What is the most difficult "thing" in life that you have personally gone through?
I spent nearly a month in the hospital a few years ago and flirted with the white light a little bit, but managed to pull through. Being in the hospital that long really sucked, but the recovery was nearly as brutal. I couldn't believe how weak a body can get in such a short amount of time or how long it took to build back strength.
The absolute worst part of the entire experience was being intubated. If you've never experienced this particular type of torture, I'll share a few of the highlights from my experience. Obviously, you're going to be in rough shape if the decision is made to intubate while you're laying in the hospital bed (I'm not talking about surgery prep here), so my recollection of some details is hazy at best. I remember being told what was going to happen, getting a sedative and seeing the doc's headlamp shining down into my eyes before the world went black. As I came back around, I had no clue where I was or what was going on. I felt something lodged in my throat and instinctively reached up to see what it was. That's when I discovered that my arms had been placed in restraints, though I didn't fully comprehend the particulars in that moment. I have to imagine that I looked something like a fish flopping around in the bottom of a jon boat on a hot summer day, trying to free myself from captivity. My family and a nurse flew across the room to try and explain to me what was going on, but I was completely flipping out and had absolutely no way of communicating with them at that point. As the fog, shock and fear slowly began to fade, we worked out a rudimentary system of blinks to answer simple yes and no questions. I graduated to pen and paper once the medical team was confident that I had my mental bearings and wasn't going to remove the breathing tube. I had that tube for a couple of days and it was pure hell.
Putting my dad in a memory care facility at age 87, and mom's health at age 86 at the same time. I'm the only living sibling and they are 2 hours away. To say it isn't fun is a vast understatement.
Watching my beautiful wife of 52 years waste away thanks to the dementia destroying her brain. Went through it with my Grandmother as well. Hard to take both times. PJ
I don't know yet how all this will turn out but so far its the folks and other family passing then my wife of 51 years. I don't think it will get any easier.
At 24, I had to bury my 20 year old brother after he wrapped his car around a telephone pole.
And I had to shoot my saddle horse a few years back.
Shooting the horse was just as tough to do. But of much shorter duration.
I have had to put down many dogs. Dogs are comparatively easy.
A dog has never carried my nappy ass off a cold frozen mountain in the middle of a freezing wind driven rain storm. A dog has never delivered me safely to camp while I snoozed in the saddle.
Burying a spouse tops my list but everything else in my life that I've had to fight off has been by my own doing or undoing. My dad always said that some people only learn the hard way.
Being told that if I didn't have emergency open heart surgery I wouldn't see another sunrise. The exclamation point was when the surgeon who did my bypasses walked into the room, grabbed my bed and told the nurses who were shaving my chest that I was going to surgery NOW as he wheeled me out the door. I didn't know that I would be intubated, as I was coming out of a coma I realized that my hands were tied to the bed rails. My RN walked up to the side of my bed as I was opening my eyes and asked me if I would try to yank the tube in my throat out or the IV lines/art line if she untied my hands. I nodded no, she released my hands. I was just thankful to be alive.
What is the most difficult "thing" in life that you have personally gone through?
Accepting losing my kid through divorce. I exhausted the legal options. All that was left was to kill my ex, grab the kid, and run. That would have lead to me dead or in jail, my ex dead, and the kid in foster care. That's not a win for anyone. So I just had to accept the judge's ruling.
(It came out ok, just took roughly a decade to get there.)
some of these stories are hard on my head. I am so sorry for you guys. My story is rather self-centered and nothing compared to yours.
The hardest thing I can remember was trying to bench press an empty bar after two shoulder surgeries. I couldn't even pull the toothbrush off the electric toothbrush device.
Learning to live with my son getting killed two and a half years ago. At times it still seams like last week.
I've almost died twice, held my mothers hand when she died, stood by my wife's side when she was having cancer treatments, there is nothing that I've been through that can even come close to this or what several of the others here have been through, I have no problems.
Few years back, my Mom i Binghamton NY was fading pretty quickly in the hospital. I went there and spent two weeks but she did not pass. I had to return to NC at that point. I showed up at the hospital at 6am the day I was leaving and sat with her. Getting up and leaving that room was the most difficult thing I have ever done. I was abandoning her in my mind. Sat in the car crying my eyes out for almost an hour. Then I turned the key and headed south. Never saw her alive again.
I've never seen hard times or had to do anything all that tough. There were times when I thought I had problems but, when I look around, I'm pretty blessed and have been for 73 years. GD
a lot of things were not easy, but possibly the most wrenching was finally admitting to myself that my first ex wife, the mother of both my kids, was a psycho bitch and was never going to change. Then filing for divorce, and taking custody of the kids. Then never, ever talking to her again. To this day, I don't know what she calls herself or where she lives.
Learning to live with my son getting killed two and a half years ago. At times it still seams like last week.
33 years ago for me…there is never “closure” just a learning to live with the pain thing…Second hardest was putting down my little JRT last month… over my lifetime, I’ve had to put down at least a dozen good dogs, but losing Tuffy has been brutal…
Eulogizing a team mate at his memorial service with his his wife and two little daughters staring at me in the front row.
Same here except only one daughter in the front row.
Physically, a walk-in Dall sheep hunt in the Chugach range. The walk out took three days, and it rained the whole time. All of our stuff was soaking wet and the first leg was 3,000 vertical gain on bare rock with the heaviest pack I've ever attempted to carry, since the hunt was successful. We had to stop about every 100 yards or so to let the lactic acid in our leg muscles dissipate. The last leg was down a steep muddy non-trail where I took more than one tumble.
