Shooting hoops with mi familia after church, and the spidey sense starts tingling.

A glance over my shoulder reveals a gopher nibbling on the green beans in the garden.

I casually take a Jabar sky hook getting nothing but net, oozing swag and savvy as I sashay to the porch, like nothing is out of the ordinary.

My wife says, "You got a runner!"

Knowing the gopher will get to the soybean field before I can retrieve the Savage GL, I head for the gopher, reaching in the truck window for the M&P 9c - a previously baptized gopher slayer.

Swift of foot I engage pursuit, (my wife scoffing that I'll never catch it).

I see the varmint trying to navigate a cattle wire fence in hopes of becoming a ghost in the knee high edameme (or whatever that fancy f'n french term for soybeans is).

Making it through the fence, he pauses, and I take a shot, hitting wire.

I curse, as the gopher continues into the beans.

He makes it about 20 feet, I can see plants moving as he weaves a path of deception. Then he pauses, standing up to see if he is still being pursued.

This time, a triple tap sends the gopher into a spasmodic "twerk o' death".

And I turn to leer at my doubting bride.

"Brutal" she says.

"Yes. Yes I am."

When the NAACP reads this, they will be getting in touch with you

As long as they stay out of the garden...

What kind of gophers do you have that run on top of the ground..?

woodchucks, whistle pig, ground hog.

I call em gophers.

She's told me the same, for entirely different reasons.....

ROR, it's Japanese, "edamame."

that was the day you exited through the window?

Very nice work sir!

You know...

Nice shooting though and good write up

Japanese, french, whatever....

We have enough trouble ciphering the King's English....

I'd expect nothing less than brutal from "The Spartan".

It's too bad you couldn't get to the .22 mag and choot the gopher gator with the uber bad azz boolits you bought.

Me too, that's why it was "ROR" instead of "LOL."

What irks me is that the freakin varmint has 60 some acres of Idi Amin, yet he feels the need to consume my green beans.

That takes moxy,


and around here nets 3 hollow points.

Gopher in the wire!

If you had a dog worth a schit, the ground grizzlies would steer clear.

brutal....

That rates an ROR too!!!

It does make one wonder, though, if the web bots out there are looking for some sort of innuendo based on the thread title, as the thread has received over 7800 views in less than 4 hours.

Good thing I have attorneys on speed dial. I may have to lawyer up.

The last time "The Warden" called me brutal - was after 1200 miles in a day and 6 hours. Something about stopping to pee!
And we spent the night in a motel!

Basketball to the gopher noggin', Jones...

Real brutality is when you DONT use a firearm.

But I'm glad you killed the commie rodent....

Was this a minority gopher? Just askin.

You need a JRT, not a ROR.

Fuggin dying here.

I caught a big ol' whistlepig out in the middle of a fresh cut hay field, a good 60 yards from his hole. Problem was, I had a .22, and he was a good 200 yards out. Screw that-I'm gonna exercise this boy. 'Held about a foot over his head and lobbed in the first round of artillery. 'Close enough to get 'em running. Led 'em by a couple feet, couple feet high and let fly. Dirt kicked up behind him, but close enough to put him into hyperdrive. Led 'em another fence post, put 'em in the very bottom of the scope and threw round 3 out there. Kicked up dirt directly under him. He jumped about a foot straight up in the air and decided that however fast he had been running wasn't nearly fast enough. 'Never saw a ground hog run like this one. By now I'm laughing so hard I can barel hold the gun up. 'Chased 'em all the way across that field, never really causing him any serious danger, just "exercising" him. That old whistlepig's probably still holed up out there wondering where in the heck that crazy white guy is.

At least you're not in suburbia, so you actually can shoot pests. I keep running wabbits out of my yard, and they keep coming back.



I told him he would be good in a slow cooker, and he was unimpressed. Guess I need to invite some falconers over to thin the herd in a politically correct manner. Or adopt an outside tomcat.

Havahart. Then Havadinner.

varmint cong.

Did I ever tell you about the blasting caps we found in the ol' man's shed?

And the muskrat that used to live below the small pond....

In the words of the immortal Jean Paul Sartre�..

What about a decent air rifle?

Nice shooting. Great story.

A fair chance of neighbors seeing me & raising hell about it. But I am liking the havaheart then slow cooker idea...need to check the legalities thereof...

Or just put up a high perch, inviting the caracaras to hang out...