The university didn't have a swimming pool in those days. A busload of us joyfully accepted Eielson Air Force Base's commanding officer's kind invitation to come out there and swim in the Eielson pool.

I swam a while, dived a while, and sat on the edge of the pool to rest a while. Four or five young airmen came along. The bold one asked me �

"Are you from the university?"

"Yes."

"Do you know that girl in the white bathing suit?" His buddies grinned.

"Yes." (Indeed I did! And a shapely lass she was indeed! Really made that white bathing suit curve in and out in all the right places � and what it didn't cover was nice scenery, too.)

"What's her name?" His buddies grinned even wider.

"Carol Colberg."

"Does she have a boy friend?"

"Yes." I couldn't help grinning.

"Who?"

"Me."

He said no more, but his face was a sight to remember as his chortling buddies quickly dragged him away.

Can't help but grin here too!

I love it Ken!

I tip my hat to you, Sir!

And that, children, is the way things were handled when men acted like men. No cursing, no posturing, no chest bumping. Simple, succinct conversation that was highly effective.

I've always admired "a man of few words". They don't go out of their way to speak, but when they do, they always get their point across.

Well done.

Congratulations on the beauty, by the way.

Reminds me of the time my then fiance' and now my lovely bride of some 4 years first showed herself in my presence in a swimming suit. About 6 years ago the Gosple Quartet that I was then travelling with was singing in a city too far away to travel to in one day (La Grande, Oregon) for a concert so we all got hotel rooms for the night before the Sunday Services (I bought her her OWN room, of course as we were not yet marrried and commited to high morals during the engagement) After we all checked in I asked her if she would like to perhaps sit in the hot tub for a while to relax our muscles after the long journey. I was quite pleased when she accepted! Rather excited, actually. I got to the hot tub first, but a short time after the prettiest sight I have EVER seen, ever, ever, period... came walking down the sidewalk toward the hot tub area. She had purchased a new blue bikini that matched her deep blue eyes and I was severly SMITTEN! Talk about some CURVES and beauty! AQdded to the curves and blue eyes long dark wayvy hair down past her shoulders a bit and lovely shapley legs that seemed to go on forever...to this day I am severly smitten still! I will have to admit here and now that one of my 'muscles' never did relax that evening! I could not beleive that such a doll was MY girlfreind and fiance'! I am still dumbstruck by the thought and by the mere sight of her to this day.

Thanks, Ken for the reminder and congratulations to you as well.

Many years ago Whalen Jennings was on a USO tour and preformed in a small NCO club where I tended bar. He has a snoot full after the show and leaned over the bar to ask if I knew the two women sitting at a nearby table. I said the were both married and he might as well not try. He ask how I knew and just left the club when I told him one was my mother and the other was my wife.

You guys been blessed.

Shelley Long ("Diane" on Cheers) was always kinda special to me � looked so much like our younger daughter.

Across the ridge from our house in Prescott was a pizza place where I always took the family after church.

One Sunday, we were all there (except Ruth), seated, waiting to order, when the view out the front window showed that tall, slender, shapely 20-year-old blonde coming to join us.

Four young studs at the table between us and the window were eying her and discussing her in frank and candid admiration, with ne'er a suggestive or uncouth word.

Proud and amused, I almost answered one of their conjectural comments with "Yeah, and I hear that her Old Man is deadly with his forty-four."

Almost

But I hesitated too long, and the skinny moment of opportunity was gone. Have gotten many a grin from the notion in the decades since.

Their solemn faces as she came in and joined us were � let's say � interesting. They murmured a little, then moved to another table.

Many years ago I was laying out by the pool at the complex shortly after getting married. Our city had one of those places "over-the-hill" movie stars dropped in to at times to take part in local theater plays. A guy who looked familiar asked if I knew the chick walking the cocker by the tennis courts. She was several years younger than me. I said yes and he asked who she was and I told him she was my wife. He said "oh" and left. I later went in and a while later my wife came in and said a guy claiming to be an actor had said she was the prettiest gal he had seen in a long time. She didn't believe he was an actor and she then asked if I had ever heard of an actor named Doug McClure.
I still can't believe she refused T Boone Pickens son to marry me.
Subsequently, and on three or four occasions, we have been stopped in airports and once in a Ft.Worth art gallery by people, pen in hand and baited breath, begging her to sign an autograph thinking she was Linda Carter, to my dismay as I never thought Ms Carter was as nice looking.