The worst thing I've had to do was crush my children's souls when I told them their mom wasn't coming home from the hospital. The younger two were 15 and 10 at the time.
My wife asking me to cut her hair off as she started chemo for breast cancer. Hardest thing I've ever done
Bros holy
Originally Posted by Ben_Lurkin
The worst thing I've had to do was crush my children's souls when I told them their mom wasn't coming home from the hospital. The younger two were 15 and 10 at the time.
1. Telling my 5 year old that the marriage was over. I'd not be there every night - only to have him say back to me "It's okay Dad, bad things happen to good people. We'll still hang out" 2. Watching my grandparents die 3. Pure effort wise - language school at DLI. Never worked so hard, academically as that and I had 12 years of private school prior.
Our younger daughter "borrowed" the mini-van when we were away. She was 15. She had a head-on and looking at her in the emergency room later with every bone in her face broken was brutal.
Well, my pity party pales in comparison to some of these stories. It just goes to show that we should be damned thankful for the blessings we are given.
I had some tough times getting to this spot in life, but hopefully have passed on good values that will keep my children centered, healthy, and happy through their adulthood.
1. Telling my 5 year old that the marriage was over. I'd not be there every night - only to have him say back to me "It's okay Dad, bad things happen to good people. We'll still hang out" 2. Watching my grandparents die 3. Pure effort wise - language school at DLI. Never worked so hard, academically as that and I had 12 years of private school prior.
DLI was pretty tough. But I liked that . It actually meant something to graduate from there
1. Telling my 5 year old that the marriage was over. I'd not be there every night - only to have him say back to me "It's okay Dad, bad things happen to good people. We'll still hang out" 2. Watching my grandparents die 3. Pure effort wise - language school at DLI. Never worked so hard, academically as that and I had 12 years of private school prior.
DLI was pretty tough. But I liked that . It actually meant something to graduate from there
Agreed - it's no participation trophy for sure. Just was the first time where I struggled academically until I learned how to learn (cliche I know but true). Managed to get honors and a 3/3/2 but damn, I sweat blood for it.
My mom passed from cancer a few years back. My folks live about a 10 hour drive from me and I had just started a job that entails almost 24 hour responsibility. For the first year, she seemed to be beating it. Just into the second year, she seemed to get worse, but she insisted that she was going to beat it and she was just fine. Her personality changed a lot in that second year, just wasn't herself. I tried to get back there as often as possible, but I also selfishly didn't go at times that I could have made something work. I talked to her on the phone almost daily, and she was often lonesome for her family to visit. At Christmas time the second year, she was in bad shape. Basically existing on pain pills and barely able to walk. We had to make the decision to put her in hospice care at the nursing home because there is no way that my dad could get her off the floor if she fell, due to his own health problems. That spring, dad called and said that we should come out and see her, because the doctors said she didn't have long. We hurried over and spent time with her. It was hard the last year she was with us, her personality was gone. The cancer had spread to her brain and she was minimally coherent. When she was, she was not at all the mother I had known my whole life. Leaving on that last day was the hardest thing I've done to date. She passed about 3 weeks later. I still feel guilt and sadness for not having done more and not being able to talk with her any longer.
Our last real conversation was when we moved her into the nursing home. I hugged her before leaving for the trip home and she whispered in my ear, "I fought it good, didn't I?" All I could do was hug her a little tighter and nod. She started chemo the day after she retired. Not one day of retirement was hers to enjoy.
8SNAKE; Good afternoon to you sir, I hope the day's been behaving itself for you and you're well.
I'll start with a sincere thank you for the thread and for those who've shared some of the bumps in the road they've had.
When I read them it's difficult for me to comprehend the anguish it'd cause me if I was asked to go there, you know?
Then again the Good Book indicates we'll not be asked to go through what we cannot endure, but I'll admit sometimes when I'm in the midst of it I do wonder.
Personally I find it easier to deal with "stuff" happening to me than it happening to others I care for. My gut feel is we're all that way.
A week or not quite back I outlined on the catheter thread how I ended up in a Stryker frame for 5 weeks and then another couple weeks on top of that with a body cast. It's interesting you noted a white light as I've talked to a few people and they've related similar experience. I want to say I felt like I was about to walk across a bridge - more like a BC railway trestle though as there was that "no guardrail" feel. All I had to do was reach out and go and I'd be on my way, you know?
Because of the extent of my injuries breathing was intensely uncomfortable so I did give stopping that activity some serious consideration.
Parents weren't easy either for us or 3 of the 4 were not. I was there at 2:00AM when the EMTs loaded Dad into the ambulance with another stroke. I was the one who told the doctor not to take measures like you've described to save him at a little after 5:00 as well as Mom wasn't in any condition to make that decision. Bless Dad's heart, but he'd discussed that with me many, many times - but never once with Mom.
Both of our Mom's ended up in dementia care facilities. Having to accept that we couldn't take care of them and then watching them unravel before our eyes wasn't pleasant either for sure.
That all said and taken into account, I'd have to say holding one of our daughters on my lap as we sped to meet the ambulance - her bleeding from a head wound from a high powered pellet gun - me not knowing if she was crossing over or would have permanent damage...
Indeed that's it for me sir.
Funny how we don't even think about some of those moments, much less attempt to articulate them is it not?
We've had some financial ups and downs like everyone else, been evacuated for a wildfire once and on standby last year, but that's all pretty insignificant in comparison.
Still, when I look back on my life I'll still tell you or anyone who will listen that I've been blessed far, far beyond anything I could ever have done to deserve it.
