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Kevin the Rooster
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Meet Kevin the Rooster. Or as I call him. [bleep] Kevin.
Let me tell you about [bleep] Kevin.
First I'm gonna tell you why you need Kevin.
Have too much Natty Lite last nigh at The Pig? Well in the event you forgot to lock this mother [bleep] in the coop, he will be at your window at four [bleep] AM cockadoodledooing his ass six ways to Sunday. Now let's say you were sober and remember to shut the coop so he doesn't see sunlight? This mother [bleep] has an internal clock that rivals that of Mother Nature herself. Guess what. 5 am, he's singing he song of his people non [bleep] stop till you come and let his ass out.
[bleep] Kevin.
Now, I'm sure if you want a rooster you got hens. That's where this mother [bleep] shines. We have had NO problems with predators. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Even when Kevin was a wee young lad, he would see a predatory bird, make one call, and all his bitches would be under cover. My 90lb Great Pyrenees decides he's hungry and wants to try Chicken a la fresh? Kevin will chase that dog and make him cower in a corner. Foxes and Coyotes don't stand a chance.
[bleep] Kevin.
So, back to the hens. You need a strong Rooster full of gusto to fertilize those bitches and make you some eggs for you to incubate into chickens for yuppies to buy their 4 year old brats. Let me tell you about Kevin. This mother [bleep] had a three way with two of my daughters hens, Elsa and Anna. He is into some kinky [bleep]. But not just them. He walks into the coop like "what up I'm a big cock" and all the other girls bow to him. Even Cocoa....
[bleep] Kevin.
Now, the reasons why I want Kevin gone.
Remember what I said about 5am IF you lock him in his coop? Well the neighbors don't take too kindly to that... Especially if I forget to lock him in and he's at the neighbors window at 4:15 singing the song of his people.
The whole protective thing? Well my five ear old daughter loves to play with the hens and pick them up. Kevin is about as big as she is. And he ain't afraid of a 90lb dog with fangs, he sure ain't afraid of no little girl. She walks over to her girlies to pick them up, he is all over her like a hog on slop.
[bleep] Kevin.
So, the skinny. You come and catch him? He's yours free and clear. Great rooster in every sense of the word. Horrible [bleep] pet for a family with a few acres. I gotta catch him for you? $20 and medical bills.
Serisously though, he's a great Rooster. But he is a little aggressive towards our daughter and the neighbors don't like his 5am wake up calls. A great Rooster if you need one.
[bleep] Kevin.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

" I gotta catch him for you? $20 and medical bills."

LOL.

Looks more like a Darrell to me.

I get the feeling that you don't much care for this poor misunderstood fowl, hmmm?

I think I've dealt with Kevin before. He's come back from the dead.

12 gauge take care of ol' Kevin.

Maybe more than once!

When I was maybe five Kevin waited for me to come outside.. Parent's did not believe me, as he was all sweetness and light - unless he caught me alone.

When he drew blood, I showed Dad - and he said "Let's go see"! Old Kevin was out behind the barn and Dad made (not without a LOT of convincing- after all- no one believed me, and I'd lost trust...) me step around the corner while he remained out of sight, with a 3 foot chunk of 2X2.

I stepped around the corner - Kevin looked around - no one else showing - and here he came! He went into a skid when he cleared the corner after me, but SURPRISE! it was too late for old Kevin. The 2X2 did it's work and we ate that ornery SOB!

My buddy uses a live rooster in the back of his live trap for bobcats. Five cats and the
bird is still alive and well.

I gotta catch him for you? $20 and medical bills.



Lmao!

Stupid pussy should take care of the problem himself instead of having someone else do it for him.

LMAO

-Ken

Buddy had a rooster that would chase his kid. Kid finally had enough and 5-iron'd the summbitch. Called his dad @ work and told him right away. They beer-canned him on the grill 2 nights later.

My poor mom used to get the crap beat out of her calves if she turned her back on Kevin. Yeah, that thankless SOB that hatched from a chicken egg that one of our domestic (dumb-as-stick? ) pigeons decided to incubate. And that little bastard was raised with all the care that a young kid could lavish upon it.

Laffin

You have a rooster like that you have 3 choices, broth, pressure cooker, over the fence.


P.S. The broth will be tough.

P.P.S. Have tried to eat layers and roosters. They make good broth, neff said.

Yep,

We know Kevin. My wife made me move the first coop I built out front where I could watch it from the window if the critters tried to get in to it. He was a great alarm clock. I can sleep though just about anything, as long as it's a part of the routine, so he never bothered me.

Boy did he get after the mini goat we had, I've got a great pic somewhere of him up in the air with spurs out and her after him with her horns.

Went after our poor little bulldog mix too, she was trained early in life not to bother the chickens, but he tested her patience badly.

Seemed to not be bothered by my wife, perhaps because she was always turning over boards and stuff so the hens could get at the sowbugs and earwigs and slugs.

Basically he stayed shy of me, only once or twice did he think about a showdown and when I ran at him he got the idea I wasn't fooling around.

"Red" was the proverbial little red rooster, as in a little banty type. Thought he was a champion cockfighter though.

Thanks for the story Roger,

Geno

Reads like de'flave found work ghost writing.

We had White Leghorn Kevin and his four brothers....phck Kevins...

Lol. You know how it was a tough old bird when ya can't even chew the broth.

Shirley, you jest. We all know deflave was bested in intelligence by Fireball2 in a game of personal info exchanged via PM. This was backed up by the Montanny FOF (Friends Of Flave).

Give it time to fester... like 2/16 through an A.A. April Fool's meeting circa 2016. Fireball2 ain't bragging about chit. He's either smart (bwahahahahaha, like Jeff0) or a sockpuppet of the 'flave (even better to create a retard from OR considering the other three on here). Travis/Clark/Dave will be back. bigfish9684 will be given zero credit for such astrology and sorcery and magik.