In about the span of a little over 16 hours, I received 2 calls, 1 from each of my kids, frantic about an incident in the car they were driving.

My daughter called upset and concerned. She had hit a deer that was on the road already dead. Felt it going up under the car. She was really upset that she had damaged the car and apologizing profusely. She was about home so I told her to pull it back to the shop and I'd meet her there and hose off her vehicle and see what damage was done.

Luckily, no damage. A little blood on the undercarriage by the rear axle. She was relieved because she absolutely loves her car.

Fast forward to midday today, my son called and is obviously spooked and upset. Said he messed up and ran the car into the ditch. I asked if he was ok. Who was with him. And made sure they were alright. He assured me everyone is ok. 3 boys total in the car.

At this point he had said he came over a bridge and when he came off the other side, the road was rough and he lost control. I am imagining the car sitting in the ditch, quarter panel and doors dinged up. I ask him again if everyone is ok and if anyone was there yet. I told him I would call his mom and get her headed that way.

After getting mom headed that way, I ask him to send me a pic of the car to see how much damage was done and see what we were facing. He said the car is totaled. Then sent me a picture. My brother commented that he couldn't tell the make and model is was so torn up.

I updated the wife to let her know the kids were ok and give her a heads-up that the car is badly damaged so she could be prepared.

I talked to the boy again who was very upset. I assured him that everything is alright and will be alright. I have told my kids over the years to keep things in perspective, if money can fix a problem, it isn't that big of a problem.

It isn't that we are rich and see cars etc. as disposable. It's that I do not want kids to overreact when the inevitable happens. When they mess up and wreck a car or break something or lose something. As long as no one is seriously hurt, it isn't a huge deal. I want them to think, I need to call Dad and not be scared sch!tless what Dad's going to do

The boy is absolutely distraught. As the evening wore on, the gravity of what could have happened started to sink in. He is beating himself up over it terribly. Did I mention, it was his sister's car that she dearly loved? She is out of town headed to a meeting for an organization she is involved in.

Now the tough part begins. How to navigate this going forward. I have been in his shoes. Totaled a couple vehicles in my day. One in a similar situation as he just experienced. I know exactly how he feels and all the emotions he is going through.

My wife and I were discussing how to go forward and walk the fine line of getting him to learn from this but not totally break the kid's spirit long term. Continue to drive in the gravity and the "what-could-have-beens" into his 16 year old skull. But allow him to breathe and not let it consume him.

I hugged him when I got home. Told him we loved him and this mess will pass and that we will talk about the repercussions later after he has had time to decompress. Just be thankful that the 3 families are going to bed tonight intact.

Great attitude. He needs to learn to be more cautious with his driving, but you are going about this in the proper manner. Glad your family is physically OK. Lost an 18 year old niece to a similar situation last year, I know my sister and BIL would trade the price of a 1000 vehicles to have her back.

Glad the kids are good.

Like you said, it's a car, screw it. no reason for the boy to get into trouble over it but he does need to learn to have the money to pay for the problem is sometimes a little painful.

Best approach, and incredibly fortunate.

Regards.

Not hard to see why he is distraught.

He destroyed the car his sister loves.
And I assume she trusted him to drive.


A 16 year old boy with two buddies in the car.
"Came off the bridge rough road, lost control".


I used to be young, that describes what is called "Hill Jumping".
Does he know this road?

If that's the case, then it wasn't an "accident".
It was a lark that went wrong.
And he has good reason to be real upset.
He didn't have an unavoidable accident. He fudged up.
Ruined a car, risk his buddies lives.

Glad they are fine. Cars aren't real important.
But I would try to learn more about how this happened.
Strange road, he screwed up, but....We all do.

Hill Jumping for a thrill?
Looks a bit different, might handle it different.

It's wonderful that everyone is ok. I just don't understand why everyone these days wants to over talk, over analyze and get over emotional about everything.

It was an accident, move on. But I'm sure that's not the way to This Is Us it.

Do you have kids?

If it was just an accident, I would feel the same way.

Damage to the car had my wife just repeating, I don't know how any of those boys survived.

Not sure where you live but here in Maine 16 year olds cannot have other minors in the car with them for quite some time. I'd suggest considering that cars aren't wrecked going over bridges unless a high rate of speed is generally involved which perhaps it was here. I definitely wasn't there. You are lucky nothing really bad happened which cannot be fixed. As a father, I get that fear. Were it me my boy would not be driving with other boys for quite some time and he'd be helping replace sister's car for starters. Tricky water to navigate but I think you're halfway there already making sure they know first and foremost they are loved. Someday it'll be a pair of glad-it-wasn't-worse stories. Best of luck.

Yes, driving with more than 1 minor that is unrelated is illegal here.

No doubt excessive speed contributed to the wreck. Combine it with inexperienced driver and he ended dropping tires off the road's edge and got pulled into the ditch.