"Look at that rear-end, ummfff " from Steve, a life long friend. His comments were directed at a woman facing a jutebox, and bent ever-so-slightly, while trying to read the possible selections written on those tiny little labels used so many years ago now.

"Ugh-huh, I agree" was my reply.

When the woman -- my wife -- turned to face us, the color of Steve's face was quite funny, but nowhere near as funny as his unintelligible back pedal.

That's a good one! Reminds me of a special detail I got sent to several years ago. We were asked to send Troopers to a Civil War re-enactment of the battle of Mill Springs, in Pulaski County, KY. I think it was about 1998 or so, and they were looking to have several thousand people there as the event had been promoted for months in several states.

Anyway, it was hotter than bejezus that day, and when the battle started, I was standing with a couple of Troopers on a ridge where we could watch the action down in the valley. Around the hill came this pretty blonde with the most spectacular set of breasts that I had ever seen.

FORTUNATELY, I was awe struck, and unable to speak. Tommy, one of the Troopers I was standing with, being of more years and greater experience, was able to mutter "Good Lord, would you look at the set on that blonde!" All three of us eyeballed her shamelessly for the rest of the 20 paces or so it took her to get to us.

Gina, (I was later introduced...) walked right up to Parrish (Trooper number 3) and asked if he wanted her to bring him something for lunch. Seems she was his wife.

Tommy looked sheepishly about, then said "Sorry Parrish." Parrish said, "It's alright, she just came back from Mardi Gras last month, and had a trunk full of beads. She thinks I don't know how she got them."

Tommy let out the breath he was holding, and I did too.

Looking back it was funny, but I'll admit that I have never been so glad to have been dumbstruck by the female form.

If ya DON'T want fer guys to drool, MARRY a mufugly gurl OTW,just grin evilly and rub it in that YOU get to go home with her,NOT any of them

.... thinkin about a young gal in 1969 from Avon Lake Ohio
and her new white bikini the year she graduated HS......

One time many years ago and much younger i rounded the corner in my car and a beautiful blonde about 18 was on her knees pulling weeds in the front yard with those short shorts almost pointed at me. She was angled quartering away and when she looked up and to the right i could see the Grace of Gods greatest endowment of beauty beyond any mortals imagination. I was sem-paralyzed and could only hit the brake as i tried to regain control of my facilities. After a trance of some duration i became aware of something moving near her and tore my eyes away to see her dad standing there glaring at me. Dayom.

At Annual Conference one year, Dad stood talking with a group of his fellow ministers when an enormously overweight woman entered the far end of the hall.

"Who in the world is that?" one of the ministers ejaculated.

"Why, that's God's gift to me!" one of 'em said proudly.

"Wasn't stintin' with ya, was He?"

"Stop flirting with my wife!" a friend of mine said to me with a grin one night. (They both knew that I was just voicing candid admiration, not making a pass at her.)

"If you don't want me to flirt with your wife," I shouted back, "marry an ugly one � or leave this one home!"

She was � and I assume still is � a ravishing knockout who'd make any man drool.

Saw this happen while in the military.

A bunch of us Helicopter crew chiefs were hanging out at ones apartment. A few of the guys stepped outside to have a smoke. Some others joined them just to be conversational.

While outside jaw jacking and horsing around, we saw this HUGE girl with a face only a mother could love (or so it seemed) walk up the stairs towards our group.

Brian Williams, also known as Little Will as he was one of two Williams in the group, muttered loud enough for all of us to hear... "Good Gawd! What IS that....thing!?"

Stiffled snickers were heard as she walked right up to the group. She then handed a set of keys to Chuck Berry (no joke! his actual name!) and asked "Ready to head home?" Chuck nodded and with a smile said "Yes. Gents, I'd like you to meet my wife."


We were a tight knit group, as soldiers tend to be, and the stunned silence, red faces, and instant back peddling was tangible. We all shook her hand and said our niceties.

As soon as they walked out of sight, Little Will slunk to the ground with his head in his hands, in abject humiliation. The rest of us, of course, busted out laughing. We were all ashamed of snickering, but Will was classy enough to call Chuck and apologize on belhalf of the gang.

Somehow, I think ol' Chuck came out on top that night. He went home with the woman he loves, to the family he loves, while Little Will (who is anything but little btw) sulked around the rest of the evening in abject shame and humiliation.

That reminds me of a story that has been told about David Niven.

Niven and a man were standing chatting at a party. They looked up to see two women at the top of the stairs.

Niven commented, "That is the ugliest woman I have ever seen."

The man replied, "That is my wife."