Thanks again for the thread, I do believe it was good for me personally today and I appreciate it.
I thank God every day for the wonderful life I've been able to enjoy and for that reason I try to ignore or at least minimalize the few tough times I've had to deal with. After reading this far in this thread I realize how incredibly lucky I've been so far in this life and pray it keeps up. I'm sure I have things I could look back on and wonder how I got through them, but none of them would be worth mentioning among the pain mentioned in this thread. I've been lucky to have 7 brothers and sisters who have been pretty supportive to each other over the years in our own way- even though we have had our disagreements we always forgive and forget and move along with our lives pretty unscathed. Our parents went pretty peacefully, only a small intermittent bout of dementia showing with my mother at times, but both fought to the end until their bodies just wore out in their mid eighties. Not sure if we were taught or just accepted that death was a part of life but that is kind of how we have dealt with it in our time. My FIL and MIL both passed last year and it was tough watching my wife and her family going through it, but there was plenty of time and gatherings to deal with the grief and both went as peacefully as can be expected.
My heart goes out to those who have suffered and hope there is peace to be found in time. Just goes to show you don't really know someone until you've walked in their shoes...
Holding mom while she was naked and Dad and a family friend cleaned her up from an accident. She couldn't talk, and I'm not sure she even knew what was happening. I hugged her and told her that we we would be ok and she didn't have to keep holding on. Later that evening I gave her some oral morphine and sat with her for a while. I got up to go to the bathroom and when I came back in the room she was gone.
If we’re fortunate enough to live a long life we’ll face a lot of “hard things”. The more we are open to love and compassion the more hard things we’ll have to face.
Finding my little brother dead was hard but breaking the news to mom and dad was a million times harder. Burying my wife’s lifelong best friend that was beaten to death by her boyfriend was a tough thing. Trying to help my mother in law deal with my father in law who had late stage Alzheimer’s was tough but nothing matched the pain of hearing him beg, plead and cry …promising to be “good” if we would let him go home the day we checked him into the finest memory care facility in the state. I still tear up when I remember the terrible fear and pain in his cries that he felt in those lucid moments. All I could do in that moment was to hug him and cry. We visited every weekend from 200 miles away until Covid ended that. He couldn’t return home because he kept wandering away from home and thought people were after him….his years of working for the “company” (CIA) seemed to be intertwined with his hallucinations.
I had to deal with some “hard things” working for the fire department. The prolonged torture and physical abuse that culminated in the murder of 2 year old Kayla still haunts me 30 years later. Little 4 year old Josh was riding with dad on his tractor when he slipped off and had his head crushed by the tractor tire was hard but seeing that dad so broken was immensely harder. All the child CPR’s (a lot of them “SIDS) were so eerily similar with the parents openly begging their child back to life and trying to bargain with God as we stuck tubes down their little throats and needles in their chubby arms while bagging and compressing knowing that we weren’t going to reverse the destiny that showed as a flatline on our monitor.
I can really identify with the line Kevin Costner said in Yellowstone…”it seems that life is just one long string of losing the things you love”.
It sure beats the alternative though because if this thread was “what’s the best things you’ve experienced” I wouldn’t have enough space for the wonderful life that I’ve been blessed with and I’ll continue to endure the hard things because there’s just too many good things to miss out on.
Many of you have had some real tough spots in life. Puts in perspective for me how blessed I am, how little I have had to endure. I have wrecked a car, a motorcycle, and a tractor trailer, fallen off roofs, been shot at, nearly drowned in a flooded creek, and walked away every time. My kids are living, my wife still loves me, and both my parents are alive and well. Nobody in even my extended family has died from anything but old age in recent memory. I know every day that God has been so good to me, but this thread makes it even more clear. May those of you still suffering the aftermath of your disasters find peace and comfort in a measure exceeding the pain you have endured.
going thru my second heart attach, doc all around talking [[ doing nothing in my mind]], me hurting more every minute wanting them to take me up stairs to operating room, and get me fixed.
taking my wife to hospice at 1130 in the morning and her passing by 11pm that night,, just to quick . we had 5 months after her Coloscomy, but that one day which was a blessing for her was hard for me
Pulled the trigger on an 82nd Airborne troop that was going wild with friendly fire that was hitting base housing on the Albrook AFS side of the canal in Panama, the hardest part was when I found out he was from my graduating class in high school.
Every swinging dick unit just had to have a piece of the action there, it weren’t good.
I have intubated about 85 patients. I always wondered what that felt like.
I’m quite a bit more by several orders of magnitude with intubations but I know what you mean. For me it wasn’t the intubation itself that I thought about it was the anectine in the conscious patient that gave me the shivers. I can still see their eyes and the fear when the anectine took affect and the clock was running to get good tube placement and oxygen back into their lungs. It wasn’t much time from the succinylcholine to good intubation but I swear to God that every time I felt like it was my first time knowing what was at stake if I didn’t perform flawlessly, thank God I don’t have to wonder about my performance on any of the thousands and thousands of calls I went on.
Having to make the decision to let my mother and my brother go. Mom had a DNR, but I had to make the call for my brother. I hope they will forgive me when we meet again.
Previously I'd of said my 18 month battle to get my then 3 year old son back after the ex absconded with him out of state.
Now I'd say the last year of my life is the toughest thing I've gone through. Mom came down sick last August, with what we later learned was lung cancer. She lived in my house an hour away from where the W and I were staying. Two to three trips a week out to take her to Dr's appointments to get it all figured out. I took the lead on everything, coordinated everything, talked to Dr's, set appointments, picked her up for appointments, etc. She had gotten very weak, could no longer walk without assistance of me or a walker.
