I planted some bird seed.
A bird came up.
Now I don't know what to feed It.

I had amnesia once---or twice

I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle. I hate to admit it, but it makes sense.

They told me I was gullible and I believed them.


Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

My weight is perfect for my height--which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man
who can't get his pants off

Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE,
SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS

Those are too deep for me. I am still trying to figure out why you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.

I think there's more retired wandering minds on the ABCs thread than anywhere else these days!!

Why do people have garages full of junk and park their $35000 car in the driveway?