I appreciate your response. I was behind one of my friends one time when he rear-ended somebody (elk spotting, paying too much attention to an elk. Unfortunately the vehicle in front had pretty much stopped and was watching the same elk) Anyways, he was maybe 18 or 20. Called his dad. Dad came over, and son was obviously distraught. First thing dad did was start walking around the vehicle assessing damage. Poor guy, you could see he was absolutely miserable, needing dad to assure him it was ok, but dad seems more intent on figuring out how much damage is done to the truck. Left an impression on me, why would you act more concerned about that which can be replaced than that which cannot?

Yep.

Boy in the neighboring community that we know through wrestling circles wrecked his dad's truck about a month ago. Got out of the truck and shot himself over it.

He passed away a couple weeks later.

Emotional scared immature teens can easily spiral out of control when put into a situation that they don't see a way out of. As a dad, that scares the crap out of me.

I'll have one driving in a few years, already worrying me. I was a good kid but I still did some stupid things behind the wheel.

My old boss lost a 16yo and 13yo daughters in an accident about 10 years ago, leaving Wednesday night youth group and had a head on collision just up from the church. That was a rough funeral. They both were huge softballers and I bet they had two dozen of their jerseys hanging at the funeral, the 16yo had a glove on her "hand". Come to find out she was an organ donor and the glove was there to hide it was missing. About a year later it came out about one of the first or of the first successful hand transplant. Her parents got to meet the girl who received it and hold their daughters hand again.

Coworker's 19yo son had an accident awhile back. Here are pics, he hydroplaned on interstate, flipped multiple times. Joker got out and walked to a gas station up the road to call his parents. Only a seatbelt bruise. 2019 mustang.

Glad hes and everyone are ok, 3 boys in a truck, lost control.....Im guessing speed and messing around contributed to accident?

Really glad no one was injured... could have SO EASILY gone the other way.

Tarkio... you perspective is perfect.

Personally, 99% of my education in this world... has come from the mistakes I have made.

It's always a razor thin edge between mistakes that teach... and mistakes that maim or kill.

I got to see one of the boys yesterday at the school. Was great to hug him and see that he was ok.

Had the talk with the boy last night about the situation. Pray that a little of what happened will sink in and stay with him.

Currently shopping for the exact car to replace the one we lost.

I would post pics of the car if I could. Scary how much damage occurred.

Good job Dad. Gotta keep things in perspective. It’s a good thing that it scared him; that’s one of those self imposed lessons.

He learned his lesson, I don't see much to discuss really. The teaching moment has passed.

YOU are a lucky man...count your blessings.
.
My son totaled my 78 F150 4x4 when he was in high school. He T-boned a Chevy Malibu that was hauling ass and ran the red light. Just ended up with minor scratches and bruises. Knocked the Malibu driver out, trapped him in the car, and flying glass cut him up a little but he came out OK.

Daughter ran over semi tire chunk this week.
Rainy.
Didnt lose it and take the ditch.

But being relieved at her great logic and driving skills, proceeded to try and get it home ( w radiator damage ).

Yup, smoked the engine.


Eh, she just paid that car off and was wanting something different anyway.

I set our dodge power wagon on fire

Thought mom was gonna put a cig out on my forearm

She said my arms and hands were already burned up enough trying to get it put out

Life as a father of little ones is amazing. As a father of teenagers it has been more than a little hard on the system.

It was fun thinking back on all the crap I survived somehow, till I realized that’s what they are doing now.

Sounds like your boy has his head screwed on right. Somethings a guy just has to live to to learn not to do it again.

Mother of one of my boy’s best friends That rolled his car last year checked in with us and made the statement raising teenagers isn’t for the weak. True words.

Yup. Hell of a lesson he’ll likely not forget.

Glad are all ok. The rest is just stuff.

Glad to hear your kids and all involved are okay. Can be scary stuff for sure.

Tarkio,
As the father of a 19 year old girl, a 17 year old boy, and another 15 year old boy (soon to be 16), I completely understand the situation. I think you are approaching things the correct way. Obviously, the boy needs to understand the gravity of the situation (which it sounds like he does) and he also has to pay the consequences, which, in my view, would be helping to pay for the new car for his sister. I'm sure I would come up with inventive ways for him to work it off, too. The fact that he knows you love him and that he called you right away shows that he trusts you, which is huge at this age.

Funny thing about stuff like this, my wife and kids all freak out when something like this happens to us, especially with cars. I'm usually the guy talking them down off the ledge telling them it's no big deal, i.e. no one was physically hurt, we can replace the "things", etc. I started thinking about why I react this way when I read your post and I realized that it is because of all the crazy sh*t I did when I was a teenager. The fact that I survived is amazing, but I also tried to learn from what I did so that I never put myself in the same position twice. I remember when friends of mine were killed in car accidents or in other ways through carelessness and those things stick with you. Kids don't realize how easily they can be taken out of this world and it's our job to make them see the fact of the matter. It's quite a sobering thing once you realize that.

Car accidents and teenagers go together like peas and carrots.

And like hookers and blow.