Was in the process of trying to find a house with a guest cottage to move us all into when things went really sideways.
I'd been talking to her almost daily during the entire ordeal. Never went more than 48 hours without calling. Made two trips out to her place when she didn't answer the phone for hours on end, fearing the worse, only to find her okay.
Then one day I called, had to pick her up for an appointment. No answer, but I was already on the way. Got to the house and immediately knew something was wrong. I hear her weakly call to me from bathroom. I ask if she is okay. No was the answer. I go in to find her laying on the floor, looking like she'd been ran over by a car. Sores, bleeding arms and points of contact where she was laying on the floor. Couldn't believe it. She had been losing weight, but now she looked like a concentration camp victim.
I called for medics, and they took her to the hospital. During all this they asked how long she'd been there like that. She said 3 or 4 days. I told them not possible, I'd spoken to her two days before.
I had not. Later checking my phone in the hospital parking lot at 3am it finally dawned on me. I'd missed a call. I got busy working on a home made lever device for her inhaler so she could operate it, and didn't wrap up until later the night, and I thought I'd called. Just spaced it. Didn't call the next day as I thought I'd talked to her the night before, and I'd be seeing her the following day.
The blow to me of that realization was excruciating. Best I could figure she'd been down there 3 days. I remember crying and telling the wife "this will ruin me."
She passed 10 days later. I blame myself. I missed making the call.
Started drinking way too much, way too often. Had been eating like chit for the entire time mom was sick and after she passed....eating fast food on the run, or delivery at home. Put on 30 lbs in about 9 months.
Thought I'd close up the house for a few months, then go through her things, clear it out, and sell the house. Then the wife got an offer to transfer to AZ (my home state). We decided to do it. The following months of clearing out the house, going through mom's things, packing up our house, selling my house, buying a new house, etc., etc. just wrecked my back and my mental state.
Mom passed in late February. We are in AZ now, and I am taking 4 or 5 months off to get settled and recover before I look for work. Started drinking less, started cooking for us again, and am so far down 15 lbs of the 30 I gained. Back is still wrecked, but getting better I hope.
A lot to look forward to. Have a beautiful home in AZ, I'll be venturing out shortly for some shooting and some fishing in the white mountains, and am "healing up." The last year easiest the most brutal thing I've ever gone through, but I know if mom (and dad) are able to look down on me and see what I've done and that I'm back home, they'd be smiling ear to ear.
My wife asking me to cut her hair off as she started chemo for breast cancer. Hardest thing I've ever done
Yeah, I had to do that too. She laughed though, when I came up with the idea of using duct tape to remove the stubble. I have great empathy for caregivers. GD
Wow, after loosing several fingers last year from the very beginning my outlook was it's a scratch there'd thousands of people that would gladly trade places with my and what I am going through. That being said when the bandages came off for the final time I walked to my car and cried for a hour straight before being able to drive home still on tears. With a bandage on I could pretend it was just a hand injury, when it came off there was no hiding it. The kid took it harder than I did. The day before he found out his biological father died of a herroin overdose. Then he witnessed the only father he's ever known almost die. It haunts me to this day asking him to go down and help find my fingers. That being said I lost my father and mother within 6 months of each other and in between that my brother backed over my dog who was getting up there in years and fell asleep under the car. I was thinking well at least I don't have to put her down. I was wrong when I drove to the house she was lying down wagging her tail like nothing was wrong except her back was broken. Hardest thing was putting the 22 to her head.
8SNAKE- Thanks for this thread, really. It took a little while to get the tears out of my eyes while I was thinks about the hardest things I have done and been through. I will not share these but many are them same as already been discussed. I will share that I am thankful and blessed as strange as it sounds. To the men and ladies on here , remember to give your love and kindness freely and you will continue to go through the hard times and sadness. But to have never felt all the love and happiness in the first place, that would be a horrible existence...Joe
It's hard for me to pick a "worst" and even my worst ones pale in comparison to some of the ones I've read here.
In no particular order -
-My parents sudden divorce. -Watching for hours as my Mom struggled to breathe through her last few mortal hours. -Holding the hand of the strongest man I know as we sat through the funeral of his wife, my step-Mother.
Probably the worst was being crushed by the news that the baby my wife had carried for 3 months was no longer viable. We were so excited about being parents for the first time.
Going by the accounts presented here...................I've not really done anything hard.
Dad was sick for quite awhile, knew he was going and I was in another state when he finally went.
Mom was in a care facility for dementia for 8 years or more. Again, I was in another state when she passed.
Knowing the sight in one eye will never be anywhere near as good as before is tough, but I've still got the one good one and DMV gave me back the 5 year license as the eyesight has stabilized at a point good enough I no longer have to get tested every two years. Difficult to deal with as I used to have great eyesight.
surgeries for me and my wife..................we're old.............not unexpected.
Jobs or hobbies that just required putting one's head down and keep on keeping on? Just the way I was raised, difficult but not "hard"?
dealing with pets etc dying or needing end of life shots? No fun at all, but one must go on, even with a couple of special ones.
Not sure how I'm going to deal with it should my wife of many years go before I do.
Most days are good, some just OK, some not so much fun.
Probably haven't had the "hardest" thing I've ever done yet.
PS, pushing my way out of an overturned car in the creek, walking downstream and climbing out over boulders and blackberry vines barefooted, going to the hospital and getting scanned and checked, having to call the wife and all that really wasn't all that hard. Just another day in Genoland.