The suave Niven quickly said, "I meant the other one."

To which the man said, "That is my daughter."

Calmly, Niven, in leaving, said, "I never said it."

After my wife completed college and got a job, she became friends with a local gal who invited her to visit her church one Sunday. They sat together and a lady came up front to do the announcements and such. She was covered in thick white makeup, Big beehive hairdo, low cut top with half her uppers showing, short pencil skirt well above the knees, covered in gaudy real and fake jewelry, etc. My wife elbowed her new found pal and remarked to the effect of the lady probably being the church whore. As the preacher took the podium the lady came and sat with my wife's pal who was Introduced as her mom.

OUCH!!!

Dammit!

I honestly have never pulled one like that. I can not claim to be that smart so I would just have to credit Divine Intervention that keeps my mouth shut.

Had a guy worked in shipping at a big print shop when I had a bindery business that worked for a bunch of different print shops. Les knew I had a 1000cc motorcycle so he was asking me about good tires that would work for his goldwing, we were talking about some I knew of and he asked if that would be rated for enough weight for his bike with two riders? I said it should do fine unless he was going to be riding with a 350 pound sweat hog. The look on his face made me a bit, shall we say apprehensive. I beat feet over to the letterpress department where my brother worked and asked if Les's wife was big, he asked why and I told him what I said. He said no way, tell me you didn't say that so I assured him I certainly did. He said she weighed more like 400 pounds. I was purely mortified, it was one of the worst foot in mouth episodes I've ever done.

I went over to Les and told him I was really sorry, that I usually didn't say things like that, he just sort of brushed me off with a "to each his own, it turns my crank". The guys would not let me live that one down for quite awhile.

That made me think about a guy in Fairfield that owned a pawn shop by Travis AFB. A whole lotta rifles went through that pawn shop, I stopped there two times a week seeing if there was anything I had to have. This was a nice quiet sort of guy. One day there was a pimped out caddy out front and a black woman with a leopard print spandex mini skirt, four inch nails, high heels, inch long eye lashes, the full monte of street walkers uniform.

She left and I asked where did the hooker come from? He sort of coldly informed me that that she was his wife.

Damn I felt like crawling into a hole.

I bought a rifle I didn't really even want.

My first wife worked as a waitress at a coffee shop while she was going to school. I'd go in a couple of times a week and have breakfast at about 6:00 in the morning, there were a good bunch of truck drivers I got along well with.

When I first started doing this there was one time that one of the drivers had a different set of comments to make every time our waitress left, "man that waitress is a fox, I can't seem to get anywhere with her and I've been trying for weeks, man I'd like to go out with her, etc etc. As we'd been there she was getting friendlier and friendlier with me and he's saying, "man, she's been an ice queen with me and here you are playing with her finger already. So I'd eaten breakfast and she leaned over the counter and grabbed my hand with hers while she was talking, and gave me a quick kiss. I left never telling the guy this was my fiance. When I got home she was laughing her butt off, she said this guy was bugging her about what I had that he didn't so she finally told him I was her fiance.

He told her I was an [bleep] for letting him go on the way he did without ever letting on I was her boyfriend let alone fiance.

Moans from inside the ticket office in the Saudia section of the Pan Am building at JFK elicited no end of murmurs and questions in the waiting area. The story �

A Saudi walked into a bar in New York City and sat down at the table where an exceptionally beautiful young woman sat alone. He launched an earnest conversation and pulled-out a big wad of $100 bills and asked "How much?" as he peeled-off a few bills. She got up and took her drink to another table. He followed her. "How much?"

The bar-tender noticed.

"Sir, I'll be happy to serve you whatever you like, if you'll just find another table and stop annoying my wife."

The Saudi peeled-off a few more bills and repeated, louder, "How much?"

The bar-tender (owner) took the lady into the office behind the bar and made a 'phone call.

A little while later, two men came in and escorted the Saudi outside for a quiet conversation that elicited sharp cries of pain.

An ambulance hauled the quivering, bleeding, moaning remains of the Saudi away. The big Saudia sneeze in New York 'phoned home and was told that whatever it took, that Saudi was to be on the next Saudia flight home.

The story spread quickly in Jeddah, and that bar was a ya-gotta-go-there stop for all American ex-pats on their trips home from Saudi Arabia. "Let me buy you and your wife a drink" was the standard way of greeting the bar-tender, and a not-small number of guys who couldn't go pay him homage in person sent their tributes to him by others.

I don't recollect that there was any more Saudi patronage there, however.