dale
This space for rent
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 12,315
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 12,315 |
My favorite at Jack O'Connor.
"That stock is so ugly it would abort a lady crocodile." I use it frequently to describe a .270 I own with a would be Weatherby style stock. Paul B.
Our forefathers did not politely protest the British.They did not vote them out of office, nor did they impeach the king,march on the capitol or ask permission for their rights. ----------------They just shot them. MOLON LABE
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 376
Campfire Member
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Campfire Member
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 376 |
I like to do all of my hunting before I shoot. - Elmer Keith
One unerring mark of the love of the truth is not entertaining any proposition with greater assurance than the proofs it is built upon will warrant. John Locke, 1690
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Posts: 20,879
Campfire Ranger
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Campfire Ranger
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 20,879 |
My favorite that makes me laugh every time I put a live round into my 300 WSM comes from Mule Deer from an article I don't remember the title of. It talks of his friend, Dick Fickle, who was pining for a first look at the new cartridge. Seems Dick Fickle showed up on John's door step inquiring of it. "When I handed it to him, he had to lean against a wall." I can just picture that scenario.
Last edited by Reloder28; 04/11/15.
"I never thought I'd live to see the day that a U.S. president would raise an army to invade his own country." Robert E. Lee
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300 |
I believe it was Col. Chas. Askins on shooting an over/under vs. a Side by Side..
" If God had intended you to shoot one of those ( O/U) He would have stacked your eyes that way..."
"...the left considers you vermin, and they'll kill you given the chance..." Bristoe
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Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,514
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 8,514 |
Capstick,describing a Cape Buffalo,who,
"looks at you like you owe him money"
********************** [the member formerly known as fluffy}
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 14,104
Campfire Outfitter
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Campfire Outfitter
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 14,104 |
"Robert Ruark said of the African Buffalo: “He looked at me as though I owed him money. I never saw such malevolence in the eyes of any animal or human being before or since. So I shot him.”
Ben
Some days it takes most of the day for me to do practically nothing...
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 60,063
Campfire Kahuna
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Campfire Kahuna
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 60,063 |
fluffy,
Mudhen is correct: The money-owing line is by Ruark, not Capstick--but just about everything written about Cape buffalo since has quoted or stolen the line, to the point where it almost HAS to be used, even though it's become something of a cliche.
It's something like writing about the 7x57 without mentioning Bell and his elephants: If you don't, some reader will feel compelled to "correct" your apparent ignorance, so it has to be thrown in there.
“Montana seems to me to be what a small boy would think Texas is like from hearing Texans.” John Steinbeck
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300
Campfire Oracle
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Campfire Oracle
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 78,300 |
Kudos on that correction. I give Ruark lots of credit for lots of things. Capstick.....not so much......
Though he could spin a yarn......
"...the left considers you vermin, and they'll kill you given the chance..." Bristoe
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Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 6,162
Campfire Tracker
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OP
Campfire Tracker
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Posts: 6,162 |
My favorite at Jack O'Connor.
"That stock is so ugly it would abort a lady crocodile." I use it frequently to describe a .270 I own with a would be Weatherby style stock. Paul B. I like that. Reminds me of one from an elder member of the fraternity, who shall remain nameless: "That rifle looks like it was put together by a pimp."
If you're fixin' to put a hole in something, make it a hole to remember.
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