Pretty much everything between leaving home at age 19 until retirement was the hardest thing I've ever done.
I didn't expect it to be difficult when I began. I considered it an "adventure".
But I don't regret it. I don't know how difficult the alternatives would have been.
This for me in spades.... if I had any idea how difficult it would be I would have folded.... But each battle, each set back, I just put my head down and moved forward.....
Despair is a horrible emotion!
For the time being life is better than it has ever been for me and I am trying to shake the feeling "until the next shoe drops" Dealing with disappointment and set backs gets easier with age... you figure out what's important and what isn't.
Probably the worst was being crushed by the news that the baby my wife had carried for 3 months was no longer viable. We were so excited about being parents for the first time.
My dad had a dnr he was in bad shape double bypass rectal cancer and liver kept on smoking said “to late now” he was a 2x divorcee lived alone I helped him on a project on a Friday and got a phone call from MIL Sunday morning about 1am she over heard on her scanner they was towing a vehicle with his plates from sheetz I figured oh [bleep] went there they said a drunk man passed out in the parking lot at 10 pm Saturday it was him going to get a pack of Marlboros 🙄 and he had the big one and his pace maker fired the rescue squad is 300 yds away and it took 10 minutes to get there they got his heart back going but he was brain dead it took 6 days for the hospital to figure that out and 3 days of listening to him moan and die per his wishes I did in all that witness just before he went him listening to somebody🤷♂️he had a shocked expression on his face and what ever conversation was had he was pleased with the result because he smiled and died
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
I'm assuming he's a teacher and "my principal" means his boss.
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
If he did he’s my hero but I’m inclined to think that he was a teacher. 😁
[quote :D=7mmStwer]Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
Originally Posted by 7mmStwer
Teachers have principals, too.
I reckon you’re correct, if "my classroom" is meant in the possessive. Reading comprehension matters!! At any rate, not making light of anyones cards in life
Mentally: Death of parents,siblings, daughter, in-laws
Physically: Going in and working a mile and a half undergound in a full anti contamination suit after detonation of a nuclear device.
Full face masks, sealed suits, fresh air fans cut off, minimal lights with miner's lamps air, dewatering pumps shut off, background radiation above 150 MR. Hot, humid, actual contact radiation of what we recovered above 300 MR.
Everything had to be man handle, no hoists ,etc. from test bed to train flat beds. Everything had to be double bag, swiped for beryllium contamination and nuclear activation. Try muscling a 300-400 warhead that had to be double bagged. Carried 60 yards to the train over debris piles where the roof of the tunnel had collapsed. 8-10 hour shifts and sweated 5-8 pounds off in a few days. Then if you had a hole torn in your suit, you went thru decontamination, hosed down scrubbed until red with a scrub brush.
Going into my dad's workshop back in May of 2002, right after he passed away and sorted through things. My whole entire childhood was in that workshop dating back to the 60's.
Confession: I'm a full grown man, alright? Wife, kids, (now) grandkids, you know what I mean? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Just as rough and tumble as the next guy... But let me tell you straight from the heart... That moment when you have "flashbacks" to childhood memories with you and your dad (right after he passed away) and you are in his workshop, sorting through things... I won't lie to you. I will tell it like it is: I broke down and bawled like a little girl.
Getting a call at work and being informed I was about to become a single dad of a 10 month old from a wife I love deeply ranks right up there …. It might have been worse then death …at the time!!! All worked out though, I raised a fine young man.
Losing my first wife in a car accident about 28 years ago.. We had said Goo Bye that morning and went off to work. About 10:30 that morning, my Principal came into my classroom, stating that 2 State troopers wanted to talk to me in his Office. Shocking and unbelievable. Had 3 kids under 10 to take care of and dug deep and moved forward. Did not date for 2 years but found the love of my life on one of my first dates and been together ever since. Coincidentally, my Dad died suddenly of a Major Heart Attack 10 days after my wife died so it was a tough couple of weeks.
Principal? You had three kids under 10 in high school?
If he did he’s my hero but I’m inclined to think that he was a teacher. 😁
Going into my dad's workshop back in May of 2002, right after he passed away and sorted through things. My whole entire childhood was in that workshop dating back to the 60's.
Confession: I'm a full grown man, alright? Wife, kids, (now) grandkids, you know what I mean? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Just as rough and tumble as the next guy... But let me tell you straight from the heart... That moment when you have "flashbacks" to childhood memories with you and your dad (right after he passed away) and you are in his workshop, sorting through things... I won't lie to you. I will tell it like it is: I broke down and bawled like a little girl.
I worked everyday since I was 17 in my dads storefront still do today.Him and my uncle between the 2 of them smoked Salem menthols Winston full flavor and Marlboro lights.Every inch of wood counter top edge is burnt black they’d put it in the edge and forget it was there.There both gone I have the memories but whoever winds up with those counter tops will want to know the story.
Watching my sister bury her 10 year old daughter. Dru Elizabeth Mayon died on today’s date in 2007. See her story on LOPA.org “Hero” page. She was an organ donor and saved lives.
Watched my best friend die in a car wreck. Had to go find our other friends and tell them. He was coming to meet me when he over corrected on a curve. I was wondering why he was late and then I saw the police lights and headed that way. He was pinned under a 77 Olds when I got there. Forever 16.
My wife had a miscarriage once on valentines day. I had to cancel dinner plans that night. Ten months later we were blessed with a beautiful baby girl.
Intellectually: Geology MSc after 25 years of graduating with my 1st degree.
Physically: Hoisting my hog every time I take a leak.
Emotionally: Daughter in hospital for 10 days for unknown condition & dealing with her hypochondriac mother & grandfather (pediatrician) who insisted she had a rare disease that I knew she couldn't possibly have - 2 years of BS on that one that could have killed her, what with all the extremely dangerous medications they were pumping into her.
Going into my dad's workshop back in May of 2002, right after he passed away and sorted through things. My whole entire childhood was in that workshop dating back to the 60's.
Confession: I'm a full grown man, alright? Wife, kids, (now) grandkids, you know what I mean? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Just as rough and tumble as the next guy... But let me tell you straight from the heart... That moment when you have "flashbacks" to childhood memories with you and your dad (right after he passed away) and you are in his workshop, sorting through things... I won't lie to you. I will tell it like it is: I broke down and bawled like a little girl.
I feel for anyone who has been thru this . This was my hardest thing !!!! of all the other that life has handed out !!!
Following the ambulance to the hospital with my 8 yr old grand son inside after he had been run over by a car, and then trying to comfort my son at the hospital when grandson didn't make it.
Following the ambulance to the hospital with my 8 yr old grand son inside after he had been run over by a car, and then trying to comfort my son at the hospital when grandson didn't make it.
Watching my mom die after we unplugged her from life support was a biggie.
The other one was I was once married. We were having problems. She came by the house one evening and handed me divorce papers. My Dad came by about an hour later to spend the night on his way through Flagstaff on his was to Idaho. I didn’t tell him what had just happened. He left the next morning and was killed in a car accident 4 hours later in Southern Utah.
I went the following morning to retrieve his belongings. I stopped by the mortuary in Kanab, unannounced, to sign papers and then asked to see his body. They gave me a few minutes but when I was escorted in, I saw things I probably shouldn’t have seen. I then left the mortuary to go to his vehicle, and had to climb inside his crushed cab to get everything out, seeing his blood everywhere, getting it on my hands and clothes.
I was on autopilot by this point from the previous 24 hours of my life, and didn’t think to wash my hands.
I hadn’t realized I had his blood all over me until I was about an hour into that that several hour drive back to Flagstaff. And if you have ever driven Hwy 89 between Flagstaff and Page, it is desolate 100 plus miles. No gas stations but 2.
Thank you 8snake for bringing up this topic.
Like many, I am still dealing with those memories and probably have PTSD from it. But I have been told dealing with those issues is the only way to put it behind you.
Not the hardest thing I’ve ever done but the biggest let down of my life 🙏🙏I know it was the lords doing and all forgive me.I was a single child until age 9 my parents told me I was going to have a sibling I was happy as hell.Time went on they told me I’d have 3 that’s right triplets siblings.Time went on they told me all 3 was boys wow 3 brothers I was over the top as a 9 year old 3 brothers at once.Complications happened one died in the womb the other 2 were premature 2 pounds each at birth. They were normal at first as babies little did I know they were going to be fully retarded I don’t mean walking retarded vegetable state retarded.One died right after my dad at 23 years old the other is still living.I lay awake at night thinking about how my life would be if I would have had 3 brothers that were normal and the times we could have but that’s water under the bridge.I have a healthy son and a healthy daughter and I’m so looking forward to multi grandkids in the distant future.Sorry for the long post I don’t talk about that much prayers for anybody in that situation.
Probably the worst was being crushed by the news that the baby my wife had carried for 3 months was no longer viable. We were so excited about being parents for the first time.
Yes, we've BT&DT too, Scott.
Make that 3…
All BS aside women really are a lot tougher than us most of the time
My wife and I helping my daughter with my son in law having brain cancer he passed away at home and left us with two beautiful granddaughters now 6 and 8. We had to deal with this for several years. His parents weren't in the picture. At the same time my mother had dementia and my brother was taking her for $3000 a month got guardianship she had to be in a care center. I got her and her finances in order. At work I became affected by the toxic fumes and they tried everything to get rid of me but I made it to retirement. All this at the same time was tough but I made it through.
I have read somethings on this thread that are far worse and I feel for all of you! Thought I would share because this isn't that uncommon and maybe some can relate. My hope is that as time goes by the horrific things many of you have gone through that the pain will lessen with time. I find my eyes tearing up sharing this with people I don't know. Take care friends.
Carrying my father to his final resting place. He got me over it so when it was moms turn I was able to keep it together. Love you Mom and Dad!
Dad suffered from ALS, tough seeing a man go from the head of the household to invalid, he lasted longer than most 9 years. The experimental drug treatments kept him with us but when they ended he went down fast. Love and miss him so much.
Laying my grandfather to rest. You see years prior he had saved my life with CPR. We had a bond like none other. Don’t get me wrong I have a great father too but the bond was different. I actually spoke at his funeral and that was easier than putting him in the hole.
Holding my 42 year old daughters hand when she passed 1 year ago from colon cancer.
Losing a child is the worst thing I can imagine. God Bless!
This is what mom told me July 21 when we as a family pulled the plug on my brother. Instead of cardio at the gym he and his buddy decided to cycle sat morning July 9 . At 10:00 am they were hit from behind by a drunk woman. Joe never regained consciousness , while sitting with him for 5 days a nurse told me she had seen miracles before. She just told me a miracle was needed and I couldn't tell my family that as they all had hope. I'm just so angry that I lost my brother to a drunk driver at 10:00 am on a Saturday morning , he was a beautiful man, great father ,husband ,son , friend and brother.
A thread like this is an example that we all go through some heavy chit. I hope I can remember that message in my day-to-day world, especially when my patience with the world around me runs thin. We all carry weight with us.
My wife was 3 months pregnant with our 2nd. We had just told our 5 year old daughter she was going to be a big sister. Went to find out the sex of the baby and instead found out she had died. That one about killed us.
Calling my dad at work to tell him to come home because mom had shot and killed herself. That was tough at the time but nothing compared to losing the baby.
Sitting quietly with my youngest daughter, looking into those beautiful and still smiling eyes of that most lovely being, and telling her that it is OK to let go of the pain and suffering to fly away on the wings of angels.
Having a doctor walk in to the ER room where I was waiting, and telling me they did all they could to save my wife, but she was gone due to a car accident. Then, 3 days later, seeing the unbelief on the faces of our 2 children as we buried her. 9 years ago and I’ll never forget it.
My Dad had stumbled on some basement steps and hit his head on the concrete floor. He never regained consciousness and a few days later I had to tell the doctor to stop life support. I sent my Mom and Sister home as there was a terrible ice storm coming. I stayed with him until the end.
22 months later I got to do it again when my Mom got an infection and went septic. I sent my Sister home to get cleaned up and had them remove the ventilator so she wouldn’t have to see Mom die.
The same doctor was in ICU and she remembered me because she said “I’m sorry but this isn’t going to turn out any better than the last time “. She seemed to really care
Had to help support two friends bury their teenage boys due to suicide. I still recall those two phone calls too.
Reading this thread made me realize I’ve yet to have any real problems. Buried both my Grandads 60 days apart back in ‘09, it was rough, but they both led long, full lives. I had to hang on to that, cause it still sucked.
Reading this thread made me realize I’ve yet to have any real problems. Buried both my Grandads 60 days apart back in ‘09, it was rough, but they both led long, full lives. I had to hang on to that, cause it still sucked.
I was really close to my grandpa, he was my best friend, mentor….everything to me. I have great parents but dad wasn’t an outdoorsman so grandpa indulged this young boy. For most of my life they lived next door so I practically lived there. Years later they sold their house and moved to Apache Junction Arizona but about 8 months after moving to Arizona I see grandpa’s truck coming up our private road. I ran out so excited for this impromptu visit but my excitement turned to over-the-moon happiness. I asked them how long they were going to be here when grandma said the words I’ll never forget…” I can’t listen to your grandfather cry himself to sleep every night anymore so we’re here to stay”. Grandpa replied rather tersely (totally out of character for him) to grandma…”what the hell good is life if you can’t be with the ones you love. I love Arizona and the weather but I love you so so much more buddy, I’m sorry we ever left”. As the years went by I would go to grandma and grandpa’s house several times a week to have lunch, help with projects and to just spend time with grandpa and grandma.
One sunny February day in 1994 I had called grandpa to tell him that I wouldn’t be coming to lunch tomorrow since I was taking my little sister and my buddy from England down to the Edmonds waterfront for lunch but I would be there the following day. Just after lunch I got a call that grandpa had collapsed carrying groceries in the house. Grandma said that grandpa was in such a great mood all day laughing and joking with her, he was looking forward to the leg of lamb grandma was going to cook. Grandpa had a triple bypass in 1977 and was born with an enlarged heart so cardiac issues were always present. That afternoon grandpa suffered a massive MI and was down without oxygen for several minutes before a neighbor lady that was a nurse started CPR. The medics got there and got a rhythm back BUT grandpa had a DNR so he was admitted but not “supported”. I walked into the room and saw grandpa lying on a cold metal table. His breathing was shallow and he was extremely diaphoretic with the sweat pooling in his eyes and running down his face like tears. It was getting late and everyone was heading home after a long and stressful, emotional day. I told everyone that I’m NOT leaving grandpa alone…no way in hell I would leave grandpa, if it was me on that table you can be damn sure that grandpa would NEVER leave my side and I damn sure wasn’t leaving his! I spent all night drying his face and telling him how much I loved him. I told him stories of our times spent fishing, hunting, our Boyscout camping trips and the 10’s of thousands of miles we spent traveling across the country on our summer vacations. The family all started filtering in and promised me they’d stay by his side until I got back to the hospital. I told grandpa, as I kissed his forehead, that he can let go and go to heaven, that we love him but we understand that if it’s time it’s ok to let go. I ran home to shower and change real quick but it wasn’t long after I left the room that grandpa passed. I got home and saw the flashing light on my answering machine…grandpa let go when I walked out…
For years I carried the guilt that had I been there that afternoon I would’ve started CPR immediately and he would’ve had a chance. To a lesser extent I felt like grandpa was holding on for me and only stopped when I left.
For many years that was THE hardest thing I could ever imagine…and then I got older and life decided to show me that what I went through was nothing compared to what others are going through and some of that I’d be going through in the years to come. Grandpa had a good life and while 74 is too young considering that grandpa smoked since he was 8 he was doing pretty good. It’s the deaths and serious afflictions of the young and healthy that brought things into focus for me.
I’ll see grandpa again someday and I can’t wait….I will wait but it’s going to be a glorious reunion one day.
When I was in High School my older brother, 19 at the time, almost died in a bad oilfield accident. He was pinned between a pipe trailer that slipped off its jacks in a pouring rain and a drilling rig. It just about amputated his legs below the knee and he lost a ton of blood and had brain damage. He miraculously lived, but he was never the same person again after that accident, and had some bad mental issues...
It was really tragic for my entire family, of course, it was like he was there, but someone else took over his body and mind...It was really hard to see someone I looked up to struggle every single day like he did and not be able to do a darn thing about it. He had his whole life taken away in just a matter of seconds at a very young age. He never married or had children, and never had really much enjoyment in his adult life from all the mental issues and being crippled from the accident.
He passed away a couple of years ago (30 years since the accident), and I felt terrible because all I could think was praise God his suffering is over..I still remember how he was when we were young before the accident, how great an athlete he was at football and basketball, and how he always had a lot of friends, was never in any trouble, and was always smiling and happy... He was always looking out for me, and always spent time with me even though he was older and had lots of older friends around...We'd ride dirt bikes together and hunt and fish on my dad's farm when our dad wasn't working us...It really killed me when he told me one day he wished they had never put the turnicuts on his legs and just let him bleed out and die, I can't imagine how hopeless he felt...
Well …..I’m not certain if it was wrestling an 800 pound Black Bear at a county fair, or “attempting” my first (and last) bull ride…..both when I was near 40 years old! 😁
Both caused several days of discomfort post event! 😂 memtb
Sitting quietly with my youngest daughter, looking into those beautiful and still smiling eyes of that most lovely being, and telling her that it is OK to let go of the pain and suffering to fly away on the wings of angels.
I can't even imagine. Thank you for sharing and your family is in my prayers.
Following the ambulance to the hospital with my 8 yr old grand son inside after he had been run over by a car, and then trying to comfort my son at the hospital when grandson didn't make it.
Probably burying my grandfather, he had parkinsons, well before I was born, I watched that man shake for 20 years. Seeing him in that casket not shaking for the first time about messed me up. He had his issues but he loved me to death and was a wonderful grandfather.
My boss lost both her daughters, 14 and 16 in a car wreck. Can't imagine what she and her family went through and still goes through. You dont want to go to a funeral for two teenage sisters.
Lost a friend at 17 in a wreck, his dad just layed over the coffin at visition crying the entire time. It was rough.
[quote=Potsy] For years I carried the guilt that had I been there that afternoon I would’ve started CPR immediately and he would’ve had a chance. To a lesser extent I felt like grandpa was holding on for me and only stopped when I left.
Have been told by people in the profession (elder care / hospice care) that this is not unusual at all. While they appear to be "out of it", they will often hang on until loved ones leave, or until they understand it is "okay to go".
It seems to happen a lot I guess when family is there, then head out for a quick "break" like dinner or a few hours sleep.
Had a close friend succumb to cancer 15 years ago. The final stretch was a long and painful one for him. But ol' Eric was battling and hanging on. He finally passed with family and friends around. I was holding one of his hands, and his son the other. His son leaned into him and said "Dad, we will be okay. We love you. If you are tired of fighting and want to go, it's okay to go". There was an almost immediate change in breathing. Then Eric stopped breathing a minute later. That was tough to watch.
When mom passed the nurse warned me of this (though I'd been aware of the phenomenon before). I'd been on an almost constant vigil in her last weeks. I needed sleep, I was a walking disaster. We hired 24/7 nurse to stand bedside. I went home to sleep. Not long after I woke, and preparing to go back and see mom, she passed.
I have no guilt over that. She knew I (and the rest of us) were there for her for endless hours in the end. I'm haunted by many ugly visions over her final weeks, but thankfully watching her take her last breath was not one of them. She certainly wouldn't have wanted that. She was an extremely unselfish and giving woman. She knew she was loved, and would not need to be surrounded in her final moments to feel so, and would HATED the thought of putting anyone out. Strongest woman I've ever met.
Some people just need permission to go, or just want to be alone when it is time to save loved ones the additional grief.
DaveR…. Thanks for your reply. You are definitely on to something because I’ve seen it a lot, holding on until the loved ones leave. I understood the phenomenon even back then but grief can cause one to have thoughts that they otherwise wouldn’t have. When I left the room that morning I knew I wasn’t going to see grandpa in this life again but I wasn’t ready to give him up. I had the most incredible, vivid, real dream of my life the following night that until I die I’ll be absolutely convinced that grandpa was letting me know that he was “home”. It was a dream that brought me immeasurable comfort.
Several years ago mom went to Providence hospital for a simple surgery. It went well and she was feeling great looking forward to going home and excited to be back in church for the following Sunday since this was her first Sunday in 60 years of missing church. Overnight she’d gotten sepsis from the hospital and by the next evening we met as a family with the doctors to discuss DC’ing her life support. I sat next to dad (I’m the oldest of 5) and held his hand as he stoically asked the questions he needed answered before making the decision. We all went in to say our goodbyes but I went last. I don’t think dad or most of my other siblings could stay there while mom passed but once again I wasn’t going to leave mom’s side so I told the nurse to DC mom from life support while I kissed her forehead and thanked her for being my mom, the best anyone could hope for. I sang (poorly) a couple songs that mom loved and then I told her to let go and join the Lord that she has faithfully served all her life….we’d be ok and we’ll all take care of dad as well as each other. After I said those words her face relaxed and she went flatline. I silenced the machine so that the rest of the family didn’t have to hear that terrible sound.
In the years since mom passed her family has made her proud. We’re as close as we’ve ever been and we all look after dad. He lives with my younger brother and quit smoking….something mom bugged him to do for 50+ years. Mom is smiling down from heaven and I’m damn proud of my younger brothers and sisters.
I have not read all of the posts on this subject. It is painful and heart breaking what life offers up. To that end I recommend making the most of each day. Hug your children and contact your family. Life is a gift and can be fleeting. MTG
Watching that hearse turn the corner on that county road and approach. Carrying my little niece away from the hearse in a box that was shockingly lightweight. Otherwise done some hard stuff but it all pales in comparison.
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